Inappropriate Musicals – Balls of Glory: The John Wayne Bobbitt Story – Act 1

ACT I

(It’s the 1990s.  An enraged Lorena Bobbitt enters her bedroom to find her husband fast asleep.  She raises her hands.  She’s holding a man’s shirt with a lipstick stained collar in one hand and a butcher’s knife in the other.  She breaks out in song.)

SONG TITLE: “Chop it Off”

LORENA BOBBITT:

He cheated…again!

(Chorus girls fill the stage, all dressed like neighborhood housewives.)

CHORUS:

He cheated again!  Why, oh why can’t you see?

LORENA BOBBITT:

That he had carnal relations with someone other than me?

CHORUS:

Oui!

LORENA BOBBITT:

My eyes are open now!  It’s clear what I have to do!

CHORUS:

Get in the car and leave him now!  For divorce you’ll have to sue!

LORENA BOBBITT:

I’ll make it so he can never, cheat on me again!  I’ll separate him from, his tiny little friend!

(LORENA raises the butcher’s knife.)

CHORUS:

Um…no we were just thinking, that you could just take all his money in court.  Make him open his wallet, but to be violent is to be a bad sport.

LORENA BOBBITT:

But if he goes to court he’ll find another woman.  He’ll cheat on that poor girl too.  No, to end this vicious cycle, there’s only one thing left to do.

(LORENA belts out a showstopper.)

Oh…I’m going to….CHOP IT OFF!

CHORUS:

No, this plan will surely fail!

LORENA BOBBITT:

Yes, I’m going to chop it off!

CHORUS:

Think of the headlines!  Think of jail!

LORENA BOBBITT:

I’ll be a hero to every woman who ever got the jilt.  Now you can chop off your husband’s penis, and not feel any guilt!

CHORUS:

You should probably feel some guilt.

LORENA BOBBITT:

Yes, I’m going to chop it off!  Nobody can stop me now!  Oh, I’m going to chop it off!  I’m going to shout it loud!

(LORENA walks to the bed, raises the knife.  Stage goes dark.)

 

 

 

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