Tag Archives: disney

Dec 12 2016
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Movies

Movie Trailer – Spiderman: Homecoming (2017)

Hey 3.5.

BQB here, still posting behind the Yeti’s back.  Shh!  Don’t tell him.

The trailer for Spiderman: Homecoming is out and it looks like the best Spiderman movie in awhile.

The first two Tobey Maguire movies in the early 2000s were great then they hit a wall with the third one.  Emo Spiderman.  Blah.

The most recent two were fine but didn’t really knock my socks off.

Here, it looks like they’ve come up with a great idea, setting Spiderman in the world of the Avengers and making Tony Stark his mentor.  It makes sense.  Tony is a scientist.  Peter is a wannabe scientist.

We don’t need need to see yet another origin story where Peter is bitten by the radioactive spider and he doesn’t stop the robber and the robber shoots Uncle Ben so from then on Spiderman pledges to never let anyone down again and so on.

We’ve got it.

Yet, while we don’t need an origin story, we do need an explanation as to what this current incarnation of a character is all about.  That’s why the latest DC movies have been struggling.

No, we don’t need another movie about young Bruce Wayne seeing his parents getting shot (shot parents/guardians create so many super heroes).

But yes, we could have used a movie to explain what this version of Batman is all about.

If you missed, SPOILER ALERT – in the latest Captain America film, we were given an introduction to Spider Man.  It was good.  It was all we needed.  Now we know what makes this current version of Spidey tick.  Now he can hit the ground running in his own movie without any need for devoting half the film to the spider bite and the Uncle Ben sadness.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

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Dec 09 2016
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TV

Ducktales Trailer

Disney XD is coming out with a Ducktales reboot soon.

The trailer doesn’t show much but I’m excited.  I know it is a cartoon but I loved this cartoon as a kid.

We see Uncle Scrooge’s money and we hear Donald’s familiar, “Yeah!” and the iconic theme song.

I worry they may have modernized it.  I hope Huey, Dewey and Louie don’t need a trigger warning before each adventure or something.

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Nov 14 2016
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Movies

Beauty and the Beast (2017) – Live Action Remake Trailer

Oh for the love of…

Disney is giving the live action remake treatment to Beauty and the Beast, purported to be the best story of how true love blooms despite what one looks like or don’t judge a book by its cover or what have you…

…but really it is about a French girl whose father is kidnapped by an angry dog man and then the girl trades places with her father and then she develops Stockholm syndrome and falls in love with her captor but really the only reason that love persists is because he gets turned in a handsome prince with a giant ass house and a staff of servants and a shit ton of money.

Honestly, people. You think Belle would get down with a broke ass dog monster man if he was living in a rent controlled section eight government subsidized apartment without two nickels to rub together?

“Hmm let me think if I want to be with this broke ass dog monster man and uh…no!”

Worse, Gaston, oh Gaston, yes you were a braggadocios douche but your heart was in the right place.  You heard that some broad had been kidnapped by a dog monster so you went to save her ass.

Sure, you were only saving her because you thought maybe she’d fall in love with you but stop fooling yourself, ladies, that’s why any man does anything for you. From that guy you always call when you need something heavy lifted to that stranger on the subway who just gave you a piece of gum, every man hopes that the most insignificant little bit of assistance offered to a woman is going to get him laid but oh, oh my God, let’s all be hypocrites and shit on Gaston and cheer when his ass gets thrown off a roof because he wanted to save some dame.

Boo!  Boo!

And yes I’ll probably see it.  Damn it, Disney!  You’ve hoisted me on my own petard and you get my money by making me pay to see a story you’ve already shown me yet again!

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Oct 20 2016
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Movies

Top Ten Disney Characters that are Worse than you think

#10 – Belle

Ughh. Goes on and on about how she loves the Beast for his heart on the inside but doesn’t put out until he’s transformed into a stud muffin with mad cash.

#9 – Olaf

Adorable? No. Incompetent snowman with a death wish.

#8 – Ariel

Refuses to carry on with the family business of ruling the world under the sea. Breaks her father’s heart by throwing it all away on some dude she just met. Very rude to her Jamaican crab friend/music instructor.

#7 – Goofy and Pluto

Goofy is a dog yet is considered a man. 

Pluto is a dog yet is considered Mickey’s property/pet.

Clearly there’s disparate treatment amongst the different Disney canine classes.

#6 – Pinnochio

Pathological liar. Failed to realize his full potential by declining to run for Congress.

#5 – The Rescuers vs Mickey

More disparate treatment, this time amongst the mouse classes.

Mickey is a mouse who walks and talks and acts like a man. The Rescuers are mice but talk like humans. WTF?

#4 – Princesses vs Princes

Everyone complains that Disney princesses teach little girls to be helpless and wait for a rich handsome prince to solve all their problems.

Valid point but what do little boys learn from all this?

Better be rich and handsome and have enough money for a woman to use you as an ATM machine and have the ability to solve all her problems or else no woman for you.

Sigh. Maybe Walt was just trying to warn boys what they’re in for when they grow up. Art imitates life.

#3 – Chip and Dale

Cute?

No. Filthy, disease ridden criminals who have engaged in rampant duck abuse for years.

#2 – Snow White

Bimbo who lived with seven tiny perverts.

Full disclosure – I have no reason to assume the dwarves were perverts.

Come to think of it, they were complete gentlemen at all times.

#1 – Elsa

Could use her ice powers to rule with any icy fist. Refuses. Epic fail.

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Oct 19 2016
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BQB Does Disney – the Coca Cola Store

I have a Coke addiction, 3.5 readers.

I’ve been chasing that fizzy brown dragon my whole life.

Mmm then ungh.

Up then down.

Thus, it cool to see the Coca Cola store in Disney Springs.

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Oct 19 2016
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BQB Does Disney World – Main Street Confectionary

Rice Krispy treats. Candy apples. Cookies. All delicious, mouse shaped and at this time of year, Halloween themed.

Not gonna lie, 3.5 readers. Most of these are going to be about food.

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Oct 19 2016
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There’s not enough Donald Duck at Disney World Anymore

I’m just going to say it.

Donald Duck is the best and Mickey Mouse sucks the big one.

Honestly. Who can be happy all the time?

Look, I’m not saying this is the case but whenever I don’t see that bad ass duck walking around I feel like it’s an anti-duck conspiracy.

Mickey is all about goodness and wholesomeness. 

Donald just bitches and loans all the time.

Stick Mickey in the worst situation and he’ll smile.

Put Donald in the happiest of situations and he’ll find something to quack about.

Mickey is like that unattatanable goal of perfection.

Donald is a working class duck who is helpless to solve all his problems so like the rest of us, he just squawks out in a furious, impotent rage whenever he’s had enough.

And so I worry. Is that where society is headed? Everyone be happy and oust all the contrarians?

And you know, as much as he quacks in fury, Donald is a stand up duck.

Who knows what happened to Huey, Dewey and Louie’s duck parents?

Are they the duck spawn of Donald’s drug addled duck brother or duck sister? Are they deadbeat duck parents?

Who knows? All I know is that when those boys needed a duck father figure, Donald took them in and raised them as his own.

Yes, I’ve put a lot of thought into this and I have decided that Donald rules and Mickey is crying on the inside.

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Oct 19 2016
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BQB in Disney – Gaston’s Tavern

Has there ever been a character more unjustly vilified in Disney lore than Gaston, 3.5 readers?

Overconfident? Yes. Cocky? Sure. Kind of a douche? You bet.

Hell, when you’re a big time winner in a world full of epic losers it’s hard not to be a douche.

But when that douche heard that Belle had been kidnapped by and held hostage by a hideous dog monster, Gaston manned up and went off to rescue her.

And how’d Belle thank him for his trouble?

She gets Stockholm Syndrome, falls in love with her captor and spoiler alert, Gaston gets his French ass thrown off a damn castle.

Sigh. Some women just can’t appreciate a winner.

Anyway, the G-Man lives on at a tavern named for him in the Magic Kingdom.

Try the LeFou’s Brew. Frozen apple juice, toasted marshmallow, mango.

Mmm that douche makes a good brew.

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Oct 19 2016
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BQB in Disney World

My journey continues, 3.5 readers.

I’m now in the happiest place on Earth.

No, not the Playboy Mansion. Hef sold that. Remember?

I’m in Disney World, the world’s premiere theme park dedicated to the worship of a cartoon mouse.

I gotta say I’m not really a ride person. I prefer the restaurants at Epcot and Downtown Disney where you can stuff your face hole.

What is your favorite thing to do at Disney World, 3.5?

Here’s my horribly taken photo of Cinderella’s Castle:

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Oct 17 2016
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Movies

Questions About the Jungle Book Movie

Have you seen the new live-action version, 3.5 readers?

I suppose my question apply to the cartoon version as well.

Someone call an animal expert but wolves and bears are only in forests right?  Are there any jungle bears or jungle wolves?

“BQB this is a movie for dumb kids who don’t these things.”

Oh right. Thank you 3.5 readers.

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