Category Archives: One a Day Post Challenge

Dec 26 2015
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One a Day Post Challenge

Sick Nerd

Boo!

Bookshelf Q. Battler here, 3.5 readers.

Got sick on Christmas, spent the day in bed. A little bit better today, but still woozy, unsure if I’ll get up or stay in bed awhile longer.

I blame the Yeti for this malfeasance. He probably poisoned me in an attempt to make me fail on the final stretch of the one post a day for a year challenge.

Damn it, Yeti.  Why are you the cause of all my problems?

Actually, I do have a complaint though. I got sick on Labor Day and then again on Christmas. Its like if I ever get a day off the Yeti conspires to make me not enjoy it.

 

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Sep 08 2015
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One a Day Post Challenge

Hello Nerds

I had such a lazy day yesterday.  Still can’t believe the odds of it.  Was looking forward to Labor Day and then I get sick.

Oh well.

In one day I watched:

GI Joe Retaliation – Oddly, it sucked less the second time.

Kingsman:  The Secret Service – it was great

Unfinished Business – Silly Vince Vaughn comedy thought it was better/more touching than I thought it would be.  All about the underdog starting his own company, worrying about keeping his family and his two employees happy, all the worries you have when you have people depending on you.

My posts have been definitely been lacking since September rolled around but I hope you’ll bare with me.  I’m putting a lot of time into 31 Zombie Authors.

That’s right.  31 days in October.  31 zombie authors will be interviewed.  In between the interviews, there will be a fun story about East Randomtown being invaded by zombies.

I, BQB, Video Game Rack Fighter, and Alien Jones band together to stop them.  Occasionally, we take a break and call zombie authors for help.

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Sep 07 2015
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One a Day Post Challenge

I Am One Sick Nerd

Boo.  I’ve come down with the flu on my day off from Beige Corp, the world’s premiere producer of beige products and accessories.

What horrible timing.

Oh well.  At least I was able to catch up on my movie watching.  I finally checked out The Kingsman.  Thoroughly enjoyed it.  Something fun and different.

Happy Labor Day nerds.

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Sep 03 2015
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One a Day Post Challenge

Waffles

The breakfast of champions.  Discuss.

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Aug 04 2015
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One a Day Post Challenge

State of the Bookshelf: The Home Stretch of the One Post a Day Challenge

Hello 3.5 readers,

Internationally known awesome person Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

I can claim to be “internationally known” because according to my WordPress stat map, this Antarctica resident is clicking the crap out of this blog:

God bless you, Mr. Tuxedo

God bless you, Mr. Tuxedo

As 3.5 of you might recall, I announced at the beginning of this year that I would be undertaking a one post a day for a year challenge.

Time flies when you’re overextending yourself because here we are, with less of this year ahead than behind, and I have yet to miss one day of posting despite repeated and insufferable Yeti attacks.

Stupid Yeti

Stupid Yeti

Has it been worth it?  The numbers don’t like.  My WordPress, Twitter, and Google Plus Followers are all up and, if you’ll indulge me with some shameless begging, anything you could do to keep those digits on the upswing would be appreciated.

So what’s next?

None of this is set in stone, but here’s where my mind is at the moment:

1)  Finish out the one post a day for a year challenge – I’ve come this far, I have to finish.  One post a day until the end of the year.  Then, no matter what happens next, I’ll at least be able to say I did that.  It does help.  The more you put yourself out there, the more interest occurs.

2)  Spread the Indie Karma – If you follow @bookshelfbattle on Twitter (another plug), you may have noticed that I’ve been on a “plug indie books/authors” kick lately.  That’s because I’ve been looking for indie books/authors, not to mention bloggers, that catch my eye and spreading the good will.  I’m hopeful that by putting positive vibes out into the universe, the universe will eventually return that positive energy to me tenfold.

3)  Keep Alien Jones Going – Heavy is the head that wears the burden of being an alien race’s chosen one.  I didn’t ask for this burden, but the Mighty Potentate has spoken and designated me as the writer whose fiction can keep the spread of reality television at bay.  The MP forsees that my books will draw so much interest that people will have zero interest in shows about makeovers and/or beautiful people acting like dummies (unless they do so in a fictional manner.)  To that end, the MP’s emissary, Alien Jones, will keep answering your questions.  All summer, he’s been on a hot streak, where a week has yet to go by without him having a question to answer.  He might not answer your question in the week it is asked, but I like to bank a few ahead to keep the streak going.  He’s helped 19 authors so far, and that’s so many more than I envisioned when I, as a blogger who claims to own a magic bookshelf, put it out there that I have an alien buddy taking your inquiries.  So please, keep the questions coming.

4)  Pop Culture Mysteries – That’s an even longer discussion.  Here goes:

  • A Second “Spin-Off” Blog –   Cheers begat Frasier.  Buffy begat Angel.  Bookshelf Battle begat Pop Culture Mysteries.  Is it wise to divide my attention between two blogs?  I’ve thought about that a lot.  I don’t know for sure.  If you run two or more blogs, give me some input.  Part of me thinks Bookshelf Battle and Pop Culture Mysteries should stick together to keep the hit rates high on one blog.  Another part is leaning toward Pop Culture Mysteries deserving its own home, a blog that with an ongoing story that will coincide with books featuring our resident Pop Culture Detective, Jake Hatcher.
  • Finish Writing Season One on Bookshelf Battle – I’m thinking Hatcher’s Case Files (where he investigates a Pop Culture Question and in doing so, often lets the readers in on information about his past and present lives (i.e. before and after the long nap) will be packaged into a season.  Each season will end with a book that I’ll put out on Amazon, if Mr. Bezos will have me.
  • Where Season One is Headed – Thus far, it’s mostly been about setting up the main characters.  I anticipate by the end of the season, we’ll learn that during World War II, Jake obtained, “something” that a nefarious ne’er-do-well wants, and so the first Jake Hatcher book will be about how he acquired that something (and more importantly, how Jake punched Adolf Hitler in the face to get it).
  • This Season Isn’t Set in Stone – What you’re reading on Bookshelf Battle is essentially Jake’s rough drafts.  The stories may very well change as Jake and I exchange notes through Ms. Donnelly, and as Jake remembers more info.  Once this season is in the can, the finished, polished posts will start appearing on the spin-off blog.  Once this season is finished, Jake and I move to the pressing business of getting his first novel out.

5)  Writer’s Waterfall – This isn’t meant as a brag, but while some people have writer’s block, I have writer’s waterfall.  I have so many ideas and so many half-written novels I don’t know where to begin.  Sometimes, you have to just pick something and go for it.  I have other ideas I want to work on, but I have limited time, so I can only work on one idea at a time.  Presently, it looks like Jake’s it.  His stories are creative, fun, and best of all, they have a structure that aids story telling.  Ms. Donnelly gave a brief outline of Jake’s entire life in Enter the Blonde, so the rest of the series is essentially one man remembering the details and filling in the blanks.  He’s telling his life story just like you might tell yours to someone listening.

Speaking of, thanks for listening, 3.5 readers.  Will I ever fulfill the Mighty Potentate’s faith in me?  I don’t know, but you 3.5 have at the very least provided me with an enjoyable way to spend my free time.

Have I laid out a good course of action for the road ahead, 3.5?  Provide me with your copious input, both good, bad, and indifferent.

Sincerely,

Bookshelf Q. Battler

Blogger-in-Chief

Bookshelf Battle Blog

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Jul 03 2015
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One a Day Post Challenge

One Post a Day for a Year Challenge – The Point of No Return

Happy Friday, 3.5 Readers.1371251154-2

This year sure has flown by.

For those just tuning in, I’m knee deep in a one post a day for a year challenge.

As promised at the beginning, angry yetis, ninjas, chupacabras, robots, highlanders, or any other distractions will not stop this nerd from his appointed rounds.

It’s been a real hustle, but so far it’s been worth it:

TWITTER: 2000 at end of last year to 5,000 as of yesterday.  (Up 3,000)

WORDPRESS FOLLOWERS: Around 400 at end of last year to over 1,200 as of today.  (Up 800)

By the end of the year, I’d love to get my Twitter follows up to 10K and WordPress follows up to 2K.  Any help you can provide with that would be awesome.  Do you have a favorite Bookshelf Battle Blog post?  Please consider sharing a link on your blog or favorite social media platform.

The Road Ahead

So many people suffer from writer’s block that I hate to say this, but I suffer from something else:

Writer’s Idea Surge

I have too many ideas and barely enough time to scratch the surface of them all.  I want to write a book based on every idea I have and I want to have done it yesterday but alas, life gets in the way.

I’d like to pull a Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park.  Life should uh…find a way, in my case.

I’ve given Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life short shrift lately, putting more of my energy into Pop Culture Mysteries.  

I go where the feedback goes and the numbers show people have been peaking at Jake’s adventures more than BQB’s.

I love them both and I need to finish my BQB story.  After all, when that yarn is spun, it will set out the whole point of this blog, that namely, it’s the online presence of a nerdy storyteller with a magic bookshelf.  His awesomeness attracts an assortment of characters (an angry yeti, a know it all alien, a mad scientist and yes, even a 1950’s detective) who want to tell their tales on his blog.

But I also have to help Jake edit and post his case files.  I think his stories have the potential to get the BQB brand into the self published novel business.

I’m going to let Jake run wild in July then tell him to take a chill pill in August so I can finish the epic story of how I discovered the meaning of life with my newfound main squeeze Victoria Gloria (aka Video Game Rack Fighter).

Believe it or not but BQB and the Meaning of Life needs to conclude because there is some crossover with Pop Culture Mysteries.

In PCM, I (BQB) am sort of the Charlie who commands the angels without ever being seen.  (Don’t tell Jake I called him an angel).

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but if all goes to plan, I’d like to work on my “crowdsourcing a novel” idea this fall.

Jake’s ready to share his experiences from one of his most notorious cases, the hunt for the infamous serial killer known as Mr. Devil Man.

I’ll post Jake’s excerpts, you fine 3.5 readers can tell me what works and what doesn’t and ultimately, advise me on whether or not this would be worth packaging into a novel to be sold on Amazon.

(As a 1950’s guy, Jake doesn’t understand that self publishing = profit so uh, you know, don’t tell him that either.  Alien Jones and I are planning to use the book proceeds to go to Vegas).

Right now I’m in the “if you build it, they will come” phase.  I’m averaging around 50 readers a day (a far cry from 3.5).  That inspires me to keep going but at the same time, I know I need to keep increasing that figure in order to make the pace I’m working at sustainable into the future.

As always, thanks for reading 3.5.  You are the glue that holds this whole shebang together.

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Apr 22 2015
6 Comments
One a Day Post Challenge

Where Are My Readers From? (Views by Country)

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

My readers – they stoke the fires of the Bookshelf Battle Blog Machine, fueling the furnace of this humble blogger and inspiring me to be steadfast in delivering the latest news about books, movies, aliens, yes, and of course, my magic bookshelf.

Where are you all from?  Let’s take a look-see:

NOTE:  All figures below are for 2015 today)

#1 – USA – Coming in first place – The Americans!  From sea to shining sea, the Yanks are dominating the Bookshelf Battle scene with a whopping 6,262 views.  That’s almost as many times as I caught The Yeti using his Commodore 64 to checkout those Kim Kardashian photos.

#2 – United Kingdom – God Save The Queen!  The Brits come in second place, but at a mere 682.  Was it something we said, Brits?  Are you guys still feeling some sour grapes over that whole revolution thing?  Hell, if it’s any consolation we pay more taxes now than King Edward ever levied on us.  Hoisted on our own petard if you ask me.  Tax the crap out of our tea for all I care.  This blogger’s drink of choice is Diet Shasta Orange anyway.

Please don’t tax my Diet Shasta Orange.  I don’t want to throw all my orange soda into the harbor.  The fish will get gassy.

#3 – Canada – Oh Canada, our home and native land, true patriot love and something something something!  (Look, just be impressed that I knew that much.  We’re still trying to convince 75% percent of the population down here that you guys actually exist and aren’t just a bunch of magical wood sprites living in a fabled frozen land.)

The Canucks have viewed my site 335 times.  Frankly, I blame myself.  I need to do more to capture the Canadian market.  That’s why I’m diligently working on the following reviews of prominent Canadian Films:

  • Dude, Where’s My Moose?
  • The Maplenator
  • Hockey Man
  • Hockey Man 2 – High Stickin’
  • The Fast and The Polite

#4 – Australia – G’day Mates – The Aussies have viewed this site 249 times.  I was impressed until I realized they were all from this guy:

Koala

He’s been e-mailing non-stop, begging me to review his self-published book, Eucalyptus Leaves Are Delicious!

FURTHER ANALYSIS

It comes as no surprise that my four top countries for views are English speaking lands.  I welcome all viewers, but obviously, I’m limited in that I only speak English, Klingon, and Dothraki.

(New Zealand, I was a little disappointed with you guys – 81 views?  Seriously?  What, you guys are too busy watching all those Hobbit movies get filmed?  Get on the ball, NZ.

Of course, I welcome viewers from all across the globe.  Therefore, I’m working with Google Translate to reach out to viewers in Non-English speaking countries.

For example, the Germans viewed my site 101 times (20 more times than you, New Zealand, not that I’m trying to make you feel guilty or anything.

So allow me to translate some commonly used Bookshelf Battle speak for the Germans’ enjoyment.

ENGLISH:  Stupid Yeti!  Get in the basement!  You know you are only allowed to come upstairs on Thursday nights to watch Scandal!  Away with you!

GERMAN TRANSLATION: Dumme Yeti ! Holen Sie sich im Keller ! Sie wissen, Sie dürfen nur im Obergeschoss am Donnerstagabend gekommen, um Skandal zu sehen! Weg mit dir !

Wow.  That gave me chills.  Thanks Google Translate.  And let that be a lesson to you, Herr Yeti.

What about France?  Our French friends visited this site 49 times this year alone.

ENGLISH:  Alien Jones takes your questions and plugs your blogs!  Yes yes, I love croissants!

FRENCH TRANSLATION:  Alien Jones prend vos questions et fiches vos blogs ! Oui oui, je adore les croissants !

I adore the croissants too, Frenchies.  I really do.

Finally, the Japanese have viewed this site 17 times this year alone.

ENGLISH: The series finale of Dexter was awful! I can’t believe the protagonist became a lumberjack!

JAPANESE TRANSLATION: Dekusutā no shirīzu no fināre wa hidokatta! Watashi wa, shujinkō wa kikori ni natta nante shinjirarenai!

Oh wait.  Before that I should have issued a:

ENGLISH:  SPOILER ALERT!!!

JAPANESE TRANSLATION:  Supoirā keikoku!!!

Sorry about that, Japanese folk.

Thank you citizens of the world for taking in the greatness that is the Bookshelf Battle Blog, brought to you by Blogger-in-Chief Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Also, please allow me to apologize in advance if those translations were incorrect.  In no way did I intend to insult a) your honor b) your beliefs c) your culture or d) your lovely, lovely mothers.

As they say in Portuguese, the official language of Brazil, where my blog was viewed 141 times (still way more than you, New Zealand, just saying):

ENGLISH:  Join us tomorrow on Bookshelf Battle, where nothing can stop the one post a day challenge!

PORTUGUESE TRANSLATION: Junte-se a nós amanhã em Bookshelf Battle, onde nada pode parar a deixar um desafio do dia !

Koala graphic courtesy of a Creative Commons license via Flickr user Marc Dalmulder

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Apr 01 2015
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One a Day Post Challenge

April Fool’s

No one really believed I was quitting, did they?

Nothing can stop the one post a day challenge.

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Apr 01 2015
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One a Day Post Challenge

I Quit

I, Bookshelf Q. Battler, Proprietor of a Book Blog That Has Only Reviewed 4 Books in a Year, Ninja Karate Master of the Drunk Monkey and Regal Swan Attack Patterns, Former King of Madagascar for Three Days (It’s a Long Story, Don’t Ask), Stealth Fighter Test Pilot, Indy Race Car Driver and All Around Bad Ass to End All Bad Asses…

Do hereby officially declare that I quit the one post a day challenge.  It was a stupid idea and has left me open to a daily barrage of Highlander attacks, zombie sighting and or potential bitings, Narwhals (Did you know there are living, breathing unicorn whales?  Look that shit up, son!), and Yeti roundhouse kickings.

Worse, various ne’er-do-wells who will stop at nothing, NOTHING I SAY to prevent me from spreading my awesomeness to the world have literally, every hour on the hour, locked me in a safe and tossed me into the ocean from a helicopter, leaving me no choice but to make a Houdini style break for it no less than 24 times a day.  I don’t want to be a whiner, but that is some tiresome nonsense right there.

I’ve been transported to the Planet of the Apes, shout out of a catapult, sent back in time, sent forward in time just to wait long enough for the technology to travel back in time to be created, and I have been assaulted by so many Cthululus (Cthululi) that I have grown immune to their hideous squiddy faces.

Seriously, this is what I wake up to every morning:

BQB:  Uggghh.  It’s morning.  I’m Bookshelf Q. Battler.  I’m tired as crap.  I better get get some pants out of the closet and….

CTHULU:  OOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!  STOP BLOGGING!  OOGA!

BQB:  ARGH!  A CTHULU!   :::CTHULU PUNCH!:::

Seriously, Forces of Evil Who Demand I Stop Spreading Literacy, Fun, and Good Times to the Masses.  You’ve really outdone yourselves.  Goblins in my sock drawer.  Socks in my goblin drawer.  Gremlins who wait until I fall asleep and then proceed to sing “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina!” at the top of their creepy little lungs.  I haven’t slept since Dec. 31, 2014.  Damn you, show tune singing gremlins!

This is no way for the man who trained Chuck Norris, Steven Segal, and Jean Claude Van-Damme to be treated.  I am a blogger with skills that have allowed me to amass 3.5 readers.  I should not have to Vulcan neck pinch a werewolf every time I want to get a donut from my kitchen.  Honest to God, 16 Werewolf neck pinches a day are too much.

But do you want to know the real coup de grace?  The real straw that broke the camel’s back?  The real bee in my bonnet?  The real unidentified substance in my cornflakes?

This evening, around 6:48 pm, I went to the fridge to fetch my strawberry granola cinnamon yogurt parfait only to discover that the YETI ATE MY STRAWBERRY GRANOLA CINNAMON YOGURT PARFAIT!

OFFICIAL REENACTMENT

BQB:  Yeti?  Did you eat my strawberry granola cinnamon yogurt parfait!

YETI:  YES!  AND IT WAS DELICIOUS!

BQB:  YETI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Picture Kirk screaming “KHAN!” at the top of his lungs, but with the sonic aftershocks of armageddon thunder from the bowels of Hell.  That is how loud I screamed “YETI!” when I discovered that my perpetual captor turned loser houseguest, the Yeti, ate my strawberry granola cinnamon yogurt parfait.

If you were clear across the world, in say, China and you heard the word “YETI!” being yelled, that was me.

BQB’s 3 RULES OF LIFE

1.  Never steal another man’s woman.

2.  Never challenge a Yeti to a best 2 out of 3 roundhouse kick competition.

3.  Never touch another man’s strawberry granola cinnamon yogurt parfait.  I don’t know why I need to explain that shit to people when it it literally written in the bible on page 7.  Go check your bible.  I’ll wait.

So guess what, Evil?  I quit.  I give up.  I’m calling it kaput.  You can cease and desist your plans to drop man eating piranhas (piranha?) in my underpants drawer, as if I’m too incompetent to not notice man eating piranhas in my underpants more than 3 times in my life.  Seriously, give me some credit.

Stop sending wave after wave of assassins after me.  Sure, the fight is exhilarating but when I defeat them with my pinky finger while cooking my breakfast waffle with my free hand, I end up feeling guilty and sad for the assassins.  I’m just too nice for my own good.

Also, that asteroid you sent to destroy Earth just so you could take me out?  Yes, I did stop it and send it back into space by staring at it in a stern, disapproving manner.  What’s that Earth?  You didn’t hear anything about Earth being destroyed by a damn asteroid?

Uh…yeah.  You’re welcome

I’m out of the game, off the clock, out to lunch, and off in left field.  I turn in my blogging papers and give up.  I will blog no more.  So please stop all the madness, Forces of Evil.  You win.  The one post a day challenge is over.  The world will no longer experience a daily dose of my awesomeness, and you evil creatures get what you want.

Good for you.  I hope you’re happy.

3.5 readers (2.5 excluding Aunt Gertie), I thank you for taking this ride with me.  I pray you are not disappointed in my decision to quit, but I tell you, there are only so many damn Yetis, sasquatches, assassins, Cthulus, narwhals, bears, and Broadway musical performing gremlins that I can stand.

Lesser men than I would have quit long ago.  That I have withstood 3 months of this garbage proves my rugged machismo to the masses.

Speaking of, now that this insane challenge is done, I can now give in to the thrice an hour calls from Katee Sackhoff and Katy Perry, who demand I quit blogging, not because they want to rob the world of my awesomeness, but rather, to have it all to themselves.

I look forward to many days of helping Katee with two ee’s (Katy 1) find new and adventurous sci-fi babes to play.  I also can’t wait to write some songs for Katy with a y (Katy 2).

Here’s a littly diddy I cooked up based on her past songs:

La dee la de la…I like to dance.

La de la de la…I like romance.

Dum dee do dee da…candy and smiles.

Dum dee dum dee dum…sing for awhile.

DROPS MIC.  IM OUTTIE 5000, SUCKA MC’S!  PEACE!  YA HEARD?

BQB LEGAL DISCLAIMER:  BQB HAS NEVER BEEN CALLED OR CONTACTED BY EITHER KATEE OR KATY.  IN FACT, WE HERE AT THE BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER LEGAL DEPARTMENT ARE FAIRLY CERTAIN SAID LADIES WOULD FIND BQB TO BE A HIDEOUS MUTANT.  GOOD DAY, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA.

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Mar 23 2015
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One a Day Post Challenge

A List of Breakfast Foods

Because I am feeling uninspired today…

1) waffles

2) cereal

3) pancakes

4) donuts

5) French toast

6) toast

7) eggs

8) bacon

9) sausage

10) home fries

In conclusion, I hate Yetis.

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