Author Archives: bookshelfbattle

BQB’s Letters to God – Orlando

Dear God,

BQB here.

First, let me just say I’m a big fan of your work. Big fan. I mean, the Grand Canyon? Am I right or am I right?

Anyway, I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job. God knows, or rather, you know that you don’t start telling me how to run a blog with 3.5 readers or anything.

It just seems to me that with the shooting of Voice singer Christina Grimmie last Friday night, followed by the shooting of 50 people at the Pulse night club, that…

You probably could have done the city a solid and stopped that alligator from dragging that two year kid away and killing it at Disney World.

I get it. I get it. You’re a hands-off, laissez faire kind of guy.

You’re kicking back up there on a cloud, probably got a strawberry daiquiri because it’s not like you have to watch your weight or work out or anything.

You’re watching us all as if we’re one giant reality television show. I can only assume that heaven is one hip, swinging club and by our actions on Earth you judge who makes the cut and who has to stand behind the rope.

But seriously. Come on.

They say you never give people more than they can handle but, and again, I don’t mean to tell you your business here, all you needed to have done was smite that alligator and a lot of grief could have been spared for a lot of people.

Holy shit. Just imagine it. You and your family go to Disney World. You’re all bee-bopping along having a good time and “Fuck! An alligator ate my baby!”

By the way, the problem with the Internet is there are all kinds of theories without facts.

Some people blame the parents.

I have no idea what the situation was. In theory, yeah, if you let your kid run around and you’re oblivious and taking a nap or whatever then yeah you’ve doomed your child.

But if you’re just hanging out in he happiest place on earth on a nice sunny day and HOLY FUCK! AN ALLIGATOR JUST GRABBED MY KID! – Really, what are you supposed to do?

Who could ever see that coming?

Yeah. I don’t know what a parent can do.  It is, pardon my French, but it is…a fucking alligator.

If I had a kid, I would surely attempt to wrestle that alligator but what am I going to do? It’s a giant descendant of the dinosaurs and has a mouth full of razor sharp teeth that closes like a steel trap.

What is a parent to do?  Box the alligator? People need to chill out and not be so judgmental.

There’s nothing that can be done unless you’re Australian. All Australians are born with an innate ability to wrestle alligators.  That’s just science.

And you can’t argue with science.

One or two of you 3.5 readers will think I’m making light of this terrible situation but I really am not.

I really, truly, sincerely feel terrible, both for this child lost too soon and for the child’s family who went through something no one should have to experience.

I am, in a polite manner, just inquiring why God couldn’t have intervened here and sent that alligator back into the water, thus sparing so much grief and sadness and pain for so many people.

If I’m making light of anything, it is the horrendous state of the world we live in, when people can’t go to a park dedicated to a cartoon mouse and a) not have to worry about alligators absconding with their children and b) not have to worry about getting shot because, yeah, if you missed it on the news, the terrorist did case Disney World previously.

 

Finally God, I know you like to stay on the sidelines and not get involved (God, er you know you haven’t intervened much on my behalf despite numerous and often pathetic teary eyed pleadings) we’re really going to need you to make an official ruling on something.

Could you take like 15 minutes out of your busy schedule and just go on one of these talking head cable news channel pundit shows – pick any one of them, any one of them at all, and just be a guest and announce once and for all that you don’t want people shooting, killing, stabbing or otherwise doing heinous shit in your name.

I feel like it could help out a lot.

But seriously dude. You really could have stopped that damn alligator.

Hey, what can I say though really? Could I do a better job at Godding?  Probably not. Not unless I’ve walked a mile in your sandals.  So no, I’m not going to be a pain in the ass and nag you about this all the time.

It’s just a learning lesson really. A teachable moment. You sense an alligator is about to eat a kid and you snap your Godly fingers and boom the alligator gets a bad case of diarrhea and makes a mad dash back in the water.

Thanks God. And, I’m totally not asking or anything but if you wanted to toss 20 or 30.5 extra readers my way, I would not complain at all.

Your humble servant, dedicated to singing your praises on a blog with 3.5 readers,

BQB

 

 

 

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How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 113

shutterstock_32022656927Annabelle was lost amidst a turbulent sea of survivors, all running into the forest that lined the Illinois side of the Mississippi River. People surrounded her on all sides and she didn’t dare stop moving for fear of being trampled to death.

She craned her neck back to briefly see the Sturtevant Bridge become consumed in an inferno, then collapse. Just moments earlier it had been an architectural wonder. Now all that remained were twisted hunks of flaming scrap metal that were flying everywhere.

Annabelle kept running. Shrieks of fellow survivors pierced her ear drums. She looked up to see half off a torn up box car sail just a few feet over her head. People ran for their lives, dispersing in every direction to avoid being crushed underneath it. Trees cracked and gave way as it landed.

The blonde watched as a gnarled hand popped out of the wreckage. A head followed, that of a zombified Buchanan Boy. It snapped its teeth and growled until a bullet pierced its brain. Annabelle turned to see a squad of soldiers closing in.

They ran over to inspect the box car, shooting a dozen zombies they found inside. It was all a blur to Annabelle. She listened to the soldiers bark orders at each other, how they needed to search the area for any undead.

Annabelle stopped and looked around. The ground was littered with pieces of metal and body parts. Hands. Feet. Guts. A few headless torsos.

She leaned up against a tree to catch her breath and watched as the soldiers ran to the shoreline. Growls. Shots.

“Gaaaaaaack!!!!”

As if it were a globule of rain dropping down from the heavens, a zombie flailed its arms and legs about wildly before face planting right into the ground a few feet in front of Annabelle.

She drew her derringer and inspected the creature’s charred body. It rolled over. Its face was mangled beyond recognition. It wasn’t even clear whether it had once been a man or a woman.

Whatever it was, Annabelle shot it in the head and it stopped moving.

She looked around. It instantly dawned on her that she’d never traveled further than a ten mile radius from Highwater before and now nothing stood between her and the world.

After a deep breath, she checked her pocket to make sure the documents her love had given her were still there.

“Oh Doc,” she said. “I hope you ended up somewhere they’ll appreciate that big genius brain of yours.”

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I Failed Again

Sorry. I did not post a daily discussion with BQB yesterday.

I hate to admit it but I find myself preoccupied with all the news on TV. I should probably turn it off as it isn’t going to get better anytime soon.

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Things That Really Frost My Ass – People Who Ask, “What Do You Mean?” In Response to Clearly Worded Statements

By: Uncle Hardass, Grumpy Old Man Correspondent

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BQB’s Epically Grumpy Uncle Hardassimo “Hardass” J. Scrambler

Hello Degenerate 3.5 Readers.

Still working on your precious writing careers I see.

Hey I just thought of an idea for a novel.

Its about a bunch of Internet bloggers who sit around and try to become writers all day.  Then one of them gets a job at the salt mines. The end.

That’s right. Pure fiction all the way.

Anyway, allow me to bend your ear about the dumbest question in the entire language.

It’s not so much as a question as a response. People use it all the time and if you use it on me it will really frost my ass.

So, suppose I’m digging around in the fridge in search of a nice gallon of moo juice to poor on my doctor approved raisin bran.

I can’t find any so I say:

“We’re out of milk.”

Do you know what my wife, BQB’s Aunt Gertie, would always say in response?

“What do you mean we’re out of milk?”

Hello. Did I not just speak in clear, concise English? Were my words garbled?

Did a damn wizard cast a spell on me when I wasn’t looking and force me to speak in Mandarin?

Look, I’m not exactly a distinguished Professor of English at Oxford University, but I’m pretty sure that the sentence, “We are out of milk” is universally understood to mean any of the following:

  • There is no milk.
  • Our supply of milk is non-existent.
  • The container of milk has no milk inside of it.
  • We are no longer proud owners of milk.
  • Grab a cow and squeeze one of its titties into this damn milk jug so I don’t have to eat my raisin bran dry for crying out loud.

Oh God. People use that response all the time. It’s just nonsensical throat clearing is what it is.

People’s brains don’t work so they need something to say to stall while the hamster in their heads start running around on the gears.

Happens to me all the time.  And Gertie is not the only culprit either.

Perhaps you people have even experienced this phenomenon in your stupid miserable lives.

Let me walk you through the appropriate responses to give in a few scenarios.

WIFE: The sink is broken.

HUSBAND: What do you mean, “the sink is broken?”

Ahh, now some of you dopes are thinking that the husband here is just asking for clarity. He wants to know the exact nature of the problem. Is the sink clogged? Is the water too hot? What?

Well, perhaps that is understandable, but consider this. The appropriate response would be:

HUSBAND: Please clarify the exact nature of the sink’s broken state.

But, since the husband asked, “What do you mean, ‘the sink is broken?’ then in my book, the wife is perfectly within her rights to respond:

WIFE: I mean there’s no f%&king water coming out of it, you asshole! What the f%&k do you think it means?

Perfectly reasonable response. Uncle Hardass, making marriages stronger since I began my column right here on the Bookshelf Battle Blog.

Let’s be honest. My columns are the best thing this dumb blog has going for it.

Moving on, what about this exchange between you and your boss?

BOSS: Did you finish going over the Drexler report yet?

YOU: No, sorry. I didn’t have time.

BOSS: What do you mean, you “didn’t have time?”

Again, the boss should have responded:

BOSS: Please list the other activities you engaged in that kept you from completing your review of the aforementioned file.

But he didn’t say that. He used that loathsome “What do you mean” response.

Ergo, you, as an employee are within you rights to respond as inappropriately as possible.

I suggest going out of your way to be a sarcastic jackass.

YOU: Hmm. I wonder what I meant when I said, “I didn’t have time.” I suppose that most people with a high school education understand the concept that there is a finite amount of time in a work day and if I noted that I did not have the time, that must mean that I was unable to find the time necessary to review the file.

I suppose there could be some alternative meaning in an alternate dimension in which English words are understood differently. Perhaps in another world “I didn’t have time” is understood to mean, “I rode a unicycle to Ted Danson’s house and then Ted and I went to the beach and drove around jet skis all day until we found and befriended a group of friendly dolphins. Now Ted and I and the dolphins solve crimes and fight evil together.”

Sir, I apologize if you are from an alternate dimension where “I did not have time” means something else, but here on Earth, it means, “I did not have time.”

Oh crap on a cracker. I was just handed a note and now I have to state that it is inadvisable to speak to your boss or your spouse or anyone really in any of the above mentioned ways and the Bookshelf Battle Blog can’t be held responsible if you do so.

Fine. You people do whatever you want.

Just remember when I tell you to get a job, and you respond, “What do you mean, ‘get a job’? I mean, “GET A JOB!!!”

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Game of Thrones Recap – Season 6, Episode 8 – No One

Spoilers, you nerds.

Spoilers ahead.

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BREAKING NEWS: King Tommen has abolished trial by combat. Vexing legal disputes can no longer be resolved by appointing two barbarians to smash the ever loving shit out of each other.

People will actually have to voice their legal arguments and the court will have to come to an actual conclusion.

In other news, there was a reunion of sorts between Brienne and Jamie.  They have some sort of friendship.  Bri wants to jump Jamie’s bones, as most women do. Jamie, I don’t think feels the same way though he respects her a lot and there’s probably a part of him that wishes he could embrace the concept of settling down with a woman that’s his intellectual equal.

Sadly, they’ll probably have to face each other on the battlefield one day.

The Hound will likely join up with the Brotherhood Without Banners.  With the Brotherhood’s role in the show expanding, could an entrance by Lady Stoneheart be far behind?

Cersei chose violence. Podrick’s too damn old to be a squire.

Finally, Arya is no longer “a girl.” She’s Arya Stark.

As the show ends with Jaqen smiling, it’s hard not to assume that everything Arya went through wasn’t due to Jaqen being mean to her but perhaps part of a larger plan for him to toughen her up.

Poisoning an actress seemed to be an act beneath the Faceless Men so for awhile I wondered if this just wasn’t bad writing. The Faceless Men seem dedicated to sticking to the shadows, blending in, and fighting for good by killing the evil without anyone ever learning of their involvement.

But perhaps Jaqen realized that Arya is of more use to the overall “goodness” of the world as a Stark than as “a girl.”

Varys is leaving. He needs to return immediately.

The Blackfish goes out on his own terms.

Khaleesi returns. The imp wasn’t as smart as he thought he was.

And a new question – what is beyond Westeros? No one knows. No one has ever sailed that far before.

Interesting.  A new twist!

Maybe Arya will sail beyond Westeros and find us all there watching Game of Thrones on TV.

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Daily Discussion With BQB – Be Excellent to Each Other

This isn’t a political blog, yet at times like these, it’s difficult not to say something.

I believe the Western world, and the United States in particular, is the best because you have so many different groups of people and the people, at least those in the mainstream, realize everyone can be different, work towards common goals and still disagree on many aspects of life but continue to live near one another.

Orlando, Florida is representative of that.

You’ve got a bustling night club scene where all kinds of partying happens.

Minutes away you’ve got a “world” dedicated to providing wholesome entertainment involving a cartoon mouse.

The cartoon mouse lovers don’t protest the night clubs en masse.  The night club partiers don’t try to put a rave hat on Mickey Mouse (as funny as that would be.)

You probably even have a lot of people who go back and forth between both worlds. Cartoon mouse lovers feel the need to party sometimes. Party people sometimes feel the need to pretend that a cartoon mouse loves them.

Both worlds exist within the same city. They have for years and neither world has felt the need to stop the other in order to continue to exist.

This is all just the rantings of a nerd I suppose.

What I’m getting at is the West works when we all get up, go about our daily lives, work together on our common interests, then at the end of the day, stay out of one another’s personal lives.

It’s not perfect and it doesn’t always work out, but it’s a better system than other parts of the world where you must do exactly as the powers the be say or else.

I don’t know the answer to any of this madness.

But I just hope people don’t take their freedom here for granted.

Every time you type on your blog, keep in mind there are places in the world where blogging is either outright banned or so hazardous as to make it not worth doing.

And that’s even if you just write about zombies and yetis and magic bookshelves.

Be kind to each other, 3.5 readers.

As Bill and Ted once said, “Be excellent to each other.”

Millennials, Bill and Ted were these California dudes who…nope.  Never mind. Google it.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Movie Review – Now You See Me 2

Abracadabra!

Hollywood just made two hours of my life disappear.

If you don’t want SPOILERS to appear, look away.

BQB here with a review of Now You See Me 2.

Some critics made fun of it but I actually liked the first Now You See Me.

Sure, the plot, the “magic” and everything that happened in the movie was highly unlikely…but in a time of rebooted reboots of sequels to reboots, IT WAS *GASP* AN ORIGINAL IDEA!

If you missed the first one, check it out. Basically, a group of magicians (the Vegas performer kind of magicians, not to be confused with pointy hat wearing wizards) called “the Four Horsemen” use their magic skills in Robin Hood style, robbing from a corrupt/rich insurance company tycoon played by Michael Caine and giving to the poor.

So I was up for a second one and…meh.

Yeah. I’m sorry but “meh.”

Razzle dazzle was the original’s hook.  The magic shows/tricks were fun to watch and in your mind you try to figure out how the performers did it. Plus, they convinced me that Michael Caine’s character was douche-tastic enough to deserve to be robbed.

But in the sequel, they kind of just went back to the same well. Michael Caine is still the villain, but this time his son, played by Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame, does most of his dirty work.

I don’t want to be part of the “let’s all typecast Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter so he never gets another acting job again” movement. I realize he’s been in other movies since Harry Potter.

This is the only one I have seen and in my opinion, he did well in the role.  Of course, the role was of a British nerd, so yeah, Daniel did just fine.

That’s not a dig on British nerds. We love you, nerds across the pond.

I have a complaint about an issue that I wish I knew more about.

Isla Fisher played the female horseman or “horse woman” in the original and she didn’t return for the sequel.

I don’t know why and wasn’t able to find any info on it.  I don’t know if it was a case where she didn’t want to return, the studio decided to not have her return or what have you.

Lizzy Caplan joins the group as the new female horsewoman.

She’s very funny and in many ways, the star of the show, but it does send a message that females are interchangeable in movies.

It happens a lot in big ensemble movies like this one.  All the dudes return but for whatever reason, they just swap out one hot chick for another hot chick.

The movie suffers from crammage – too much going on packed in to two hours and not enough time to address it all.

Mark Ruffalo returns as an FBI agent/magician (which continues to be an unlikely pairing of abilities). Magic debunker Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman) continues to be a pebble in the Horsemen’s shoe (magic debunker continues to be a unlikely career occupation, IMO).

Really. Who wants to be a magic debunker? Talk about pooping in the punch bowl.

Still, there are some great scenes. In particular, there’s a card throwing scene in which…well, I’ll just let you watch it. I enjoyed that part enough to be left with the feeling that the movie wasn’t a complete waste of time.

Maybe just 97% of a waste of my time.

Woody Harrelson was also pretty funny playing his character from the first film as well as that character’s obnoxiously evil twin brother. It’s the first time I have ever seen a movie in which Woody Harrelson made a conscious effort to become someone other than Woody Harrelson.

I also liked the exotic locations. Macau, China (the Vegas of China), London – lots of globe trotting. Made me want to do some traveling myself.

Among my many complaints, the top one has to be that they really should have come up with another villain/plot other than, “Damn it! Michael Caine’s up to no good again!”

If they do go with another sequel to make a trilogy, they have got to come up with another villain.

Do you need to rush out to the theater to see it?

No.

Is it worth a rental?

Yes.

But if there’s going to be a Now You See Me 3, they really need to up their game.

STATUS: Meh. Not shelf-worthy but not quite toilet worthy.

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How the West Was Zombed – Holy Crap

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Holy Crap 3.5 Readers.

Six months later, I finally closed the major arc of the book.

Every great story begins with a question.  Or questions.

The main one was would Blythe carry out his mission to transport zombies across the Mississippi River?

Answer – spoiler alert – no!

Still much more to go, but now it is mostly batting cleanup.

Oh I can taste all that sweet, sticky Amazon cash.  I’m going to eat at Applebees for a week.

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How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 112

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The zombies clawed over each other until they finally poured out of the hole that Zeke had torn through the box car roof. A few cars back, they were emerging through the holes that Miles had torn as well.

Slade laid down the heat and put bullets into brains. He quickly ran out of ammo and with no time to reload, he drew Gunther’s knife and stabbed furiously at the zombies that surrounded him, all the while struggling to maintain balance as the train cars rattled due to the increased speed.

A zombified Mr. O’Brien, once Highwater’s friendly photographer, was decapitated by Miles’ claws while Slade plunged his blade into the brain of what had once been Leo, the town’s preeminent drunk.

As soon as they cleared out the zombies in their way, the lawman and the young werewolf ran, with more zombies in hot pursuit.

Slade reloaded, fumbling to fill his pistols with silver-tipped bullets and maintain his footing at the same time.

It was day now. The sun shined brightly and warmed Slade’s face as he blasted a zombie that was grabbing his arm.

The zombies stopped. Slade was puzzled by this until Miles pointed up ahead.

Blythe.

The vampire was using his covered up hostage as a human shield, one arm locked around her neck while his free hand pointed his revolver at Slade.

“Stand down, zombies,” Blythe said. “Mr. Slade and I need to have a little chat.”

Slade and the vampire locked eyes.

“Drop your steel,” Blythe ordered.

Reluctantly, Slade set his pistols down on the boxcar roof.

“And you,” the vampire said as he looked to Miles. “Lose the fur.”

Miles morphed into his boy form.

“Bonnie!” Slade shouted. “Are you all right?”

“Mmmphh!” was the hostage’s muffled reply.

Blythe shook his head and pulled the sheet from his captive’s head.

Sarah. Her mouth was gagged but the fear in her eyes was palpable.

The vampire guffawed. Slade, for the first time since he’d become a U.S. Marshall, displayed a moment of weakness and dropped to his knees.

“Oh,” Blythe said. “Look at you, Slade. You’re too easy.”

“But you said…”

“What?” Blythe asked. “That I took the woman you love the most with me? I lied! That’s what vampire lawyers do!”

Slade stood up.

“The tiny fragments of whatever was left of your heart just snapped, didn’t they?” Blythe asked. “Ms. Lassiter is gone. I’d tell you that she’s dead but that’d be too easy. She’ll wish she was I guarantee you.”

The vein in Slade’s forehead pulsated to a boiling point.

“You’ll hate yourself forever for failing her,” Blythe said.

The vampire nudged his head toward Sarah. “You’ll hate this one for not being your beloved Bonnie…and you’ll hate yourself for hating her.”

Blythe pressed the revolver up against Sarah’s head. “Do I have to splatter her brains to get you to make a deal? Or will you realize once and for all that all a soul does is tear a man up inside and keep him from being his best possible self?”

Miles tapped Slade on the shoulder. The lawman ignored it.

“I’ll draw up a new contract later,” Blythe said. “But for now, a verbal accord will do. Agree to sell your soul to the Chairman or your say goodbye to your second best squeeze.”

“Slade,” Miles said as he continued to tug on the lawman’s arm.

“Not now,” Slade replied.

The vampire cocked the hammer of his revolver with his thumb. “What’s it going to be, Slade?”

Slade stammered. “I…I…”

“Slade!” Miles shouted.

“What?!” Slade shouted back.

“It sure is a nice day, isn’t it?” the boy asked.

Slade squinted his eyes as he looked toward the sun, then back at Miles.

It was time for Slade to hope.

The lawman dove for one of his pistols. The boy wolfed out to his massive furry form, then picked up Slade and through him off the side of the car.

Slade hurtled through to the air in a leftward arc. He took one shot at the vampire before being caught in by Miles’ left paw.

The young werewolf had dug the claws of his right paw into the side of the box car. With all his might, he held on.

Slade looked down. The ground below quickly turned into water. The train was now over the Sturtevant Bridge, darting across the Mississippi River.

Blythe, still holding onto Sarah, peaked over the side and scoffed. “You missed!”

Slade sneered. “Did I?”

Blythe looked himself over, wondering what he’d missed until he saw it. Slade’s crack shot had pierced the chain holding his golden medallion, the gift from the Chairman bestowing upon him the right to be one of few vampires allowed to bask in the sun.

The vampire, for once in his long existence, was afraid. He dropped his revolver and fumbled to catch his talisman but it was too late.

It slipped off his neck and fell through the air into the water below.

Blythe hyperventilated. His face turned purple.

The vampire let go of Sarah and clutched his neck and struggled to breathe.

“Do you think…”

Blythe could barely get the words out.

“… this changes anything?”

The vampire’s eyes bugged out of his head. The veins in his face turned black. “We are legion…for we are many!”

Blythe pushed Sarah off the side of the box car. He then exploded in a burst of sticky, black blood. What had once been the Legion Corporation’s most cunning strategist now painted the roof and side of the box car.

There was no time to celebrate. Sarah screamed through her gag as she fell through the air. Slade reached for her but missed.

Miles roared. He let go of the box car, pulled Slade closer to his body, then caught Sarah.

As the trio fell, a few words from a familiar, overused voice carried through the wind into Miles’ highly sensitive werewolf ears.

“…the open minded masses of the future will no doubt look upon him with great reverence as the man who destroyed the Sturtevant Bridge…”

The young werewolf recognized Doc’s voice and realized no good could come out of this third person tirade. He hugged the two humans tight then maneuvered himself to take the impact of the water landing with his back.

The trio plunged deep into the river as they struggled to reach the surface, the sounds of a tremendous explosion filled their ears.

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How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 111

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Mayhew responded to Doc’s request with a deafening roar.

“A fair point,” Doc replied. “But consider this. My legacy as a world class thinker is at stake. No matter how wise I am, no matter how many suffering I have saved with the curative properties of cocaine, no matter how many women’s lives I have saved through gynecological examinations, I shall forever be remembered as the imbecile who caused a zombie apocalypse to grip the burgeoning Western region of the United States of America.”

The henchwolves roared.

“Ergo,” Doc said. “You are dealing with a man with nothing to lose. Relinquish the box.”

It was a three way standoff and no one was budging.

“Very well,” Doc said. He blasted both henchwolves dead then trained his guns on Mayhew.

Before Doc could get off a shot, his left leg was severed clean off by Mayhew’s claws.

The good doctor fell to the ground. Mayhew ran.

“Thought you’d get away that easily, did you?” Doc asked as he fired three silver bullets into the fleeing werewolf’s back.

Mayhew whelped. He too, was on the ground.

Doc used his hands to drag himself down the bridge. Blood poured from the werewolf’s wounds, but that didn’t stop him from getting up and slowly walking away with the box in hand.

Though Doc was falling apart, his mouth was still operational as usual.

“One can only presume that there is very little difference between human and werewolf anatomy,” the good doctor surmised. “Therefore…”

Doc took a shot and sent a silver-tipped bullet through Mayhew’s left ankle. The beast was immediately grounded.

“Would that you would have only turned over the device and vacated the area,” Doc said as he pulled himself over to the werewolf. “But like so many in this world, you too underestimate my resolve.”

The werewolf rolled over on his back and breathed heavily.

“Rest now, my good man,” Doc said as he put a silver-tipped bullet through Mayhew’s skull.

The train whistle blared.

Doc looked down the track. The Marvel was on the bridge now, about twenty feet away but gaining speed.

He picked up the detonation box and wrapped his hand around the plunger.

“And so ends the journey of Doctor Elias T. Farraday,” Doc said. “A misunderstood genius, reviled by the dimwitted masses of the time he had the misfortune of being born in, but once the dust settles and the history books are written, the open minded masses of the future will no doubt look upon him with great reverence as the man who destroyed the Sturtevant Bridge, keeping the zombie hordes away from the East and…”

The train whistle blared again.

“Oh for the love of God,” Doc complained. “A man can’t even finish a monolog around here.”

The good doctor closed his eyes, gripped the plunger tightly, then pushed.

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