I hate Yetis. Oh yes I do. I hate Yetis. Oh yes, it’s true. I hate Yetis. Oh yes I do. If you were a Yeti hostage, you’d hate stupid Yetis too.
Thank you. I hate Yetis.
Bookshelf Battle
The only site where new bestsellers are forced to do battle for space on a nerd's bookshelf.
Tag Archives: monsters
Best Video Game Ever
What is the best video game ever?
I’m asking my 3.5 readers to put their choice in the comments and if they want to, explain why.
The Yeti votes for Tapper. He loves Tapper. So much Tapper.
“Pour the beverage on the right…slide it down to the left…the perfect game to help children develop obsessive compulsive disorder and alcoholism!”
– Tapper, 1983, Game by Bally Midway
Hmmm…well, I suppose for the record, we must note that Tapper apparently did not work in a bar but rather, a soda fountain, where he poured sodas (in case you missed the big “soda” sign.) So, no alcoholism. Just raging caffeine addictions and sugar buzzes.
A Message from the Siberian Yeti
Hello 3.5 readers. Please stop reading this blog.
Sincerely,
The Siberian Yeti
In Case You Think I’m Making this $h#t Up…
There is an actual Yeti journal…
I wonder if they’ll do a story on the one I have living on my couch, eating all my snacks, writing on my blog without permission and in general, being a major pain in the wazoo.
Yetis. I hate Yetis.
I hate to beg, but 400 more follows for @bookshelfbattle on Twitter brings me to the goal needed to free Bookshelf Battle HQ from unjust Yeti occupation.
Think about it – your follows not only aid me in my mission to spread literacy across the globe, they also help me foil the plans of a stupid Yeti.
I hate Yetis.
“Yeti Researcher” Image via a Creative Commons License by Dan Germain
The Siberian Yeti Now in Control
Hello 3.5 Bookshelf Battle Readers.
The Siberian Yeti here. I have returned to Bookshelf Battle HQ, made my way past Bookshelf Battle Dog, and have subdued legendary blogger, martial artist, international ladies’ man and magical bookshelf owner, the one and only Mr. Bookshelf Q. Battler.
Top Secret Surveillance Footage of the Siberian Yeti Village Revealed!
No longer will he fill the minds of the masses with his spectacularly awesome ideas. As the Mayor of the Siberian Yeti Village, I must keep people from thinking big ideas, lest they start thinking ludicrous thoughts, like three toilet paper squares per week are not enough.
Just look at the trash ideas this alleged book blogger is trying to sell you on:
A Book Review of Lock-In by John Scalzi – Robots and viruses, mystery and deception, too much stimulation for your pitiful American minds! We Siberian Yetis prefer to watch mold grow on rocks. That is all the excitement we can stand.
An Ask the Alien Column – Interactivity? Blech! Patooie, I say! Why do you want to promote your book, blog, or writing project through the assistance of a rude and snarky alien when you could engage in the ancient Siberian Yeti art of snowball juggling?
These Silly “Can’t Stop the One Post a Day Challenge” Columns – Bookshelf Q. Battler claims he can defeat Highlanders, Chuck Norris, and zombies all in the name of bringing a daily dose of absurd nonsense to his 3.5 readers? Preposterous!
Frank Underwood Reviews Green Eggs and Ham, House of Cards Parody – Such tomfoolery! We Siberian Yetis have been watching House of Cards on our Commodore 64 at a rate of one frame per three days and we are totally rooting for the Russian President to crush Underwood like the capitalist pig that he is!
Defense of Shatner – How can Bookshelf Q. Battler defend a man who is the typical spoiled, rich Hollywood actor, complete with a toupee on his head that looks like a tribble?
Yes, I, the Siberian Yeti, am now in control of the Bookshelf Battle and from now on, there will be no interesting ideas on this blog whatsoever! Get used to it, pitiful 3.5 readers!
Image Courtesy of Creative Commons License via Flickr User Hilary H – “Yeti Crash”
No Walking Dead Wrap-Up Tonight
Sadly, I must inform my 3.5 readers there will be no Walking Dead Wrap-Up tonight. The Yeti has once again infiltrated my high tech Bookshelf Battle compound and I must now square off against him in a best 2 out of 3 roundhouse kick competition.
I blame Bookshelf Battle Dog. He’s a lousy security chief. Then again, I get what I pay for.
Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog, Head of Bookshelf Battle Compound Security
Public Domain Horror Fiction – Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Calm and content one moment, a ball of rage the next – hasn’t everyone felt this way at one time or another? The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson is a tale of conflicting emotions run amock. It’s a story of how anger can boil under the surface of any otherwise seemingly reasonable man.
Not only that, but it is totally the precursor to The Incredible Hulk.
Enjoy this version brought to you by Project Gutenberg:
http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/42
“With every day, and from both sides of my intelligence, the moral and the intellectual, I thus drew steadily nearer to the truth, by whose partial discovery I have been doomed to such a dreadful shipwreck: that man is not truly one, but truly two.” – Robert Louis Stevenson, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Bookshelf Battlers, thank you for joining in the discussion. The Public Domain Horror Fiction posts have really started a nice surge of viewer stats, so please feel free to share with friends. And don’t forget my twitter hashtag – #tweettheraven where I’ll be posting Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven all month. Follow @bookshelfbattle for more booktastic news.
Public Domain Horror Fiction – Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
Green face. Bolts in the neck. Lumbering walk. Says, “Grr! Arrgh!” all the time. No wonder that Frankenstein monsters did not take pop culture by storm in the way that vampires did. While there are umpteen million stories about a heroine who must choose between a vampire or a werewolf, you’ll never see one where she has to choose between a vampire or a Frankenstein monster.
Still, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is an epic tale of a) man’s desire to cheat death b) man’s awareness of his own mortality c) man’s futile attempts to control nature through science and well, if you learned any other lessons from reading it, feel free to post them below.
Published in 1818, Mary Shelley’s copyright over this work isn’t coming back to life, even if you strap it to a table and wait for a lightning bolt to zap it. Thank you Mary for writing a work that has withstood the test of time.
And thank you Project Gutenberg for preserving it:
http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/41445
“How dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge and how much happier that man is who believes his native town to be the world, than he who aspires to be greater than his nature will allow.”
– Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
Frankenstein’s Monster is Kind of a Dick
Have you been watching Penny Dreadful on Showtime? It’s a new show that weaves together all sorts of famous characters from horror literature – Dr. Frankenstein, Dorian Gray, and Prof. Van Helsing just to name a few.
It’s a bit confusing but I suppose that’s the point. A “Penny Dreadful” was a type of sensationalized, trashy novel horror novel, usually printed in serialized form, from the 1800s. (It’s ok, I spent the first three episodes saying, “Well, when the heck is Penny Dreadful going to show up?” before I looked up what a Penny Dreadful was too).
I’ve heard some people say they love the show, others say they hate it. Personally, the best compliment I can give it is that it’s caught my interest enough to keep me watching. If anything else, Eva Green deserves an emmy for the scenes where she, perhaps a little too realistically, convinces the audience that she’s been possessed.
One part I find funny though is Frankenstein’s monster. (Spoilers ahead)
So, Dr. Frankenstein makes a monster who, for reasons we don’t have to get into (just watch the show and find out) has become a major jerk. He’s constantly complaining and whining about how hideously ugly he is – how he must hide in the shadows to hide his grotesque face, how he curses Dr. Frankenstein for giving him life so that he has to suffer being hated and despised for being so gross looking.
His ugly face has left him depressingly lonely, so he commands Dr. Frankenstein to make him a companion – a dead wife brought back to life – a “Bride of Frankenstein” if you will.
One catch, the monster notes – “She must be beautiful!”
Well, holy crap, that’s just the sad nature of life, isn’t it? Here’s a guy who knows everything there is to know about the pains of ugliness, and what’s he say about his bride?
SHE’s GOTTA BE HOT!
“Oooo look at me I’m Frankenstein’s monster, I’ve got stitches all over my face and I hide in the dark because I’m so ugly but no, no undead ugly chicks will be good enough for me, nooooo I need a hot undead chick!”
Come on, Monster. Ugly undead chicks need love too.
Bookshelf Battle 