Hey Fantasy Nerds,
My apologies, there will be no Game of Thrones wrap-up tonight on the Bookshelf Battle Blog.
In the meantime, you should really be reading the top notch tale that is “Game of Yetis.” Here’s the most recent installment.
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Tag Archives: television
Game of Thrones – 4/26/15 – Season 5 – Episode 3 – “High Sparrow”
Oh that wacky Tyrion. Always getting himself into a pickle.
- I’m enjoying the Varys/Tyrion road trip. Mormont says he’s taking Tyrion to see the Queen. Guess he doesn’t realize that’s where the imp was going anyway.
- Arya’s tired of sweeping the floor, not realizing that’s some kind of “Mr. Miyagi” type stuff she has to do in order to become a faceless man.
- The whole thing with Sansa marrying Ramsay is odd. (After all, Roose murdered Robb and Catelyn) We can only assume Littlefinger has something up his sleeve – somehow this will lead to the Boultons getting their comeuppance. However, are the Boultons so stupid that they’d invite a revenge seeker into their midst?
- Seems obvious Cersei will have the High Sparrow appointed as High Septum, finally giving her the strong ally she needs.
- There was a wedding and no one died!
What did I forget? Discuss!
Game of Thrones Tonight!
Are you Team Khaleesi? Have you taken sides with Cersei? Are you still holding out hope that the Stark children will land a Hail Mary Pass?
Do you want to take up a sword for Stannis? Do you think that Jon Snow knows more than nothing?
Or are you keeping your fingers crossed that Hodor will become the ultimate dark horse candidate for the Iron Throne?
Stop by bookshelfbattle.com tonight after Game of Thrones S5 Ep 3 and chat with Bookshelf Q. Battler, Blogger-in-Chief. Toss out your observations, formulate your conspiracy theories, and what the hell, plug your blogs!
Can’t wait that long? Read the latest installment of BQB’s epic fantasy parody – “Game of Yetis.”
Yes, in the latest episode, Alien Jones (Lord Alien of House Jones) makes an appearance. He’s always answering questions on the Bookshelf Battle Blog and now he’s making a trip across the Narrow Sea to answer questions from the Khaleesi.
Game of Yetis – Part 6 – House Alien
Previously on Game of Yetis:
PART 1 – House Bookshelf – Lord BQB hides out from the War for the Iron Throne, coming up with various excuses as to why he’s been unable to assist various claimants to the throne all the while positioning himself to declare allegiance to whoever emerges as the victor. Alas, a complication in his plan arises when a band of Yetis under the control of Lord Yeti abscond with his supplies of snacks and Dew of the Mountain.
PART 2 – House Yeti – Lord Yeti of House Yeti, the ruler of Yetifell, a territory North of the Wall, where abominable snowmen love to frolic because it is ridiculous cold, mocks his son Yetyrion, calling him a dwarf because he is 6’5″ (which is really short for a Yeti).
PART 3 – House Bookshelf – The usually not so easily rattled Lord BQB is enraged when he discovers that his supply of Special Edition Code Red Dew of the Mountain has been stolen by dirty yetis in the employ of Lord Yeti of House Yeti. Unable to purchase an army of eunuchs because Daenerys Stormborn bogarted them all, he turns to his trusty banner men. Alas, they were only in it for the Dew of the Mountain and now Lord BQB must fight this battle alone.
PART 4 – House Yeti – Lord Yeti is aghast when he spies white walkers on their way to Yetifell.
Part 5 – House Bookshelf – Lord BQB takes it easy as his elderly lackey, the decrepit Maester Monty pulls his master across the countryside all the way to Riverrun, the land of House Tully. Along the way, Lord BQB confides in Monty that he has long dreamed he would one day meet an enormous warrior woman, one capable of providing him with love and vanquishing his enemies. Lord BQB refuses to take a wife until he meets such a lady.
And now Game of Yetis continues…
Across the Narrow Sea, a tiny being walked through the marketplace, his face obscured by a weathered cloth hood. He was weary from a long voyage and his feet ached for rest. He took a seat inside a tavern and ordered an ale.
“Hey!”
The small figure ignored the brooding hulk who, despite without so much as an invention, took a chair across the little one’s table.
“Hey half-man!” the brute said. “Take off your hood!”
The small being refused to look up. Instead, he sighed the sigh of a creature who, on a daily was forced to realize that the burden of being the smartest one in the room would always belong to him.
“You deaf or something?” the man said. “Take off your hood or I’ll cut it off for you along with your head! Queen Cersei’s put out a hefty reward for her brother the imp’s head and I’ll be damned if you aren’t just about Lord Tyrion’s size!”
Seeing that it was pointless to wait for the little one to comply, the man reached a big burly hand across the table, intent on pulling the hood off. Just then, quicker than a flash of lighting, the small one threw off his cloak, withdrew a laser blaster, and incinerated the intruder until there was nothing left but a pile of ash.
The last thing the would-be bounty hunter saw? The face of an alien – two almond shaped eyes and a ginormous cranium.
“Gadzooks,” the alien said. “It’s getting so that a highly evolved being can’t even have a drink in peace around here.
The alien ran a three-fingered hand over his wine glass and sucked the wine particles into the air and up into his pores.
“Aww,” the alien said as he emitted an obnoxious burp. “That is, how I believe they say on this primitive planet, ‘the good shit.'”
“Caw! Caw!”
A raven landed on the table carrying a scroll in its beak. The messenger bird dropped it on the table but refused to leave.
“Thank you,” the alien said. “You may go now.”
“Caw! Caw! Tip! Caw!”
The alien wished he had the type of eyes that could roll.
“Here’s a tip,” he said as he pointed a finger to his laser blaster. “Flap your wings outta this joint before I put fried raven on the menu!”
“Caw! Caw! Cheap ass! Caw!”
And with that, the raven skeedaddled out the window, leaving the alien to unravel the parchment across the table.
It read:
LORD BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER: Salutations, Lord Alien of House Jones! This week’s “Ask the Alien” question comes from Mereen!
@DothrakiDragonMama4Eva tweeted:
“Alien Jones – how u trn dragnz? Helps! LOLZ!”
Lord Alien put his cloak back on, left the barkeep a coin for the wine and another for the ashy mess he left and exited the establishment.
This was a question that required a house call.
Alien Jones (aka Lord Alien of House Jones) is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.
Community Lives On
EDIT: I wrote this awhile ago and for whatever reason, never got around to posting it. Community’s return to Yahoo is old news now but what the hell, let’s talk about it anyway.
I’m sure I can blame this on The Yeti somehow.
It’s the show by Geeks, for Geeks with so much Geek support that it refuses to die. And now it belongs to the Geekterverse.
Community’s Sixth Season is now available on Yahoo Screen, after five seasons on NBC.
Since its inception, the show has always had an uphill battle. If you’re a geek, nerd, dweeb, poindexter or an all around pop culture junkie, then this show is your bag. On the other hand, if you’re a square like most of America, most of the jokes probably fly right over your head.
With online displays of support, Internet nerds the world over managed to keep NBC from tanking it for years. In fact, this show has always been a pioneer of the streaming age with droves of fans who didn’t watch in its usual time slot but caught it later on their own terms.
And now it belongs to the web.
The show has suffered some losses in recent years. Chevy Chase/Pierce Hawthorne to a falling out with show runner Dan Harmon, Donald Glover/Troy to “to be on his own” and according to a letter to his fans, not to focus on his rap career as “Childish Gambino,” and now Yvette Brown/Shirley to take care of her Dad (awww).
With so many exits to the core group, the show isn’t quite the same, though the Season 6 premiere “Ladders” is as nerd-tastic as ever. Still, I hope no one else leaves. If Joel McHale/Jeff Winger takes a hike, that will probably be it.
The plot, for those who’ve never seen it? Community College attendees tend to run a wide gamut – the elderly looking for something to do (Pierce), the lawyer who faked a Bachelor’s and now needs to actually get one (Jeff), the single mom (Shirley), the dumb guy (Troy), the guy who is convinced he’s living in a television show (Abed), the classic overachiever (Annie), and the girl who’s always feeling the need to protest something (Britta).
As a show about college, it was destined to have a short shelf life from the start (after all, college only lasts four years). Yet, last year in season 5, there was a pretty adept “reboot” in which Jeff and the gang decide their lives are no better than when they first started college. Jeff stays on as a professor while the rest of the group decides to keep studying. If it is one thing this show is good at, it is reinventing itself.
“Shows change,” as is pointed out in an exchange between Abed and newcomer Frankie Dart (Paget Brewster). She’s hired by Dean Pelton to whip the school into shape, but as the group laments, Greendale’s lousiness is what makes it so charming.
Good luck on the web, Community. Your legion of nerds is behind you, but you’re going to have to come up with a helluva story to keep the gang at college past year 8 (and knowing you people, you probably will easily).
How Justified Made Westerns Cool Again
My parents loved Westerns. I don’t blame them.
I’m not sure of the actual numbers, but I’m willing to bet if someone did a statistical analysis of the subject matter of all films produced between 1950-1980, “Western” would dominate its way straight to the top.
Gene Autry, Chuck Connors, James Arness, John Wayne – the baby boomers loved their cowboys.
Justified – Flashbacks – The Beginning – FX
When my parents grew up, became adults, and had me, they often had reruns of shows like Gunsmoke and The Rifleman on. Or they’d watch one of their favorite cowboy movies over and over.
In recent years, the Bravo Western channel made it possible for them to watch all of these movies and shows on a permanent loop. I’d visit and there’d they be – glued to the same Western movie they’d seen a hundred times before.
And literally, even if it was a different movie, the plot of most Westerns were the same. Bad guys did bad things. The townsfolk were too oppressed and downtrodden to care. They just took it and accepted it as a part of life. A righteous lawman blows into town and gives the bad guys a run for their money. The bad guys get angry and fight back. They get violent and make life even worse for the townsfolk. The people turn their wrath toward the lawman, blaming him for stirring up trouble. Can’t he just leave well enough alone and let the bad guys have their way? In the end, it all culminates in a final showdown where the lawman and a bad guy draw, and the lawman is inevitably faster with the iron.
I can’t count the number of times I made fun of my parents over this. “Do you guys realize you’re watching the same plot over and over again?”
They didn’t care. And today as an adult, I get it. The American West was literally society’s last chance for adventure, at least in this part of the world. “Go West, Young man” they’d say.
People would head out West to prospect for gold, claim land and farm or become ranchers. Some would start businesses. Of course, there was a hearty supply of ne’er-do-wells who took advantage of the lack of an established criminal justice system to cheat, steal, and rob everyone blind, thus providing the fodder for the cornucopia of cowboy flicks that my baby boomer parents held near and dear to their hearts.
All that Western stuff? It was still going on as of the early 1900’s. People from the 1950s, like my parents, probably knew an old timer or two who could recount stories they’d heard or read about. By the middle of the last century, the West was won, but the stories? They were finally being told thanks to the invention of movies and television and the kids of yesteryear couldn’t get enough. The West was a limitless supply of adventure.
Somewhere around 1980, that all became lame. Once in awhile, they still make the occasional good cowboy movie. Young Guns with Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen (before he went bonkers) was a favorite of mine.
Game of Thrones Wrap-Up – Season 5, Episode 2 – “The House of Black and White”
Hey there noble readers,
Time to talk about tonight’s Game of Thrones!
- Arya has made it to the House of Black and White
- There’s friction in Dorne over the Viper’s death
- The Mereenese are displeased (and hissing) at the Mother of Dragons
- Speaking of, Drogon’s back! (To protect his mom from unruly rock throwing subjects?)
- Cersei gets no respect, no respect at all…it’s open season on imps!
- Jamie’s on a mission to Dorne
- The Spider and the Imp are on a road trip!
- Jon Snow is the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch (and Stannis wants him to be Lord of Winterfell)
- Brienne of Tarth should probably think about finding another cause. The Stark girls just aren’t interested.
- What is Littlefinger up to?
What say you, bookshelf battlers?
Game of Thrones Tonight!
Just a reminder – after tonight’s episode I’ll be doing a show wrap-up. So many GOT fan bloggers out there. Feel free to stop by, chew the fat, offer your latest conspiracy theory, debunk some of mine, and while you’re at it, toss in a plug for your blog.
I’m always happy to do what I can to send my 3.5 readers (including my Aunt Gertrude) your way.
Game of Yetis – Part 4 – House Yeti
Previously on Game of Yetis:
PART 1 – House Bookshelf – Lord BQB hides out from the War for the Iron Throne, coming up with various excuses as to why he’s been unable to assist various claimants to the throne all the while positioning himself to declare allegiance to whoever emerges as the victor. Alas, a complication in his plan arises when a band of Yetis under the control of Lord Yeti abscond with his supplies of snacks and Dew of the Mountain.
PART 2 – House Yeti – Lord Yeti of House Yeti, the ruler of Yetifell, a territory North of the Wall, where abominable snowmen love to frolic because it is ridiculous cold, mocks his son Yetyrion, calling him a dwarf because he is 6’5″ (which is really short for a Yeti).
PART 3 – House Bookshelf – The usually not so easily rattled Lord BQB is enraged when he discovers that his supply of Special Edition Code Red Dew of the Mountain has been stolen by dirty yetis in the employ of Lord Yeti of House Yeti. Unable to purchase an army of eunuchs because Daenerys Stormborn bogarted them all, he turns to his trusty banner men. Alas, they were only in it for the Dew of the Mountain and now Lord BQB must fight this battle alone.
And now Game of Yetis continues…
It was the best drink that ever rolled across Lord Yeti’s tongue.
Not because it was particularly succulent…or even delicious. He’d had better.
The Dew of the Mountain tasted so good to Lord Yeti because it was the property of his sworn enemy, one Lord Bookshelf Q. Battler.
“Father,” Yetyrion said. “Why do you despise Lord BQB so?”
Lord Yeti grunted and sipped from a chalice filled to the brim with fizzy goodness.
“Is it because Lord BQB is ridiculously handsome?” Yetyrion asked.
“What?” Lord Yeti said. “No.”
“Do you hate Lord BQB because he is exceptionally clever?”
“Lord BQB clever?” Lord Yeti asked. “Please. I’ve seen yeti droppings with more wit and wisdom than that hack.”
“Jealousy then is it?” Yetyrion asked. “You’ve been bitten by the green eyed monster is a God among men?”
“Did Lord BQB write these questions for you?” Lord Yeti asked.
“No,” Yetyrion replied. “Umm…maybe. No. No he didn’t.”
A hundred roars filled the castle walls, warning the supreme ruler that trouble was afoot. Lord Yeti walked the spiral staircase all the way to very top of Castle Yeti, which overlooked the frigidly arctic wasteland that sprawled its way north of The Wall.
“Why have you roared an alarm?” Lord Yeti asked.
“My Lord,” the commander of the banner yetis said. “Look!”
Lord Yeti peered through a spy glass to see a thousand white walkers trudge their way toward Castle Yeti.
It was a sight so unusual that Lord Yeti dropped his chalice of pilfered Dew of the Mountain, allowing it to spill all over the stone floor below.
Yetyrion finally made his way up the staircase to the rooftop, only to find his father and a band of awe struck yetis.
“What’d I miss guys?”
Yeah I know. It’s a bear.
Game of Thrones – Season 5 – Episode 1 – “The Wars to Come” – Wrap-Up
Dang! That was one badass premiere!
In the name of the Seven, know that there will be SPOILERS ahead:
Let’s discuss!
- Young Cersei visits a witch who predicts a younger, prettier woman will take her place. Is it Margery or Dany? Someone else we haven’t thought of yet?
- It’s the buddy cop duo of Varys and the Imp! Tyrion drank himself across the Narrow Sea but now he’s ready to visit Mereen and join up with Dany.
- Speaking of, the Mother of Dragons has some rebellious kids.
- The show still manages to surprise – i.e. the death of White Rat
- Will Dany reopen the fighting pits?
- Will Jamie go against Tyrion?
- Will Cersei still marry Loras?
- Was I the only one who thought Mance would reconsider and bend a knee as the fires began to grow?
- Beware the Red Lady. Beware any character who has their own background music.
What did I miss? Discuss in the comments below and feel free to link to your own blogs and GOT commentary.
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