Tag Archives: politics

Jan 17 2016
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Movies

Movie Review – 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi (2016)

War. Guns. Terrorists.

Do I really have to call “SPOILERS” on a movie about an event thats been in the news for years?

Probably.  There’s a lot more than what the news covered.

BQB here with a review of 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi.

Hello 3.5 readers.

I’m just going to say it. I almost thought about not writing this review because I do my best to keep this blog non-political.  This blog is about books, writing, and my adventures as a magic bookshelf caretaker forced to launch a writing career in order to satisfy the whims of a maniacal alien overlord known as the Mighty Potentate.

All hail the Mighty Potentate.

But – it is a movie.  And it is a pretty good one.  And I do write movie reviews soo…here it goes.

However, before I begin, please remember that whether you’re a Democrat, or a Republican, or a member of some other party, please know that I still want you to like me and more importantly, I want you to spend lots and lots of money on the books I one day hope to put out whenever I get around to writing them.

Where to start?  The whole situation was a mess. After Qadaffi, the country’s dictator, was ousted, Libya descended into chaos (well, much more chaos than usual) with rival gangs vying for territory and control.

There were two U.S. locations in Benghazi involved – a State Department compound and a CIA site.

It became pretty clear that Libya was becoming so dangerous that U.S. personnel needed to either leave or more security forces had to be added.

Neither happened.  Instead, the government sent Ambassador Chris Stevens, a high level target for terrorists, to stay at the State Department compound.  According to the film, the U.S. government felt that the time was ripe for diplomacy with Libya (they’ll like us because we helped get rid of Qadaffi!) and that additional security would send an unfriendly message to the Libyans (because, you know, Libya is world renowned for its hospitality.)

Long story short, a group of CIA security contractors (John Krakinski from the Office and that guy who plays Pornstache on Orange is the New Black were the only actors I recognized) travel to the ambassador’s residence (when it is under attack) in an attempt to save Stevens.

SPOILER ALERT FOR PEOPLE WHO DON’T READ NEWSPAPERS OR WATCH CNN – Stevens dies when the ambassador’s residence is set on fire.  The CIA contractors manage to save Stevens’ security detail.

The group returns to the CIA location and whammo the terrorists start attacking there. The contractors spend a long ass night fighting off wave after wave of attackers.  Perhaps I didn’t pay as much attention to the press coverage as I should have, but I never realized just how intense and long that battle was, so props to the security forces for fending off the bad guys for so long.

By the end of it all the deceased included:

Ambassador Chris Stevens

Information Officer Sean Smith

CIA Operatives Glenn Doherty and Tyrone Woods

From the movie, its clear that there were many acts of bravery, these dudes taking on all kinds of heat from all sides all night and its something I certainly couldn’t have done.

Now here comes the hard part.

It is clear that were a lot of bad decision made by the powers that be.  And something I never realized from the news coverage – that CIA location had a whole helluvalot of people working there without much security.

A small security force fended off a much larger terrorist attack and saved the day but holy crap, had they not done so a lot of people would have been slaughtered.  Way too many people being protected by too few.

They should have either been allowed to clear out or been provided with additional manpower.  More help should have arrived sooner when the attack began.  Throughout the movie, theres help nearby that can be deployed, but all kinds of ridiculous, bureaucratic nonsense intervenes.

Is this opinion I’m about to say popular? Probably not.  But here it goes.  You, the public, were totally lied too.  Bad decision making let this whole mess happen and then the government tried to cover it up with some nonsense that it was a spontaneous protest over an anti-Islamic video that got out of control and could never have been predicted.

Sigh.  Yeah.  Protestors don’t have mortars.  Protestors don’t have training.  Protestors aren’t heavily armed with AKs and so on.

The government really should have just been straight with people and been like, “Yup.  We screwed up.  Here’s what we did wrong and here’s what we’ll do so it doesn’t happen again.”

Another issue the film raises that we didn’t hear much about in the media – a number of good Libyans did come to the security team’s aid.  Some fought along side with them in the attempt to rescue the ambassador.  Others provided them with information “i.e. don’t go that way there’s bad guys over there, etc.”  A Libyan interpreter who could have left at the start sticks with the team till the end.

And after the attack, over a hundred thousand Libyans held a demonstration to state they did not support the attack.

Soo…ok…the Middle East is a place of great turmoil, but it should be remembered that not everyone there is a total dick.

As for the election…Hilary did get up and make the statement, “What difference does it make?” i.e. was it an attack or was it a protest over videos.  I’m sorry.  It does make a difference. Government needs to be honest with people.

Does that mean Trump is any better?  No.  I have misgivings about a candidate who feels “schlonged” is acceptable vocabulary for the leader of the free world.

To break my non-political rule just this once, this may be the  election where South Park’s admonition that all elections come down between the choice between a douche or a turd sandwich is truer than ever.

Hell, it might be the first election where I don’t even vote.

But…you should vote for whoever you want and still feel welcome in my 3.5 readers club. And more importantly, you should a) not hate me for briefly dipping a toe into political waters for purposes of a movie review and b) more, more importantly, buy lots of copies of my future books that have yet to be written.

Finally, one issue the movie points out to take away from all of this.  There’s a tendency in the media to treat wartime security contracts like crap, like they’re evil cutthroat mercenaries or something but its obvious that they also do a lot of good and in this case, prevented a lot of people from being killed.

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Jan 05 2016
4 Comments
Discussions

Hillary Clinton Says Earth May Have Already Been Visited By Aliens

No surprise to me, since I’ve been buddies with Alien Jones for about a year now.

Meanwhile, the Mighty Potentate is constantly backseat driving me. Don’t tell him I said that. I don’t want to be vaporized.

Anyway – I’m pretty sure Hillary was just joking but what say you, 3.5 readers? Do you think aliens exist?

An article in The Hill for more info.

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Dec 18 2015
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BQB Nerdventures

BQB Nerdventures – The Election – Chapter One

The punch was delicious. The cheese and cracker plate? The best that Price Town had available…on sale.  And the banner? Due to a poor tape job it was starting to slide off the wall but you could still make out:

EAST RANDOMTOWN MAYORAL DEBATE

There was a high turnout in the East Randomtown High School Auditorium and by “high” I mean a grand total of seventeen citizens showed up for the event, and on my way in, I spotted several of them sniffing glue in the parking lot.

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The Right Honorable Mayor Battler reviews his polling data.

From my spot at the podium, I surveyed my fellow East Randomtownsfolk.I’d seen abstract paintings with more enthusiasm.

“Good evening, everyone,” I said. “Before I begin, I’d like to read a prepared statement.”

To my right, my darling Video Game Rack Fighter sat, her eyes and hands tied to a portable video game player. It’d of been nice if she’d paid attention, but at least for that night only, she traded in her usual snow hat for a Jackie Onassis style pill box hat. It was her way of showing she accepted her role as the First Lady of East Randomtown.

“Ahem,” I said.

Silence.

“Babe, my speech?”

Without looking up, she handed me my tablet.

I cleared my throat and read the following:

Citizens of East Randomtown,

Last fall, our humble town was decimated by a horrifying zombie apocalypse. Our homes were looted and burned to the ground…well, more so than they usually are in normal times. We lived in fear of constant, non-stop zombie attacks and many of us were forced to kill our friends, neighbors, even family members…again, more so than we usually have to in normal times.

The rebuilding process has been slow but steady and the good folks at Gambino, Gambino and Stugotz Construction assure me, and I quote, ‘OH! There’s no price gougin’ goin’ on ova’ heah! Fahgeddaboudit!’

Now comes the most difficult part. During the chaos, I stepped into the role of acting mayor. As you might recall, I did so because our duly elected mayor, Mr. Philbert T. Bramble, was devoured alive by zombies and then our self appointed dictatorial mayor, Mr. Doug Hauser, met his demise whilst locked in a gruesome trial by zombie combat with yours truly.

My friends.  My neighbors. My dear, dear, East Randomtownsfolk. I say to you today, that the time I have spent as mayor has been…

NOTE TO SELF: PAUSE FOR EFFECT

…truly one of the greatest nightmares of my life. Really, I’m not kidding. It is an enormous burden, not to mention a colossal time suck.

You are all literally the most awful people I have ever met in all of my days and it is virtually impossible to please any of you. None of you are ever willing to pitch in and lend a hand, but when it comes time to criticize, there you are, ready to bitch me out over every little thing. You lousy ingrates should be ashamed of yourselves.

I just can’t take it anymore. Therefore, it is without a heavy heart at all that I inform you I will not seek re-election as your mayor during next month’s special election.

As one of my last duties, I will serve as the moderator between the two gentlemen who have stood up and loudly declared they want in on this shit show, and God bless them for it.

Meet your candidates. On my right is local accountant Mario Guzman, who served as an advisor to Hauser and joined in the chorus of chattering idiots who falsely accused me and sentenced me to a trial by zombie combat, though I try not to hold it against him because when he learned he was wrong, he felt like a super mega dick. His words, not mine.

To my left is Sal Liberatore, who we all know as the owner and proprietor of Uncle Sal’s Pizza. Sal, you make the best pizzas in town and frankly, your barbecue bacon cheeseburger deluxe pie is one of few things that make life in this filthy suck hole of a town bearable, so while I can’t tell you not to run for mayor, I will ask that if you win, to please not allow the responsibility of your new position interfere with the quality of your fine Italian cuisine.

NOTE TO SELF: Pause for Video Game Rack Fighter to make a crack about how my fat ass doesn’t need another pizza. Laugh politely. Die a little inside because you know she’d rip your head off and bounce it around like a soccer ball if you were to make a crack about her weight, but its cool. She’s still the best.

Gentlemen, let’s begin.

“Mario,” I said. “You won the coin toss backstage so the first question goes to you. I’ll note that these questions were prepared by the editorial staff of The Random Rag, East Randomtown’s premiere source for news.”

I took a sip of water.

“Candidate Guzman, iguana infestations are at an all time high in our little burg. Reports from citizens claiming they can’t step inside their homes without gaggles of little green lizards nipping at their ankles have been steady for the past few months. As mayor, what will you do to stem the iguana tide that threatens to drown us all?”

Mario was poised and professional, a shoe in for higher office.

“Thank you, Mayor Battler,” he said. “And thank you, East Randomtownsfolk for coming out tonight. Go Mascots!”

That’s our home team. The East Randomtown Mascots. They suck, but you didn’t hear that from me.

“We certainly have learned a lot about zombie physiology in the wake of last year’s zombie apocalypse. I, for one, have gained a lot of knowledge about how these nasty beasts operate during my volunteer work with the crews that have been scraping blood, guts, and brains off of literally every surface in town. One thing we have learned is that iguanas are attracted to the odor of rotten zombie flesh and thus these lizards have descended on our town to feed.”

“Whoa,” Sal chimed in. “You say that like it’s a good thing.”

“Mr. Liberatore, please wait your turn,” I said.

“No,” Mario said. “I’m glad Sal said that because it is a good thing. Sure the iguanas are annoying but I tell you, I’ve seen them in action and these little suckers are eating zombie flesh faster than the clean up crews can haul the undead remans of our friends, neighbors, and loved ones to the giant zombie carcass bonfire in the middle of town.”

“Which some environmentalists say is contributing heavily to global warming,” I said. “But I don’t want to get to our next question prematurely.”

“People,” Mario said to the bored crowd, “I’m telling you, just put up with these nasty little jerks for a few months more and I guarantee, they will speed up the clean up effort tremendously.”

“Your response, Mr. Liberatore?” I asked.

“Yes,” Sal said. “I too would like to thank the East Randomtownsfolk for having me here tonight and would also like to express my support for the East Randomtown Mascots. Also, Mayor Battler, I’d like to express my agreement with your better half and say that I too don’t think your fat ass needs another slice of pizza, and the fact that I say that at the risk of losing the money you bring to my business should indicate how worried I am about your constant consumption of my fabulous pies.”

“Duly noted,” I said.

“Now then,” Sal said. “Sure, we could just allow the iguanas to eat all the piles upon piles of zombie carcasses…but do we know the scientific ramifications of allowing iguanas to eat zombie meat? Could it turn them into a race of highly rabid killer mutant zombie iguanas? Are we inviting a zombie iguana apocalypse? I don’t think even your writer friends could get us out of that one, BQB.”

“They probably could,” I said. “I’m a good friend of the author of Highly Rabid Killer Mutant Zombie Iguanas actually. It got a five star rating on Amazon.  But that’s besides the point. Whatever we do, these iguanas can’t stay forever, so I must ask you two, as the only two candidates…”

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning flashed outside, and there was a devastating thunder clap, shaking the room. The insanely bored crowd didn’t notice. Video Game Rack Fighter didn’t even pick her face up from her video game.

Almost on cue, the double doors to the auditorium swung open, and a dark, eerie silhouette laughed loudly.

“BAHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

“Um, sir?” I said. “I think you’re lost. The methadone clinic is down the street. You’re interrupting candidate’s night.”

“Oh am I?”

The party crasher stepped into the light. His dirt beard. His dopey expression. His baseball cap that he never took off.

“LEO?!” I asked.

“That’s right!” Leo said as he walked down the aisle. “Leo McKoy, one of East Randomtown’s Finest Citizens and as you’re also all aware, I am the Man Who Met James Van Der Beek. And I’m not here to declare my candidacy for the highest office in East Randomtown!!!”

Burt Cooper, who never went anywhere without his animal control uniform, stood up.

“This town already has a dog catcher, McKoy!” he said.

“No!” Leo said. “I WANT TO BE THE MAYOR!”

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Dec 11 2015
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BQB Serial Club

BQB’s Serial Club – Serial Season 2, Episode 1 – DUSTWUN

Hello 3.5 readers.

Have you ever listened to the podcast, “Serial?”  In the first season, the hose, Sarah Koenig, presented the case of Adnan Syed and illustrated that how it is possible for all the evidence to be laid out in a case and for people to still be unsure of whether or not a defendant is innocent or guilty.

Koenig has a knack for storytelling style journalism and keeps things lively and moving.

Produced by the creators of This American Life, Serial is back for a second season.  This time the individual under scrutiny is Sgt. Bo Bergdahl.

You might remember he was a major news story last year.  In 2009, he walked away from his post in Afghanistan and six soldiers died while looking for him.

Last year, he was returned to the US after a prisoner swap with the Taliban that led to four major terrorists in captivity going free.

This is a tough one.  My blog is not political…at all.  But I do enjoy good story telling and Sarah Koenig is a master at it.  She definitely knows how to end every episode on a cliffhanger that keeps her audience coming back for more.

So here’s what I propose. If you’re listening to Serial, stop by here once a week and let’s chat about the latest episode, hash out the info and the evidence and try to figure out what’s going on.

Not gonna lie – I might pull the plug on this.  My hope is you all won’t get too political.  Were the wars in the Middle East right or wrong?  I hate this politician or I like that politician or whatever…not really up for debate here.

The crux of this season seems to be around Bergdahl telling his story and admittedly, as of the end of the first episode, it sounds pretty lame.

Briefly summarized – he claims he ran away because he had to create a “DUSTWUN” or a missing soldier situation in which the top brass pays attention.  He claims he had to do this because his unit was poorly managed and hoped this would get him an audience with someone with a high rank that could do something about his complaints about his unit.

I have to admit, that sounds like a pretty fishy story. “I was 23 and I was scared and so I made a dumb mistake and ran away.  I’m very sorry for the six people who died looking for me.”

To me, that would be more sympathetic than, “I was afraid my poorly managed unit was going to lead to people getting killed….so I ran away….um, and got six people killed.”

Anyway, let’s be civil (NOT POLITICAL) and look at it from an academic approach.  If you listened to this first episode, do you believe Bergdahl or do you think he’s full of a smelly substance?

I’ll say up front I believe he’s in the latter column.  My fear is that this guy is basically trying to save himself by impugning the character of a unit that tried to save him when he went AWOL (six of whom died in the process.)

And I get it.  I’ve never served in the military. Who am I to criticize anyone? But, like I said, I’d be sympathetic to “I was young and scared and made a mistake” but hearing him talk as though he is “Jason Bourne” strains credibility.

Cliffhanger for next week – um, it sounds like Sarah is going to call the Taliban on the phone to interview them.  Who knew they were even listed in the phonebook?

Check out Serial Podcast for more.

NOTE: To reiterate, please refrain from the nastiness of politics.  I’m not looking for comments to the effect of “I HATE REPUBLICANS!” or “I HATE DEMOCRATS!” and so on.

The podcast is interesting to me because, as she did in the first season with Syed, Sarah presents two sides of a case and leaves it up to the listener to make his/her own conclusions.

So in other words, we’re not talking about the politics of war – instead, we’re presented with a case.  A soldier walked away from his unit, got 6 people killed during a search for him, his release led to four dangerous people being freed.

Is Bergdahl guilty?  Yes or no and what about the evidence/interviews presented in the podcast make you think that way?

 

 

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Sep 22 2015
4 Comments
Zombie Trump

Zombie Trump Reviews the Walking Dead – Recap of Last Season

BQB EDITORIAL NOTE:  It has come to my attention that Dr. Hugo Von Science recently attended one of Presidential Candidate Donald Trump’s campaign events, stole a cup the billionaire drank out of, and successfully spliced The Donald’s DNA with that of a zombie held in captivity.

The result?  ZOMBIE TRUMP.  I thought about reporting this to the authorities but decided it would be fun to just let him review The Walking Dead when the new season begins.

Here, Zombie Trump will catch you up on where the series left off at the end of last season.

Hello 3.5 losers.

First of all, I want to say that being on this goofball website is completely beneath me.  Bookshelf Q. Battler, that nerdy dope, should get down on his hands and knees and thank me for giving his pathetic excuse for a website the highest ratings boost it will ever see.

Zombie Trump

Zombie Trump

3.5 readers?  I’ll have this joint swinging with 3.5 million readers when I’m done with it.  And will that clown appreciate it?  I doubt it.  I’d ask for a little nibble on BQB’s brain as compensation but I doubt he has one.

So let’s talk about those survivors from last season.  Apparently, I’m obligated to warn you that there are SPOILERS ahead, because for some reason, people get really whiney when their shows are spoiled.

I don’t know why you’re wasting your time with lame zombie shows anyway when you should be checking out the luxurious Zombie Trump Taj Mahal.  Try your luck at the craps table, then get eaten and turned into literal zombie crap.  Oh and the buffet is all you can eat for $9.99 so really, there’s not a better deal around.

Where’d we leave off?

RICK GRIMES

Look, I know a lot of ladies think he’s hot and handsome but I’m telling you, this guy is a total loser.  If you ask me, I’d rather have a Sheriff that can actually bring the bad guys in, not crash his car while in pursuit and end up in a coma during the zombie outbreak when he’s needed the most.

Seriously, how am I supposed to trust this guy to lead when he couldn’t even keep his best friend Shane from slipping his wife the old one eyed salamander?

Last time we saw Rick, he was abusing his authority as a newly appointed Sheriff in the settlement at Alexandria.  Beat a guy up because he wanted to get hot and heavy with his wife.  Making plans to take the community over if things don’t go his way.  Classy?  I don’t think so.

Sorry Rick.  I wouldn’t hire you to guard the Zombie Trump Golf Course.  Eighteen links of pure zombie fun.

CAROL

Yeesh!  Look at that face!  Is that the face of a woman that you want to see in your zombie apocalypse survivor’s group?  I don’t think so.

Oh what?  What?  I was just talking about her record.  She’s actually a beautiful woman.

Although if we’re getting into it, a little bit of blonde hair dye wouldn’t hurt her.  Make her up to look like my first wife, Zombie Ivana, or my second wife, Zombie Marla Maples.

But let’s talk about this gal’s record.  Killing a kid?  Threatening to kill another kid?

Sure she’s able to lull her enemies into a false sense of security by fooling them into thinking she’s just a dowdy old homemaker only to strike when they least expect it, but you know what I’d tell her if she worked at the Zombie Trump Casino Day Care Center?

YOU’RE FIRED.

DARYL

Who is this loser running around on a motorcycle with a crossbow like he’s some kind of hillbilly heart throb?  Look Jethro, a shave and a haircut never hurt anyone.  I’ll give you the number of my personal stylist.  She’s does great work.  Just look at me.

GLENN

Glenn, we gave you one simple task.  Keep that Noah kid alive.  You failed.  I know you tried your best but best doesn’t cut it.  Sorry, I know this is harsh, but as punishment, I’ve banned you from all Zombie Trump resorts and associated properties.

THE GOVERNOR

Not gonna lie.  This man had a lot of moxie.  I was sorry to see him go.  He was a real take charge kind of guy.  Even with one eye he was able to see two or three moves ahead.  Best character on the entire show.

He built a wall around his town and if you ask me, building a wall is an idea my fellow zombies and I should try.

My fellow zombies, for far too long we’ve suffered at the hands of these lousy human survivors.  We build up our zombie communities and in they come, putting arrows in our brains, taking our zombie jobs.  They’re rapists, murderers, and SOME of them, I assume, are good people, but we just can’t allow the influx of doomsday preppers, hillbillies, and other assorted human survivors to invade our territory any longer.

So I propose that we build an enormous wall to keep the zompoc survivors out.

Elect me as President of All Zombies and I assure you on my first day in office, not only will I build a giant wall around all zombies, but I’ll make those loser humans pay for it.

BQB, you’re welcome.  You didn’t even deserve an appearance from me on your stupid blog but you got one anyway.

3.5 readers, I don’t know why you’re wasting your time on this nonsense, but let me remind you, I’m going to be reviewing the next season of The Walking Dead right here on the Bookshelf Battle Blog and I will tell you this:

IT’S GOING TO BE HUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGE!

I’d eat all 3.5 of your brains but I’d probably go hungry.  Mic drop.  Zombie Trump out.

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Sep 19 2015
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Black Mass (2015)

All is forgiven for Mortdecai, Johnny.  All is forgiven.

I’d announce SPOILERS though all this stuff actually happened!  BQB here with a review of Black Mass.

“If nobody sees it, then it didn’t happen.”

So goes the advice of infamous Irish mobster James “Whitey” Bulger to his young son after he got in trouble for punching another kid at school.  It’s a line delivered so eerily that it sets the whole tone of the movie.

It gives the viewer insight into just the kind of guy Whitey is.  Most parents would tell their kid not to punch anyone.  Whitey tells his to just make sure no one’s looking before he punches someone the next time.

Step aside Tony Soprano, as this true crime gangster flick shows  Whitey as one cold, calculating sociopathic serial killer, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake during his tenure as the boss of an organized crime family known as the Winter Hill Gang in South Boston from the 1970s to the 1990’s.

I was a fan of The Sopranos and the ongoing theme of that show was that Tony often felt bad about his crimes.  Of course, that didn’t stop him from being a murderer, but after the dirty deed, he’d feel bad, overeat, not sleep and walk around in his bathrobe and get so depressed that he’d need to go spill his guts to his confidant/ shrink Dr. Melfi.

Whitey, on the other hand – SPOILER – is able to strangle a hooker then take a nap and have dinner afterwards.

In one of the saddest turn of events in modern law enforcement history, FBI agent John Connolly struck a deal to use Bulger as an informant, but as we see in the movie, John becomes less concerned about justice and more about helping Whitey, his childhood friend, not to mention getting some extra gifts on the side.

Meanwhile, Whitey plays the FBI like a fiddle.  He gives them info needed to take down a rival Italian crime family moving in on his turf, but after that, pretty much feeds them bupkis.

If this sounds familiar, you might recall 2006’s The Departed, which was somewhat based on Whitey’s reign of terror.

I’ve always felt The Departed was one of the best gangster flicks I’ve ever seen and this one does meet it.

Johnny Depp solidifies his reputation as an actor who can become anyone.  He plays the ruthless yet somewhat quiet Whitey to a T and is barely recognizable on screen.

To complicate matters, Whitey’s brother was William Bulger, President of the Massachusetts Senate.

Benedict Cumberbatch plays the South Boston politician well, delivering a powerful speech about how he’ll drive crime out of South Boston just as St. Patrick drove the Romans and British out of Ireland.

Ironic, given who his brother was.

What did William know about his brother, when, and what was his involvement?  Those are questions left on the table, though the film takes the standpoint that Billy basically suffered from being tied to a degenerate brother.

Can’t pick your family I guess.

Joel Edgerton turns in an excellent performance as Connolly, the fast talking Fed who always has a comeback ready to explain to his boss (played by Kevin Bacon) as to why Whitey’s being allowed to jerk the FBI around for his own personal gain.

Jesse Plemons (aka Creepy Todd from Breaking Bad) plays another creep, Whitey’s associate Kevin Weeks.  Poor Jesse’s stuck playing creeps I guess.

Adam Scott (known for comedic roles such as his part as Leslie Knope’s husband, Ben Wyatt on Parks and Rec) makes his first notable foray into drama as a Fed who’s suspicious of Connolly.

Overall, it’s a solid cast.  I could go into more detail, but I’d end up giving the rest of the story away.

Did Whitey win?  If you’re a news watcher, you know he went on the lam in the 1990’s after being tipped off by Connolly to an impending arrest, only to be caught in Santa Monica in 2011.

You might say justice was finally found.  Then again, Whitey was in his 80’s when he was nabbed so, he did get to live out his retirement years.

This is one of the first major Oscar contenders of the year and cements Depp as one of the greatest actors of our time.

If he takes home a gold statue for this, he will have earned it.

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Sep 17 2015
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TV

Steve Rannazzisi is an Epic Douche

Hey 3.5.

BQB here.

Very rarely do I ever get political or controversial on this site.

Actually, I think this would be the first time.

If you haven’t heard yet, Steve Rannazzisi, the comedian who plays Kevin MacArthur on FX’s The League, admitted to lying about being in the World Trade Center on 9/11.

According to news reports, he has, over the years, told a story during interviews that he worked in WTC, was jostled by the plane impact, and was able to leave the building in time to save himself.  That “experience” he said, motivated him to decide “life is too short” and to quit his job and head out to LA to pursue his dream of acting.

In his public apology, he claims that he began telling this story as a young man, that his was something stupid he did due to his youth and has long felt bad about it.

This makes me sad for a number of reasons, one of them being, I love The League.  

If you’ve never seen the show, it follows a group of friends in a fantasy football league who bring visit all manner of torture upon one another in the name of getting a leg up on their make believe sports game.

I’ll watch the final season because at this point, I’m invested in the show.  I’ve always found it to be unique and creative in a sea of just the same.

But after this, I fail to see how Rannazzisi ever works again.  Personally, I think lying about being involved in 9/11 is unforgivable but even if more open minded folk than I give him a break, I still fail to see how anyone could watch him in another show or movie and not think, “There’s the douche that lied about 9/11.”

So I’ll be very surprised if his career isn’t over.

Be honest, folks.  Lying has always been wrong, and in today’s information age, it’s easier to be caught in a whopper than ever.

More on this story from The New York Times.

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Jun 27 2015
2 Comments
Discussions

Same Sex Marriage Ruling – Impact on Books/Entertainment

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

As my 3.5 readers are aware, I avoid getting political on this blog.  I feel my goal is to entertain and I don’t want to alienate anyone because honestly, I’m kind of shooting for a “everyone love me no matter who you are and please buy my book if I ever write one” kind of a vibe.

If you want actual analysis of world events and important issues of the day, you should talk to someone whose best friend isn’t an alien.

ALIEN JONES:  “Best” friends might be pushing it a bit.

Bah.  Thanks a lot Esteemed Brainy One.  (By the way, AJ has a backlog lately.  If you’ve asked him a question, he will eventually get to it, though it might take a week or two.)

Still, the Supreme Court ruling is such a landmark event that it seems odd not to mention it and since this is a blog about writing and books (but also yetis and nerds), I thought this might be a good discussion question:

What’s the impact on the entertainment world?

If same-sex marriage is allowed in all 50 states, will we see more same-sex couples in books?

If so, will they be presented by authors in a “HEY EVERYONE!  LOOK AT ME!  I’M A DIVERSE AUTHOR!  THERE’S A SAME-SEX COUPLE IN MY BOOK!” type of manner?

Personally, I think if the world’s walking down an equality path, the better approach might be to present these characters just as anyone else.

I’ll point to John Scalzi’s Lock-In as an example.  In that book, there’s a same-sex (male) couple who play a pivotal point in the plot.  There’s no discussion of it or attempts to overtly point it out.  They’re just worked into the mix like every other character.

Perhaps this is a dumb discussion.  Gay characters have appeared in books, TV shows, movies etc for awhile.

But, will this change that?  For example, will we see a Hollywood summer blockbuster where the lead character is gay?  Could you ever envision say, a San Andreas style action movie where the lead is a gay dude trying to fight his way through a disaster and bring his husband to safety?

Maybe I have no idea what I’m saying.  Hell, maybe I’m just trying to bring more clicks to this blog by discussing a prominent issue on everyone’s mind.

(By the way, click a few buttons while you’re on this site, will you?  My stats are lower than the ratings of a network television show.)

Whatever your thoughts on the issue, keep it to the impact on entertainment and try to be courteous and respectful to everyone.

After all, this isn’t one of those cable shows where all the talking head pundits shout over each other.

This is a nerd blog, where all nerds of all kinds with all different points of view are welcome.

(But seriously nerds, please buy my book if I ever write one.)

And click a few buttons so the Mighty Potentate doesn’t fire Alien Jones (out of a cannon or otherwise).

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Jun 01 2015
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Pop Culture Mysteries

Pop Culture Mysteries – An Introduction

FROM THE DESK OF BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER

World Renowned Poindexter, Reviewer of Books, Movies, and Cultural Happenings, Champion Yeti Fighter and Blogger-in-Chief of the Bookshelf Battle Blog

Dear 3.5 Readers,

Let’s face it.

I’m not a very important person.

Does that come as a shock? I’m sorry, but it’s true. (Oh, it didn’t come as a shock? Thanks, but play along anyway, OK?).

Out in the wide world, tragedy and terror loom large on the horizon, peaking their ugly faces out from every corner.

BQB's soap box

BQB’s soap box

Every day, people are being killed by hurricanes, blown away bytornados, zapped by lightning, swallowed whole by monsoons, kidnapped by pirates (the billowy shirt kind, not the Somali kind), burnt up in wildfires, or carried away by hideous hungry trolls.

And that’s just in the world outside. At home? Why, you could be moseying along, minding your own business and WAMMO! You spill your ice cold glass of Diet Shasta Orange, slip on the puddle, crack your knogan on the way down and it’s good night daisy.

Did you know the home is the number one place where an accident can happen?  Why, you could drown in a bucket, get a paper cut while opening bills and develop a raging staff infection, or do a jumping jack in an effort to get healthy only to lose your squash to the overhead ceiling fan.

I’m not even going to get into the invisible bacteria growing on your feet, the latest hybrid monkey/bird/alligator/giraffe flu virus outbreak to hit the headlines, how your golf game is going to be interrupted when a celebrity crashes a vintage World War II fighter jet right in the middle of your back swing, or god damn it, the literally millions upon millions of spiders that are crawling up your nose each and every night, laying eggs, and throwing a massive disco dance party in the epicenter of your brain.

I’m not not going to worry about any of that anymore and neither should you.

Why?

See the beginning of this tirade where I did or did not shock you when I informed you I am not an important person.

As such, I have no ability to do anything about the vast multitude of problems that plague the world like a bad haircut on yearbook photo day.

Could I run for and win an elected office and use my wit and wisdom to cure all of society’s ills?

No.

Why?

First, I hate to break it to you, but I’m not all that handsome. I know ladies, I know. I’m sorry to devastate you with this news.

What? You figured it out? All men who spend a lot of time blogging look like a cross between Gollum and a chupacabra? Well, hey, let’s not go that far…um…yeah yeah, all right, that’s fair.

Second, I’m not a gifted public speaker – partly because my tongue ends up tied in more knots than a bag of Rold’s Gold and partly because I speak the truth people need to listen to, not the BS that John Q. Public wants to hear.

Third, I can’t be bought by the man – unless the man represents a prominent book publisher. In that case, then yes sir, my character can die, be reborn, wear a pink tutu, and/or kiss a goat. Whatever you want, sir. You just tell me how hairy you want that goat to be.

The average politician has to be good looking and photogenic, with a million dollar toothy grin. He needs to speak eloquently, with the ability to charm the pants off the room and a soul dark enough to allow him to spoon feed a heaping helping of horse manure with a side of fries to the masses – extra chunky, just how the masses like it.

Yes, if you wish to become a politician, you’ll be forced to compromise your principles in the name of campaign contributions. Those boku bucks come with a zip string that gets attached to your back, allowing the donor to yank on it and force you to regurgitate his agenda, turning you into one great big walking, talking Chatty Kathy doll.

The common man who cares about the average joe has no place in today’s political system. I’m not taking a side here. Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, that weird party that insists on passing a law that would require everyone to wear shoes on their hands and walk upside down…they’re all just a bunch of heads attached to one great big bloated smelly hydra.

To quote the late great Douglas Adams of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fame:

“The major problem – one of the major problems, for there are several – one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather who manages to get people to let them do it to them. To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

Be honest folks, do you think good old Abraham “Born in a Log Cabin and Educated Myself by Candlelight” Lincoln could ever get elected today?

No. Those losers on twitter would have a field day with him:

Tonight on Campaign 2016 News Coverage - Abraham Lincoln, the Great Emancipator. Sure, he freed the slaves and held the union together - but can we really be expected to follow a man with a face that craggy?

Tonight on Campaign 2016 News Coverage – Abraham Lincoln, the Great Emancipator. Sure, he freed the slaves and held the union together – but can we really be expected to follow a man with a face that craggy?

My friends, I guarantee you somewhere out there is an Abraham Lincoln-esque individual whose heart is in the right place, whose common sense and can do attitude could lead the world into a new dawn of peace and prosperity but….he’s too fat…too old…has a crooked nose, bad hair, a hella craggy face, or has been plagued by never-ending reports of a third grade scandal during which he picked a booger out of his schnozola and flicked it at an unsuspecting classmate who ended up traumatized for life.

In short, we’ve become a nation of dummies that focus on nothing but insignificant crap and then wonder why our leaders provide us with the same insignificant crap in return.

I don’t know. All I know is that our best possible leader has some problem that he knows the media would use to run roughshod over him and therefore he’s like, “Screw politics! I’m going to sell used Sonatas at the Hyundai dealership in Tulsa!”

“3.5 READERS: BQB – do you have a point?”

Yes! Over a thousand words later, I have a point! I really do.

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THAT WHICH I AM POWERLESS TO CHANGE.

And if you’re a follower of this blog, then chances are, you don’t either.  (Though if you do, you’re still more than welcome).

What do we do when we can’t change the sad state of affairs the world finds itself in?

We tune out and turn on the TV.

We pop in our earbuds and crank up the Top 40.

We purchase an overpriced bag of popcorn and take in the latest over the top, special effects laden blockbuster.

Hell, I heard a rumor that some people even poke their noses into a book once in awhile.

Pop culture. Open up our gobs and shovel it straight down to the deepest, darkest recesses of our bellies, Hollywood. We can’t get enough of it.

As the world gets worse and the average citizen becomes less able to change things thanks to Larry Lobbyist and Carl Corporation, we find our minds becoming more and more immersed in fictional, fantasy worlds – worlds where we can pretend we’re people that we are not, men and women we could never be, people with a voice, people who can make a difference…

…PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY MATTER!

I don’t know about you, but I devour pop culture like a fat guy at an All You Can Eat Big Mac Buffett because the worlds developed by artists are a thousand times better than the world I live in.

As fans of those worlds, do we matter?

Yes…and…no.

Yes, we matter because Hollywood will occasionally listen to us when we bitch about how they screwed the pooch with our favorite franchise, how they dropped the writing ball and steered our most beloved characters into an impermeable corner, or how sometimes they just do something out of left field (Dexter=Lumberjack??? Why???)

No, because like the other people that Holden Caulfield would call a bunch of phonies, Hollywood is also run by big corporations and CEOS who view you as one more schmuck to plunk down your cash and put your butt in a theater seat. Whether or not you are actually entertained is all too often an immaterial issue.

Can we change that?

No.

But we can ask those elusive questions – “WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN AND THE EVER IMPORTANT, WHY?”

What happened to Mr. and Mr. Brady’s first spouses?

How the hell do Doc and Marty know each other?

Why couldn’t Rose have just gotten on that damn lifeboat like she was told?

Why does Miley Cyrus insist on sticking out her tongue and making a face akin to a weasel suffering from an epileptic seizure?

What time is Hammer Time?

Questions. Like you, I have so, so very many questions about pop culture.

I want to take the plot holes of my favorite movies and TV shows and spackle them over with putty, apoxy, glue, and dare I say, the finest caulk in the land.

I want to analyze celebrity meltdowns and learn why fame, fortune, and adoration of the masses wasn’t enough to keep our favorite stars from hitting the silly sauce, popping the goofy pills, or getting on social media and ranting with all the eloquence of a bull roid raging its way through a china shop.

The long and skinny of it?

I want to learn as much as I possibly can about the fantasy worlds in which my mind temporarily resides from time to time because the powers that be have made the real world around me so utterly unbearable.

ALIEN JONES: Jumpin’ Jupiter, BQB. You sound like you’re reverting to that 1990’s phase where you wore nothing but flannel and played Smells Like Teen Spirit on a continuous loop.

BQB:  Not now, AJ.  I’m on a roll.

My friends, my followers, my 3.5 readers, my dear, dear Aunt Gertrude…it is my great honor to announce a new feature on the Bookshelf Battle Blog:

Pop Culture Mysteries.

I have questions about pop culture and I’m sure you do too.

To that end, I have retained the services of a hardboiled 1950’s Sam Spade-esque, film noir style private detective to investigate all the questions we have about our favorite movies, TV shows, music, and yes even books.

Stop by every week as Jake Hatcher, Official Bookshelf Battle Detective takes our questions, sniffs out the clues, snoops around the suspects, chases down the leads, and reports back here with his findings.

It’s going to be one helluva ride, readers. Along the way, we might even learn how a 1950’s sleuth ended up in modern times.

As we speak, Detective Hatcher is hot on the trail of the questions listed above and more are on the way.

For reasons that will soon be made clear, he has committed to investigate no less than one hundred pop culture mysteries for the benefit of my readers before he’ll be able to renegotiate his contract.

Do you have a pop culture mystery that my resident gumshoe needs to unravel?

Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle or leave it #popculturemysteries

Leave it in the comments or on my Google Plus page

You’ll have to use me as an intermediary because, you know, Jake’s from the 1950’s and is still getting up to speed on computers.

Noble readers, as always, thanks a million for stopping by.

I don’t know why, but I have a feeling in my gut that this feature will be the one that makes bookshelfbattle.com blow up.

ALIEN JONES: I have that feeling in my gut too. It’s the after shocks of that rancid seven layer dip you bought at the quick-stop and served during Scandal night.

BQB: Can you…not tell the audience that Scandal night is a regular thing at BQB HQ? Please? OK

AJ: What? The Yeti already knows. And everyone knows that the three forms of mass communication are telephone, telegraph, and tell-a-yeti.

BQB: He is a relentless gossip. It’s true.

Thanks folks. I’ll let Jake take it from here.  Stop by bookshelfbattle.com for the the first episode of POP CULTURE MYSTERIES!

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