Author Archives: bookshelfbattle

Dec 05 2015
Leave a comment
Character Profiles

Character Profile – Video Game Rack Fighter

shutterstock_72545770

REAL NAME: Victoria Gloria Somersby Stratenhaus

CODE NAME: Video Game Rack Fighter

NICKNAME: VGRF

OFFICIAL TITLES: Second in Command of the Bookshelf Battle Blog; Bookshelf Battle’s Video Game Correspondent; World Champion Car Thief Mayhem Player

BIOGRAPHY: Ms.Fighter was born in modest circumstances in West Randomtown, the town next door to East Randomtown, where our noble hero Bookshelf Q. Battler grew up.

She developed an interest in video games at an early age, playing the Atari while still in diapers.  Over the years, she mastered all systems, including, but not limited to: Calicovision, the original NES, Sega, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Nintendo 64, Game Cube, Playstations 1-4, XBox (Original – One).

A she-nerd in a time when nerds were social outcasts, Ms. Fighter preferred the virtual worlds of video gaming to her actual one and often imagined herself as a character in them. She did this so much that she experienced a psychological issue that made her believe the various video game toys she kept on her video game rack were a) alive and b) her friends.  She eventually got a grip on reality but from time to time, likes to pretend that her favorite characters are only a call away if she needs them.

Mr. Battler and Ms. Fighter viewed themselves as oddballs and never thought they’d find anyone who’d understand them until they met each other on a quest to find the meaning of life.

They quickly discovered they have a ridiculous amount of things in common.  Ms. Fighter is the Assistant to the Assistant of the Vice President of Corporate Assistance at Drying Paint Media, the world’s premiere of videos of paint drying on walls.

Similar to the path taken in life by BQB, Ms. Fighter acquired this position after an ex-boyfriend informed to her that her desire for a job in the video game industry would take her nowhere.

She now resides in Bookshelf Battle Headquarters and is generally considered Second-in-Command of the Bookshelf Battle Blog, often called on to take over when BQB is sick or in the midst of battle with one of his many enemies.

Together, BQB and VGRF work their day jobs, then come home to support one another in their true passions, writing for BQB and video gaming for VGRF.

Ms. Fighter is currently developing an indie game for tablets called “Weasel Catapult.”  The object is to fling weasels as far as possible until they finally slap up against a wall to hilarious and comical effect.

Among her many accomplishments, she is the world champion in Car Thief Mayhem, and thus BQB usually just lets her drive.

Tagged , , ,
Dec 05 2015
Leave a comment
Character Profiles

Character Profile – Bookshelf Q. Battler

shutterstock_236377555

REAL NAME: Eduardo Ricardo Papageorgio Von Finklestein

CODE NAME: Bookshelf Quvenzhané (Q.) Battler

NICKNAME: BQB

OFFICIAL TITLE: A World Renowned Poindexter, Reviewer of Pop Cultural Happenings and a Champion Yeti Fighter

BIOGRAPHY: As a young boy, BQB was abandoned by his biological parents, left on the doorstep of his Aunt Gertie and Uncle Hardass (i.e. Mr. and Mrs. Scrambler) with nothing but the clothes on his back and a magic bookshelf.

Growing up, it was an interesting existence in the Scrambler household.  Aunt Gertie was carefree and nurturing whereas Uncle Hardass, a longtime advocate for the virtue of a hard day’s work, attempted to get his nephew a job at the salt mines on his third birthday. Despite disguising young BQB with a fake mustache and claiming the lad to be an adult little person, the foreman was a wily one and not to be fooled.

There are no words that adequately capture the sense of wonder Mr. Battler felt when he put a book on his shelf for the first time only to have the characters pop out in little versions of themselves and talk to him.  The first such characters to do this were Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson (created by the esteemed Sir Arthur Conan Doyle).

Other characters would follow to keep the boy company, which he desperately needed as no one at school wanted anything to do with such a prominent poindexter. (Back in those days, geek/nerd culture just wasn’t as accepted as it is today.  Pioneers like BQB made it possible for you to let your nerd flag fly today, millennial nerds.)

Uncle Hardass’ lessons in stick-to-it-tivity were not lost on our nerdy hero. As a young man, BQB held a number of positions, including, but not limited to: dog, hamster, rabbit, and ferret walker, catapult repairman, donkey washer, parking lot valet, gum scraper, fungus cleaner, hand model, toilet scrubber, taco chef, pizza delivery man and amateur thumb wrestler.

It wasn’t easy juggling all of those jobs, but he did it to put himself through college at the Advanced Science Institute of Science University, where he trained in the ways of science under the highly respected scientist, Dr. Hugo Von Science.

After graduation, Mr. Battler declined opportunities in the science industry to focus on his true passion – writing.  In his youth, BQB spent many a night writing stories, beginning with his first epic, The Attack of the Killer Mutant Fish.  It was universally panned by the magic bookshelf characters, who were kind enough to listen to BQB recite his tales.

BQB landed a job as a staff writer at The Encylopedia Factory, which paid him a modest wage to write articles about the world all day long.  It wasn’t much, but it was a foot in the door in the industry he loved, so it made him happy.

Unfortunately, his girlfriend at the time, Ms. Bland Life “Blandie” Settler was anything but. After viciously ridiculing BQB’s desire to become a successful writer (as well as making a number of slanderous and false statements about BQB’s prowess in the boudoir), Blandie dumped BQB like yesterday’s garbage, leaving our nerdy hero depressed, heartsick and forlorn.

He threw away his pens, pencils, notebooks and other writing paraphernalia and went to night school to retrain in the field of business, as he believed that becoming a rich, douchy businessman was the only path to winning the love of a woman.

Upon graduation from the Advanced Business Institute of Business University (under the tutelage of noted businessman Dalton Von Business), BQB quit his beloved job as an encyclopedia writer to take an entry level position as the Assistant to the Assistant of the Vice President of Corporate Assistance at Beige Corp, the world’s premiere producer of beige products and supplies. If you want a drab color that doesn’t make a statement, contact Beige Corp. today!

Mr. Battler assumed this position would be a mere stepping stone on his way to becoming a fabulously wealthy hot chick attracting businessman but alas, many years later, he still holds the same job, only makes a few cents more than he did as an encyclopedia writer, and often wonders what his life would have been like had he spent his time pursuing the career he wanted rather than the one everyone else wanted him to want.

In 2014, a depressed and dejected BQB was stuffing his face hole with a burrito in a Taco Bell parking lot when it occurred to him that self publishing technology had grown to the point where it was possible for him to pursue a writing career in his free time.

The Bookshelf Battle Blog, located at bookshelfbattle.com, was born and BQB spent most of 2014 figuring out to blog.  He’s still working on it.  If you’ve figure it out, let him know.

While the blog began as a tribute to BQB’s favorite literature, past and present, along with scenes of the battles that rage across his magic bookshelf, it eventually morphed into a chronicle of his efforts to become a successful writer, and the adventures that occur along the way.

Aliens, zombies, an evil yeti, bookshelf characters that run up his credit card bills and destroy his house – Mr. Battler is a magnet for all things supernaturally weird but somehow he always saves the day, because when it comes down to it, BQB may not be much to look at, but he is a survivor.

Tagged , , ,
Dec 05 2015
Leave a comment
Uncategorized

#31ZombieAuthors – Day 16 Interview – Saul Tanpepper – Zombified Video Gaming

Zombies + Video Games = Zombified Video Gaming. A future where zombies are controlled video game style and a group of hackers get caught up in the middle. Intriguing stuff.

Saul Tanpepper told Video Game Rack Fighter about it.

bookshelfbattle's avatarBookshelf Battle

61PEMQz9RoL._UX250_ (1)

FIND THIS ZOMBIE AUTHOR ON:

Amazon        Website

    Twitter            Facebook

By:  Video Game Rack Fighter, Special Guest Interviewer

Today’s guest on the Bookshelf Battle Blog is Saul Tanpepper, author of the GAMELAND series, a saga set in a world where zombies outfitted with neural implants are controlled by players using video game controllers.

The carnage ensues when a group of computer hackers break into a Long Island turned wasteland and quickly learn there are consequences far beyond the average video game.

Saul, thanks for joining us.

NOTE: BOLD=VGRF; ITALICS=Saul

51TmgJ+nv1L._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_Q.   Zombies turned into video game avatars manipulated by wealthy video game enthusiasts.  Just when I thought the world was out of fresh spins on the zombie apocalypse genre, you come up with one.  How did you do it?

A.   I read Suzanne Collins’s Hunger Games right…

View original post 943 more words

Dec 05 2015
Leave a comment
Pop Culture Mysteries

Mystery Writer Interviews

By: Jake Dashing, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private
Investigator

shutterstock_224427679

You’re a writer, a scribe, a wordsmith, but you’re not just any ordinary
Mickey Spillane type either.  Oh no.  Like an bona fide seamstress, you thread your words ever so delicately through the eye of the needle that is your book only to attach it to your readers’ hearts just so you can yank them to and fro, turning them into your own personal puppets.

You sling your work like hash fresh off the grill, serving them straight into the gaping maws of your fans and like a bunch of trained seals, they always slap their fins together and beg for me.

You barely have time as it is but you need to make some, because time flies when you’re having fun but it should always stand still for a man in need.  And as I’ve been instructed to say by a beautiful blonde attorney, that man in none other than one Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Battler’s setting up a new website, see?  “Pop Culture Mysteries” is the name and answering entertainment questions is the game, or rather, it’s my game, as that pencil neck dweeb has concocted a scheme to drive me indefinitely into a life of involuntarily servitude.

But troubles are a dime a dozen, a plug nickel on Sunday, and the last thing you need is to have a bum like me bend your ear with mine.  What you need to know is what Battler wants from you.

He’s got the pop culture part covered.  What he needs now is more mystery and like a door with a bright big red X painted on it, that’s where you come in.

You see, Battler fancies himself a writer only no one has the nerve to tell him that they’ve seen bird cage liners with more flare than the schlock this palooka churns out.

He wants to learn some tips to improve his writing skills (I know, you’re good but you’re no miracle worker) and he wants to catch the twinkling eyes of mystery fans the world over and bring them to his site, so to cut a longwinded gab session in half, he wants me to interview you.

And I’ll do it in my typical hardboiled noir style.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, SPECIFICALLY?

I’ll write the questions.  You write your answers.  I’ll turn it into Battler and he’ll slap it up on the Interwhatever, see?

IS THERE ANY COMPENSATION?

Are you kidding?  Someone check my leg because I think it’s being pulled.

Battler’s such a lousy cheap skate that you wouldn’t be able to open up his wallet with a crowbar and a plumber’s helperzx . If you did, a squadron of moths would fly out and dance the hula mid air as a joyous victory celebration of their newfound freedom.

You’d sooner get a rummy to part with his bottle than you’d get Battler to part with a penny and…ok…you get the point.

Battler can send his 3.5 readers your way though.  I put on my green eyeshade, crunched the numbers and realized that means a total of seven new eyeballs on your work.  Maybe one of them wears an eyepatch or something, I don’t know.

CAN BATTLER BE TRUSTED?

Your asking the wrong fella, Jack.  I trust Battler about as far as I can throw him and since he’s insulated himself behind his blonde bombshell of an attorney, I’m not able to toss that lug very far at all.

But that’s between Battler and I.  What I do know is this cat treats writers who help him out like royalty, so take that into consideration.

#31ZombieAuthors – I don’t believe in the supernatural and I think Battler is full of three day old horse manure when it comes to the tall tales on his site, bookshelfbattle.com.  But he did interview #31ZombieAuthors in October 2015, 1 a day for 31 days and it was a rousing success.

Ask the Alien – I don’t think Battler’s telling the truth about being friends with an alien from outer space.  After all, a little green man in search of intelligent life would be bored out of his mind with Battler as a buddy.  Aside from that though, this column has promoted the works of around 20 authors.  Add that to #31ZombieAuthors and we’re talking over 50 satisfied writers.

THE GUARANTEE

As a writer, you make your living on your reputation, so it makes sense that you’d be skeptical about throwing your hat into a ring run by a weirdo who claims to be friends with aliens.

That’s why Battler offers everyone a guarantee.  You don’t like the post of your interview? Let Battler know and it comes down.  No muss.  No fuss. No problem.

50 author promos later and not one has asked for this, but if you do, BQB will yank that interview like he’s starting a boat motor.  Like all of my hopes and dreams, your interview will be gone and that will be that.  No hard feelings, as if there are any other kind.

If you’re interested, let Battler know.  If you’re not, I don’t blame you.  Between you, me and the four walls, that guy is a big loser with about as much charisma as a wet blanket in a tepid pool of water.

So thanks for listening, ya big lug ya and if you’re ever in my neck of the woods, well, I’d say drinks are on me but since i’m broke, they’ll be on you.

Get me something good.  Nothing fruity but otherwise it doesn’t matter as long as it helps me to pass out and stop all the bad memories I have from playing over and over again like a bad gag reel.

It’s been a real gas, kid.

Jake Dashing

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Dec 04 2015
2 Comments
Music

RIP Scott Weiland

Sad news, 3.5 readers.

Scott Weiland, legendary grunge music icon of the 1990’s and Stone Temple Pilots frontman has died at 48, passing away in his sleep according to news reports.

Bookshelf Q. Battler was saddened by the news.  Mr. Battler spent most of the 90’s dressed head to toe in flannel like he was a Canadian lumberjack or something (as was the style at the time) and listened to STP’s catalog extensively, Big Bang Baby being his favorite of all the STP releases.

You will be missed, Mr. Weiland.  You will be missed.

What was your favorite STP song, 3.5 readers?

(PS – 3.5 millennial readers, there was a decade called the 1990’s.  Bill Clinton was president, the WB was churning out some fabulous shows (i.e. Buffy and the most popular music at the time involved men in flannel singing about how depressed they were, which may or may not explain a lot about the world as we know it today, come to think of it, but that’s a debate for another time.)

Tagged , , , , , , ,
Dec 04 2015
1 Comment
Pop Culture Mysteries

Like Pop Culture Mysteries on Facebook

By: Jake Dashing, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Investigator

shutterstock_224427697.jpg

Facebook. It’s an invention my middle twentieth century mind will never be able to wrap itself around. A bunch of yahoos with unlimited reserves of time blabbering on about what they had for lunch, what they’re having for dinner, offering their unsolicited political opinions, and forcing you to look at their vacation photos and pictures of their hideous children.

Not for nothing, but back in my day, if you ran around town demanding that everyone look at your photo album and listen to the most mundane, trivial aspects of your life, you were considered a grade a square.

But times have changed.

If you’re on Zuckerberg’s thing-a-ma-jig, stop by the Pop Culture Mysteries page and toss a like Battler’s way.

And if you millennial folk don’t have as much pep in your step as the greatest generation and you’re too lazy to click that link above on your beep boop machine, you can always get there later by logging onto Facebook and searching for “Pop Culture Mysteries.”

Don’t ask me what any of that means.  I was told to say that by that delicious dish, Delilah K. Donnelly, and when that leggy dame barks, yours  truly inquires as to how high.

Someday I hope someone will explain to me what all this nonsense means.  Until then, help Battler out.  Or don’t. If you ask me, that cat’s a bag and a half of schmucks and then some, so its no skin off my potato, Jack.

Tagged , , , , ,
Dec 04 2015
2 Comments
Pop Culture Mysteries

Pop Culture Mysteries – Open Contracts

By: Jake Dashing, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Investigator

shutterstock_224427610

Pop culture.  It’s a world that keeps Bookshelf Q. Battler up late at night, his spacious brain filling up with one question after another about movies, music, television, books, and more.

I’m not sure I can relate. When I lose sleep, its because I’m too busy picturing all the Nazis my country demanded that I punch to death with my bare hands. I suppose each generation has its priorities.

Battler’s got info I want and he’s not forking it over until I solve a whole mess of mysteries for him.  But this whack job thinks of questions faster than I can answer them, so here are the mysteries currently up for grabs.

Being a private dick is a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but if you want to try your luck at the sleuthing game, feel free to let Battler know you want to snatch one of these up:

MOVIES

In Star Wars, if the Death Star is supposed to be the size of an actual star, why is everyone able to walk around it and fly around it so quickly?

In Pulp Fiction, Harvey Keitel’s character, “the Wolf” is billed as a highly skilled fixer, one whose knowledge regarding the art of the cover up is so valuable that he simply erase all evidence of a crime, making it as if nothing ever happened….but then all he does is show up and tell Vince and Jules to spray the car down with Windex.  (Seriously, watch the movie.)  Was the Wolf that special?

TELEVISION

Did Tony Soprano live or die at the end of The Sopranos?  Was this a good or bad ending?

Why did the ending of Dexter both suck and blow at the same time?  Or did it?

On Gilligan’s Island, Gilligan and the gang go on, as the theme song says, “a three hour tour.”  How then, was it possible for everyone to become so irretrievably lost when they only strayed a mere three hours away from charted land?

On Married with Children, the running joke was that Al Bundy was disgusted by the idea of getting it on with his wife, Peggy.  Peggy wasn’t that bad looking though, even with her wacky beehive and leopard print attire.  What gives?

On Sons of Anarchy,  Jax Teller embraces a life of crime that provides very little return on investment.  Why is it that a scruffy bum who was lucky enough to win the heart of super hot doctor Tara didn’t just sit back and say, “Well, I’m going to sponge off my hot surgeon wife now, who no doubt makes a high salary because she’s a damn surgeon.  Hell, maybe I’ll even put my focus on turning the auto repair garage my father left into a profitable business.”  But instead, he just keeps making lousy criminal deals and then bumbles his way through them, often losing money on them and inviting a world of hurt.  Seriously, WTF?

MUSIC

Who put the bomp in the bomp sha bomp sha bomp and will this individual strike again?

Who let the dogs out?

What is a “hollaback girl” and why does Gwen Stefani go to great lengths to make sure you know she isn’t one?

To be sure, Sir Mix-a-Lot likes big butts and is unable to lie about this particular subject.  Why then, do the other brothers deny this truth?

VIDEO GAMES

What’s up with the hard sell?  Whenever you buy one they try to make you buy insurance, upgrades, and basically treat you like you’re trying to buy a fully loaded 2016 Toyota Tundra instead of a $60 fantasy experience.  What gives?

COME UP WITH YOUR OWN

That’s all Battler’s got for now but rest assured that loser will keep ’em coming.  That nerd has way too much time on his hands.  And if you’re a nerd with too much time on your hands, feel free to come up with a pop culture mystery of your own and raise it up the flag pole to see if Battler salutes.

For those of you who can’t translate hardboiled noir talk, that means tell him about it in the comments.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Dec 04 2015
Leave a comment
Pop Culture Mysteries

Pop Culture Mysteries – Contracts

By: Delilah K. Donnelly, Official Counsel for the Bookshelf Battle Blog

shutterstock_78225682

Au chante, sir or madam, as the case may be.  It is an absolute delight to make your acquaintance.

If you are reading this then my client, the revered blogger Bookshelf Q. Battler, has selected you to take on a Pop Culture Mystery Contract.

I understand, darling.  Your mind is positively swimming and you have so many questions, the most pertinent of which are:

WHAT IS “POP CULTURE MYSTERIES?”

It’s a site Mr. Battler is constructing that will be devoted to answering the most troublesome questions about pop culture – movies, television, entertainment, music and more.  He’s retained the services of Detective Dashing, whose reports will form the bulk of the site, but Mr. Dashing can’t do it all alone.

WHAT IS A POP CULTURE MYSTERY CONTRACT?

You, as a noted author in your genre, will lend your expertise to a question or “mystery” relevant to your area of expertise.  If you’re a science fiction author, for example, he may inquire about Star Wars.  Romance author? Perhaps Mr. Battler will have a question about 50 Shades of Gray.

He’s currently assembling a list of “open contracts” or questions that you might select from, or he may propose one tailored to your specific talent.  You may even propose a Pop Culture Mystery of your own.

WHAT I DON’T LIKE THE CUT OF BATTLER’S JIB, SEE?

As an attorney I fully understand that authors must guard their reputations zealously and that working with a blogger who claims, among other things, to be friends with an alien from outer space, might raise an eyebrow or two.

However, consider:

#31ZombieAuthors – Mr. Battler interviewed 31 (actually 32 as two authors were a team on one book) in the month of October, 2015.  All were treated with respect, their questions and concerns about the project listened to and all were pleased with the results. Many tweeted and/or shared their interviews with their fans.  Several told Mr. Battler that they even enjoyed these interviews and had quite a bit of fun.

Ask the Alien – Darling, I do not presume to boast but as you can see, I am a fabulous person.  As such, I can’t publicly discuss a notion as foolish as whether or not aliens exist.  That being said, Mr. Battler’s blog has been running a feature called “Ask the Alien” in which authors ask an alien a question and he provides an answer, along with a promo of the inquirer’s work.  About 20 authors have “asked the alien” a question so far.

BETWEEN BOTH – Misters Battler and Jones have interviewed 50+ authors without complaint.

BUT I MIGHT COMPLAIN

You might and Mr. Battler will offer the same guarantee he’s provided to others, namely, that if you dislike the final post, he’ll take it down, no muss, no fuss, no problem.  To date, no one has asked but be assured if you do, he will.

COMPENSATION

Absolutely none whatsoever.  It’s not my desire to speak ill of my employer but Mr. Battler is a bit of a skinflint.

He can, however, offer you the eyes of his 3.5 readers and if its one thing an author needs, it’s 3.5 more readers.

THANK YOU

On behalf of the Bookshelf Battle Blog, a site I diligently represent, I thank you for taking the time to consider this modest proposal.  If you are interested, I believe you will find the experience enjoyable.  If not, Mr. Battler understands and wishes you will in your future endeavors.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a mystery of my own to solve.  Which pair of these breathtaking shoes shall I wear this evening?

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Dec 03 2015
Leave a comment
Pop Culture Mysteries

Announcement #3 – Pop Culture Mysteries Is On

Hi again, 3.5 readers.

shutterstock_129048089

Why Delilah spends her time representing BQB will become part of the mystery.

In case you didn’t realize it from Announcement #2, then yes, Pop Culture Mysteries is officially a go.

I am the president of the television network inside my mind and I just gave this endeavor the green light.

At the risk of being vaporized by the Mighty Potentate, Undesiredverse will be on hold.

I like Undesiredverse.  I think its a continuation of my “so funny you’ll have a good time but serious enough to make you want to know what happens next” style.

But after thinking about it, I barely have enough time to see one project through and I have no clue how I’d be able to juggle two at the same time.

So as the president of my mind, I’ve decided to put all my eggs in the Pop Culture Mysteries basket for the foreseeable future.

I’ve been attempting to write a novel for years now and I continue to get trapped by the idea that “oh, this NEW idea is really EASY to write and I’ll bang a rough draft out in a month then pop it right out there!”

That’s why I thought I’d give Undesiredverse a go.  Man and Alien become caretakers of strange woman.  They must get her to safety and in the process, find out why all the evil doers want her.

I know why.  I can’t tell you why because hopefully I’ll write it one day.  BUT – as I thought about it, explaining WHY they wanted her became complicated.

There just is no such thing as a “I’ll bang that out lickety split!” novel.  There’s no simple fix.  If you want the quality, you have to put the time in.

So Pop Culture Mysteries it is.  I’m going to let my attorney, the enchanting Delilah K. Donnelly, make the formal announcement, but here are my preliminary thoughts:

THE BLOG

I found a blog template that looks like a desk, the posts and photos look like they’re on paper – so in other words, ITS AS IF ITS ALL WRITEN BY A DETECTIVE WORKING OUT ALL THE DETAILS!!!  Yup, the format was just too beautiful to pass up.

THE POP CULTURE

My experience writing #31ZombieAuthors cinched the deal for me.

One worry I had was that as Jake (or Mack?) goes on, his reports become less about pop culture and more about his own past and present exploits as a detective, boxer, and war hero.  I need those exploits to sell books.

But I also want the site to be about solving pop culture mysteries.

So:

  • Jake’s still going to solve pop culture mysteries in his own way.
  • Informant Zero is going to pose a Pop Culture Mystery Question once a week, invite readers to discuss, and give the answer the next week and finally…
  • Just as I did with #31ZombieAuthors, I will be seeking out writers who will be deputized as pop culture detectives and they will be given pop culture mysteries of their own to solve (in fact, if you want in, let me know in the comments below.)
  • I’ll also be interviewing mystery writers about their craft.  So ultimately, the site becomes a big mashup of pop culture, mystery, and noir.

I’M GOING TO BE BUSY

It’s December.  I need to write a whole season of Jake’s exploits and get several author interviews/contributions in the can and ready to go.

The main story will go all week but I’m thinking Mystery Author Interviews will be posted on Friday and Pop Culture Detectives will have their posts up on Saturday.  (I’m going to call these “contracts,” as it will be explained that Delilah delivered their cases to them).

I’m hoping if I can stick with it, I’ll be able to launch April 1, but at the latest May 1.  I’m really hoping for April.

Once April or May is here, I’ll have several months of posts ready to go so I can throw them up and then focus my time on Jake’s first book…for sale…for money, because, gosh darn it, I really need this nonsense to start making some money one day in order to justify keeping it going.

CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT THE PLOT?

Jake/Mack/Whoever He Is fell asleep at his desk in 1954.  For 60 years, his friends, Mr. and Mrs. Tsang, took care of him, followed by their daughter, Susan, whom Jake regards as his niece.

A year later after trying to figure out what happened, the mysterious Delilah K. Donnelly pays him a visit.  She’s an attorney for Bookshelf Q. Battler, a world renowned poindexter, etc. etc.

While BQB will remain a goofball on bookshelfbattle.com, he becomes the Charlie from Charlie’s Angels on Pop Culture Mysteries – i.e., he’s always giving orders but he’ll rarely show up in person.  Instead, Delilah delivers his mysteries for him.

A deal is struck.  BQB claims he knows why Jake/Mack/Whoever fell asleep for 60 years and how to get him back to his own time.  But he won’t give up the info until our hero solves 100 pop culture mysteries.

In between tracking down the answers to BQB’s questions, our detective will have to:

  • Adjust to modern life, with plenty of room for witty social commentary on how things that happen today seem odd to a person from the 1950’s.  We’ll discuss the good and the bad.  (GOOD – people have more rights.  BAD – People spend too much time using those rights to post about their lunch on social media.)
  •  Get Real Work – BQB only pays $5 bucks a case and our hero can’t sponge off his niece forever, so he’ll need to find real mysteries he can solve for pay.
  • The Past – tell us about mysteries he solved way back when.
  • Vigilantism – He’ll definitely start dabbling in taking down modern day ne’er-do-wells.  A hot police detective babe will take notice.

THE FIRST NOVEL…

…will be about how our hero punched Adolf Hitler in the face.  In the process of doing so, he obtained a certain item and, well, even though BQB’s blog(s) only get 3.5 readers, a person from his past will come looking for it.

To clarify, the person from the past will come looking for it in the first season of blog posts.  How he punched Hitler and got the item will be the crux of the first novel…which I will sell on Amazon…for many, many, payments of monies.

But not really.  As long as I get $3.5 dollars I’ll write a sequel.

THANKS 3.5 READERS

If you’re a writer of any genre who wants in on a) solving a pop culture mystery or b) a mystery writer who wants to talk about his/her craft, let me know.  Your books/blogs/social media etc will be promoted so check out #31ZombieAuthors for an idea of what I’d do.

 

Tagged , , , , , , , ,
Dec 03 2015
3 Comments
Pop Culture Mysteries

Announcement #2 – Jake’s Name Change

A few months ago, I had a Kobayashi moment.

You know what that is, don’t you?

Remember when the cop in The Usual Suspects drops his ceramic coffee mug, marked Kobayashi on the bottom, and everything goes in slow motion as he, in a very shocked manner, comes to grips to the realization that Kevin Spacey/Verbal just snowed him?shutterstock_224427679

Oh.  SPOILER ALERT.  Sorry.  Whatever.  You had like 20 years to watch that thing.

I did some research and learned there is a noted noir writer with a character named, “Jake Hatcher.”

What are the odds?  I never beat the odds for good things to happen to me.  I’ll never win the lottery or get caught in an avalanche of bikini models but yup, I made up a random name and sure enough, another noir writer was using it.

And I’m not being disrespectful or anything, he seems like a great writer. He’s published so, you know, he’s running laps around me.

I did think “what the hell just use it anyway no one cares.”  And chances are, no one would.  But then, you know, what if that guy’s Jake Hatcher becomes a movie character?  That kinda ruins mine.

So after deliberating for awhile, I decided that Jake needs, at the very least, a last name change.

3.5 readers, please provide me with your input on the following:

DASHING – After pouring through name books, coming up with all kinds of possibilities, it dawned on me that it would be fun to come up with a last name that pays tribute to Dashiell Hammett, the author of The Maltese Falcon and the man recognized as the inventor of hardboiled private eye/mystery noir genre.

Dash?  Daschle?  Dashman?  Dashington? Dasher?

Then it just hit me.  “Dashing.”

I know.  It’s a bit contrived.  Almost like “Rip Pecchest” or “Dirk Steele” but I like it, its got meaning, and its the result of months of thinking about it and not coming up with anything better.

3.5 READERS: You spent months thinking about this?

BQB: Oh, the things I do for my 3.5 readers.

JAKE DASHING – I was going to go with Jake Dashing and I still might.  I have a subplot in mind where he is Jacob Roscoe Dashing and his evil brother who looks just like him assumes his identity (Roscoe Jacob Dashing, formerly Hatcher).

OR

MACK DASHING – It’s manly, rolls off the tongue.  It’s cartoonish but so is the whole concept.  Its about a guy who took a 60 year nap after all.  I suppose the brothers would be Mack Roscoe Dashing and Roscoe Mack Dashing (I wish my name was Roscoe Mack Dashing.)

Jake Dashing seems more plausible.  But as I studied the noir genre, there are a lot of fictional hardboiled private dicks named Jake.  I never found one named Mack.

His full named would be Mackenzie, which I know, is a girl’s name.  It can be a boy’s but its mostly for girls now.  I could write it away by having him tell Uncle H’s joke about “why the hell are there so many girls named after cowboys?!” and then he vows to never be called anything but Mack.

So Jake Dashing is closer to my original intent, but Mack Dashing is more unique.

Either way, his last name is Dashing, his first name is down to Jake or Mack.  I’d like your input.

Thanks 3.5 readers.

 

 

 

Tagged , , , , ,
← Older posts
Newer posts →