Tag Archives: entertainment

The Writer’s Battle – Are Readers In Control?

Happy Sunday, 3.5 readers.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

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I just read this CNN article in which George Lucas says he’s “done with Star Wars.”

“You go to make a movie and all you do is get criticized,” Lucas told Vanity Fair. “People try to make decisions about what you’re going to do before you do it. It’s not much fun. You can’t experiment. You have to do it a certain way.” – CNN

ON THE ONE HAND – I see his point.  The great part of the Internet is that nerdy fans can comment and discuss their favorite movies, TV shows, books etc.

The downside is that its a great environment to make a lot of back seat drivers.  “No!  Those two characters can’t fall in love and WHAT?!  You’re going to kill off so and so and WHAT that guy changed his mind and he’s no longer a bad guy now?!”

Hollywood listens to all this mumbo jumbo.  Sometimes that turns out well when the fans know what they are talking about.  Other times it falls flat when a director or actor or someone puts the kibosh on an idea that’s a little out there, beyond the norm, that would have paid off big time but they didn’t want to draw the fans’ ire.

Probably the most recent example I can think of is the latest Avengers movie in which Black Widow kicked ass all throughout the film and fans were like “Joss Whedon’s anti-woman!  He didn’t give her enough to do!”  Boo.  Bad nerds.

ON THE OTHER HAND – The CNN article linked to above went on to say:

“The issue was ultimately, they looked at the stories, and they said, ‘We want to make something for the fans,’ ” Lucas said, presumably referring to Disney, which purchased Lucasfilm — including the “Star Wars” franchise — in 2012. “People don’t actually realize it’s actually a soap opera, and it’s all about family problems; it’s not about spaceships. So they decided they didn’t want to use those stories. They decided they were going to do their own thing, so I decided, ‘fine. … I’ll go my way, and I let them go their way.’ ” – CNN

Pbbbhhht.  Well, true – Star Wars does have a lot to do with that damn dysfunctional Skywalker family…BUT, did we really need that Sound of Music-ish scene in Attack of the Clones where Anakin and Queen Amidala prance around in love in the field?  No.  More lightsabers and space ships please.

Revenge of the Sith was pretty solid, and when I was younger, I enjoyed The Phantom Menace and Clones mostly because I was just happy to see Jedis back on the screen.

But let’s be honest, those films were more about loading up on as many quirky, merchandisable characters as possible just to sell kids toys.

There’s nothing wrong with that.  Bills need to be paid and that’s what these new films will do as well BUT I have a hunch that it will be done in a way that fans will be like “that was badass!” and “wow what a badass toy!”

The nerdy adults will be anyway.  If your kids are yelling “badass!” they probably need a time out.

I get Lucas’ frustration though.  It must suck to create this wonderful universe, bring it to the big screen, become the modern day father of science fiction and then be told by your fans that you, the creator of your own universe, are doing a bad job of running your universe.

That’s probably how Darth Vader felt when those pesky rebels started calling for rebellion.

SIDENOTE:  One other example of fans taking over that I’ve seen lately comes from The Walking Dead.

SPOILER ALERT – REPEAT: SPOILER ALERT 

Did you notice there’s a spoiler alert in effect?  OK don’t say you weren’t warned.

Glenn may or may not be dead.  The writers of the show have made it look like he totally is, but also left it open to a possible interpretation that he might not be.

Fans have been up in arms on social media, complaining that they have to wait to find out, how dare the writers toy with their emotions like this and so on.

I’m going to channel my inner Uncle Hardass and say, “get a job, hippies!”  Hell, I love that show as much as the next guy.  I’ve invested a lot of time into it.  But when it appeared that Glenn died my reaction was “Awww, that’s too bad…*pause for 5 seconds* OK I better brush my teeth and get ready for bed.”

Seriously, who has time to worry about the fate of a fictional character?  JOBLESS HIPPIES WHO NEED A JOB AT THE SALT MINES, THAT’S WHO!!!

Wow.  I’m becoming an Uncle H. clone

What say you, 3.5 readers?  Who calls the shots, readers or writers?

Personally, it’d be a great problem to have.  I only have 3.5 readers and none of them have started calling the shots yet.

I suppose when I reach the point where people are like “We want more Yeti!” or “Alien Jones is like a hairless ALF, you hack!” then I’ll know I’ve made it.

Get bossier, 3.5 readers.  Actually, please don’t.

 

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Pop Culture Mysteries – Case File #TBA – Kill ‘Em Again (Part 4)

October 25, 4:45 A.Mshutterstock_224428027

“No!”  I shouted.  “No don’t do it!  Running upstairs is a rookie mistake!  There’s nowhere for you to go now, girly!”

“She’s a ditz,”  Agnes replied.  “All boobs and no brains.”

“My kind of dame,”  I said.

“Ugh,”  Agnes said.  “Really?”

“Just ask my first wife,”  I said. “Her brassiere had its own Congressman.”

Together, on opposite sides of a phone line, we watched as a beautiful buxom babe bought the farm at the edge of a maniac’s butcher knife.

“This fella has issues,”  I said.  “Where are all the coppers?  Someone needs to run this palooka in on any number of charges.  Breaking and entering.  Assault.  Battery.  Attempted murder.  Actual murder.  And I’m not sure what specific crime it is to wear your victim’s entrails as a hat but it’s got to be against some kind of law somewhere.”

Only one survivor left.  He hid off to one side of an open doorway, only to bash the murderer’s face in with a shovel as he walked into the room.

“Ahh,”  the hero said.  “Time to celebrate!  I’ll have a glass of champagne, maybe a nice snack, take a nap…”

“No!”  Agnes shouted.  “Kill him again!”

“I’d of pounded this cat’s face into hamburger and set him on fire by now,”  I said.  “No.  Come to think of it, I’d of just fed him to good ole reliable Betsy.”

“Betsy?”  Agnes asked.  “A girlfriend?”

“No.  A gun I keep under my coat at all times.”

Silence for a moment from Agnes’ end.

“You need help, Jake,”  she said.

The hero’s back patting session was cut short, literally, when the psychopath cut him in half.  What a gruesome sight.  Worse than some of the depravity I saw in World War II.

“Which movie do you want to watch, next?”  Agnes asked.

“Ahh,”  I said.  “Sorry Aggie old gal but I have to make like Fred Astaire and shuffle off.  I’ve got a report to file.”

“OK,”  Agnes said.  “I think Herb’s finally going to sleep for awhile anyway so I’d better join him.”

“Herb’s one lucky fella,”  I said.  “If I were over seventy, wretchedly ravaged by age and with no other options, your door would be the first one I’d knock on, Ag.”

“It’s…it’s too late to explain to you why that’s rude.  Thanks.  This helped me get my mind off of my problems.  You know, it’s just so hard sometimes, to be a caregiver for an ill loved one.  I try to do my best but it’s so difficult to…”

“Yeah, yeah,”  I said.  “Sorry Aggie, but I’m a dick, not a shrink.  Sayonara.”

I hanged up a phone.  It was time to give Battler the goods.

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#31ZombieAuthors – Day 22 Interview – Ryan Casey – Zombies and TV Style Serialization

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FIND THIS ZOMBIE AUTHOR ON:

Amazon          Website        Twitter

By: Special Guest Interviewer, Alien Jones

Attention all humans. Today’s guest is Ryan Casey, author of the critically acclaimed zombie apocalypse series, Dead Days. Zombie fans will also enjoy Infection Z and mystery buffs should check out the Brian McDone Mysteries series.

Known for tales filled with dark, page-turning suspense, complex characters and knockout twists, Casey has a BA in English with Creative Writing from the University of Birmingham. A resident of the United Kingdom, he enjoys American serial television and wastes too much time playing football manager games.

Thanks for taking my call, Ryan. I hope you don’t mind being interviewed by an alien. BQB was kind of a wuss about touching a phone covered in intergalactic goo. Go figure.

NOTE: BOLD=Alien Jones; ITALICS=Ryan

Q. Let’s get the important stuff out of the way. Are we talking American football as in the NFL or the game Americans call soccer but the rest of the world calls football?

A. Oh, soccer. Absolutely soccer. I’m a massive sports fan all round though and NFL’s profile is definitely growing in the UK, much like soccer in the US. Football Manager games are the height of addiction, mind. If you want to offer up a portion of your productivity to the gods of procrastination, go ahead and pick up a copy. You’ll absolutely regret it.

510gVdAGSWL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_Q. Dead Days is the story of a group of survivors in a UK based zombie apocalypse. The description of Season Two of Dead Days states, “the only survivors were those willing to sink to the most brutal depths of humanity in order to further their own existence.”

So I just have to ask, if only the most depraved are able to survive an apocalypse, should we be concerned that a-holes are destined to inherit the Earth?

If I’m being cynical, I’d say yes, that’s a very big concern. Nice guys really do finish last a lot of the time, as I’ve unfortunately discovered through experience on way too many occasions. So if you want to survive an apocalypse, get practicing being a depraved arsehole — fast!

In all seriousness though, I don’t think it’d quite play out like that. I think humanity would struggle, naturally, especially if communications and luxuries of a material world suddenly become irrelevant. I like to think there’d be a lot of room for good, positive movements, too. They just don’t make for quite as good reading.

Q. Piggybacking on that last question, when a zombie apocalypse requires survivors to “sink to the most brutal depths of humanity,” is there anyone left for the reader to root for?

Yes! Absolutely. I love these characters and apparently so too do readers. I think what makes them so relatable — or more specifically, empathetic — is that they all go through shit. They all make bad choices. They all do things in the heat of the moment that stay with them, haunt them.

But the difference between the heroes and the villains of Dead Days? The heroes overcome their demons. They face up to their sins, take responsibility. The villains succumb to their problems. Which, unfortunately, often makes them even more dangerous.

Q.  A lot of people want to write but not as many study writing formally. You studied Creative Writing at the University of Birmingham. Did you find that experience helpful and would you recommend Creative Writing as a major to other aspiring writers?

I found it a helpful experience. There were some good teachers and some fantastic fellow students, for example Stuart Meczes, author of the brilliant HASEA urban fantasy novels. But I’d say it’s all just a part of the wider learning program of being a writer. The learning doesn’t stop when we leave university. The learning continues, constantly.

I believe the only way to keep writing fresh is to consistently push myself. I want the novel I’m working on to be the best novel I’ve ever written… and for the next novel to be even better. I write a lot, but I throw away even more. Seriously, you do not want to see my unfinished novels folder.

Q. You like serialized television and it shows in your writing. In fact, Dead Days is offered to readers in a serialized format, meaning episodes come out at regular intervals to eventually form a seasonal box set. As an author, what inspired you to present your work in this way rather than in one large novel?

Dead Days was an experiment that worked out beautifully. I’m a big fan of serialised television, like you note, and was particularly influenced by this golden age of television we’re living in. Shows like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, True Detective, The Walking Dead — some truly stellar writing, better than anything the movie industry offers at present, in my humble opinion.

I always thought the serialised form went hand in hand with this generation of shorter-attention spans and constant distractions, but I was disgruntled with how many “serial” projects were actually just novels broken up into parts.

The intention of Dead Days was, and still is, to transform a television experience onto the page, and not just tear a novel to pieces for financial gain.

Q. A number of authors are embracing the serialized TV style format of writing. For aspiring writers out there, are there any advantages to this style? Any disadvantages?

A major advantage is, like I mentioned, how hand-in-hand with the television format it goes. I think in a world of infinite distractions—iPads, smartphones, Netflix, news—the serialised form is a great way to deliver tighter experiences to readers, so they can enjoy the story then get on with other elements of their busy lives.

A disadvantage is that you have to learn TV structure. As I mentioned, far too many writers just jump on the serialised craze and split their novels into chunks because they think it’ll lead to financial riches. That’s not how it works. If you want to write a serial, you have to learn the craft of television writing before you jump into it. You have to learn about episodic arcs, series arcs, all kinds of things like that. To me, it’s not a negative because I like learning and already had some experience in TV writing. But if you don’t like doing the work, it could be a disadvantage.

51pY7O7uCLL._SX311_BO1,204,203,200_ Q. Infection Z is your other zombie apocalypse series. It follows Hayden McCall, a jobless layabout in his mid-twenties. Assuming his landlord has paid him a visit to collect the overdue rent, Hayden learns that his landlord has become zombified and the story begins. Is it a challenge to write an underdog’s way out of a zompoc? Would it have been easier had Hayden been a muscle bound military man/weapons expert? But of course, would Hayden have been as relatable to the average reader?

A. I don’t strictly believe in ‘write what you know,’ but I believe in ‘write what you can empathise with.’ I have more in common with a lazy underdog than a military expert (unfortunately), so I just find it easier to get into the heads of characters like Hayden. Only difference between him and me is he overcomes his demons. I’d be the guy locking himself in the bathroom whimpering until the zombies finally barged their way inside…

Q. Ryan, thanks for taking the time to be interviewed by an alien. Before I go, do you have any last minute words of wisdom that might help my human charges and I survive the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse?

I’d get punching that alien stomach of yours some more. If there’s a space phone in there, who knows what else is hiding within? A space machete? A space rifle? A space CURE?! You’ll only find out by trying.

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Real Short Movie Review – Bridge of Spies (2015)

Hey 3.5 nerds.

No time to do an in-depth movie review because I’m busy fending off zombies but just wanted to say Bridge of Spies is pretty good.  Not a real flashy movie, though there’s a cool special effects laden scene where Gary Powers’ spy plane gets shot down over Russia.

The movie has Tom Hanks as a U.S. lawyer on a mission to do a prisoner swap – Powers for a Russian spy held by the US in the 1950s.

Lots of interesting Cold War history.

Go see it.  Or don’t.  What do I care?  I’m too busy with my new role as Deputy Mayor of East Randomtown.

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Why There Shouldn’t Be a Die Hard Prequel

Hi 3.5 readers.

Yes, I am trapped in the middle of a zombie apocalypse but I do have Alien Jones’ space phone to keep me updated on the latest pop culture news.

So this idea for a Die Hard prequel starring Bruce Willis about John McClane’s early days as a NYC cop.

RIDICULOUS!

Here’s the thing.

First.  Let me say this.  Big Die Hard fan here.  It’s my favorite Christmas movie.

3.5 READERS – But BQB, it’s an action film!

So what?  It takes place during an office Christmas party taken over by evil terrorists!  Every year without fail, when you’re watching the Grinch or It’s a Wonderful Life or whatever I’m watching John McClane save Nakatomi.

Here’s why the original Die Hard was so great.

It starred an average guy in the lead role.

Originally, Arnold Schwarzenegger was going to be McClane.  Would have been ok.  Probably would have ended up being mildly memorable.

But Bruce Willis?  Then a pretty average looking dude, hell he was balding and going with that “I’m fighting the good fight against hair loss” hairstyle at the time.

And it made all the difference.

Sure, McClane was a cop but in real life the average cop is not equipped to take down a team of highly trained terrorists all by himself.

That’s what made the movie awesome.  It basically asked YOU to step into McClane’s shoes.  You’re not Arnold.  You don’t have muscles up the wazoo.  You have average speed, strength, agility, intelligence…and now it’s up to YOU to save the day.

McClane was more or less one of the first average heroes in an action film.

Aside from the idea that a younger actor will play a young McClane – I mean, I get that – sure, Bruce Willis can’t play a young version of himself.  But Willis is so McClane I don’t know how its possible to find anyone else to play this iconic role.

That’s crazy in and of itself but what’s really crazy about the idea is that if you create an adventure where McClane had some kind of amazing fight between himself and various bad dudes BEFORE the original, then how can I ever enjoy the original again?

Because again, that’s the beauty of the original – average guy fights against the odds.  Give McClane an adventure that happened BEFORE Nakatomi and well, ok who gives a shit then, of course John can handle Hans Gruber and Co, he handed X bad guy in the damn prequel.

BOOO!!!! BOO!!! BOO! I say BOOO!!!!  Don’t make it Hollywood.  Don’t make it.

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Zombie Trump Reviews the Walking Dead – Season 6, Episode 1 – First Time Again

By: Zombie Trump, Special Guest Reviewershutterstock_110983922 copy

Hello 3.5 losers.  Zombie Trump here, doing Bookshelf Q. Battler one hell of a favor by making a special guest appearance on his pitiful excuse for a blog.  Do you know that more people have read the ingredients on the back of those restaurant sugar packets than have read this lousy website?

I’ll tell you, BQB should be puckering up and smooching my rotten, undead derrière because getting me on this site is quite a get indeed.

OK, Battler.  Get ready for the highest stats ever on this crap hole.

THIS IS GOING TO BE HUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGEEE!

So the gang is back and they’re broodier and angrier than ever.

LAST SEASON

Rick and Co. have spent the past five seasons surviving the zombie menace so at this point they’re all like “Look at us!  We know how to live in the dirt and kill zombies and shit!”

Please.  Who cares?  What kind of a job is that going to allow you to acquire in today’s market?

Oh, by the way, I’m supposed to say SPOILERS ahead or else a bunch of you goons will whine I ruined your favorite show.  Look.  There’s no way to ruin this show.  Zombies try to eat people.  People fight back.  Some of the people die occasionally.  Other times they don’t.  There you go.

So Rick’s crew reached Alexandria last season.  Alexandria’s a settlement that has survived since the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, thanks to a local politician and her engineer husband WHO BUILT A WALL to keep out the zombies, thus allowing the survivors behind the wall to live productive, zombie free lives.

Hmmm, I wonder which other zombie candidate in the race for the office of President of All Zombies proposed building a wall?  Walls work, people.  Ask the Chinese.  Have they been invaded by Mongolians lately?  No.  Thanks to the Great Wall.  And Alexandria has been able to keep the zombies out thanks to their wall.

Anyway, rather than congratulate the Alexandrians on their foresight to build an anti-zombie wall, Rick and his hoodlums are all like “Waah waah waah, we fought zombies in the woods and wandered around Georgia for five years, blah blah blah, we know everything.”

Yeah clowns.  Maybe you should have known to BUILD AN ANTI-ZOMBIE WALL.  Stop demanding that others reward you for your own incompetence, losers.

THIS SEASON

This first episode was some kind of half black and white, half color Tarantino style nonsense where they jumped between the past and the future.  I’m not going to lie.  For the first half-hour, I thought my zombie television was on the fritz, but I knew that couldn’t be, because I reside at the luxurious Zombie Trump Taj Mahal, where everything is really classy.

The big problem the group faced is that there was some kind of ridiculous zombie dam that was about to break loose and send the zombies on a big charge towards Alexandria.

Zombies tend to have a herd mentality.  Few are strong, independent forward thinking zombies like myself, who dare to pledge to make the Zombie Nation great again.

Rick’s big plan is to lead these zombies on a zombie parade, manipulating them down a path through sounds and (hey what do you know) WALLS designed to keep the undead from straying.

Wait a minute.  So zombies are that easy to control?  Just put a damn hill billy on a motorcycle and they’ll go anywhere you want them to?  Doesn’t that kind of negate the last five seasons?  Why doesn’t Daryl just lead all the undead off a cliff and save the world already then?

Seems like a big plot hole to this zombie.  But then again, it is a show about people who fight zombies so I suppose you have to suspend disbelief a bit to enjoy it.

Just like how Bookshelf Q. Battler suspends disbelief about how sucktastic his blog is so he can bring himself to keep blogging anyway.

Enjoy your hits running off the rails, Battler.  I’m off to dine on some first class brains at Chez Zombie Trump, the number one eatery in the world for zombies.  It’s so extravagant it makes all other zombie eateries look like the Outback Steakhouse.

Zombie Trump out.

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Movie Review – Sicario (2015)

Emily Blunt in a “look at my acting chops!” role.  Josh Brolin as a smug jerk, or in other words, a typical Josh Brolin role.  Benicio Del Toro as creepy as always.

BQB here with a a review of the latest Fall movie season Oscar contender.

I know, 3.5.  I know.  I’m stuck in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.  I should be doing something more productive than watching movies.  But what can I do?  The zombies are out there, I’m stuck in Price Town.  Might as well make the best of it, especially when my alien buddy has an intergalactic communications device (aka a space phone) that allows me to watch top notch Emily Blunt films.

Aliens love Emily Blunt.  And to be blunt, so do I.

Wow, I bet Emily’s never heard that joke before.

OK.  So let’s dive in.  As the opening sequence of this film explains to us, a “sicario” was once the term used in Jerusalem to describe the super devout who chased Romans from their homeland, but today it has become the Mexican word for “hit man.”

By the way, just now, Apple spellchecker really wanted me to write “pit man” for some reason.  I hate it when I have to argue with my computer just to get it to say what I want it to.  I swear to Christ this is how Skynet begins.  Up your butt, Apple.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

No more distractions.  The film begins with Emily as FBI agent Kate Macer, an FBI anti-kidnapping specialist leading a mission to take a house that is alleged to be holding a drug cartel’s kidnapping victims.

Only thing is, it turns out the house is actually a house of horrors, with dead cartel victims lining the walls.

Emily is then recruited to assist a special task force with the apprehension of Manuel Diaz, the big time drug kingpin behind the death house.

Do you ever get confused when you watch a hardcore crime movie?  I know when I watched True Detective, Season 2 I felt like I needed a flowchart and a slide rule just to keep up with what was going on.

Well, with this movie, you’re in luck, because you’re not the only one who’s confused.  Emily/Kate is too.

Josh Brolin (aka Matt Graver)  is some type of G-man in charge of the task force.  Is he a spy?  Does he work for the CIA?  Is he military?  Is he someone else entirely?

Meanwhile, the task force’s biggest asset is Alejandro aka Benicio.  The same questions apply.  Is he a CIA agent?  Is he some kind of Mexican spy, a Juan Bond, if you will?  (Oh come on, PC police, that was funny and you know it.)  Is he military?  Someone else?

The point is, Kate ends up working with these people and a) she has no idea who they are and b) they won’t tell her.  In fact, Matt/Josh seems to relish holding back details of what’s going on vis a vis their mission, only eeking out just enough details to keep Kate from walking away, but otherwise she’s kept in the dark.

Finally!  A protagonist in a serious crime drama who’s as confused as I am.  I felt for Emily in this one.  The whole film she’s like “What’s going on?” and I was replying, “I don’t know Emily, but I hope you find out.  Don’t trust these dudes, girl.”

All in all, great acting, a gripping plot that draws you in.  It gets you on a roll with questions and if you hang in there, they are answered.

On top of all that, it does offer a stunning indictment of the whole inter-border drug war.  Nasty business. Don’t do drugs, kids.

I hate to give too much away but there was one quote that caught me.  I’ll paraphrase.  Basically,  twenty-percent of the population are hardcore drug users and if we could get them to quit the cartels would be out of work.

So quit today, all you dope fiends.  Only you can stop Mexican mafia murder houses.

One thing that made me happy was seeing Jeffrey Donovan in a supporting role.  You might remember he was Michael Westen in Burn Notice.  I loved that show.  He’s a good actor.  Hope to see him in more stuff.  I hear he’s in the next season of Fargo.

That’s all I have, 3.5.  To discuss it any further would be to spoil the whole thing.  Go see it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ride out the zombie apocalypse.

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Movie Review – The Martian (2015) (And What It Does For Self-Publishing)

“You do the math. You solve one problem. And then you solve another. And then another. Solve enough and you stay alive.”

– Mark Watney, The Martian

An astronaut trapped on Mars.  A daring rescue mission.  Matt Damon.  Jeff Daniels.  Jessica Chastain.  Kate Mara.  Sean Bean.  Kristen Wiig.  The list of top actors on this movie is too long to keep rattling names off but the biggest star of all?

SCIENCE!

Yes, in an age where people want more explosions, sex, and what the hell, explosive sex, Alien director Ridley Scott made a movie that not only entertains but educates.

Put on your spacesuit, 3.5 readers, and let’s talk about what this movie does not only for science, but for the world of self-publishing.

The Martian – Twentieth Century Fox

OK, first of all, let’s address the proverbial elephant on the sofa, the gorilla in the barcalounger, if you will.

But BQB!  Aren’t you trapped in the middle of the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse?

I sure am, 3.5 readers.  Luckily, I’ve got Alien Jones’ plutonium powered space phone and the Esteemed Brainy One managed to stream it for my group of survivors last night.  It really lifted our spirits, because as you may have heard, we’re currently riding out the zompoc in Price Town, one of the last three stores still open at the nearly abandoned East Randomtown Mall.

HOW BIG WAS THIS MOVIE?

A “friend” of mine sent me an e-mail to let me know that this movie was so big that he’d never seen a line so long at the theater he usually goes to before.  The poor chump ended up stuck in that damn front row spot.  You know, the one where you have to keep your neck craned skywards for two hours and you have to look to the left when a character on the left is talking and a character on the right is talking.

What a jackass.  Guy probably should have taken into account how popular the movie would be and gotten there earlier.

Either that or he could have skipped the popcorn and soda.  God knows that fatty doesn’t need it.

Oh sorry, I shouldn’t speak ill of my friend on my blog.  Good thing only 3.5 people read this.

THE PLOT

A storm causes a team of astronauts to abandon their mission on Mars.  One of their teammates, Mark Watney, is impaled, presumed dead, and abandoned.

Whoops!  He’s still alive, but the the Red Planet is so far away that NASA won’t be able to get help to him any soon.

THE SCIENCE

One of the biggest challenges for a writer is to a) explain to the reader how a character is going to extricate himself from a sticky situation with enough detail so as to not leave the reader feeling cheated and yet b) not go overboard to the point where the reader feels like dozing off.

Enter Andy Weir.  The Martian is based off of Weir’s novel of the same name.

A computer programmer, Weir made all sorts of calculations, estimates, and scientific conclusions on how, in theory, an astronaut trapped on Mars could live long enough to find a way back home.

“I’m going to have to science the shit out of this,”  Damon, as Watney, says.

And science the shit out of it, he does.  Literally.  He uses his own shit as fertilizer for potato plants.  Potatoes then become Mark’s only form of sustenance and I’m willing to bet he reached a point where he never wanted to see another french fry ever again.

Aside from the potato plants, I don’t want to go into too much detail on the science angle.  A)  To do so would be to provide you with too many SPOILERS and b) some of it my brain was too feeble to understand and other parts I did understand but am not sure I could explain it correctly.

Suffice to say, there’s a lot of brainy people involved.  NASA scientists on the ground work on a rescue plan while Watney on Mars works on his own survival.

For any kid out there interested in science, this film provides role models to look up to, not just in the form of the astronauts, but the people – technicians, engineers, specialists, scientists, etc. working to bring their colleague home.

Science, kids.  It’s the way of the future.

WHAT DOES THIS MOVIE MEAN FOR SELF-PUBLISHING?

The Martian started out as a free serial on Andy’s blog.  He as just a guy who really loved math, science, and space.  So he took his passions and funneled them into a project to entertain his blog readers.  (I bet he had more than 3.5 of them.)

As he explained in an interview with Johnny, Sean and Dave of the Self-Publishing Podcast, he put the novel on Amazon at the request of some of his readers who preferred an e-reader format over reading it on a blog.  Not out to make any money and not thinking it would go anywhere, Weir put his novel on Amazon, priced it at 99-cents, and let his blog readers know it was available.

The novel took off and the rest was history.

By the way, I recommend listening to Andy’s SPP interview as it is an inspiration to anyone interested in self-publishing.  Success doesn’t happen overnight and it certainly didn’t for Andy.  He started blogging way back in 1999.  A sixteen year journey to the big screen!

Keep plugging away, 3.5 readers/writers.  Success might seem so far away as to be pointless, but then again, you’re already ahead of those who gave up.

I’ve sought out opinions as to what this movie means for self-publishers.  Andy’s novel was originally self-published before he was approached by a literary agent and sold it to a big publisher.

Does this mean the general public will look at self-publishers in a whole new light?  That if one man was able to take a project on his blog and turn it into a blockbuster film starring Matt Damon and other stars, might that not cause people to pay more attention to self-published works?

One person I spoke with answered no.  His reasoning was the majority of the movie going public doesn’t really care who wrote a book or how the book was made.  They just want to be entertained and thus this won’t do a lot to bring attention to self-publishing.

Technically, I think he’s right, but therein lies the rub.

As self-publishers, our WHOLE GOAL is to provide a piece of entertainment crafted so well that no one notices it wasn’t made by a team of big shots.

Because at the end of the day, when you turn on the TV, do you pay that much attention if a show is on NBC, CBS, or Showtime or do you just pick and watch shows because they grab your attention?

Have you ever said, “Well, I’ll never watch THAT film because it was made by Fox and Goddamn it, this is a Sony household!”

Have you ever walked into a bookstore, strolled over to the clerk, and said, “Excuse me, will you point me to the Random House books because I’m ONLY a Random House reader and I’ll never allow a Penguin book to sully my eyes!”

No.  No one cares who was behind a piece of entertainment so long as it is entertaining.

And that, my 3.5 readers, is what I believe this movie does for self-publishers.

It gives their collective souls a boost.  Andy Weir becomes another Hugh Howey to look up to.  “If that guy did it, then I can do it too!”

After all, when Andy got his start, his readers weren’t saying, “Ugh!  This book was not put out by a traditional publishing house?  No thank you!”

They were saying, “An astronaut who gets trapped on Mars and has to figure out how to survive?!  That sounds so cool!  Sign me up!”

When you’re in the clothing store, do you check the label on that shirt that caught your eye?  Nope.  You’ll just buy it because you like it.

Write cool stories, 3.5 readers and if they’re entertaining enough, people won’t bother to check the label.

Thanks 3.5.  I have to go fight the zombie apocalypse now.

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A Guide to the Bookshelf Battleverse – Part 7 – Pop Culture Mysteries

Just as Cheers begat Frasier and Friends begat Joey, so too did the Bookshelf Battle Blog begat Pop Culture Mysteries.

You wish your blog had a spinoff.

DELILAH K. DONNELLY

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Attorney Delilah K. Donnelly of the Los Angeles based law firm of Donnelly and Associates is considered one of the finest lawyers in Hollywood, known for her ability to make impossible deals happen and free even the most guilty looking suspects.  Needless to say, her services cost a pretty penny.

Thus, it’s a mystery as to why she voluntarily serves as Lead Counsel for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, holding BQB’s hand in all murky matters and acting as the rock he needs to lean on when times get tough.

A woman of perfect poise and posture, elegance, class, and refinement, she carries herself in an old fashioned manner, though she gets along just fine in modern times, eating most men who cross her for breakfast with a cunning quip.

Intensely guarded when it comes to her personal life, BQB is fully aware of how lucky he is to have such high caliber representation for a website with only 3.5 readers.

JAKE DASHING

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One of the most infamous lawmen of the twentieth century, Jacob R. Dashing left his hometown of Bayonne, NJ at age 18 with his then girlfriend, Hettie May Blodgett.  The young couple made their way to Tinseltown with stars in their eyes and dreams of fame in their hearts.

Dashing wanted to be an actor, Hettie a singer.  Since Dashing became a drunk and Hettie went on to become legendary Jazz singer Peaches LeMay, the deal worked out a bit better for his better half.

A budding career as a boxer was cut short when Mugsy McGillicuddy’s gang forced him to take a dive lest Peaches sleep with the fishes.

The Jersey Jabber” sought redemption and found it during World War II, when he was recruited for a top secret mission to punch Adolf Hitler in the face.

Through Attorney Donnelly, BQB and Dashing are currently in negotiations regarding the production of a novel based on Operation Fuhrerpunschen.

Such a move may be risky, as there are forces who would prefer to see the details of this mission stay buried.

Following WWII, Jake found employment with the LAPD, rising to the level of detective, and later became a private investigator.

His three ex-wives include:

  • Trixie, who slept with Jake’s partner, Mickey, but insisted she was fooled.  Since she wasn’t the brightest bulb, her claim wasn’t that far fetched.
  • Muffy, who shot Jake six times, but loved him enough to miss every vital organ.
  • Connie, who was the most loyal woman Jake ever knew, but alas he drove her away with his booze addiction.

POP CULTURE MYSTERIES

In 1954, Jake fell asleep at his desk.  When he woke up, it was 2014.  The Tsang family, who considered him an honorary member, took care of him for close to sixty years while he was dozing.

Cell phones.  Computers.  Color TV.  Women wearing pants and acting like they own the joint.  2014 was not a world that Jake recognized, and he began searching for answers.  Why did he sleep for nearly sixty years and was it possible to return to his own time?

A year later, in the summer of 2015, Delilah K. Donnelly walked into Jake’s office, offering answers…for a price.

Her client, Bookshelf Q. Battler, claimed to have the answers Jake was looking for, and would reveal him in exchange for Jake’s agreement to solve one hundred pop culture mysteries.

The notorious lawman felt a bit silly taking on questions as foolish as “What happened to the original Brady Bunch spouses?” but decided it was worth it if it would get him back to the 1950s.

Like most hardboiled noir style private detectives, Jake is prone to speaking in long, exaggerated monologues.

To date, BQB and Jake have never met.  Attorney Donnelly delivers BQB’s pop culture questions to Jake out of an entirely astute fear that Jake will just strangle the shit out of him until he makes with the answers.

Remember, 3.5 readers.  Many bloggers claim to be great, but only Bookshelf Q. Battler has pissed off a trained Nazi killer/boxer/detective for your personal amusement.

Keep that shit in mind when you’re doling out the leibsters, nerds.

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Pop Culture Mini-Mysteries with Informant Zero – What is Mr. T’s Real Name?

Salutations 3.5 Readers,

Informant Zero

Informant Zero

Informant Zero here, reporting from my nondescript lair deep beneath the Anything Goes Club.

Through Attorney Donnelly, Bookshelf Q. Battler and I have reached an agreement.

Every Wednesday, I’ll post a Mini-Mystery, a short question about entertainment.

Doing so will allow Detective Hatcher to ramble off course from the questions BQB asks him but still get your inquiries about Hollywood answered.

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION

In the 1980’s, Mr. T was a big brawny fan favorite.  As BA Baracus, he was the A-Team’s muscle.  Sporting layers upon layers of gold jewelry, he became a cult icon and even had his own Saturday morning cartoon show.

As Clubber Lang, he delivered an upsetting defeat to Rocky Balboa in Rocky III.  Rocky learned the hard way that complacency is a surefire path toward defeat.

The mystery at hand?

What is Mr. T’s real name?

Tweet your answers to @bookshelfbattle or leave them in the comments below.  I will return next Wednesday to provide the answer and a new mystery.

So long, 3.5 readers and remember:

The truth is not as hidden as you might think.

Do you have a question about entertainment?  Whether it’s about Hollywood, celebrity gossip, TV, movies, books, music etc. drop a dime to @bookshelfbattle  

BQB might assign it to Jake or Informant Zero, depending on who’s available.

If you’ve got a book or blog, it will be plugged, subject to Attorney Donnelly’s approval.

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