Tag Archives: entertainment

Jan 24 2015
4 Comments
Science Fiction

My Contributions to Star Wars Voicemail

#starwarsvoicemail is blowing up on twitter. Here are my contributions:

And my favorite, though I suppose it is a little dark:

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Jan 23 2015
7 Comments
Game of Thrones

What Do You Want to See Happen on Game of Thrones This Season?

Word of Warning – come Springtime, this blog is going to Stark up the place.  I pay the Iron Price, but I always pay my debts, Winter is Coming, and so is Game of Thrones.

As I recall from last year, there are a lot of GOT Nerds in the book blogosphere.  So I hope to get these posts rockin’ with lively discussions – what is that wacky imp going to do next?  Who is George RR going to bump off next?

And where the heck is Lady Stoneheart?

Is it too early to start talking Game of Thrones?  Yeah, probably.  But what the hell.

What do you want to see happen on Game of Thrones this season?

Hypotheticals only.  No spoilers.  I haven’t read the books, so I’m only as far as the series.  That is probably a sad admission for a book nerd, but so be it.

And if you have no predictions or comments as to what you hope will happen, then just feel free to discuss anything going on in Westeros.  Or its neighbors.

Valar Morghulis.  Wait till April?  This a man cannot do.

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Jan 19 2015
9 Comments
Science Fiction

Let’s Talk Sci-Fi – Video Phones

Hey Fellow Sci-Fi Nerds,

As I mentioned in a previous post about flying cars, I’m working on a sci-fi novel, building my world and keeping my fingers crossed.  I thought it would be fun to bring you in and discuss sci fi ideas, topics, technology, various ideas that will help me as I navigate the terrain.

Today, let’s talk video phones.  This isn’t a sci-fi stereotype that’s hypothetical.  Video phones are here!  They’ve been here awhile!

And sadly, they’re about as popular as a turd in the proverbial punchbowl.

As a kid, I remember watching Sci-Fi films and thinking, “What if someone gets a video phone call and they’re not wearing any pants?”

Thus, I proved to be a prophet as I grasped the issue early – no one is wearing any pants.

Seriously!  Be honest!  How many of you are wearing pants right now?!  Show of hands!  Be honest!

We have the power to call someone up and look straight at them, but we never use it.  Why?  Because people just want to sit around their homes sans pants and don’t feel like putting them on just to make a call.

Forget about pants.  Maybe people are too self-concious.  Maybe they don’t want someone looking at their face, seeing all their zits, being watched and judged for eating a bowl of ice cream whilst being on the phone.

Maybe it’s easier to call up and yell at the cable repairman for not coming between the window of 8 to 7 if you don’t have to stare at his face.

For whatever reason, video communication is here, and it is rarely being used.  I have no one who wants to talk to me by video, and I can’t blame people, because my face is hideous and would probably break their phones.

For me, the 1982 film Blade Runner comes to mind when it comes to this topic.  In that film, it is anticipated that in 2019, Harrison Ford will sit down at a video pay phone, where another woman takes a seat at her video phone booth, and they have a formal chat looking at one another through their screens.  In reality, the pay phone concept, video or otherwise, is long dead, and that woman would probably just want to talk on an audio call, because she’s at home, and probably pantsless.  Maybe not.  She was kind of classy.

So as the title of this post suggests, let’s talk Sci-Fi.  I guess it would be lame to have characters in a book using video phones.  No one uses them today and I doubt anyone will be more pro-pants wearing just to take a phone call in the future.

One thing I see in Sci-Fi flicks is holograms.  They look cool, but personally, if I’m not putting on pants to take calls, I’m not putting them on to be reproduced as a hologram.

I think far into the distant future, people will still be making audio calls only.  What do you think?

And even if I think that, should my characters use hologram communication because, what the hell, holograms are awesome?

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Jan 19 2015
2 Comments
Movies

It Happens

Just read Stephen King’s It will be turned into a 2-part film by director Carey Fukunaga of True Detective fame.

There was an early 1990’s made for TV version.  I recall being scared crapless by it.  I’d probably laugh at it now.  It did star the late great John Ritter aka Jack Tripper.

Many of you recently noted under one of my posts that you rank this as one of your favorite novels.  What do you think.  Will Hollywood do It justice?

Ha, see what I did there?  I’m so witty…

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Jan 15 2015
12 Comments
Books

What Book Would You Like to See Turned Into a Movie?

For me, I’d have to say The Dresden Files.  I know there was an attempt at a TV show that didn’t take off, but with the right people behind it, I feel like a Dresden Files movie would be pretty spectacular.

How about you?  What book would you like to see turned into a movie?

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Jan 10 2015
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Movies

Rocky Balboa and Rambo 5 – Attack on Nursing Home Delta

Readers, I’ll let you in on a secret.  Hell, there’s only like three of you reading, so it will still remain a secret after I’ve told you.

The Bookshelf Battler is a fan of the Rocky movies.

In particular – Rocky 1-IV, and VI.  I like to pretend V doesn’t exist.  If you’re not an Ancient Roman, I’m trying to tell you I like Rocky 1-4, not 5, and 6.

Six had the potential to be very bad.  It was released in 2006 as Rocky Balboa and even then, Stallone was past his prime.

But to his credit, Stallone didn’t do what many aging stars have done – demand that the audience turn a blind eye and see him like he’s some kind of young superstar, like he was in his glory days.  He wrote his age into the plot.  In the film, Rocky is old, down on his luck.  Adrian’s deceased, he’s lost all his money, his grown-up son hates him, and he runs a lame restaurant that people go to just to listen to him stop by their tables to tell a few boxing stories.

After a computer simulation pits him against a popular fighter, a match is arranged for them to go head to head and the measure of Rocky’s victory is laid out – to be considered a success, he doesn’t have to win.  He isn’t expected to win at all.  He just has to survive for awhile in the ring.  Essentially, by fighting the fight and not dropping dead, Rocky wins.

The movie brings the franchise around full circle, to the initial movie where Rocky did not win the fight against Apollo Creed, but actually found success just by going toe to toe with him in the ring when everyone thought the nobody would pretty much be murdered instantly by the famous fighter.

In my opinion, when Rocky gave his infamous speech to his son, he defined the entire series:

Rocky Balboa’s Inspirational Speech to His Son

“You ain’t gonna believe this, but you used to fit right here. (Shows palm of his hand). I’d hold you up to say to your mother, ‘This kid’s gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid’s gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew.’ And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watchin’ you, every day was like a privilege. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good. And when things got hard, you started lookin’ for something to blame, like a big shadow.

Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!

Now if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth! But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!

I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna have a life.”

– Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa (2006)

Let me just repeat one part:

“You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”

In other words, getting knocked down is inevitable.  It is going to happen.  You can’t feel bad that it happened.  You can’t say, “Woe is me, if only I was like one of those lucky people who didn’t get knocked down.”  This is just what life does.  You didn’t fail when you got knocked down.  You failed when you stayed down.

I remember sitting in the movie theater, listening to an old Sylvester Stallone say those words, and they made me feel inspired to take on the world.  And, sadly, there have been many times when I’ve ignored Rocky’s advice.  Life would toss a right-hook to my face, send me straight to floor, and I’d say, “Hmmm, what a nice, comfy floor!  I think I’ll stay here for awhile!”

But aside from that, at my lowest moments, I would not turn to a classic poet, or a Rhodes Scholar, or a Nobel Laureate.  I’d click on YouTube and find the clip of Rocky giving his son that speech.  And it would leave me feeling inspired.

The success of Rocky Balboa allowed Stallone to bring back Rambo.  More or less, he followed the same formula.  Don’t portray Rambo as an old man pretending to be a youthful tough guy.  Present him as an old man, hiding out in the jungle, trying to get away from his past.  I can’t say it inspired me to the extent Rocky Balboa did, but it was an acceptable film.

Then came The Expendables.  Again, the same formula – old timers playing old timers.  People who criticized it didn’t get the point.  It wasn’t made for them.  It was made for 1980’s era action flick fanboys like yours truly.  High action.  Low plot.  That’s how we liked our action when Reagan was in the White House.

But I have to say, the recent Expendables 3 didn’t do much for me, and I fear another Rambo installment might be pushing it when it comes to cashing in on the audience’s good will.  Stallone can only go to the, “OK I’ll admit I’m old” well so many times.  Every time he trots out one of our favorite characters, he runs the risk of overextending beloved franchises.  The idea that Rocky is going to star in Creed, a film about Apollo Creed’s son as a boxer, worries me as well.

Oh well.  At least I’ll have Rocky 6 and Rambo 2.

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Jan 10 2015
6 Comments
Movies

Movie Review – Taken 3 (2015)

WARNING:  I don’t know who you are.  Actually, I do.  You’re one of the three people who read my blog.  If you are looking for ransom, I don’t have any money.  But what I do have are a very particular set of SPOILERS, spoilers I have acquired over a two hour period spent watching a movie you haven’t seen yet.  Spoilers that can ruin your movie going experience.  If you click this post off now, that will be the end of it. But if you don’t, I will spoil this movie for you.

Actually, is it even possible for this movie franchise to have a spoiler?  By now, you know off the bat someone is getting taken.

I enjoyed the original Taken movie.  I thought it was very original.  I was surprised that Neeson, a traditional dramatic actor, was able to morph into an action star.  The concept was original – the bad guys picked the wrong guy to mess with.

Seriously – have you ever just been walking around, minding your own business, someone insults you, you let it it go and walk right by, because you’re a normal law-abiding citizen, but secretly you hope that said rude person will be rude to the wrong person and said person will kick their ass?

What?  No?  That’s just me?  OK, well I guess that’s why I thoroughly enjoyed the original Taken then.  It was enjoyable to watch the fallout that occurred when the bad guys inadvertently incurred the wrath of Neeson’s character, a highly trained badass ex-CIA agent.

Taken 2?  Well, they flipped it around a little bit.  Neeson and his ex-wife get taken, and then their daughter has to help them escape.

Hollywood could have stopped there but recently we’ve received Taken 3 – The Search for More Cash.

Caveat – as action films go, it was pretty decent, and frankly, above average for what is usually released in January.  January tends to be the month where Hollywood releases the films that are real stinkers.  I can’t say this movie stinks, it just does in comparison to the original.

Because seriously – how many times can someone in this guy’s life be taken???

One note – Neeson’s character’s current husband is changed over to a) be played by a different character and b) be the bad guy.  I’m not a fan of it when Hollywood does rewrites like that in the hopes that no one will notice.

Here’s what the pitch meeting was like:

PRODUCER 1:  We’re going to rewrite the character of Stuart the current husband to be the bad guy.

PRODUCER 2:  That’s fine.  That’s something that only a lame, obscure book blogger with 3 followers would notice.

All in all – not the best of the series, but better than usual for what you get in the first month of the year.

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Jan 04 2015
2 Comments
Back to the Future, Back to the Future II, Movies

Back to the Future II – It’s 2015, What Happened, What Didn’t?

God help me, I remember watching this movie when it first came out, and it seemed like there was enough time between then and 2015 for the futuristic world it depicted to come true.

Everyone is talking about it, since 2015 is finally here.  If you want a breakdown of what the movie predicted and what actually happened, Gawker has it for you.

I’ll add my thoughts to the mix:

1)  Flying Cars – I suppose it’s not wise to say something is “impossible” but I feel the term “flying car” is equal to “small plane.”  We’ve had large planes for a long time now.  And there’s an entire multinational infrastructure put in place to track them via radar to help them not crash into each other.  After all, if you’re in a plane, can you see what’s above you?  To the left or right?  Underneath you?  Behind?  People get into accidents all the time just with their boring old land cars.  If they invent flying cars, i.e., small, personal planes, then people would just be smacking into each other constantly.  And while fatal car crashes do quite sadly, happen all to often, it is at least a possibility to have crashes that are just minor fender benders that one can walk away from.  In a flying car, if your car crashes, that’s it, you’re plummeting to your demise.  Hell, if you forget to fill up on gas or the engine conks out, you’re going to plummet to your demise and slam into the Earth.  I barely trust the guys that work on my land car, but at least if my car breaks down, I can pull over and call AAA.  If my flying car stops flying, I’m screwed.

2)  Tablet Computers – Remember the old man that asked Marty for money to fix the clock tower?  They’re here!  They’re also awesome and believe it or not (forgetting about the occasional bug here and there) they actually work!  I feel like if you took me out of the past, brought me to the future, and showed me an iPad, my jaw would drop.

3) Dehydrated Pizza – Not here yet.  Dehydrated food does exist, but not to the point where you can store it and turn it into something yummy and delicious when you want it.  I suppose when they figure that out, restaurants will go out of business, which in the case of McDonald’s, probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.

4)  Handless Video Games – There’s a scene where two kids balk at Marty’s love of a game that requires the hand to hold a toy zapper gun  – “Wild Gunman.”  I’m not sure what the kids meant here.  I have a theory they meant that one day there would be games that enter your mind and bring you into some kind of virtual reality.  In theory, that’s awesome.  On the other hand, there are games where you don’t need to hold a controller – i.e. the Nintendo Wii and X Box Kinect.

5)  3D Movies – I was actually surprised they made such a comeback.  I assume its an attempt to keep the movie theater industry from losing out to digital downloads.

6)  Self-Lacing Shoes – I’d love it if they could invent that.  All that damn time lost tying my shoes when I could be doing more important things, like playing Parcheesi and curing cancer.

7)  Video Conferencing – It’s been here for awhile, but aside from college kids, I can’t really imagine who uses it.  I don’t want to worry about my appearance just to make a phone call, do you?  Seriously, someone calls you in the middle of the night, do you really want to get on video in your pajamas?

8)  Hoverboards – Clearly, this was the best prediction.  They aren’t here yet, though supposedly great progress has been made.  See my discussion about flying cars, though, as I think they’ll just result in a lot of people hover boarding into each other, filling the nation’s emergency rooms with hoverboard accidents.

9)  Fax Machines – They’re big in the movie, but in reality, died out long ago.

10)  Cubs Win the World Series – Poor Cubs.  It was far fetched back then.  It’s still far fetched today.  Tablet computers are here, and flying cars will probably be here before the Cubs win the World Series.

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Jan 04 2015
3 Comments
Movies

Movie Review – Wild (2014)

SPOILERS AHEAD.

“Cheryl Strayed.”  That’s not only the name of the author of the book Wild, on which the recent movie is based, but it is also the synopsis of the story.

Cheryl was no stranger to hardship.  As a child, she and her mother suffered at the hands of an abusive alcoholic father.  But Cheryl’s mother moved her family away to a farm, where they set up an idyllic life.  At the start of the film, Cheryl and her mother are attending college together – Cheryl doing so after high school while her mother decides to go for her degree later in life.

Alas, the best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans.  At age 45, Cheryl’s mother is stricken with cancer and dies.  Cheryl is left to make her own way and does not adjust to the change well.  She cheats on her husband with any man who asks, and turns to hard drugs, even going so far as to inject heroin.  She’s out of control.

An unexpected pregnancy (and though the movie is unclear on it, I assume an abortion), followed by her fed up husband seeking a divorce, prompts Cheryl to go on a quest to clear her mind- to hike the 1,000 mile Pacific Coast Trail.

Needless to say, it’s no easy task.  She starts out with an enormous pack that is heavier than she is, learning along the way to abandon things she doesn’t need.  She loses her boots and duct tapes her feet until she can get some more.  She runs out of water and has to scoop up some from a fly infested puddle and treat it with iodine pills.  One catastrophe after another occurs, but she refuses to stray off the path until she’s reached the end of the trail.

Overall, she finishes the journey having learned a good lesson – don’t stray from a good path and eventually your reward will come.

I’ve heard some comparisons to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love – but the differences are clear, the biggest one being that Gilbert had money, while Strayed was operating on the last of her savings, had nothing by the end of the trip, and often had to beg the kindness of strangers just to get by.

I don’t want to veer (or stray) too far off the path to criticize Gilbert.  (I mean, to each their own, but a man would never be able to pull of a book about how freeing it was to abandon his wife and travel the world).  Personally, in my mind anyway, Strayed’s downfall, spurred by the death of her mother, was a bit more understandable and her quest to get to the point where she could stop beating herself up for past mistakes and rebuild her life was inspiring.

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Jan 02 2015
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Writing

New Year Resolutions

Face it.  At Christmas time, you beat yourself up pretty bad, didn’t you?  “I told myself I was going to fix X problem last year and another year has gone by!”

Yes.  Yes, it certainly has.  They always do.  Those years go by quick.

And so, with renewed vim and great vigor, we march gallantly into the New Year.

By Christmas 2015, I vow I will, in no particular order: lose weight, exercise more, take better care of myself, write my novel, become nicer to my fellow man, find my special someone, save more money, tell that jerk that’s been bothering me where to stick his/her insults, run a marathon, dress better, eat better, learn how to speak Italian, donate my time to a soup kitchen, sponsor one of those African kids they keep showing in commercials, take dancing lessons, visit another country, pick up the phone and call X relative, friend, neighbor, long lost podiatrist that I haven’t spoken to in ages and am now just afraid to because it will seem weird since so much time has gone by.  I will bake a cake, go ice fishing, kayak down the river rabbits, fight a grizzly bear single handed and skin him alive using nothing but my wits, pelting him into submission with sticks and berries.  I will go skydiving.  I will go snorkeling.  I will go parasailing. I will learn how to play the guitar, piano, ukulele, and the French horn.   I will take yoga classes and start saying things like “Namaste.” I will one-up Ebenezer Scrooge and find one starving orphan child per day, and give said child enough money to buy a goose – living or dead, it doesn’t matter what kind of goose the child gets to me, the point is, the child will be able to eat the goose, or keep it as a pet to distract himself from his hunger, whichever he so may choose to do.  I will develop mental telepathy and change the channel on my television with just a flick of the wrist, no remote control required.  I’ll develop ESP and convince others to watch ESPN.

And while we’re on the subject of television, here are some bad habits I vow to rid my life of once in for all.  I will turn my television off and never turn it on again until New Year’s 2016.  I will not watch Mad Men, Justified, Walking Dead, Reruns of Breaking Bad, Homeland, Fargo, Game of Thrones, True Detective, nor will I watch the new crap they churn out, get me addicted to, then cancel.  I will smash my Xbox with a hammer and vow to not play a video game ever this entire year.  My body will be a temple and I will be its master.  I will embrace a healthy diet.  I will not eat one item of junk food and will never visit a fast food restaurant in the entire year of 2015.  I will drink nothing but rarified mineral water from the artesian wells of Iceland, collected and bottled by actual, legitimate Icelanders and not just wannabes who move to Iceland for the swanky nightlife scene and then just try to blend in.  I will eat nothing but hummus, lettuce, carrots, and if I’m feeling crazy, I’ll allow a full blown watercress sandwich with extra cress.  I will not utter one swear word this entire year.  Anyone who offends me will not be offered a return insult but rather, a caring and concerned ear to listen to all their problems, no matter how bullshit they may be.

Why am I doing all of this?  Because it is the New Year!  I was depressed at my various Christmas social gatherings, lamenting how I vowed to do all of these things by the end of last year, and yet there I was, at Christmas 2014, still watching Mad Men and the Walking Dead, swearing at everyone, playing video games, not walking any marathons whatsoever, a Big Mac in one hand and a bottle of Norwegian Ice Water in the other.  I hadn’t bought a single orphan a livestock bird that they could either eat or keep as a pet.  I hadn’t touched a single vat of hummus the entire year.  Italian people were coming up to me at the Christmas party left and right and I was completely clueless as to what in the hell they were saying.  My long lost podiatrist was still left with the feeling that I didn’t give a shit about him.  I had yet to learn Mental Telepathy, my guitar, ukulele, and French horn were collecting dust in a corner, and that African kid was still unsponsored, despite all the coffee I drank like a selfish imbecile, any one of those cups of coffees could have been used to purchase vital medicines and care packages for said starving child.  And you want to know the real coup de grace?  That guy who’s a real jerk that I never told off?  He and the grizzly bear were openly mocking me the entire Christmas party.

But there will be no more of that crap this year!  For I, the Bookshelf Battler, a book scholar, renowned all over the world and some parts of Mars, depending on their satellite receptions, truly understand the power of a New Year!  New Year’s Day is a momentous time, a time when the disappointments of the previous year are still fresh, and yet there is still hope for the new year, the hope that I can look at the calendar, and there will be 365 fresh days that I can start putting to good use, with the hope that by the 2015 Christmas party my colon will be a hummus lined picture of good health, that entire flocks of geese will be donated to orphans, and maybe even to African kids if they’ll accept them and allow me to keep my coffee money, that I will wow everyone at the next Christmas party by playing the ukulele while making all the Christmas ornaments dance with my mental telepathy skills.  I will not attend the Christmas party alone, but rather, with the supermodel I will convince to go with me using my newfound powers of ESP.  When people at the 2015 Christmas party ask me, “Can you believe what Don Draper did?”  I will say, “Hey, no spoilers pal!”  If I can’t find the bathroom, I’ll go up to the closest Italian person and ask, “D’ove il bagno?”  What?  Did I just run, “Where is the bathroom through Google Translate?”  No, you dirty son of a…no, wait, hey, come here, what’s the matter?  Tell me all your problems.  I’m sure they are all legitimate and not made up at all.

Yes, at that Christmas party at the end of this year, I will wow the attendees with pictures of my skydiving, paralleling, snorkeling trip – where I did all three at the same time by jumping out of a plane, falling to just above the Earth, where I then lassoed a boat, allowed it to pull me for a while, then cut anchor, and swam three miles with the fish off the coast of Capastrano.

AND AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I WILL DO IT ALL IN MY NEW BEAR SKIN COAT.

Yes, I know this will all happen, because 2014 is not only gone, but it was a tremendous disappointment.  I will not make the same mistakes.  I will not fall back into the same bad habits.  This will be the year that I spend each and every day doing the right thing and making the exactly correct decisions because gosh darn it, I now have FINALLY learned the lesson that the next year will be over in the blink of an eye, so I’d best make the most of it, so that I am not depressed at the 2015 Christmas party.

What?  It’s Jan. 2 already?  Fuck it.  Somebody get me a Big Mac.  Well played, Bear.  Well played.

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