What was your favorite post/moment/happening on the Bookshelf Battle Blog in 2015, oh noble 3.5 readers?
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The Best Story I Have
Hello 3.5 Readers,
My stories are my children so I am loathe to refer to one of them as “my best” or “my favorite.”
Since I actively started blogging in 2014 (in the hopes doing so would inspire a career as a novelist) the ideas have been flowing into my head non-stop. Many of them are ideas I’ve had for years. Others brand new.
The sad part is I’m not sure there will be enough time for me to ever tell you all of them. Thus, picking which story to work on the most, or rather, which “kid” to put on display (I guess I’m an obnoxious pageant mother if we’re keeping up with this analogy) depends on a gut feeling of a) what I feel I will be able to produce given the limits on my free time and b) what the audience might enjoy.
So while I’m loathe to say one of my “story kids” is better than the other, let’s just say I have, for a long, long time now, been working on a story whose artwork really, really deserves a plum spot on the old fridge.
But…out of all my story ideas, it’s the most complex. I don’t really want to get into the details but there’s a lot of moving parts.
I’ve tried various drafts. It’s very complicated. There are a lot of characters and a lot is going on. There’s trickery and intrigue. It’s not all that funny like my usual stuff is but it is an idea that’ll make you think.
And honestly, it is also bizarre and unusual, so the general public might have some different thoughts about it. Some of you might think it’s brilliant. Others may read it and think I need to be on meds.
I actually don’t think its an idea that could have been pursued a decade or two ago, what with changing social norms and all.
But…it’s so complicated that after various drafts I just told myself maybe this idea has to wait until I’m a better writer, or at least until I figure out how to approach it better.
Time does indeed help. Sometimes you can hit a wall with a story, put it away, and after awhile, it dawns on you how to leap over that wall in a way that banging your head against that wall would have never achieved.
After attempting a number of drafts and finally, after giving my brain that simmer time, my gut tells me the story is so complicated that it can really only be told through a series of at least 7 novels.
That’s 7 novels with sort of “story arc” of their own that build upon one another until the climax in the 7th.
That’s a lot for a guy who’s never published one novel. So ultimately, that’s why I pursued other projects.
Currently, I’m working on Pop Culture Mysteries. That’s also my kid.
Sticking with the kid analogy, Pop Culture Mysteries is a good boy. He does his homework and helps with the dishes and wears a clean shirt on picture day.
The other idea, also my kid, is like an emo goth kid that I have to listen to all of his problems and though I have no clue how to help him, try to do so anyway.
But enough of the analogies.
I guess my whole point with this post is that writing has made me aware more than ever about how little time I have left in the grand scheme of things.
I work. In my spare time, I tend to life’s necessities. I have others I have to help. Then if I get an hour a day to write I’m lucky.
Thus, 1 book a year is possible…2 a year is the only way I’ll get anywhere but I’m not sure its possible.
I got sick over Christmas and stayed in bed for 2 days, binge watching TV. It’s the first time I’d done anything like that all year. Normally, I go to work, do all the other stuff I need to do, then write.
I woke up so rested Sunday that it made me realize perhaps, just health wise, I do need to stop and goof off more. But I hate to. Because then that’s even less writing time.
I know. This post made no sense.
In an attempt to make it make sense, let me say that if you folks dig my first couple of books i.e. Pop Culture Mysteries then at some point I might be motivated to wrack my brains on a very complicated, flow chart requiring mind bending 7 novel series.
That only 3.5 people will read.
Tech Review – Parrot Bebop Drone (2015)
Hey 3.5 Readers,
BQB here and I’ve upped my nerd cred. I’m now the official owner of a Parrot Bebop Drone:
THE PROS:
- When I ordered this, my first reaction was, “You are wasting your money. It’s not going to work. It’s going to fly right off into a tree and you’ll be out $500.”
- But much to my shock, amazement, and delight, this was pretty responsive. It is going to take me awhile to learn the controls, but it does what you ask it to and when you aren’t doing anything with it, it will hover (but not hover away) until you want it to do something.
- Hey by the way, Video Game Rack Fighter has yet to learn that I spent $500 on this so be cool and don’t tell her if you see her on here. Thanks. Should be ok. Only 3.5 people read this blog anyway.
- It still works and I didn’t crash it.
- This is a piece of tech that makes me feel “the future is here.” Toy helicopters have existed forever. You push a button. It goes zip! up in the air then crashes. You’re out whatever you spent on it. But this thing actually works.
- I actually think this could be the start of a new hobby that gets my butt outdoors, breathing in the fresh air and so on.
THE CONS:
- Low Battery Charge – The battery takes an hour to charge but only comes with approximately 11 minutes of flying time. To Parrot’s credit, they do include 2 batteries, so if you go out with both fully charged, you can get your drone on for about 22 minutes.
- Unfortunately, that means that you aren’t going to be running off for a day trip to the beach, the field, your favorite outdoor quiet spot and get your drone on all day.
- In terms of engineering, I do get it. Some nerd somewhere concluded that in order for this thing to fly and fly well it can only carry X sized battery capable of producing Y amount of flying time. I’d need Dr. Hugo to explain it more, but he and I aren’t on speaking terms right now as we had a falling out when he orchestrated a zombie apocalypse in my home town.
- But I do hope at some point, perhaps if these things become more popular, they’ll come up with a drone with extra battery life.
- Although part of me wonders if the low battery life is a security measure? It’s ok if you take it for a spin in your backyard, but we don’t want you doing odd, scary things with it far away from your humble abode.
- The hull is made of styrofoam. That seams cheap to me. I suppose there could be an engineering reason. Perhaps that keeps it lighter. Still, I wonder if there was a lighter yet sturdier substance. No one likes paying $500 for something that is partially styrofoam. I understand that could just be the best possible design available for an emerging technology in the $500 price range.
- The $500 price tag. Is it worth it? Hmm. That’s up to you. I decided to treat myself and since so far it is working out, I feel like it’s going to be something I’ll have fun with for awhile.
- There is a requirement to register it and though common sense should tell you this, be very careful with it. Assume at all times that its going to crash into someone and be vigilant to avoid that. Keep it away from people. Don’t assume you’re a hotshot with it and do all kinds of tricks that could injure someone. Don’t fly it into power lines, or onto other peoples’ property, or onto government CIA alien autopsy black sites or what have you. If you aren’t allowed there, your drone isn’t either. I don’t know. I could probably go on all day about the things you should not do with it so ultimately keep in mind that these things really are not mere toys and you need to be sure not to injure someone or damage someone’s property.
- Attorney Donnelly’s Obligatory Disclaimer – Don’t take anything I said as legal advice. Do your own due diligence and research before purchasing and/or operating a drone.
Thanks for reading, 3.5 readers and when I learn more, I’ll have to start posting some flight photos!
BQB is an Official Droner
BQB is an official drone enthusiast. Will update after my first flight.
Sick Nerd
Boo!
Bookshelf Q. Battler here, 3.5 readers.
Got sick on Christmas, spent the day in bed. A little bit better today, but still woozy, unsure if I’ll get up or stay in bed awhile longer.
I blame the Yeti for this malfeasance. He probably poisoned me in an attempt to make me fail on the final stretch of the one post a day for a year challenge.
Damn it, Yeti. Why are you the cause of all my problems?
Actually, I do have a complaint though. I got sick on Labor Day and then again on Christmas. Its like if I ever get a day off the Yeti conspires to make me not enjoy it.
Merry Christmas 3.5 Readers!
Bookshelf Q. Battler and Video Game Rack Fighter, East Randomtown’s Nerdiest Power Couple Wishing You a Merry Christmas!
Dearest 3.5 Readers,
A quick note to say thank you, for you, my darling 3.5 readers, are the wind beneath my wings, the hot fudge on my sundae, the dip on my chips and the reason I keep writing.
As I reach the home stretch of the One Post a Day for a Year Challenge, I realize I’ve learned a lot about blogging, self-publishing, social media, building a fan base and so on.
What I’ve noticed is that unlike other activities, blogging…very slowly but surely…does yield results. Bookshelfbattle.com did better in 2015 than it did in 2014 and here’s hoping things just keep improving with every passing year.
Tell your friends so I can have 7 readers in 2016 and 14 readers in 2017. Let’s double everything every year!
It hasn’t been an easy year, what with attacks from the Yeti, Dr. Hugo Von Science choosing a dark path and the zombie apocalypse that decimated my hometown but amidst it all, you fine 3.5 readers have been there for me.
Thank you 3.5 readers. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Whatever Holidays You Celebrate.
BQB’s Star Wars Crawl
Hey 3.5 Readers,
Guess what? You can make your very own Star Wars Crawl. Only catch is you can’t embed the video, which kind of sucks 99% of the fun out of the experience.
Even so, here’s an update on the Bookshelf Battleverse, Star Wars-style. When you’re done watching, you can create your own and share it with your 3.5 readers.
Things That Really Frost My Ass – Christmas Edition
Happy Holidays from Uncle Hardass
Ho Ho Ho Ya’ Lousy Degenerate 3.5 Readers.
Uncle Hardass here to put some much needed coal in your mental stockings.
Now, I know what you hippies are thinking. “Oh, Uncle Hardass! You’re not going to take a dump on the joyous holiday season are you?”
Yes! Yes I am!
Where do I start? I’m not sure what spoils my eggnog more. Maybe it’s…
- …the fact that Christmas gets celebrated earlier every year. Everyone takes off their damn Halloween monster masks and puts on a Santa hat. The last three months of the year are Hooray for Death in October, Hooray for Stuffing our Fat Pie Holes in November, and Hooray for Running Up Our Credit Card Bills on Shit We Don’t Need December. Before you know it, people are going to start celebrating the next year’s Christmas on Dec. 26.
- …that I have to say nonsense like “Happy Appointed Nondenominational Religiously Neutral and Atheism Inclusive Festivity Day” just to avoid offending an unwashed hippy who should toughen up and get a job at the Salt Mines.
- …people who post pictures of their Elf on the Shelf drinking a beer, puking in the toilet, smoking a cigarette next to a Barbie, or some other obnoxious pose. We get it. You’re very lonely and the likes you get on social media are your only means of contact with the outside world. Go on. Put the little guy in a pink Barbie car and have a police officer action figure pull it over, you scamp you.
- …that I can’t get candy canes all year round. I love candy that tastes good and makes my breath smell like an elf fart. I should be able to buy candy canes in August. Oh wait, I can because CHRISTMAS STARTS EARLIER AND EARLIER EVERY FREAKIN’ YEAR!
- …that people expect me to wrap presents. Why do you want me to wrap your damn present? Fancy paper does not bring any additional enjoyment to whatever useless piece of garbage I got you. If anything, it prevents you from getting to the useless piece of crap earlier. There is a delay in your ability to enjoy the crap equivalent ot the time it takes to unwrap the crap. The environmental hippies might be onto something here. One day when the Earth is doomed, the aliens who move in next will say, “It was because the humans had an entire season when they bought useless crap for each other AND chopped down entire forests just to cover the useless crap with paper that delayed their access to said crap.”
- …people who a) wear ugly sweaters b) put their hideous pets in ugly sweaters and c) color coordinate their outfits with their pets. One day your home will be foreclosed on and you will wish you had all the money you wasted on outfits your dog did not want to wear.
- …mistletoe. If you wanna kiss, then just pucker up. I’m a man, damn it and I don’t need a sprig of a plant that’s otherwise unseen the rest of year just to play tonsil hockey with some random bimbo at a party. Sorry Gertie, but I’m dead now and I did say “Till death do us part.”
- …Santa tracker apps. Inevitably, some jackass at the party will whip out his Santa Tracker and gush like an idiot, “Whoa boy, Santa’s flying over X third world country!” No, no he’s not. Santa’s sleigh doesn’t have an anti surface to air flare system and that fat bastard doesn’t want to get shot down when he’s mistaken for a military combatant.
- …that people leave cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer but they never leave anything at all for the elves, the only people in the entire organization that actually break a sweat slaving away in Santa’s toy factory. Just like everywhere else in the world, the working man goes unappreciated while dirty hippies enjoy the fruits of our labor.
- …that people still insist on looking at Ebenezer Scrooge as the bad guy. Look clowns. Just because you start a business does not mean you are required to buy fat ass geese for all of your employees and fix all of their kids’ problems. They should consider themselves lucky you gave them a job and those three hippy ghosts should go occupy Wall Street or something. Shit, I’m a damn ghost myself and I have half a mind to visit Scrooge and tell him to keep up with his oppression of the downtrodden Victorian London era masses. It’s good for them. Oppression builds character, I always say.
Maybe one of the aforementioned grievances frosts my ass. Maybe they all do. But 3.5 readers, do you REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT FROSTS MY ASS?
HERE IT IS:
Congratulations. You’re a parent. As if the world didn’t have enough to worry about, now the world has one more mutant spawn to suck up its precious resources.
You work all year. Well, some of you do. Most of you are just writers who scribble a bunch of nonsense then act like your memorialized thoughts and opinions matter to this godforsaken world, but I digress.
You worked and you saved your money. You went out and bought your little whipper snapper the latest toys, gadgets, and gizmos. You enjoyed doing it. You paid attention to what your kid wants and you went around to ten different stores to track down whatever piece of crap he wanted. With tender loving care, you wrapped all the toys up and placed them under the tree.
In short, you put a lot of work into making your kid happy.
So can someone please tell me why, WHY is it that I will be able to walk into any house in America and listen to the adults, who have gathered to watch the kids open their presents, say shit such as:
- “Oh wow. It must be nice to have X piece of crap. I was NEVER lucky enough to have a nice piece of crap like that when I was YOUR age.”
- “Oh, aren’t you spoiled? Look at all these presents. Do you really need all this crap?”
- “You got Y piece of crap too? Sheesh, you got X piece of crap AND Y piece of crap. Do you know that when I was a kid my parents only got my brothers and sisters and I ONE piece of crap and we had to share that piece of crap and we considered ourselves lucky to have it?!”
- “Look at that! That is one top of the line piece of crap! They hadn’t even invented crap like that when I was a kid. Oh I bet you don’t even appreciate all this crap ya’ little twerp.”
Look, 3.5 readers, and keep in mind this is coming from a guy named Uncle Hardass, so you know what you’re doing is f%&ked up.
Stop it with the passive-aggressive comments on Christmas morning about how your kids don’t deserve all the crap you got them. Even if you think you’re just talking to the other adults, they can hear you.
Honestly. You loved your kids enough to spend your time and money on getting this crap, you gave it to them so there’s a part of you that WANTS them to have it but then all you do is shit on them for having it.
You’re taking all your work and flushing it down the drain. If it really pisses you off that your kids have nicer shit than you did as a kid, then there’s a simple solution. Don’t get them the shit. Sorry kid, I didn’t get shit as a kid, so you shouldn’t get shit as a kid.
Sure, they’ll whine about it now but as adults, they’ll probably be more mentally secure people then the kids who grew up thinking, “Gee, I wonder if I deserve all this crap?”
Either that, or just be happy that you, despite the odds, obtained a level of success great enough that you can afford to buy shit for your kids that your parents weren’t able to buy for you. Call up your parents and laugh at them. Send them pictures of all the shit you bought for your kids and rub it in that you’re a better provider than they were.
Hell, if you even like the shit that much and are jealous of your kids for having it, then just go ahead and play with all those toys and shit while they aren’t looking.
Better yet, play with the toys with them. It might actually make you AND them happy.
What? You didn’t think your old Uncle H was capable of providing such heartwarming advice?
Just goes to show what you don’t know could fill an empty Salt Mine shaft, 3.5 readers.
So Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and listen, make a resolution to stop reading my dumbass nephew’s blog in 2016, will you?
Every time one of you losers gives him a hit he thinks he’s going to make it big and his ego just doesn’t need that kind of unmerited support.
Peace on Earth and goodwill to men, losers.
Happy Festivus!
Did you know that December 23rd is the date that George Constanza and his family celebrated “Festivus” on Seinfeld?
Ever since that episode, I’ve always considered Dec. 23rd to be Festivus. So perform the feats of strength then gather ’round the aluminum pole for the annual airing of the grievances.
What grievances do you have, 3.5 readers?
The Yeti…
…tried to derail my one post a day for a year challenge but fear not, for I bested him in another best 2 out of 3 roundhouse kick to the face competition.
Stupid Yeti.
Ahh the one post a day for a year challenge – there is light at the end of this tunnel. I just hope a Yeti doesn’t kidnap me before New Year’s.
Bookshelf Battle 