By: Douche Shark, the World’s Douchiest Shark
Yo…yo, hey bro. Bro…hey! Hey yo, bro! Don’t swim away from me, bro. I’m talkin’ to you, bro. Don’t be rude bro. Don’t be rude. Come on, swim on back. No, I’m not talkin’ to you 3.5 readers. I’m talkin’ to my douche shark buddy behind you. Don’t worry, he aint gonna eat you 3.5 bros. He don’t snack on stank meat. What? What’d I say? Aw come back 3.5 human bros. Fine, I’ll talk to you too.
Bros…check it out, bros. The ocean is filled with fine ass lady sharks ripe to be caught, and here are some things that a sexy douche shark like me will say to bag those sweet lady fins because as much as they say they don’t, lady sharks totally like douche sharks bro. They do.
Nice sharks finish last bro. You ever see a nerd shark bang a lady shark bro? Cool, I rest my case, bro.
OK bro, study up because here’s what you got to say to a lady shark to make her wet…I mean beyond the ocean she’s already living in:
#1 – Yo baby, come back to my shark crib and we’ll listen to some Pitbull.
Dale, bro. Dale. Lady sharks love Pitbull, bro. Dale, dale, dale. Sip cristal, bro. Mr. Worldwide, bro.
#2 – Come back to me when you aren’t fat, baby.
Oh what, bro? What? This isn’t hurtin’ bro. It’s helpin.’ How a lady shark gonna know she needs to stop eatin’ extra swimmers bro? She needs you to tell her to cut back on eatin’ humans bro. You’re not tellin’ her you won’t bang her, just that you’ll bang her once she’s not fat anymore. Now she got like a reason to lose weight. All the sweet shark sex you’re offering is gonna motivate her, bro.
#3 – Baby, you were hotter when you didn’t talk.
Lady sharks are meant to be seen and not heard, brosef. Sometimes you got to remind the lady sharks of this, bromax.
#4 – Are you the hottest of all your lady shark friends?
You can’t be bangin’ the least good lookin member of the lady shark, bro. You’re limitin’ yourself if you do, bromandu.
#5 – Where’s my dinner, baby?
Bro…no bro. Stop rollin’ your eyes, bro. Look, lady sharks are forgetful. When they forget to make your dinner you got to remind them bro. Again, any attempt to help a lady shark be the best possible lady shark she can be will be appreciated, bro. She’ll be glad you reminded her and whip up some dinner right away, preferably with extra human swimmer meat.
LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS, BROMARAMS!
Aight, bros. I’m outtie 5000. You’re so welcome I dropped by, bros. You really are. I’mma gonna go work on my shark delts and my shark quads and then go eat seven or eight people then pick up some lady shark hotties. You got any comments, bro? Let me know but put on some shark Axe body spray first because you all stink, 3.5 bros.