And now, Bookshelf Q. Battler, one of the greatest minds of the Twenty-First Century (but hey, the century is still young) will share his great musings…
#101 – “Monorail” is redundant. Everyone can tell there is just one rail. They should call it, “Rail.”
#102 – Why do bats like to congregate in belfries?
#103 – I’ve never met anyone named “Stan.”
#104 – It’s a good idea to change the batteries in your TV remote control from time to time.
#105 – Toast tastes good with peanut butter spread on top of it.
#106 – Fill your ice cube tray with water today and you’ll have a bunch of ice cubes tomorrow. Think about it.
#107 – Before sex, always ask your partner if he or she has AIDS. Better yet, don’t take their word for it. Ask around, see if any of your mutual acquaintances knows whether or not your would be sexual partner has AIDS. You just can’t be too careful when it comes to avoiding AIDS.
#108 – Fire can destroy a building or toast a marshmallow. It’s all about how you handle it.
#109 – Always carry a spare change of underwear.
#110 – Cat like shiny objects.
#111 – Never trust a witch. She might put a spell on you.
#112 – Nuts are a good snack.
#113 – I don’t like most people.
#114 – Carson Daly is too much. I’d prefer Carson Bi-yearly.
#115 – The road is the best place to drive a car.
#116 – I’ve been to Montana 11 times.
#117 – Celery has no taste.
#118 – If you don’t tell your cabbie where you want to go, he’ll just drive around and around forever.
#119 – If your lost wallet is found, was it ever truly lost?
#120 – What’s the most bizarre thing you’ve ever seen at a bazaar?
#121 – Frankenstein should go on a public relations campaign to inform people that it was his creator who was actually named “Frankenstein.’
#123 – How does Superman pee while he’s flying long distances?
#124 – Do goats play canasta?
#125 – You can bake all the dough you want, but without tomato sauce and cheese, it’ll just be bread.