Author Archives: bookshelfbattle

Aug 04 2018
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Mission Impossible: Fallout (2018)

Hey 3.5 readers.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to read this review.

This blog will self-destruct in…oh, who am I kidding?  This shit blew up a long time ago.

BQB here with a review of “Mission Impossible: Fallout.”

I went into this film thinking that this series was surely about to jump the shark.  Tom Cruise is 56 now, thus the only death defying actor who performs his own stunts that I know of who qualifies to receive an AARP card.

Sure, he’s preserved to a level that only a fortune built in La La Land can provide, but even so, I wondered if maybe it wasn’t time to hand this series to the next generation.

As it turns out, Tom’s still got the moves.  The plot is complicated, so much so that your eyes will go crossed if you actually try to follow it.  Honestly, sometimes I wonder if the writers of these films count on that.  In the theater, you’re sitting there, doing the mental calculations of what is transpiring in your head until….oh, wow!  Explosions!  Car chases! Fights!  Stunts!

While Tom’s still got it, I can’t help but notice Hollywood keeps insisting that he get a younger sidekick, i.e. Jeremy Renner in the previous film, or in this one, Henry Cavill of “Superman” fame.

Shit.  I wish I were Henry Cavill.  I’d get so much poon.  Damn it.  Why am I so ugly and yet this guy wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror and realizes he’s got a license to print snatch?

But I digress.

To the film’s credit, there’s a main plot device, i.e. Cruise’s Ethan Hunt, despite a lifetime of espionage and intrigue, still maintains a moral compass.  He will never put a team mate in danger (Simon Pegg and Ving Rhames return as Ethan’s long suffering tech lackies, Rebecca Ferguson and Michelle Monaghan as his past and present love interests), even to keep a mission from failing.

Meanwhile, Cavill’s August Walker will gladly put a friendly down for the greater good.

That’s sure to make for a good international buddy cop drama.

The film centers around a plot in which various villains plan to set off nuclear bombs in the world’s holiest cities – Jerusalem, the Vatican and Mecca.  It will be up to Hunt and his crew to save the day.

One thing, and if you’re a fan of the series then it’s not really a spoiler, but as cheesy as the old “take a mask off to reveal another person” gag gets, it never ceases to amuse me.  I won’t give it away, other there was a point early on in the film where I thought the film was starting to look like it would be a dud, only for such a gag to happen, and make me realize it was actually going to be good…and it was.

A last thought.  For awhile now, I did think these films were fun throwaways, largely built around complicated plots that you forget and instead, you remember the stunts.  Instead, this film, and the last one, really do draw on a long, rich history, especially when you consider this series began in 1996…I freaking remember seeing it when I was in high school!

So Tom, I doubt you read this fine blog, though you should because you are missing out if you don’t, but I’ll just put this into the air – if you do only have one, maybe two of these films left in you, please make sure that they’re not only good but that they wrap up Ethan’s long life story.  Give him a happy ending, either he finally gets the girl and gets to relax, or he goes out doing what he was born to do – saving the world one last time.

Ethan might get his kicks hanging off of cliffs, but just don’t leave your longtime viewers hanging.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Aug 03 2018
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TV

TV Review – Orange is the New Black – Season 6 Review (Spoilers Abound)

Hey 3.5 readers.

I don’t have time to give this season the in-depth review it deserves, so I’ll try to break it down quickly.

I felt the first couple seasons were an interesting look into prison life.  Hollywood tends to really ham up prison portrayals –  i.e. that classic scene where the main character enters the joint for the first time and the prisoners throw rain garbage and flaming pieces of whatever down upon him out of their cells.

While I’m sure violence is an ever present threat in prisons (and is portrayed a lot on this show) the show gave an aspect that other shows about the clink rarely showed, i.e., that it’s all one great big glorified high school for adults, complete with social cliques, winners, losers, a great big fishbowl where everyone is in everyone else’s business and the slightest bit of gossip can wreak all kinds of havoc.

I felt in later seasons, the show started to jump the shark as the more outrageous the shenanigans got.  At times, some of the tomfoolery seemed unlikely and increasingly far fetched.

But this last season really brought the series home.

Here, the OITNB girls, or a segment of them anyway, end up in the “max” prison, following a riot that goes bad.  Alas, they find themselves as pawns in the neverending war between two geriatric sisters with a longstanding grudge that has existed since the 1980s.

Lots of emotion, sadness, all sorts of bad things happen.

If the showrunners wanted to, they could probably end the series here.  Piper goes home and assumedly, like the real Piper she was based on, will write a book about her time in the can.

Vause looks like she will atone for her sin of putting Piper in prison in the first place – then again, maybe not as it looks like the boss she had to swear allegiance to in order to get Piper off the hook is no longer around.

Taystee goes down for a crime she didn’t commit but is the poster child for how the system swallows poor young African Americans up.

Black Cindy will forever want to do the right thing, be unable to do the right thing, but always feel guilty for not doing the right thing.

I could go on and on, there are so many characters that I dont think it’s possible for all of their storylines to be resolved (other than most of them will be in the slammer for a long time) I think overall, this season finale brought home a lot of stuff for the main members of the ensemble.

I’ve read that there will be a season 7.  I assume this will be where Piper the ex-inmate becomes Piper the author.  Perhaps the writers will figure out a way to get Taystee out of the fix she is in.

At times, the show goes overboard and over the top.  Sometimes I think it is too liberal as many of the women are portrayed as poor little birds who couldn’t help but be there.  Many of the back stories show people who started out somewhat ok, then just made one bad choice and ended up in jail.  Flaca, for example, sold colored pieces of paper, told kids it was acid to make a buck, only to be charged when a classmate was dumb enough to believe he was tripping when he wasn’t and kill himself.

But then at other times, the show will get real…sometimes too real…the backstory scene where we learn what the 1980s bitties did to get locked up is too scary for words.

Guards are often portrayed as roid addled, power tripping losers but then we also see how they suffer behind the scenes too.

The show could end here and be a rare show that ties up all the ends but it sounds like it has at least another season left.  The writers will have to keep towing that difficult to balance light between humor and abject horror, never going too far into one side or the other.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

 

 

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Aug 02 2018
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Uncategorized

Happy August, 3.5 Readers

I hope all 3.5 of you have a good one.

Jul 29 2018
2 Comments
TV

More Insight on the Buffy Reboot

Hey 3.5 readers.  So, Monica Owusu-Breen, the showrunner who is in charge of the new Buffy reboot, had this to say on Twitter:

“So maybe, it could be time to meet a new Slayer…”

If that means, a whole new Slayer with a different name and different friends, then that’s awesome.

If you’re saying a new version of the same Buffy character, then stop toying with me.

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Jul 28 2018
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Daily Discussion with BQB

Daily Discussion with BQB – Buffy Reboot

Well, that sucks.  Pun intended.

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” a show that won the hearts of 1990s teens, is being rebooted.

This stinks because if ever there was a show that was built to be continued instead of rebooted, it was Buffy.

SPOILER ALERT (You had 15 years to watch the series finale)  – The whole gist of Buffy was that it is hard to be a hero.  Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) had a hard time juggling work, school, family, and being Generation X’s vampire slayer, destined to fight the vamps and/or other demons pouring out of a Hellmouth underneath her home town, Sunnydale.

The series ends with Buffy getting a wish – no longer will each generation only have one slayer but there will be many slayers.  Buffy recruits like, hundreds of slayers to take one a big baddie in a finale battle royale, and she is able to rest easier knowing her burden is shared instead of being solely on her head.

So 1) each generation has 1 slayer so we could have a new millenial slayer or 2, there can be more slayers now.

I don’t get why they didn’t make a new show called “Kate the Vampire Slayer” and then maybe Sarah Michelle could advise the new slayer.  Maybe Buffy could become the new slayer’s watcher.

I’ll give it a chance but I don’t get reboots.  Every 10 years we’re just going to rehash the same story.

Jul 25 2018
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TV

Andrew Lincoln to Leave the Walking Dead

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Sad news for “Walking Dead” fans, 3.5 readers.

My thoughts:

#1 – My initial hot take is you suck, Andrew Lincoln.  I hope this isn’t a ploy where you want more time to do movies because seriously, there is no movie that you could be in that people want to see more than a kick ass series finale to the show that made you a star.  Bryan Cranston realized that he had to juggle movies around his main bread and butter, namely sticking with “Breaking Bad” until the end.

#2 – But after calming down for a minute, maybe he doesn’t suck.  Lincoln is from England and he points out that the show has kept him from seeing his family for a long time.  AMC may be the network that a show about a meth cooking teacher built, but it is also the network that zombies kept afloat and in sticky cash.  AMC does not want to ditch those zombies any time soon.  It’s a great formula.  Hire dummies to run around the woods pretending to fight zombies.  Plot = humans need something in a place where zombies are.  Fight zombies.  Get sad a human dies.  Occasionally move to a new place that seems like it is run by nice people at first but then the people are bad.  Cut.  Print.  Repeat.

In that case, you can’t blame Andrew Lincoln for not wanting to stay FOREVER.  If AMC is going to keep the zombies coming until the end of time, then I suppose we can’t begrudge Andrew for not wanting to fight the zombies for the rest of his life.

“Law and Order” for example, found a winning formula and it has been on for decades now.  Sure, Mariska Hargitay stuck with it but that’s her choice.  Other actors haven’t stuck around.  I’m not even sure all the actors that were on it in the beginning are still alive.

I think we all have been waiting for that epic series finale that explains all but I have a feeling that AMC will keep “Walking Dead” and “Fear the Walking Dead” and possible other spin offs going forever, just bands of humans fighting zombies until the end of time.

If they pull it off, more power to them.  My gut tells me they won’t and once Rick Grimes leaves, that will be it for the viewership.  Maybe not.  Maybe they’ll pull it off but that rarely happens when the main star leaves.

Examples I can think of – “That 70s Show” kept going without Topher Grace as his movie career kicked off.  I don’t blame the cast and crew for wanting to keep it going but I stopped watching after that and I think most people did because it was cancelled not long after Grace left.  Replacing him with a cousin didn’t help.

It’s not impossible to keep a show running without the main character, just unlikely.

#3 – So if Andrew doesn’t want to be Rick until the end of time and AMC wants the zombies forever, I can understand why he wants to exit but even so, we at least need a kickass ending arc to Rick’s character.  That will be like a finale for those of us who have stuck with the show from the beginning.  Maybe we’ll dump the show after Rick leaves.  Maybe we’ll stick around if the writers figure out a great Rick replacement.  But at least give us some closure with Rick.  I fear that won’t happen but we’ll see.

#4 – Andrew leaving should have been kept quiet.  We are now going into the new season with a spoiler.  We know Rick will either die or go off on his own or something.  If they could have kept Andrew’s leaving quiet, then an unexpected Rick death would have suprised the shit out of all of us.

#5 – We’ll see how it goes but I think Andrew and AMC owed us viewers a good resolution to Rick’s character and to the show itself, because I do have a hard time believing the show can carry on without Rick but we’ll see.  We viewers built your network with our support for your show, AMC.  We didn’t let you down when “Walking Dead” needed word of mouth and people hyping the show up on social media, so don’t let us down by giving us a lame ending to a show we’ve been watching nearly a decade now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jul 23 2018
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Movies

Movie Review – Father of the Year (2018)

I’m going to make this a short review.

I generally avoid Adam Sandler and Co’s movies lately.  They’re all usually straight to streaming on Netflix and they remind me of a brand of humor that was edgy in my youth, but seems, for some reason, like it doesn’t work today.  I hate to see former SNL faves getting older.

I put this one on just for something to watch in the background while I did some housework and ended up laughing a lot.  Maybe Happy Madison’s still got it after all.

Childhood best friends turned college graduates Ben and Larry (they are too young and irrelevant for me to learn their actor names) come home for one last summer in their New Hampshire home town before they head off into the real world.

Blah, blah, blah, shenanigans ensue, a bet is made that Ben’s dad (David Spade) could totally beat up Larry’s dad (Nat Faxon.)

Various attempts at a fight ensue.  Hijinx galore.  Ultimately, the main idea seems to be to stop trying to control your life because no matter what you do, your fate will be out of your control.  Ben’s dad is a total loser but is blissfully oblivious to his scumbaggery.  Larry’s dad tries to do everything right but is bossed around shamelessly by his wife and young stepson.

I don’t know.  Lots of gross out humor.  It’s funny.  Watch it. End of review.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Jul 22 2018
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Daily Discussion with BQB

Daily Discussion with BQB – Is Frankenstein a Zombie?

Hey 3.5 readers.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

As you are aware, I have traveled the world, fighting zombies, vampires, werewolves, chupacabras and yes, even ill-tempered hipsters and so I, I know a great deal about the occult.

I’ve shared much of my knowledge on this fine blog, though I doubt any of you have ever paid attention.

Here’s a test.  Is Frankenstein, and technically speaking, is Frankenstein’s monster, a zombie?

There is a right answer to this and I know it, but discuss in the comments and I’ll be back later to tell you whether or not Frankenstein is a zombie.

Remember, you must tell me a) if Frankenstein is a zombie and b) why or why not?

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Jul 22 2018
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Movies

Movie Review – The Equalizer 2 (2018)

He’s like a one man A-Team.

BQB here with a review of “The Equalizer.”

 

It was a winning formula in 1980s TV.  Take someone with a “special set of skills” (“Taken” reference) and have them use those skills to help average people who would normally collapse under the weight of their above average problems.

The A-Team did it – Vietnam vets who returned home to wage war on crime.  And the 1980s TV version of “The Equalizer” did it as well, featuring Robert McCall, a retired CIA agent who uses his skills to help those in need.

Denzel Washington is back with the second installment in a movie series about that character.  This time around, he’s a Lyft driver, who travels the streets of Boston.  When he overhears the problems of his passengers, he can’t help but use his skills to intervene. Anything is on the table, from locating and extracting a kidnapped child to avenging an abused prostitute.

In this version, Denzel’s main task is to locate the killer of a former CIA colleague.  Pedro Pascal of “Game of Thrones” fame joins in the hunt as another CIA colleague who thought McCall was long dead.

I debated if this was the best plot for the film.  There are movies about active CIA agents galore and “The Equalizer’s” appeal is in him helping everyday people on his own, using the knowledge he gained from the CIA but without the benefit of CIA resources.  Apparently, someone involved with the production realized that, as side stories where McCall helps the helpless in his orbit abound.

This films are good distractions.  Enjoyable and sometimes it is life affirming just to get some on screen fatherly advise from Denzel.  Not every mission requires a gun.  Advice for neighborhood kids to stay off drugs and stay in school abound.  It’d be hokey if his advice weren’t so good, delivered from a man who has seen it all and knows how badly a person’s life will turn out if his warnings aren’t heeded. “I’ve seen it all so do as I say or fall on your face, it’s no skin off my nose” has been Denzel’s bag in a number of films for quite some time now.

If Denzel is reading this fine blog, and I don’t see why he wouldn’t because this blog is awesome, I hope he’ll consider a television reboot of “The Equalizer.”  I know he’s a big star, but stars just as big have found success in television and TV isn’t the end of an acting career that it used to be.  I could see a big budget weekly show where McCall helps a new civilian as a success.

Then again, maybe McCall doesn’t have anything to prove and Denzel doesn’t either.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Jul 20 2018
5 Comments
Daily Discussion with BQB

Daily Discussion with BQB – Pride in Work is Dead

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

Not to get into specifics because you never know when the Yeti might be listening, but recently, I upgraded BQB HQ and that required the purchase of a number of new appliances.

You take them out of the box, set them up, everything is right as rain, right?

Wrong.  You have no idea how much time I’ve spent on the phone with tech support and customer assistance the past few months.

I got a vacuum cleaner that wouldn’t suck and ironically, its inability to suck made it suck.  It was cheap so I thought I got a bargain but apparently it was cheap for a reason.  After multiple go arounds with customer service, I junked it and forked out the cash for a Dyson.  The Dyson works great and ironically, had I just bought a Dyson in the first place I could have afforded a better Dyson.

I bought a desk.  It came in a box.  I had to screw all the parts together.  It was missing parts.  I consulted with others who looked at it just to make sure I wasn’t crazy.  I wasn’t.  It was missing parts.  After a long tango with customer service I, you guessed it, junked it.  It was 100 bucks, which I guess is cheap for a desk but that was all I needed.  I gave up and just got a 20 dollar folding card table.  That’s my desk now.  WTF.

Yeah, in hindsight had I not spent so much on book covers for books I’ll never get published I probably could have bought a really fabulous desk but anyway….the lesson seems to be don’t buy cheap things because they are cheap for a reason.  I’ll buy a top of the line desk when I can afford it.  Until then, I might as well have saved the 100 and gotten the 20 dollar card table up front.

Except the buy top of the line doesn’t work either.  I treated myself to a fantastic TV.  TV is my life so I might as well have a good one.  I take it out of the box and…WTF…there’s a base that screws into the television but the screw holes in the back of the TV are nowhere close to where the screw holes in the base are.

After an hour of having a physics and engineering discussion with tech support, the guy said he’d send me a new part and I told him up front please like actually work on this because I already know you’re just going to grab the same part and mail it to me and I’m going to have a meltdown, not an angry meltdown but just an utter collapse of hope in the overall abilities of society and mankind.

Seriously, if I get the wrong part in the mail, that will be it.  It will be a sign that we have turned a corner in the world, pride in work is dead, and I will retreat to a corner and rock back and forth in the fetal position until it is my time to go.

Also, I hear they don’t make blogs as good as they used to.  I wouldn’t know.  This blog is superior to all blogs.  You laugh, but you’ve never logged on here, found the wrong post, and had me be all like, “Oh sorry, I’ll send you the right post in 7-10 business days but it will probably still be the wrong post.”

By the way, did I mention that earlier this year, I got a new laptop?  It was great and still as laptops go it is fine, but occasionally it overheats to the point where it is hotter than the surface of the sun.  It got so hot that rubber pieces attached to it melted off.  After many tangos with customer service I finally decided that it only overheats once in awhile and a laptop that occasionally burns me that I can’t leave plugged in while I’m gone for fear it will burn down BQB HQ is, as the quality of most products go, a freaking win, because at least it is, more or less, operational, and somewhere there is a guy whose laptop grows a leg and kicks him in the balls who would love an occasionally hot laptop.

Do you have a customer service nightmare you’d like to share?  Discuss in the comments.

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