…where Book Three of the Toilet Gator series is going:
Bookshelf Battle
The only site where new bestsellers are forced to do battle for space on a nerd's bookshelf.
Tag Archives: self publishing
Get a Free Book
Yes, I’m back again, peddling my free book. It’s free. You don’t have to do anything but download a free copy and help me increase my stats. Why won’t you help your beloved magic bookshelf caretaker/yeti fighter, 3.5 readers?
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I’m Available for Interviews
Hey 3.5 readers.
If you have a blog and would like to interview me, BQB, for it, because apparently only 3.5 people only read your blog too or else why would you waste your time on me, I’d be happy to, seeing as how my book is free all this week.
Leave a note in the comments or send me a Tweet or DM on Twitter – @bookshelfbattle
My Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts is Free All Week!
Hey 3.5 readers.
Your old pal BQB here. My big book of Badass Writing Prompts is free all this week on Amazon.
Free. Gratis. You pay zilch, zero, nada. So, if you want to help keep the lights on around here, all you need do is go and download a copy, for free, and that’s it. Leave a review and you’d be helping a lot but otherwise, just give me a download to add to my states.
Thanks, 3.5:
Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts is the Perfect Gift…
…for someone you only mildly care about. I mean, seriously, if we’re talking about your wife, you can give her a copy, but add a diamond ring, a car, or a trip to Hawaii, you cheap son of a bitch. Don’t go blaming your divorce on me just because I said my book was a good gift.
Read the fine print. I said it’s a good gift for someone you only mildly care about. Like that guy at work who thinks he’s your best friend but you can barely remember his name. That guy is a 99 cent book of writing prompts kind of a friend.
Your mistress? She needs a gold bracelet and some earrings. Seriously, handle your shit, son, before your wife and mistress start telling each other about each other’s existence.
This is all very facetious. As if any of my readers have social lives…
A Rap About the Seventy Cent Royalty I Was Paid For My E-Book (Or, “Seventy Cents”)
Yo. 2017. Time to grip the green. Lay down some treble and crank up the bass. Bookshelf Q. Battler all up in this place, gettin’ ready to blast some beats in your face. Let’s do this shit.
Sometimes a man just got a dream…a vision in his eye and a song in heart.
But the world do all it can to rip him apart.
So he falls to the floor, his body feels spent.
Then he checks his account, sees he’s got seventy cent.
Oh seventy cents! You are a dream come true!
Gonna travel the world spending you!
Oh seventy cents! I’m rich as fuck!
What did my ass do to deserve all this luck?
Yo, I was in the bodega, and something struck me as funny.
A girl was all alone and she was a fly ass hunny.
So I said, “Girl you wanna get with me? I got a lotta money.”
And soon we were going’ at it like a couple of bunnies.
And then the girl was like, “How much money you got cuz I’m feeling pretty fine?”
And I was like, “Girl, relax, cuz I got seven dimes.”
Oh seventy cents! For a book that I spent like 600 fuckin dollars to print!
Yes, to see that money you gotta squint!
Seventy cents! Lift me outta my rut!
And Jeff Fuckin’ Bezos gotta take his cut!
Oh seventy cents, yes you are true!
Three quarters minus a nickel, I love you!
DISCLAIMER: We here at the Bookshelf Battle Blog always love it when Jeff Fuckin’ Bezos takes his cut of the proceeds from the book we put out that like 3.5 people have read. We hope Mr. Bezos puts the money to good use, most likely to become the Supreme Overlord Ruler of Us All. Hail Bezos!
Get Inspired with My Book for NanoWriMo!
Hey 3.5 readers.
Are you participating in National Novel Writing Month?
Cool. So you have no social life. That’s ok. There are more important things afoot.
Wait, what? You haven’t come up with an idea to write about yet? That’s cool. No worries.
Just consult my Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts! Inspiration awaits for 99 cents.
We all know you’ve made more unsavory purchases for less money so this is a great deal.
My Book is Scarily Awesome!
Hey 3.5 Hallo-weiners.
BQB here. Boo! And so forth. Sorry, I’ m out of candy because I ate it and told the kids to get jobs and buy their own because this isn’t Russia and we aren’t filthy commies.
But that’s ok because I have the best treat ever. My book of Badass Writing Prompts is only 99 cents and well, if you’ve been reading this blog, and I know 3.5 of you have, then, you know, I don’t mean to be a dick, but come on, open up your wallet and make a tiny contribution towards keeping the lights on in BQB HQ.
There’s nothing scarier than a writer who has not read my badass book of writing prompts, that’s for sure:
Kickstarter and Patreon
Hey 3.5 readers. I hate to turn into that guy who begs for money like a common hobo panhandler but I’ve seen others do it successfully and have been wondering if I have been leaving money on the table that could help the Bookshelf Battle Enterprise.
What say you? Has anyone out there been able to use Kickstarter or Patreon successfully?
Bookshelf Battle Log #1 – 10/28/17 – Zom-bo-ween
Happy Halloween weekend, 3.5 readers.
Oh what a holiday. Started by Puritans to ward off evil spirits and now grown ass adults use it as an excuse to have as much cheap, meaningless sex as possible. How times have changed.
Alas, I won’t be at BQB HQ this ‘Ween to pass out treats but fear not for there will be no tricks. My trusty security chief, Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog, will be left behind to dispense treats and his own brand of canine philosophy to any little miscreants who happen to stop by.
What could get me out of my compound on my favorite holiday? Zombies. Yes! Zombies. It seems there has been a zombie invasion in Pittsburgh so the good people of this fair city got together and asked yours truly to save them. Gotta say that is literally the one and only reason I’d ever actually visit Pittsburgh because, let me tell you, this place is the pits.
While I’m away, why don’t you read some of the fabulous interviews I conducted of zombie authors in October of 2015? Yes, people with actual successful writing careers were willing to talk to me. 31 zombie authors to be exact, one a day for 31 days. Plus, you’ll find the journal I kept while East Randomtown was being ransacked by hideous brain chompers.
Remember, 3.5 readers, wear your helmets because this zombie hunter can’t be everywhere. Protect your gray matter because without it, you won’t be able to think and more importantly, you won’t be able to read my blog or my book and, well, come to think of it, critics have called my work pretty brainless so…sure, I guess if you want to give up your brains to a hungry zombie, be my guest. Who am I to stand in your way? I just don’t advise it from a medical standpoint. I mean, I’m no doctor but I just can’t help that physically losing your brains would be good for you.
I don’t do. Don’t take my word for it. Don’t take a zombie’s word for it easier because, you know, they’re biased. Also, the only word they can say is, “BRAINS!” Just do your research.
Bookshelf Battle 