Tag Archives: Comedy

Barely Political – Key of Awesome – The Anti List – Must Read Books for the Summer

I love the Key of Awesome. If you’ve yet to see it, it’s a hilarious youtube channel where the people over at barely political (which also has a youtube channel) produce some funny song parodies. They also do something called “The Anti List” where, well, they basically make funny lists. They just made one lampooning a bunch of bestselling books turned movies/tv. Check it out. While you’re at it, look for their video”Booty Jam” on youtube as that is, in my opinion, their funniest music parody video. Please support these guys, check them out on youtube, follow their channels, etc. They’re always hilarious and it’s great to see such funny independent comedy.

Here’s the Anti List on Books:

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Better Call Saul, Breaking Bad

Yo Mr. White! This post has SPOILERS, bitch!!!

First thing to understand about showbiz people is that they are, in fact, businessmen (and women).

Imagine you open a yogurt store. For the first year or two, you suffer as you try to get it off the ground. Your yogurt stinks for awhile until you find the perfect recipe. Your workers stink until you find the right employees. Your location stinks until you find the right place. Eventually, you turn a profit and become successful. You want to reinvest your profits. What do you do? Do you start a banana stand? Open a pizza shop? A drycleaner store?

No, you go with what has worked for you – you open another yogurt stand.

And that’s why you see Fast and Furious 7, Transformers 4, Spiderman Reboot, Star Wars 7 and so on. Movies and TV shows cost money and the showbiz types want to put their money in tried and true products. That’s why somewhere in the world a fabulous heart wrenching movie script is lying in a drawer somewhere, never to be produced while 95 Jump Street will be out before you know it.

Better Call Saul is an upcoming spin off of the mega-hit show Breaking Bad, starring Walter White’s hilariously sleazy lawyer Saul Goodman, played Bob Odenkirk. On Breaking Bad, Saul provided much needed comic relief to an otherwise serious show, but can he carry a whole series on his own? I have my doubts, but then again, I don’t have any doubts about the people behind Breaking Bad so if they’re behind this, then I will be too.

The latest news is that the character of Walter White will appear on the show – that the show will take place before, during, and after Breaking Bad. I am worried that if the show tanks, it might devalue the whole Breaking Bad brand. Breaking Bad is a masterpiece – you don’t make a Mona Lisa Part II.

I suppose this is one of those things where we’ll just have to wait and see.

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On Writing – Or “I Wish These Were My First Words”

A few posts ago, I went on a tangent – asking why do I bother to work so hard on my writing when America is easily satisfied by a song that goes, and I quote, “You know what to do with that big fat butt! Wiggle wiggle!”

Well, I suppose this next song is not as bad, but J. Lo’s “First Love” also makes me wonder if music writers are trying as hard as they could be.

Check out these lyrics:

I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second, third or fourth love
Woah oh oh oh
I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second, third or fourth love
First Love, Jennifer Lopez

So, what was left on the cutting room floor? How about:

I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second third or fourth love
Furthermore a fifth love would have been unlikely!
A sixth love would have been improbable!
A seventh, eighth, or ninth love would have been out of the question
And a tenth love would have been right out!
Don’t even get me started on the eleventh love
Yes, I can certainly count!

Yes, I even imagined how the sales pitch for this song went:

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: OK J Lo, pitch us your new song.

J LO: Ok, so this song, is essentially about time travel.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Whoa.

J LO: I’m singing to a guy who is currently my love.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Uh huh

J LO: And I’m explaining to him that had I met him first, I would not have dated three previous men.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: So, wait, what are you saying?

J LO: That if things happen differently then other things also happen differently

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Oh my God. Mind totally blown.

Seriously, all she does is count her loves. That’s it. All she does. I half-expect the Count from Sesame Street to come in on back up vocals. “One! One love! Ah ah ah!”

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Previously on Bookshelf Battle… (June 2014 Wrap-Up)

In case you missed any of the booktastic goodness, here’s a rundown of what was produced from the Bookshelf Battle Command Center in June:

GAME OF THRONES

Obligatory Spoiler Warning

As the Red Woman might say, Sunday nights in June were dark and full of terrors. Literally. It was quite terrifying to see some of my favorite GoT characters kick the bucket. It’s a good thing that I didn’t bet on the fight between The Red Viper and The Mountain because I chose Oberyn and would have lost a lot of money, in addition to the lunch I lost when the Mountain took advantage of the Viper’s showboating. Don’t gloat, people. No one likes a sore winner…loser? Whatever.

My predictions for Tyrion’s future weren’t all that on point either, meaning when it comes to plotting strategy, I’m about as good as Cersei. (That’s not very good!)

While some lamented that the episode did nothing to move the story along, I for one enjoyed the Attack on Castle Black as it was amazing to me to see Summer Blockbuster special effects on a television show.

On the Season 4 Finale of Game of Thrones Brienne and the Hound went head to head on Westeros’ Ultimate Fighting Championships, Arya cashed in her coin for a trip to Bravos, no one expected the Stannis Inquisition, and Tywin had the Worst Father’s Day ever, although he did achieve his wish of ending up on…a throne. That joke never gets old.

BOOK REVIEWS

A Light Between Oceans - being guarded by Robocop

A Light Between Oceans – being guarded by Robocop

Oh right – this is a book review blog. Australian Author M.L. Stedman managed to crack my manly exterior and allow a tear or two to shake loose with her riveting yet heartbreaking page turner The Light Between Oceans. After a boat containing a dead man and a live baby washes up on their tiny island, a lighthouse keeping couple decides to toss the dead man in a ditch and raise the baby as their own. I applauded the author for her ability to display the mental gymnastics that people put themselves through in order to convince themselves what they are doing is right when in fact, it is very wrong. I feel like we can all agree that the moral of the story is – don’t trust your kids around lighthouse keepers. Or Australians.

Master Chief - standing guard over Redshirts

Master Chief – standing guard over Redshirts

After Stedman made me cry (it’s ok, it happens to the best of us now and then), I was ready to laugh so I cracked open Redshirts by Sci-Fi author John Scalzi. This Star Trek parody delivered laughs at warp speed. A group of new Redshirts – aka the intergalactic lackies who do the grunt work for a space ship’s main officers, quickly learn that their reason for existence is to take the beatings, lazer blasts, monster attacks, and other abuse so that the officers can remain unscathed.

VARIOUS AND SUNDRY RAMBLINGS

To round out the month,I asked why the heck are those vampires so popular? Seemed like a good discussion topic since this is the final season of the HBO series True Blood. The series is based on the Southern Vampire Mysteries Series by Charlaine Harris, and my post provides a reading list of her novels in order, in case anyone is interested in reading the books that formed the basis for the Sookie-Bill-Eric love triangle. Actually, if you add Alcide, it would be a quadrangle. Wait a minute! A quadrangle? Isn’t that just a square? OK so they form a love square.

I urged readers to donate to Levar Burton/Geordi LaForge’s Kickstarter campaign to bring back Reading Rainbow. Please donate. He needs your support. Much has been said about his success as Reading Rainbow host, but people always forget that he was one of the finest engineers to ever serve Star Fleet. He rarely gave Capt. Picard any guff about fixing the star ship engines. He ran circles around Scotty. Capt. Kirk would always be like, “Scotty, we need warp speed in thirty seconds or the Klingons will kill us” and Scotty would be all like, “Damn’ it Cap’n the best I can do is get the wharp drive half-fixed by next Thursday!” Geordi, on the other hand, now there was a dude that got stuff done – even though he was blind! Well, he did have that special visor.

By the way, if you haven’t heard yet, Seth MacFarlane of Family Guy fame has pledged to match donations up to a million, so please get crack-a-lackin’ with the donations to this good cause. And as one of the three people who both saw AND enjoyed MacFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the Old West, I’d like to thank him.

Transformers 4 arrived at the box office Friday and I speculated as to whether Mark Wahlberg will reprise some of his past roles in this new blockbuster in a parody trailer script.

Last but not least, after hearing the song, “Wiggle Wiggle” for the millionth time on the radio, and being left unsure whether to be disturbed because they keep playing it, or relieved because they’re finally switching it up a little bit and playing a song other than “Let it Go” or “Because I’m Happy,” I asked the question as to why I bother slaving over my writing when America is easily pleased by lyrics about butts. You know what to do with those big fat words!

STUFF I NEVER GOT AROUND TO

With so many books engaged in fisticuffs over a coveted spot on my bookshelf, there where two things I forgot to mention:

  • 24-Live Another Day – I’m glad this show is back on the air. It’s nice to see William Devane has found something better to do than those damn daytime “Buy Gold” commercials. He’s really been stealing the show this season. Great to see Michelle Fairley back on TV as well.
  • No Lady Stoneheart – (Obligatory Spoiler Warning) – Actually, do I need to give a spoiler warning? Lady Stoneheart, a character from the Game of Thrones books, will not be in the Game of Thrones series. So, I guess if you never read the books and only watched the series, then this is not a spoiler for you since you were never going to see her on the show anyway. You can’t spoil something that won’t happen. Because if a tree was going to fall in the forest, but then it doesn’t, it doesn’t spoil. Alright, I’m going cross-eyed thinking about this. Anyway, there’s been a lot of chatter about this controversy. I do understand that TV shows can’t remain true to every little last detail in the book. Sometimes I’ll hear someone say something like, “This show stinks because on page 302 of chapter 40 book three Tyrion had on a pair of green shoes but on the show he wears blue shoes!” and I just want to yell, “Shut up, Nerd!” But I get why this makes people upset. I never read the books, but this seems like a big plot point to gloss over. A Zombie Catelyn running around Westeros exacting copious amounts of revenge? How does that not make for great television?

That does it for this month on http://www.bookshelfbattle.com – where the book reviews are always awesome, and yet, the book reviewer somehow manages to stay humble about it.

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Book Review – Redshirts

BASIC BOOKTOMETRICS

TITLE: Redshirts

AUTHOR: John Scalzi

PUBLISHER: Tom Doherty Associates

YEAR PUBLISHED: 2012

FORMAT REVIEWED: Hardcover

GENRE: Sci-Fi; Comedy

NUMBER OF PAGES: 317

Beam me up, Bookshelf Battlers.

On the old Star Trek TV show, there was no worse fate than being – a redshirt. You see, back in the 1960’s, the writers wanted to add a dose of realism, or at least as much realism as possible to a show about a massive Star Ship exploring the universe and getting into altercations with a different alien species every week. When engaged in constant battle with alien marauders, it is a very real possibility that some crew members aboard a “real” Starship would kick the bucket. Sorry, but you can’t go up against that many alien bad guys without someone buying the intergalactic farm.

The problem? Certainly the main characters – Capt. Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, Scotty, Lt. Uhura etc. could not be the ones to cosmically croak because then there would not be a show anymore. Obviously, George RR Martin wasn’t a consultant for this show.

Sorry, I didn't have any Star Trek toys.  Yes, as a grown man I think that's a perfectly normal thing to say.  Here's the Master Chief instead.  Yes nerds, I understand that one space character is not the same as another.  Take a chill pill.

Sorry, I didn’t have any Star Trek toys. Yes, as a grown man I think that’s a perfectly normal thing to say. Here’s the Master Chief instead. Yes nerds, I understand that one space character is not the same as another. Take a chill pill.

The solution to this conundrum? Enter the redshirts – the extras, the grunts aboard the Starship Enterprise who did the busy work – fetch the Captain’s coffee, stand at a cheesy 1960’s hunk of cardboard with Christmas lights on it attempting to pass as a computer and punch buttons in the background, etc. The writers used these space traveling lackeys as fodder to take the beatings, leaving the fan favorite heroes unscathed.

Watch an old episode of Star Trek. If there’s an away team being beamed down to a planet consisting of Capt. Kirk, Mr. Spock, Bones, and Fred the Extraneous Redshirt from the Enterprise Payroll Department being introduced to the audience for the first time, chances are that Fred would be the one chomped on by a monster, tossed into a volcano, blasted by a lazer, and so on.

In Redshirts, author John Scalzi hilariously lampoons the undesirable plight of the redshirt. Set in a Star Trek-esque universe of Scalzi’s creation, the book follows a group of freshly minted redshirts as they begin service aboard the Universal Union’s flagship, The Intrepid. The newbies quickly discover that strange shenanigans are afoot – namely, that there is a statistically and ridiculously high chance of a low ranking crew member being killed on an away mission, whereas senior officers appear to have almost absurd levels of luck as they avoid death even after being thrust into one dangerous situation after another.

I don’t want to spoil the ending or the various twists and turns but needlessly to say, this is the first book I’ve read in awhile that had me laughing and reading at the same time.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy

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