Tag Archives: communism

Are Billionaires Immoral?

Alexandria Ocasio Cortez said this the other day and I thought I’d opine for the sake of my 3.5 readers.

By the way, why is it fair that some blogs have millions of readers while I only have 3.5 readers?  If those blogs would fork over half of their readers, then my blog would be sufficiently read.

I get the point that there are lots of people who are suffering, without help, without hope and so on.

I think the problem is it depends how you look at it.

It’s all a matter of distribution.

Fred the Billionaire is the Owner of Fred’s Burgers.  Does Fred have a billion liquid dollars in his bank account? Probably not.  He probably has a crazy, silly amount that we’d all want to jerk off all over but he probably doesn’t have a billion liquid.

Fred’s burger stores, the buildings, the property they sit on, that’s all worth a billion.  And before you start in on me, yes I’m speaking in general terms. I don’t have all day to get exact figures and do a real serious case study of what an individual billionaire does with his money.  I’m too busy running a blog that is read by 3.5 readers.

Anyway, Fred can’t spend a burger store.  He can’t spend the property the burger store is on.  He could sell it all (lawyers and the government would take a sizeable chunk) but he’d left with a pretty penny, plenty to go yachting on boats full of women like we saw in the Cardi B video, which, I can’t say enough, is my dream.

I’m not saying that anyone should cry Fred a river.  He’s probably got that booty yacht now.

I’m just saying, like, suppose you tax Fred to the point where he becomes a schmuck, earning a low amount like the rest of us.  Why would he bother continuing to run Fred’s burgers?  Why wouldn’t he get a job that just pays a low level like the rest of us?  Why would he put in all the extra hours, why would he take on all that liability?  You’ve taxed Fred to the point where he’s making 40 grand a year now, but he could still get slapped with a 40 million dollar restaurant if one of his customers chokes on a pickle.

These are all examples off the top of my butt but ultimately, it is all about distribution of resources.  The government does what the people can’t turn a profit off of.  Do you think the government would put out a good burger?  No.  The government will give you hamburger product type 1 and there’s no incentive to make it better.  Fred makes his burgers better because you could always go to Pete’s burgers.  Fuck you Fred, Pete makes better burgers.

Fred is a billionaire but a lot of his wealth is tied up in the means of burger production.  He’s still doing fabulous…but you don’t want to tax him to the point where he or his rivals stop making burgers because you don’t want a government burger.

I’m sorry, Commie Millennials, but I just have to stress that you don’t want to go down the Communism road.  Do you think the government would make good Superhero movies? No.  The government does not make good superhero movies.  Hollywood barely makes good movies of any kind.

Do you think Cardi B makes videos with 10,000 booties twerking on a yacht if she ain’t getting paid?  No.

Believe me, I’ve thought about doing things and taking risks that might make me well, I’ve never had an idea that could make me a billion but if I took some risks, purchased some property, started a business, used my last few bucks to pay for business expenses…I might one day turn a profit but the fear that I’d end up destitute is too much so I’m out.

Business people do see their businesses fail all the time.  I’m not saying cry for the businessmen of the world.  I’m just saying, all people who strive toward a goal have a goal in mind they want to achieve.

Honestly, I write because I hope one day it will lead to me owning a booty yacht.  I’ll invite Cardi and friends to twerk on it.  They’ll say no but I’ll hire a Cardi impersonator.  Whatever.

The government could do more to improve quality of life but I think it starts with eliminating waste.  You scoff, but there are all sorts of crazy programs that get ridiculous funding.  The other day I heard about a program to study why lesbians are fat.  Who cares?  Stop spending millions trying to make lesbians skinny.  Everyone loves fat lesbians.  Lesbians love pizza and pussy.  I love pizza and pussy.  There’s never been a government study spending millions trying to change me but they try to change the fat lesbians.  That’s discrimination.

You know where the millions for the fat lesbian study could go?  Text books for kids.  Food for the poor.  Medicine for the poor and sickly.

Every Congressperson before they vote on some shit should ask if there’s a better purpose for that shit.  They don’t because it’s just too easy for the government to demand more shit but the more you do that then eventually, the shit well runs dry.

Thank you for listening 3.5 readers.  I await your comments.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – My Concerns About Socialism and Communism

Gather around, 3.5 readers.

Either you’re all getting too young or I’m getting too old.

I’m a tail end Gen-Xer, which means I’m old enough to have watched Rocky IV in the movie theater and see all of America’s anti-Communism fears take the form of Ivan Drago, the killing machine boxer whose Soviet government was willing to expend untold amounts of government resources on whilst Russian peasants were starving.

OK.  I know Drago wasn’t real but the analogy, i.e. that the Soviets would gladly let scores of their own toil away and live on scraps just to fund the Soviet ambition for world conquest was some scary shit.

I mean, I was a kid so I didn’t worry that much about it but looking back, yeah, the adults were a little scared by it.

I’m also young enough that I never saw the 1950s, where US kids underwent drills in schools where they’d hide under their desks, as if that was somehow going to protect from a nuclear blast.

I’m also young enough I didn’t live through the fear in the 1960s when Castro’s Cuba allowed Russia to place nuclear missiles in Cuba that could have reached US shore easily.

And I’m old enough that I was a teenager in the 1990s, a time when the U.S. and Russia enjoyed a post-Cold War peace that made it seem like the world was on the right path.

In other words, I’m not old enough to remember the worst of Communism, but just old enough to have known adults who lived through those hard times.

Read some history books.  Stories of how Soviet Russia killed millions of its own people.  China did so as well.  I recall one book about how it was common in 1950s China for the Army to go into villages, find that the villagers hadn’t met their farm production quotas, and kill villagers as a warning.  Either that, or sometimes they’d lie to their superiors, tell them the villages have enough food (they didn’t want to admit to their bosses they had failed) and villagers would starve when it would have been easy to have had food sent to them.  So many people died, just over fears of communicating failure to a hostile government that didn’t take failure well.

Want to know how old I am?  When I was a kid, if you didn’t eat your dinner, an old ass elderly person would inevitably say, like clockwork, “What a shame to waste that food, there are starving children in China who would love to have that.”

Then I’d inevitably say well take my dinner and put it in a box and mail it to the starving Chinese kids, you wrinkly old fuck.  OK I wouldn’t say that but still.  See how clueless all you young people are?  You never met an old person who told you that your failure to eat your whole dinner was causing a Chinese kid’s death by starvation.

It scares me when I see so many young people who are all into socialism, which I don’t like on its own and also I don’t like because it’s just a stone’s throw away from communism.  Whenever I see a young person in a Che Guevara shirt watching a superhero movie on his stupid iphone, it’s hard for me to not tell this kid how dumb he is.

Think about it.  Smart phones.  Movies.  TV.  Internet.  All born out of America.  Freedom of speech makes us an entertainment capitol, while capitalism makes all of these inventions possible.

You like all those Marvel superhero movies?  Cool.  Do you think Chris Evans is going to stand around for 14 hours a day in a blue spandex suit that rides up his ass, pretending to yell at CGI monsters if a hefty fee isn’t going into his bank account?  Do you think he’ll do it for the same box of rationed government cheese that everyone else would get in a Commie world?

Does Steve Jobs spend his whole life, ignoring and being shitty to his family, in the hopes of being memorialized for all time as a computer genius if all he gets is a few rolls of toilet paper?  I think not.

Apple computers didn’t start in Russia.  Marvel Comics didn’t start in Russia.  You might point out that a lot of the products you love are manufactured overseas but OK, they didn’t get to you without an underlying profit motive.

This is the way humans are.   Since our prehistoric days, humans have been naturally selfish and self-centered.  Cavemen would build piles of rocks and only give you a rock if you traded them a twig.  There weren’t any cavemen giving out rocks for free.  And if you wanted the primo cavewoman pussy, you had to have yourself a fat ass pile of the best rocks.

There weren’t any cavemen tribes who were sharing the rocks.  You think that a caveman is going to push himself to get 50 rocks when the guy who brings back 1 rock gets the same rock portion?  Screw that.

Communism failed and led to so many deaths because the government had to force people to go against their own instincts – work hard for Jack and don’t complain or its the gulag for you.

Is Capitalism perfect?  No.  I get it.  We all don’t start with the same advantages.  A bad turn of luck can weigh you down forever, keep you from getting a great job and so on.  But I don’t think a better economic system has been invented yet and socialism and communism aren’t it.

So, end of speech.  Sorry I got political.  It concerns me that, “Please don’t become a socialist or a communist” is considered political now.  When I was a kid, not being a communist was just like, not wanted the sky to turn purple.  Just an obvious thing no one wanted, but alas, the old get older and the young never hear about any of the bad shit and are duped into thinking good shit so…this little fart in the wind of a post is my part in keeping communism at bay and asking you youngsters to read some damn history books.

Thank you.  Wow.  This could have been an Uncle Hardass column.

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Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Russian Spy

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The Russians.

Oh sure, they say they want to be our friends but then as soon as we aren’t looking they kick the Ukraine in the balls and give East Europe a wedgie.

Let’s face it.  For many Russians the Cold War never ended and they’re looking for their chance to spread communism across the globe.

Fellow American men, here are some warning signs that your girlfriend might in fact be a Russian spy:

10.  You asked her if she is a Russian spy and her answer was “nyet.”  Nyet, of course, is Russian for “no.”  This is a clear sign your girlfriend is a Russian spy as an American woman would have responded, “No” or “Shut up and buy me something assface.”

9.  You glanced at her cell phone and noticed she has “Putin” listed in her contacts.

8.  She gets up in the middle of the night, strips naked, opens up the freezer and then just stands there taking in the cold blast.  You could question her about this, but she’ll just give you some bullshit excuse about it being some kind of weird sex fetish.  In actuality, she does this because it reminds her of summertime in her native Siberia.

7.  She can’t name a single player on the local baseball team.  (Note for this to work you need to not be a nerd who doesn’t know a single player on your local baseball team.)

6.  She has difficulty fitting in during social gatherings.  You and your friends always want to talk about movies, music and popular culture whereas she just keeps randomly blurting out stuff like, “Religion is the opiate of the masses!” and “When we hang the capitalists they will sell us the rope we use!”

5.  Ever since she got a look at your fully stocked bathroom she’s been willing to do horrible, unspeakable things in the boudoir in exchange for a roll of two-ply.  “Pass the Charmin” has taken on an entirely new meaning.

4.  You have compared notes with your male friends.  When their girlfriends get mad at them, they get a lecture or the cold shoulder.  When your girlfriend gets mad at you, she slams her shoe down on the counter and shouts, “We will bury you!”

3.  Whenever you ask her where she wants to go on your next date, she invariably replies, “the Pentagon” then asks if you know whether or not they allow flash photography.

2.  She regularly asks if that is a hammer or a sickle in your pants or are you just happy to see her.

  1. You wake up often in the middle of the night to find your neck locked between her thighs, leaving you gasping for air.  You question her about it but she swears she’s just being kinky.  She’s not.  She’s trying to strangle the shit out of you like one of those damn double agent she-assassins that are always trying to kill James Bond.  Oh well.  We all have to go sometime and what a way to go.
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Pop Culture Mysteries: And Now a Word From Our Sponsor (Beware the Red Menace)

Tomorrow’s episode of Pop Culture Mysteries is brought to you by the American Organization Against Anti-American Tomfoolery!  Join us today and help stop the spread of the dreaded red menace!

ANNOUNCER:  Earl and Pearl.  Two fine upstanding Americans.  Earl works a hard day at the office but can always count on Pearl to have a nice juicy steak waiting for him as soon as he walks through the door.  They pay their taxes, trim their hedges, pick up litter, and never forget to vote.

PEARL:  More steak Earl?shutterstock_266650730

EARL:  Of course, Pearl!  You’ve outdone yourself again, dear!

PEARL:  Oh you!

ANNOUNCER:  Hello Earl and Pearl.

(Earl folds his newspaper and looks up.)

EARL:  Oh.  Hello.

ANNOUNCER:  Say Earl, who’s that old gent who just moved in next door to you?

EARL:  Mr. Thompson?  Oh, I haven’t much of a chance to get to know him yet.  Introduced myself the other day.  Seems like a fine fellow.

ANNOUNCER:  “Seems” is a tricky word, Earl.

EARL:  What do you mean?

ANNOUNCER:  Well, Mr. Thompson might “seem” like a kindly old codger when in fact, he could very well be a low down dirty stinking red communist, reporting every thing he observes about the United States directly to Nikita Khrushchev as we speak!

PEARL:  Oh Heavens to Betsy!

ANNOUNCER:  Now, now.  Calm your feminine emotions, Pearl.  There’s no need to panic.

EARL:  What do we do?

ANNOUNCER:  What any good American citizen should do!  Get in Mr. Thompson’s business and find out if he prefers the Stars and Stripes or the Hammer and Sickle!

PEARL:  How do we do that?

ANNOUNCER:  I was talking to Earl.  Pearl, the men are talking now…

PEARL:  I’m sorry.  It’s my darn feminine emotions acting up again.

ANNOUNCER:  Earl, go have yourself a real conversation with your neighbor.  Better yet, invite him over for a nice dinner.  Hear that, Pearl?  You can finally be useful.

PEARL:  And how!

EARL:  Are there any warning signs I should look out for?

ANNOUNCER:  Of course!  The fine upstanding Americans at the American Organization Against Anti-American Tomfoolery have identified the following issues to consider:

1.  BASEBALL – Can Mr. Thompson name the starting lineup of the Dodgers?  Baseball is the American past-time you know.  The dirty pinkos’ favorite pastime?  Why, it’s a toss-up between baby strangling and puppy kicking.

2.  CINEMA – Bring Hollywood into the conversation and any red blooded American male will surely mention Rita Hayworth.  Keep your ears open in case Mr. Thompson mentions Olga of Olga’s Stewstravaganza, literally the only Soviet movie ever made.  It’s all about a peasant woman’s quest to create the perfect stew.

3.  CARS – Ford?  Yes.  Dodge?  Yes.  Chrysler?  Yes. Mule?  No.

4.  MONEY – Sing that perennial favorite, “How Much is that Doggy in the Window?”  Does Mr. Thompson reply “I do hope that doggy’s for sale!” or “The doggy belongs to everyone and is to be shared equally, comrade!”

5.  THE PIE TEST – Nothing is more American than apple pie.  Set a piece in front of a commie and he’ll shrink away from it and hiss like a vampire!

EARL:  That sure is a lot to think about.

ANNOUNCER:  It sure is, Earl.  It sure is.  Remember – ONLY YOU CAN PRESERVE LADY LIBERTY FROM THE RED MENACE!

Have a question about pop culture?  Put Hatcher on the case!  Tweet your inquiries to @bookshelfbattle #popculturemysteries or leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com

Copyright Bookshelf Q. Battler 2015.  All Rights Reserved.

1950’s couple image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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