Bookshelf Battle

Greetings Earth Losers!

Don’t forget AJ’s dipping sauce.

Alien Jones here, coming to you from somewhere deep in the cosmos where I am solving a most delicate situation of grave intergalactic importance:

Why did those imbeciles at Star Burger forget my honey mustard dipping sauce?

I hate that!  Don’t you?  Why, I have no bits and pieces so I can only assume, but I would imagine that dreaming of succulent trobonka bird tenders all day long only to get twenty light years from the restaurant and discover that you’re going to have to eat your dinner dry is more or less equivalent to being an Earth man, having Charlize Theron knock on your front door, demand to have her way with you but alas, you’ve been outfitted for a pair of iron under pants and the key has been tossed straight into the briney deep of the Pacific Ocean.

Apologies for the rant, Earth Losers.  Sometimes as an All-Knowing Being, it’s not easy for me to suffer fools lightly.

Or at all, really.  Next time I’m in that quadrant that Star Burger is totally getting vaporized.

For those just joining us, I am the intergalactic correspondent for this pitiful excuse for a blog.  My supreme overlord, the Mighty Potentate, has deemed that only Bookshelf Q. Battler’s writing abilities can save the universe from the spread of the blight on all mortal beings’ existence known as “reality television.”

Further, he has demanded that I assist BQB in his quest to attract an audience to his blog.  (Why he didn’t just ask me to bring a dinosaur back to life and dance the cha cha with it I don’t know but who am I to question the Mightiest of Potentates?)

In fact, the MP and I discussed this very subject this morning:

MP:  It won’t stop, Alien Jones!  “Trucker Rodeo!”  “Tuna Farm Warriors!”  “Rodeo Drive Debutants!”  “Biker Gang Crochet Party!”

AJ:  I’m sorry, Mighty Potentate.

MP:  You must get BQB’s writing career off the ground!  People won’t seek their entertainment from “Barbershop Quartet Rumble” when BQB’s stories hit the big time!

AJ:  Are you sure, Your Potentosity?  No offense, but this guy is kind of a nerd…

MP:  DO YOU DARE QUESTION THE MIGHTY POTENTATE?

AJ:  No!  No!  Of course not, Mighty Potentate!

MP:  Report on the status of “Operation Find BQB an Audience!”

AJ:  He’s started blogging a story in an ongoing serial format.

MP:  WHAT?  I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO MAKE HIM POST PHOTOS OF KIM KARDASHIAN AND MILEY CYRUS WRESTLING IN A VAT OF JELLO!

AJ:  I tried, sir.  He wouldn’t hear of it.  He said that cheap form of entertainment would go against your war on reality television.

MP:  Blast!  He’s right.  I have been out-potentated.

Anyway, telling you this was my way of reminding you that I’m available to answer your questions, thus fulfilling the Mighty Potentate’s other goal, to help lift your planet from its lowly state of stupidity.

One question you might have as you read BQB’s serial is, “What is the meaning of life?”

I’m not sure to answer that question without giving any SPOILERS relative to BQB’s story.  And I already ruined the surprise of that every star exploding thing so I don’t want to screw up your day twice.

I could answer this question with all kinds of flow charts and data but instead, let me just state simply:

What isn’t the meaning of life?

Food for thought, Earth losers.  And speaking of food, mine is still dry because some minimum space wage clown was TOO STUPID TO TOSS A HONEY MUSTARD CUP INTO A BAG!!!

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.

Alien image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.