3.5 readers, I need you to sit down for a second because there’s a war a-brewing and it’s not being talked about enough.
Nicki Minaj’s delicious, delectable derriere has brought me much joy over the past several years, so much so that I always sing along with all of her butt raps.
But now there’s a newcomer, a young upstart, a new claimant to the “girl who is the best at rapping about her big butt” throne.
I don’t know, 3.5 readers. Cardi B’s got it. She’s rising up the charts. She’s moving fast. I mean, I only have so much time in the day to listen to girls rapping about their butts and now Cardi is taking time usually reserved for Nicki and splitting it in half. Now my butt rap song listening time is divided between these two.
Seriously, now I know how the crack that divides the cheeks on those butts they’re always rapping about must feel.
Am I cheating on Nicki by listening to Cardi? Did I form a relationship where a beautiful Nubian goddess promised to rap about her butt to me forever and in exchange, I promised to give her my money forever by buying her songs and shit but now, a new girl comes along? Maybe this is how husbands end up cheating. You meet a woman. You fall in love. You never think you’d stray but then here comes the new hottie with a fresh take on butt raps.
In any event, when I was a kid, Sunday was “In Living Color” night. Between “The Simpsons,” “In Living Color,” and “Married with Children,” that night was like the most politically incorrect night on television. Millennials would be so triggered by all that shit today.
Cardi and Bruno Mars put out a video where they dance on the fly girl stage just like the fly girls did back in the day on “In Living Color.” No, it doesn’t make me happy to know all the things I enjoyed as a kid are fun nostalgia but I enjoyed the video just the same.
Don’t fight over me, Cardi and Nicki. There’s plenty of BQB to go around.
Who will you choose, 3.5 readers?