ATTENTION ATTENTION
Alien Jones was hit by a space bus on his way to buy nutrition cubes. He’s fine but he’s skipping his column this week to focus on his recovery.
In the meantime, help a blogger out with #YetiMovies and #ReplaceSongLyricWithYeti
4000 follows gets the smelly Yeti out of my crib.
ANNOUNCER: This Fall, there’s a new duo of law men in town:
BQB: Yeti! Where did you put the evidence from the Coopatelli Murder investigation?
YETI: Um, you mean I wasn’t supposed to eat it?
BQB: (Arms folded in a stern manner) Yeti!
(Cue canned laughtrack)
ANNOUNCER: You’ve heard of good cop, bad cop? Try bad cop, hairy cop!
BQB: Start squealing, stool pigeon, or we’ll run ya’ in downtown, see?
SUSPECT: I’ll talk! I’ll talk! :::Sneezes uncontrollably::: Just get that big white dog man away from me! He’s shedding like crazy and I feel like every breathe I take I’m consuming 5 pounds of hair!
YETI: 10 pounds, but who’s counting, comrade?
ANNOUNCER: They threw out the rule book a long time ago. These two play by their own set of rules.
CAPTAIN: (pounds fist on desk) – Damn it, BQB and the Yeti! Ever since that stunt you two idiots pulled, the Mayor’s been so far up my ass I had to cancel my colonoscopy! What do you morons have to say for yourselves?
BQB: I hate Yetis?
YETI: This bores me. I must watch more Olga.
ANNOUNCER: They always get their man…
BQB: Any last words, punk?
SUSPECT: It was just a lousy tag on a mattress! It was itchy! I’ll sew it back on if it’s such a big deal!
BQB: Sew this, creep!
(Yeti roundhouse kicks the bad guy upside the cranium).
ANNOUNCER: And they always get their women…
KATEE SACKHOFF: Hi. I’m perennial nerd fantasy Katee Sackhoff and I’m pretending to have the hots for BQB because the network paid me.
SHE-YETI: And I’m a random extra the network covered with a bunch of sewn together mops and paid me five bucks for the day to pretend to be a she-yeti.
BQB: That’s some impressive acting, ladies!
YETI: Neither of you are worthy of licking Olga’s boots!
ANNOUNCER: Action! Drama! Explosions! Car chases! Romance! And a big ass hairy snow beast that just won’t go away! Coming to your TV this Fall…BQB AND THE YETI: BUDDY COPS!
What is the best video game ever?
I’m asking my 3.5 readers to put their choice in the comments and if they want to, explain why.
The Yeti votes for Tapper. He loves Tapper. So much Tapper.
“Pour the beverage on the right…slide it down to the left…the perfect game to help children develop obsessive compulsive disorder and alcoholism!”
– Tapper, 1983, Game by Bally Midway
Hmmm…well, I suppose for the record, we must note that Tapper apparently did not work in a bar but rather, a soda fountain, where he poured sodas (in case you missed the big “soda” sign.) So, no alcoholism. Just raging caffeine addictions and sugar buzzes.
We both like waffles. If only all the nations of the world could come together in a united love of waffles, peace, prosperity, tolerance, and a heightened sense of understanding would spread across the globe.
Except for those pancake loving SOBs. Patooie, I say.
The Yeti is an idiot and a smelly beast. Continue to read this blog, 3.5 readers.
Sincerely,
Bookshelf Q. Battler
Hello 3.5 readers. Please stop reading this blog.
Sincerely,
The Siberian Yeti
There is an actual Yeti journal…
I wonder if they’ll do a story on the one I have living on my couch, eating all my snacks, writing on my blog without permission and in general, being a major pain in the wazoo.
Yetis. I hate Yetis.
I hate to beg, but 400 more follows for @bookshelfbattle on Twitter brings me to the goal needed to free Bookshelf Battle HQ from unjust Yeti occupation.
Think about it – your follows not only aid me in my mission to spread literacy across the globe, they also help me foil the plans of a stupid Yeti.
I hate Yetis.
“Yeti Researcher” Image via a Creative Commons License by Dan Germain
Bookshelf Battle 