Tag Archives: space exploration

Ask the Alien – 3/22/15 – Pixels

Greetings Earth Losers.  Alien Jones here to answer your questions and The Esteemed Brainy One
pump your planet full of extraterrestrial intelligence.

Why?  No offense, but your planet is dumb.  Very dumb.  There are no words to express its level of dumbositude.  So very, very, very dumb.

This week I answer a question from none other than Blogger-in-Chief, Bookshelf Q. Battler, who continues to be a Yeti hostage:

Alien Jones!  BQB here.

Pixels – WTF?

WTF indeed, BQB.  WTF indeed.

Feast your vision receptacles on this trailer, insignificant humans:

Pixels Trailer – Sony Pictures Entertainment

Coming to a theater near you this summer…assuming the North Koreans are cool with it.

To elaborate on BQB’s “WTF” I will ask and answer questions I assume are on the minds of this blog’s 3.5 readers:

Q.  In Pixels, 1980’s era humans place a time capsule on the Moon which contains, among other examples of Earth culture, 1980’s video games.  The aliens misunderstand and take the time capsule as a threat of war and respond by creating massive video game characters, which they use to attack Earth.  The trailer shows Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, and Space Invaders attacking Earth.

Is it possible for such a misunderstanding to lead to an intergalactic war?

A.  Such misunderstandings happen all the time.  The Moloklaxons have been on a thousand year campaign, sweeping through the galaxy, taking one planet after another, all because an ambassador from the Intergalactic Diplomacy Organization broke wind in their ruler’s presence.  It wasn’t meant as an insult.  The ambassador had some bad tacos the night before and couldn’t help it.

Q.  But seriously, aliens think video games are real and respond with giant video game characters?

A.  Most species laugh at your video games because ours are so much better.  Few species would respond with war, though the Moloklaxons are willing to fight over anything.

Q.  What’s the point of this movie?  Is it serious?  Is it a comedy?  What the hell is going on?

A.  There are some serious looking Independence Day-esque scenes of monuments being attacked by video game inspired space ships.  On that note, it looks serious.  On the other hand, it stars Adam Sandler and it is about attacking video game characters, so it must be a comedy.

Q.  Is it going to be good?

A.  It will either be great or it will suck with the force of a thousand Dysons.  There will be no in between.  It will either be considered a unique and fun premise or will be Sandler and co’s attempt to run around with video game characters of their youth that sadly today’s kids don’t care much about.  Pac Man was fabulous for its time but today’s youngsters want Call of Duty.  

I fear young people will be like “Who’s Pac Man?” and old people will be like, “I’m so old because I used to play Pac Man!”

I will withhold judgment until I see it and will hope that it is excellent.

Q.  Is there a ray of hope?

A.  It stars Peter Dinklage in a role where he is not Tyrion Lannister.  He is always great as Tyrion but this will give him a chance to branch out.

Thank you for your time, 3.5 readers.  Kim Magennis, loyal Bookshelf Battle fan and proprietor of the Whimsy Blog  submitted some questions.  I have been a bit swamped this week, what with my ongoing diplomatic efforts to convince various worlds to stop trying to annihilate one another.  I will definitely get to those next week.

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Submit it to Bookshelf Q. Battler via a tweet to @bookshelfbattle, leave it in the comment section on this site, or drop it off on the Bookshelf Battle Google + page. If AJ likes your question, he might promote your book, blog, or other project while providing his answer.

Submit your questions by midnight Friday each week for a chance to be featured in his Sunday column. And if you don’t like his response, just let him know and he’ll file it into the recycling bin of his monolithic super computer. No muss, no fuss, no problem.

Alien Image Courtesy of “Marauder” on openclipart.org

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A Memo from the Mighty Potentate

Behold, the official memo from the Mighty Potentate, Supreme and Undisputed Emperor of Planet Name Redacted ordering Alien Jones’ to become a columnist for bookshelfbattle.com

I don’t mean to brag or anything but, you know, I have 3.5 readers and one alien emperor reading this thing.

A Memo from the Mighty Potentate

Reminder – submit your questions for the Esteemed Brainy One by midnight Friday (as in midnight Friday wherever you are in the world, for my international readers) for a chance to have your questions (and a plug for your book, blog, whatever project you are working on) featured in his Sunday Column.

Tweet your questions to @bookshelfbattle, leave them in the comments on this site, or on my Google Plus page.

And remember, 4000 twitter followers will get the Siberian Yeti out of my Headquarters, so if you haven’t followed yet, please do!  (Not trying to guilt you or anything, but if a follow could free you from Yeti captivity, I’d totally follow you.  Just the kind of guy I am).

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Intergalactic Awesomeness

By:  Alien Jones (Special Guest Contributor)

Greetings pathetic 3.5 human readers.

Do not attempt to adjust your computer.  I have taken control of bookshelfbattle.com

Alien Jones, Special Guest Contributor

Alien Jones, Special Guest   Contributor to bookshelfbattle.com

To pronounce my name would require you to rub sandpaper on your tongue for three hours and then stretch it out while a musician strums it like a ukulele string.  Neither of us have time for that, so you may simply refer to me as “Alien Jones.”

This name was carefully selected after I asked the computer on my spaceship to determine a name that the insignificant human mind could wrap itself around.  It came down to either “Alien Jones” or “Goofy Space Man.”  I selected the most dignified option of the two.

Do not embarrass yourself by asking what planet I hail from.  By edict of my emperor, I am forbidden to tell you.  My home world has passed legislation known as the “Keep the Humans from Finding Us So Our Airwaves Are Not Filled with Reality Television Act.”  Violation will result in me being slapped unconscious with my own ganderflazer.

First and foremost, I’d like to take this opportunity to share a public service announcement.  My home world banned the practice of human probing over a thousand years ago, in the year you would refer to as 1015 A.D.  At that time, our revered team of scientists and medical doctors announced they had discovered all there is to be learned through endoscopic exploration of human nether regions.

The practice was banned but, alas, even a highly intelligent species such as mine is not without its weirdoes. Rogue aliens have been conducting their own unsanctioned probing missions to your planet for an entire millennium.  Many of you simple folk have been duped into being willing participants.

Therefore, please be aware that if an alien demands to probe you in the name of intergalactic science, he is acting alone and not under the authority of the emperor of my home world.  You may comply if you so choose, or you may beat him with his own ganderflazer.  The decision is entirely yours.

Now that I have dispensed with the pleasantries, I shall explain why I have briefly taken control of this blog.

I am not going to sugar coat it, Earth.  You dudes are really screwing the pooch.  You have a planet capable of sustaining life.  Many species, including my own, recognize this miracle and act accordingly.  You people?

Compare the accomplishments of my world vs. yours:

MEDICINE

MY WORLD:  Our scientists have eradicated all diseases and remedied all bodily maladies.  We live happy, pain free lives.  Hospitals are non-existent as they are no longer necessary.

EARTH:  Has yet to cure cancer or heart disease, yet erectile dysfunction pills are in abundant supply.  Prioritize much, losers?

TECHNOLOGY

MY WORLD:  All media is downloaded directly to our brains.

EARTH:  The device you call an iPad was used by our prehistoric cave aliens to wipe their expectorant holes.  We felt sorry for you nimrods, watching you tether yourselves to your televisions and computers that we decided to throw you a bone and beam the idea into the brain of  renowned computer scientist, Mr. Steven Jobs.

TRANSPORTATION

MY WORLD:  We have mastered intergalactic space travel.

EARTH:  You people have barely mastered the Pontiac Aztec.

ENTERTAINMENT

MY WORLD:  We have developed 4D television which allows you to enter and live as a character in your favorite program.

EARTH:  Breaking Bad.  OK.  We will give you that one.

Aside from Breaking Bad, an idea we totally beamed into the mind of Mr. Vincent Gilligan, your planet is really stinking up the universe, Earthlings.

And to help you unstink yourselves, we beamed the idea to create this blog straight into the mind of Bookshelf Q. Battler.  Yes, this site is an ongoing chronicle of one man’s love of books, movies, media, writing, and tales from his magic bookshelf.

But we zapped the idea to create this blog into Mr. Bookshelf’s mind.  We even implanted him with the idea to blog once a day for a year.

Why?

Because we have identified Bookshelf Q. Battler as the most awesome dude on your planet, and frankly, given the pool of talent you’ve got down there, that isn’t saying much.  Even so, this guy is pretty awesome, so you should all listen to him….and follow his blog…and follow his twitter…and follow him on Google Plus…and sing songs of his awesomeness from the rooftops.  Also, bake him chocolate chip cookies.

Are you still unconvinced?  Here is a smattering of what the most awesome individual on your pitiful planet has been up to lately:

When the F$%k Should Your Characters Swear? – Yes.  Delightful.  The worst swear in my language would require you to pull out your tongue and jump rope with it.  You could never pronounce it and I certainly hope you never encounter a situation in which you deem it necessary to utter it.

A Review of Birdman – Even we aliens agree Michael Keaton was robbed. 1989 Batman forever!

A Response from the Yeti – Do you know any other bloggers willing to fight a snow beast just to blog for you?  I thought not.

Those are just three of the best posts written by Bookshelf Q. Battler this month.  I could go on and on all day about the awesomeness he has put into the universe over the past year.

And to help him garner the attention of more than a paltry 3.5 readers, I will, from time to time, take control of this blog through my space ship’s super computer and remind you of his latest contributions to your planet’s supply of cool stuff.

Your planet is lagging, Earthlings.  Bookshelf Q. Battler will help you catch up.  Continue to follow his blog, and maybe one day we will allow your species to sit at the intergalactic adults’ table.

Thank you for reading.  You may now return to your programs about Kardashians and pizzas with crusts stuffed with cheese, as if you all aren’t portly enough already.

Alien Image Courtesy of “Marauder” on openclipart.org

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Don’t Forget to Bring a Towel…

“A towel, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

If you haven’t read it yet, you really should.

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Movie Review – Science, Space Exploration and Interstellar (2014)

WARNING:  There are spoilers in this post that stretch the boundaries of space and time.  For every hour you spend reading this, you may actually be receiving seven years of spoilers!

THE BOOKSHELF FROM THE INTERSTELLAR MOVIE

As promised, I’m back with a review of the film Interstellar starring Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway.  Here’s a fun anonomaly:  the other day I posted the text of “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Goodnight” by Dylan Thomas, a poem that features prominently in that film.

There’s a scene at the end that involves messages being sent through space in time via a bookshelf and well, because this blog’s name is “Bookshelf Battle” and I had a post about Interstellar, I saw a surge in web traffic from people googling things like “bookshelf and interstellar” or “what’s the deal with the bookshelf in interstellar?” or similar searches.  Totally coincidental.  I would never purposely try to move traffic to my site by mentioning “bookshelf” and “interstellar” a bunch of times on my site because honestly, what would be the point of going on all day about the bookshelf from the Interstellar movie?  Frankly, it would be ridiculous to keep going on and on about the bookshelf in the Interstellar and to mention the bookshelf from the Interstellar movie would just be a sad attempt to drive up web hits – so believe you me this will be the last time that I’ll mention the bookshelf from the Interstellar movie.

Bookshelf.  Bookshelf.  Bookshelf.  Interstellar.  Interstellar.  Interstellar.

A CONCEIVABLE FUTURE

I’ve noticed a trend in modern science fiction – namely, to introduce inventions that aren’t around today but to do so in a conceivable manner.  The science fiction of the past dreamed of a day with flying cars and people walking around in funny looking aluminum suits.  For some reason, people in the 1950’s thought that aluminum clothing would be very popular by now.

Interstellar presents technology that we don’t have yet, but said technology is relatable given the way it is presented.  For example, the film features robots with artificial intelligence, but they look like walking/talking ATM machines, not metallic humanoids ala Terminator.

Meanwhile, the ship used looks essentially like a larger version of the Space Shuttle rather than the U.S.S. Enterprise.

The premise of the film?  The Earth is on the way out.  Centuries of abuse and excess have withered the planet’s resources, caused widespread blight and famine, and ruined the economy.  McConaughey plays Cooper, a former engineer and NASA test pilot who only briefly dipped his toe into a space exploration career when the world went into a decline.  His community is relatively stable and he eeks out a living as a farmer, living with his two kids, Murph and Tom, and his father-in-law.  His wife died from an ailment that normally would have been treated in better times.

Cooper isn’t a big fan of the farm life – he regrets never having had the chance to explore space and laments that civilization collapsed before he could do so.  Cooper’s father-in-law, played by John Lithgow, is the yin to Cooper’s yang, lecturing him about how “the world is not enough for him” and how that kind of thinking led to the downfall of the human race – i.e. so many people on a planet with a limited supply of resources and each person is never happy with what they have – they always want more.

There’s probably a lesson for world leaders to think about when considering how to best protect and care for the environment.  Also, Cooper training for a career that he never got to have is certainly a problem that many of today’s college graduates can relate to.

A timeframe of when the movie takes place is not provided, though I got the impression it takes places at a time when today’s millenials have become the grandparents, so maybe 2050-2060 or so?  Just a guess.

 

THE SCIENCE OF SPACE EXPLORATION

Long story short, Dr. Brand, played by Michael Caine, recruits Cooper to use his underutilized pilot skills to go on a desperate mission – fly through a recently discovered wormhole and find a new, habitable planet for the human race.  The humans will probably be good to the new planet for a year or two then proceed to mine and drill the crap out of it all in the name of cheaper iPads and dollar discount Wal-Mart merchandise but that goes beyond the parameters of the film.

He teams up with Anne Hathaway, Dr. Brand’s daughter, who is, herself, another Dr. Brand.  Also, there are two miscellaneous astronauts whose names I neglected to learn because they buy the farm early in the film.

If  you’re a nerd such as myself, you’ve probably thought a lot about space travel.  Though we often think about space travel beyond the moon as being impossible, it isn’t so much impossible as it is improbable.  In a myriad of science fiction movies, Hollywood has portrayed two different ways.  Let’s discuss them along with why they are unlikely:

  • WARP SPEED – Han Solo punches a button and all the stars around the Millenium Falcon stretch out in lines as the ship he won in an intergalactic card game wizzes through them.  The problem?  It would be extremely difficult to drive a ship that fast and not crash into something – a star, an asteroid, a piece of space garbage, something.  The ship would need incredibly accurate sensoring mechanisms and an advanced auto pilot that could maneveur at high-speeds because humans have yet to manage getting out of the grocery store parking lot without bumping into something let alone get around obstacles at mind-bending speeds.

 

  • HYPERSLEEP – Ripley in Aliens preserves herself in a pod that keeps her body in the same physical shape over the course of a long, multi-year journey.  The ship goes on auto-pilot and drives at a normal pace while the occupants of the ship take a nice, long nap.  The characters in Interstellar actually utilize this technology in the film.  A machine that can actually preserve a body and prevent it from aging would be remarkable, and would have many medical applications in addition to the obvious use in space-exploration but until society figures out a way to not make people wait in an ER waiting room for six hours, there is probably not going to be any headway in such a device anytime soon.

Rather than focus on warp speed or hypersleep technologies, Interstellar takes a look at another means of space travel that has heretofore been unused by Hollywood – the wormhole.  As the film explains, scientists believe that worm holes have the possibly to bend points in space such that a tunnel can be created between them.  (At one point, a character draws a line between two points on a piece of paper, then bends the paper so that the two points meet to illustrate how a worm hole makes it possible to go from one point to another without travelling the long distance of the “straight line” in between.

All of this is theoretical but the movie’s allure is taking all of these highly theoretical concepts and imagining – what if someone actually managed to physically follow through with them?

I applaud the film’s producers for taking all of these hard-boiled, difficult to grasp concepts, typically the stuff that makes the average high school student’s eyes glaze over and fall asleep in science class, and portray them in a very real and tangible manner.

SPACE AND TIME

Also at issue in the film is the concept of differences in the passage of time – i.e. that it is possible for time to move differently at one point than it does at another.  Cooper struggles with making the ultimate sacrifice – namely, that while he is in space, his children are aging and may eventually even surpass him.  At one point, the crew reaches a planet and Cooper is faced with the difficult realization that for every hour he spends on the surface, seven years will pass on Earth.   True to form, at the start of a brief mission to a water logged planet, Murph is just a kid but after the mission, she’s all grown up and played by Jessica Chastain.  Talk about the cat being in the cradle.

INTERSTELLAR AND THE BOOKSHELF AT THE END

I said I wouldn’t mention Interstellar and the bookshelf at the end of the movie and well, I’m not going to, not only to not utilize a cheap method of driving up my web traffic but also because I haven’t decided if this was the film’s “jump the shark” moment or if it was highly creative and imaginative.  You watch.  You decide for yourself.

PARTING THOUGHTS

I’m a big supporter of space exploration but I am a lowly nerd with a book blog so really, my opinion doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.  For me, it was sad to see the Space Shuttle program scrapped in recent years and it boggles my mind that we are paying the Russians millions of dollars to launch our American astronauts into space, especially at a time when the Russians haven’t exactly been playing nice with their neighbors lately.

I think there’s a lot that could be learned from not only localized space exploration (i.e. around the Moon and just above Earth’s orbit) but also deep exploration – i.e. let’s go to Mars!  Hell, if we’re willing to spend the money and are able to find astronauts willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, a mission to fly for ten or twenty years out into space to report findings back to Earth is not impossible.  Improbable, yes but not impossible.

I do get it – the economy is terrible, people can’t find jobs, there are all kinds of wars and turmoil going on in the world and in light of all that it seems selfish to toy around with space.  But as Cooper points out in the film, space exploration technology also usually gives rise to technology that helps out everyday life on Earth, such as the MRI machine.  Perhaps there are discoveries to be made by exploration of planets within our own solar system that could improve the quality of our life.

Or, perhaps Stephen Hawking has a point, namely that maybe there is alien life out there, but maybe we don’t want to know them.  Maybe there are nice aliens who will share all their technology with us and make our lives better.  Or maybe they’ll invade our planet and make us their slaves.

Who knows?  All I know is the film filled me with a sense of wonder about all the possibilities that space exploration has to offer.  Brilliant and uplifting, there was only one part of it that made me sad – that in the future, there will be so many amazing inventions and discoveries and alas, they’ll probably arrive long after I’m gone and I won’t be able to see any of them.

Oh well.  People in 1801 would have marvelled at the iPad, so at least we’ve got that going for us.

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Interstellar and “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night”

I saw Interstellar tonight and overall found it very moving and enjoyable.  As soon as I figure out what the hell happened, I’ll give it an actual review.  In the meantime, I wanted to share the text of the poem that featured prominently throughout the film:

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

BY: Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

If you’re one of the 3-5 regular readers of this blog not including my Aunt Gertrude, you might remember I provided some analysis of this poem earlier this year.  Check it out by clicking here.

At its heart, the poem is about clinging to life even when death is imminent, but the lesson applies to encourage readers to keep trying to achieve goals even when thing appear bleak and unlikely.  The poem fits in the film – the characters face the imminent demise of Planet Earth, yet try to achieve the unlikely goal of finding a new planet for the human race to live on.  The astronauts/main characters have the unlikely task of exploring parts of space heretofore never visited by man and though there’s a high probability of death, they push on anyway.

Thanks Hollywood, for incorporating a classic poem in your latest film.

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