Hey 3.5 readers.
BQB here. As you know, I avoid discussing politics on this fine blog, because whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, I think the most important thing everyone can do is to come together and buy my book and give my blog extra clicks so I can finally buy my long awaited beach house in Malibu and fill it full of women of ill repute and questionable moral character.
Anyway. Regardless of your thoughts on POTUS 45, you’ve got to admit, the First Daughter is so hot that should could give a bad case of priapism to a eunuch. (That’s when your little soldier stands at attention for more than four hours. Daytime TV commercials advise you to see a doctor at that point.)
Thus, I personally feel for Florida Senator Marco Rubio when he delivered this awkward hug to Ivanka:
Sure, your first instinct might be to think that Senator Rubio is a dope for not just going all in like a man on that hug (Lord knows Bookshelf Q. Battler has never been one to leave a lady unsatisfied in the hug department) but then consider:
- He’s a married man. He probably didn’t want to linger too long and piss off his wife. “What, dear? No, I got zero enjoyment out of hugging one of the most beautiful women in the world. Didn’t you see the photo? I barely touched her.
- She’s a married woman. You don’t want to get on the Kush’s bad side.
- He’s a politician. Had he lingered too long the media would say he must be warm for Ivanka’s form.
- She’s hot so like every second of contact adds another second to the bad case of priapism I assume anyone gets when they come into contact with her – which is fine, under normal circumstances, but in the Senator’s case, he probably had important Senatorial shit to do after that meeting so it’s not like he can walk around all day with a bout of Ivanka inspired priapism.
- Ivanka kind of seems so hot that like, the average hug just bounces off her. Like, you need to be more than just a Senator in order to land your hug because an invisible force field will just bounce your hug right off. You have to be like the Emperor of Jupiter or an equally sized planet for your hug to go through. Only hugs from ridiculously impressive men will land.
Later, Rubio lampooned the coverage, joking in a series of tweets that he was “investigating” the awkward hug allegations and Ivanka tweeted “Fake news! Marco Rubio is an excellent hugger.
Anyway, I don’t intend to start a whole political back and forth with this post. I just thought the photo was funny and I could picture myself in Rubio’s situation, having no idea what to do and feeling like any move is going to get me lambasted so, oh well, here goes the awkward hug.
What say you, 3.5 readers?