Tag Archives: self publishing

Pop Culture Mysteries – Open Contracts

By: Jake Dashing, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Private Investigator

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Pop culture.  It’s a world that keeps Bookshelf Q. Battler up late at night, his spacious brain filling up with one question after another about movies, music, television, books, and more.

I’m not sure I can relate. When I lose sleep, its because I’m too busy picturing all the Nazis my country demanded that I punch to death with my bare hands. I suppose each generation has its priorities.

Battler’s got info I want and he’s not forking it over until I solve a whole mess of mysteries for him.  But this whack job thinks of questions faster than I can answer them, so here are the mysteries currently up for grabs.

Being a private dick is a fate I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but if you want to try your luck at the sleuthing game, feel free to let Battler know you want to snatch one of these up:

MOVIES

In Star Wars, if the Death Star is supposed to be the size of an actual star, why is everyone able to walk around it and fly around it so quickly?

In Pulp Fiction, Harvey Keitel’s character, “the Wolf” is billed as a highly skilled fixer, one whose knowledge regarding the art of the cover up is so valuable that he simply erase all evidence of a crime, making it as if nothing ever happened….but then all he does is show up and tell Vince and Jules to spray the car down with Windex.  (Seriously, watch the movie.)  Was the Wolf that special?

TELEVISION

Did Tony Soprano live or die at the end of The Sopranos?  Was this a good or bad ending?

Why did the ending of Dexter both suck and blow at the same time?  Or did it?

On Gilligan’s Island, Gilligan and the gang go on, as the theme song says, “a three hour tour.”  How then, was it possible for everyone to become so irretrievably lost when they only strayed a mere three hours away from charted land?

On Married with Children, the running joke was that Al Bundy was disgusted by the idea of getting it on with his wife, Peggy.  Peggy wasn’t that bad looking though, even with her wacky beehive and leopard print attire.  What gives?

On Sons of Anarchy,  Jax Teller embraces a life of crime that provides very little return on investment.  Why is it that a scruffy bum who was lucky enough to win the heart of super hot doctor Tara didn’t just sit back and say, “Well, I’m going to sponge off my hot surgeon wife now, who no doubt makes a high salary because she’s a damn surgeon.  Hell, maybe I’ll even put my focus on turning the auto repair garage my father left into a profitable business.”  But instead, he just keeps making lousy criminal deals and then bumbles his way through them, often losing money on them and inviting a world of hurt.  Seriously, WTF?

MUSIC

Who put the bomp in the bomp sha bomp sha bomp and will this individual strike again?

Who let the dogs out?

What is a “hollaback girl” and why does Gwen Stefani go to great lengths to make sure you know she isn’t one?

To be sure, Sir Mix-a-Lot likes big butts and is unable to lie about this particular subject.  Why then, do the other brothers deny this truth?

VIDEO GAMES

What’s up with the hard sell?  Whenever you buy one they try to make you buy insurance, upgrades, and basically treat you like you’re trying to buy a fully loaded 2016 Toyota Tundra instead of a $60 fantasy experience.  What gives?

COME UP WITH YOUR OWN

That’s all Battler’s got for now but rest assured that loser will keep ’em coming.  That nerd has way too much time on his hands.  And if you’re a nerd with too much time on your hands, feel free to come up with a pop culture mystery of your own and raise it up the flag pole to see if Battler salutes.

For those of you who can’t translate hardboiled noir talk, that means tell him about it in the comments.

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Pop Culture Mysteries – Contracts

By: Delilah K. Donnelly, Official Counsel for the Bookshelf Battle Blog

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Au chante, sir or madam, as the case may be.  It is an absolute delight to make your acquaintance.

If you are reading this then my client, the revered blogger Bookshelf Q. Battler, has selected you to take on a Pop Culture Mystery Contract.

I understand, darling.  Your mind is positively swimming and you have so many questions, the most pertinent of which are:

WHAT IS “POP CULTURE MYSTERIES?”

It’s a site Mr. Battler is constructing that will be devoted to answering the most troublesome questions about pop culture – movies, television, entertainment, music and more.  He’s retained the services of Detective Dashing, whose reports will form the bulk of the site, but Mr. Dashing can’t do it all alone.

WHAT IS A POP CULTURE MYSTERY CONTRACT?

You, as a noted author in your genre, will lend your expertise to a question or “mystery” relevant to your area of expertise.  If you’re a science fiction author, for example, he may inquire about Star Wars.  Romance author? Perhaps Mr. Battler will have a question about 50 Shades of Gray.

He’s currently assembling a list of “open contracts” or questions that you might select from, or he may propose one tailored to your specific talent.  You may even propose a Pop Culture Mystery of your own.

WHAT I DON’T LIKE THE CUT OF BATTLER’S JIB, SEE?

As an attorney I fully understand that authors must guard their reputations zealously and that working with a blogger who claims, among other things, to be friends with an alien from outer space, might raise an eyebrow or two.

However, consider:

#31ZombieAuthors – Mr. Battler interviewed 31 (actually 32 as two authors were a team on one book) in the month of October, 2015.  All were treated with respect, their questions and concerns about the project listened to and all were pleased with the results. Many tweeted and/or shared their interviews with their fans.  Several told Mr. Battler that they even enjoyed these interviews and had quite a bit of fun.

Ask the Alien – Darling, I do not presume to boast but as you can see, I am a fabulous person.  As such, I can’t publicly discuss a notion as foolish as whether or not aliens exist.  That being said, Mr. Battler’s blog has been running a feature called “Ask the Alien” in which authors ask an alien a question and he provides an answer, along with a promo of the inquirer’s work.  About 20 authors have “asked the alien” a question so far.

BETWEEN BOTH – Misters Battler and Jones have interviewed 50+ authors without complaint.

BUT I MIGHT COMPLAIN

You might and Mr. Battler will offer the same guarantee he’s provided to others, namely, that if you dislike the final post, he’ll take it down, no muss, no fuss, no problem.  To date, no one has asked but be assured if you do, he will.

COMPENSATION

Absolutely none whatsoever.  It’s not my desire to speak ill of my employer but Mr. Battler is a bit of a skinflint.

He can, however, offer you the eyes of his 3.5 readers and if its one thing an author needs, it’s 3.5 more readers.

THANK YOU

On behalf of the Bookshelf Battle Blog, a site I diligently represent, I thank you for taking the time to consider this modest proposal.  If you are interested, I believe you will find the experience enjoyable.  If not, Mr. Battler understands and wishes you will in your future endeavors.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a mystery of my own to solve.  Which pair of these breathtaking shoes shall I wear this evening?

 

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Announcement #3 – Pop Culture Mysteries Is On

Hi again, 3.5 readers.

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Why Delilah spends her time representing BQB will become part of the mystery.

In case you didn’t realize it from Announcement #2, then yes, Pop Culture Mysteries is officially a go.

I am the president of the television network inside my mind and I just gave this endeavor the green light.

At the risk of being vaporized by the Mighty Potentate, Undesiredverse will be on hold.

I like Undesiredverse.  I think its a continuation of my “so funny you’ll have a good time but serious enough to make you want to know what happens next” style.

But after thinking about it, I barely have enough time to see one project through and I have no clue how I’d be able to juggle two at the same time.

So as the president of my mind, I’ve decided to put all my eggs in the Pop Culture Mysteries basket for the foreseeable future.

I’ve been attempting to write a novel for years now and I continue to get trapped by the idea that “oh, this NEW idea is really EASY to write and I’ll bang a rough draft out in a month then pop it right out there!”

That’s why I thought I’d give Undesiredverse a go.  Man and Alien become caretakers of strange woman.  They must get her to safety and in the process, find out why all the evil doers want her.

I know why.  I can’t tell you why because hopefully I’ll write it one day.  BUT – as I thought about it, explaining WHY they wanted her became complicated.

There just is no such thing as a “I’ll bang that out lickety split!” novel.  There’s no simple fix.  If you want the quality, you have to put the time in.

So Pop Culture Mysteries it is.  I’m going to let my attorney, the enchanting Delilah K. Donnelly, make the formal announcement, but here are my preliminary thoughts:

THE BLOG

I found a blog template that looks like a desk, the posts and photos look like they’re on paper – so in other words, ITS AS IF ITS ALL WRITEN BY A DETECTIVE WORKING OUT ALL THE DETAILS!!!  Yup, the format was just too beautiful to pass up.

THE POP CULTURE

My experience writing #31ZombieAuthors cinched the deal for me.

One worry I had was that as Jake (or Mack?) goes on, his reports become less about pop culture and more about his own past and present exploits as a detective, boxer, and war hero.  I need those exploits to sell books.

But I also want the site to be about solving pop culture mysteries.

So:

  • Jake’s still going to solve pop culture mysteries in his own way.
  • Informant Zero is going to pose a Pop Culture Mystery Question once a week, invite readers to discuss, and give the answer the next week and finally…
  • Just as I did with #31ZombieAuthors, I will be seeking out writers who will be deputized as pop culture detectives and they will be given pop culture mysteries of their own to solve (in fact, if you want in, let me know in the comments below.)
  • I’ll also be interviewing mystery writers about their craft.  So ultimately, the site becomes a big mashup of pop culture, mystery, and noir.

I’M GOING TO BE BUSY

It’s December.  I need to write a whole season of Jake’s exploits and get several author interviews/contributions in the can and ready to go.

The main story will go all week but I’m thinking Mystery Author Interviews will be posted on Friday and Pop Culture Detectives will have their posts up on Saturday.  (I’m going to call these “contracts,” as it will be explained that Delilah delivered their cases to them).

I’m hoping if I can stick with it, I’ll be able to launch April 1, but at the latest May 1.  I’m really hoping for April.

Once April or May is here, I’ll have several months of posts ready to go so I can throw them up and then focus my time on Jake’s first book…for sale…for money, because, gosh darn it, I really need this nonsense to start making some money one day in order to justify keeping it going.

CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT THE PLOT?

Jake/Mack/Whoever He Is fell asleep at his desk in 1954.  For 60 years, his friends, Mr. and Mrs. Tsang, took care of him, followed by their daughter, Susan, whom Jake regards as his niece.

A year later after trying to figure out what happened, the mysterious Delilah K. Donnelly pays him a visit.  She’s an attorney for Bookshelf Q. Battler, a world renowned poindexter, etc. etc.

While BQB will remain a goofball on bookshelfbattle.com, he becomes the Charlie from Charlie’s Angels on Pop Culture Mysteries – i.e., he’s always giving orders but he’ll rarely show up in person.  Instead, Delilah delivers his mysteries for him.

A deal is struck.  BQB claims he knows why Jake/Mack/Whoever fell asleep for 60 years and how to get him back to his own time.  But he won’t give up the info until our hero solves 100 pop culture mysteries.

In between tracking down the answers to BQB’s questions, our detective will have to:

  • Adjust to modern life, with plenty of room for witty social commentary on how things that happen today seem odd to a person from the 1950’s.  We’ll discuss the good and the bad.  (GOOD – people have more rights.  BAD – People spend too much time using those rights to post about their lunch on social media.)
  •  Get Real Work – BQB only pays $5 bucks a case and our hero can’t sponge off his niece forever, so he’ll need to find real mysteries he can solve for pay.
  • The Past – tell us about mysteries he solved way back when.
  • Vigilantism – He’ll definitely start dabbling in taking down modern day ne’er-do-wells.  A hot police detective babe will take notice.

THE FIRST NOVEL…

…will be about how our hero punched Adolf Hitler in the face.  In the process of doing so, he obtained a certain item and, well, even though BQB’s blog(s) only get 3.5 readers, a person from his past will come looking for it.

To clarify, the person from the past will come looking for it in the first season of blog posts.  How he punched Hitler and got the item will be the crux of the first novel…which I will sell on Amazon…for many, many, payments of monies.

But not really.  As long as I get $3.5 dollars I’ll write a sequel.

THANKS 3.5 READERS

If you’re a writer of any genre who wants in on a) solving a pop culture mystery or b) a mystery writer who wants to talk about his/her craft, let me know.  Your books/blogs/social media etc will be promoted so check out #31ZombieAuthors for an idea of what I’d do.

 

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Things I Am Thankful For

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Happy Thanksgiving, 3.5 readers.

Here are some things that I, the great Bookshelf Q. Battler, am thankful for:

  • That I’m alive.  I’ve heard the alternative sucks.
  • Technology, and how it’s grown to the point where self publishing is possible.  Part of me wishes it was there when I was 20 and able to stay up all night running on nothing but Jolt Cola and blind ambition but oh well, better late than never, right?
  • Video Game Rack Fighter.  I’ll tell her as soon as she pauses Fallout 4.  It’s only been three days.  She’ll need a bathroom break sooner or later and…oh, wait.  THAT’S why she keeps that jug by the couch.
  • Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog – he may not look like much, but he’s devoured over a hundred intruders.  How he does it I have no idea, he’s so tiny.
  • The Magic Bookshelf – It’s a magic bookshelf.  What else can I say?
  • Not the Yeti – You suck, Yeti.
  • Not Dr. Hugo Von Science – You really let me down when you caused the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse.  Shame on your sir.  Shame.
  • The #31ZombieAuthors – Thank you for coming to my aid when I needed your zombie advice.  More importantly, thanks for seeing something in me that led you to say to yourselves, “Yeah, sure, this guy who calls himself ‘Bookshelf Q. Battler’ seems trustworthy enough.  I’m game for an interview.”  Whatever it was about me, my blog, my writing or whatever that convinced you to take a chance on me, thank you.  I’ll keep working on being worthy.
  • Alien Jones and The Mighty Potentate – Oh Mightiest of Potentates, thank you for sending your emissary, Alien Jones, the Esteemed Brainy One, to help me in my blogging endeavors.  May we one day inspire the masses to abandon the menace that is reality television.
  • Pop Culture Mysteries – Thank you, Jake and Delilah.  I swear, your time is coming ASAP and I will do all in my power to make it awesome.
  • Aunt Gertie and Uncle Hardass – You both drive me insane but I know you mean well.
  • Bernie “MC Plotz” Plotznick – best of luck in your efforts to go out on your own as a solo Funky Hunk.  Honestly, I’m tempted to join you but my 3.5 readers need me.  Speaking of..

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST:

  • The 3.5 readers – Not gonna lie.  I wish there were more of you.  Even 30.5 would put a bigger smile on my face.  But as long as 3.5 of you keep showing up to read my nonsense every day, I’ll keep churning it out.  I couldn’t have done it without you.  And I know that one day when I price my book at $3, I can count on you all to show up and send a cool $10.50 my way.  That’s dinner for Video Game Rack Fighter and I at Swanky Burger.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.

Enjoy your day and stuff your pie holes, 3.5 readers.  Feel free to tell me what you are thankful for in the comments.

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Let’s Talk About Undesiredverse – BQB’s Space Opera Serial

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BQB here.  Let’s talk, nerds.

ABOUT THE UNDESIREDVERSE

The year is 2999.  Roman Voss, a bounty hunter with an addiction.  Alien Jones, a pilot who’d once achieved greatness as second in command of the Known Universe’s greatest democracy, now stripped of his powers and looking for redemption.

Caught in the middle is a mysterious and very confused woman.

Jones’ old boss, the Mighty Potentate, presides over the Rakan Collective, a group of pro-democracy, pro-science, pro-education peace loving aliens who despise war, though they have amassed an unbeatable army to protect what they have from the “undesirables,” the residents of Milky Way, Andromeda, and all points in between, the area referred to by His Potentosity as “garbage planets” or simply, “the Undesiredverse.”

Cast out of paradise and deemed unworthy of the Rakan Collective, Undesiredverseans fight amongst themselves pointlessly, aimlessly and yes, sometimes even hilariously.  The religious zealots of Vendros, for example, have been slaughtering each over for a thousand years of a translation error in their holy book that leads the color of the shirt warn by their holy being in question.

But then again, not all of the baddies are funny.  The underworld organization known as the Cabal has a hand in every aspect of life, from business to politics, though they are so secretive they do not even acknowledge their own existence.

Meanwhile, many years ago, the Tollusks, a violent, warmongering species, decided to reform their ways and seek peace and prosperity.  The Tarazni Clan quickly formed, seized the planet’s nuclear arsenal, took flight, bombed their own planet to smithereens to punish “the infidels” on the way out and have been conquering planets ever since.

In fact, Earth is their latest acquisition.  There is an Earth government.  The One World Order began when countries decided to cease their petty squabbles in light of the discovery of new alien threats.  Alas, anyone who’d of put up resistance to the Tarazni’s Clan’s rule has been either killed, marginalized, ostracized, or paid off.  The One World Order that remains is accused by the people of being a government of “collaborators” and “rubber stampers.”

Sourcemind is the first villain that we are introduced to in the story.  He is a highly evolved artificial intelligence who was constructed by the humans of Omcoros to oversee automation of all of their world’s systems.  Big mistake, as that led to Sourcemind taking control.  From his mainframe on the world he’s conquered, he can assimilate any machine that comes in contact with him (or any machine that comes into contact with a machine he’s assimilated.

AND SO IT BEGINS…

Sourcemind, the Cabal, the Tarazni Clan, the One World Order and other degenerates want the woman in Voss and Jones’ care.  These three become the most wanted beings in the Undesiredverse and our story becomes a manic dash to safety.

Only the bad guys know why they want the mystery woman.  Voss, Jones, and even the woman herself are in the dark.

WHY IS BQB WRITING THIS?

All too often, I stop and start a story.  This blog helps me get things finished.  Last month, I finished a project.  #31ZombieAuthors.  It took a lot of work, but because I promised 31 people I’d do it, I got it done.

The story essentially involves a trio’s journey for survival as they are hunted by various baddies.  Thus, I basically step into Voss’ shoes and every day, imagine a little bit more about what is happening and what he is up against.

I don’t want to say the story goes in a straight line, but it does.  But there are many bumps on that line our heroes must hurdle.  But because it essentially begins with Point A (the heroes are in jeopardy and ends with Point B (the heroes are safe) I feel I can write a little bit every day and eventually bring our heroes from jeopardy to safety.

QUOTES ABOUT UNDESIREDVERSE: WANTED

BQB said these things about his story because he couldn’t find anyone else who would:

“It’s like Star Wars with a twist of Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”

“Finally, a space opera that can make me laugh, as well as experience mental stress over the fear that characters I’ve grown attached to might be gruesomely murdered at any minute.”

“It doesn’t totally suck.”

BQB NEEDS YOUR HELP

You, the 3.5 readers, are watching me write a first draft.  There will be errors in writing, plot, grammar, style, even story.  I’ve already identified several.

If you see something that leaves you scratching your head, don’t keep quiet about it.  Let me know.  You have all been drafted into being my 3.5 beta readers.

I won’t consider you rude for pointing out a faux pas.  I’d appreciate it.  You won’t be kicked out of the 3.5 readers club.  I can’t afford to lose any more readers as it is.  You might point out something that I intentionally left iffy because I intend it to turn into a big reveal later but that’s ok.  We’re making sausage on this site so I’ll give you a glimpse inside the sausage casing and let you know that a) yes, you pointed out a big goof on my part and thank you or b) I intended that and it’ll be addressed later.

Either way, if you see something off, let me know.

THE FUTURE FOR BQB

My main goal is to get this written, re-written, edited, formatted and published at some point early next year.  I don’t have a date set but as early as possible.  If I get it up on Amazon before June I’ll be happy.

I have not forgotten about Pop Culture Mysteries.  Next year, I hope to launch the Pop Culture Mysteries website which will feature a Season One of Jake’s Mysteries, leading into a Jake novel.

Undesiredverse: Wanted will basically be me teaching myself how to write and self-publish a novel.  Pop Culture Mysteries will up the game a bit and from hereon, I hope to publish two books a year.

That’s assuming life agrees with that plan.  Come on life.  Don’t be a dick.

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Greetings Earth Losers

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Alien Jones, the Esteemed Brainy one here, finally back after a long hiatus spent saving Bookshelf Q. Battler’s hide from the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse.

Yes, BQB likes to make himself out as the big hero but surely we all know that nerd would be a processed and expelled zombie turd by now had it not been for yours truly.

Now that I’m back I can get back to the business of answering your questions.

Yes, you, BQB’s 3.5 readers, a reminder that you can consult my genius brain on any and all matters and I’ll answer your questions right here on the Bookshelf Battle Blog, along with a plug for your books, blogs, or whatever it is you’re promoting.

So ante up with the gray matter, poindexters, because where else can you ask an alien a question?

Leave your questions in the comments, sent them to BQB on Twitter @bookshelfbattle or while you’re at it, like BQB’s Facebook page and use it to ask me a question, will you?

Also, if you could all try to stop watching reality TV, it would really go a long way to getting the Mighty Potentate to step off my ganderflazer.

Until next time, humans,

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#31ZombieAuthors – Day 31 – HALLOWEEN INTERVIEW – David W. Wright of the Self-Publishing Podcast

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FIND THIS ZOMBIE AUTHOR ON:

Amazon              Twitter

Self Publishing Podcast

Sterling and Stone

Happy Halloween, 3.5 readers.

This month, we’ve chatted up an absurd amount of zombie fiction writers, haven’t we?

They’re all impressive in their own right, and they all bent over backwards to help me out, so it was virtually impossible to figure out who to assign the coveted Halloween spot to.

Then it hit me.  Use it to talk to one of the dudes who got me writing again.

Not to make this about me, but long ago, I gave up on my dream of becoming a writer.  Like so many before me, the path toward traditional publishing seemed like it was riddled with one insurmountable wall after another.  Spend my time writing only to end up with my work tossed on a rejection heap with countless other writers competing for a highly coveted publishing contract?

Hell, I might as well have cashed out my life savings (all 3.5 dollars of it) and spent it on lotto tickets.

So I moved on and pursued a more realistic profession, but as the years went by, I always second guessed myself.

“What if?”

What if I’d kept at it?  Would I be a writer today?”

Around late 2014 I discovered the Self Publishing Podcast, starring full time indie authors Johnny B. Truant, Sean Platt, and of course, today’s guest, David W. Wright.  Together, this trio have their own “story studio,” Sterling and Stone.

They’ve found success as multi-genre authors, with sci-fi epics like The Beam, steam punk adventures like The Dream Engine and TV style serials such as Yesterday’s Gone, just to name a few.  They’re so prolific I doubt I could rattle off all their hits in one sitting.
51yjssATf+L._SX322_BO1,204,203,200_Their self-publishing guide, Write. Publish. Repeat. (The No-Luck-Required Guide to Self-Publishing Success) has become a bible of sorts for the indie community.  I picked up a copy and thus far I’ve found the information it provides to be invaluable.

I have a standing appointment with these gents every Wednesday afternoon, during which I pop on their podcast and listen to the boys talk about the craft they love on my commute home.

To be clear, they don’t deal with get rich quick schemes or gimmicks.  They’re just three guys who talk about what works and doesn’t work for them.  They regularly schedule guests on the cutting edge of self-publishing, and most importantly, they have fun.

Yes, I said fun.  You won’t be bored when you listen to SPP.  The best way I can describe it is that Johnny, Sean and Dave aren’t the stodgy, tweed coat wearing professors who drone on and on in a boring lecture guaranteed to put you to sleep.

Rather, they’re the cool TAs who stop by your dorm, crack open a beer, joke around with you, and give you the straight scoop on what you need to know.

Will I ever self-publish a book?  I have no idea, but listening to these guys helped me decide to pick up my long abandoned dream of a writing career, dust it off, and start working toward it again, and that in and of itself has made me a happier person.

Dave, as one of Sterling and Stone’s preeminent horror fiction writers, welcome to the Bookshelf Battle Blog.  I’ve heard you and your compadres say it doesn’t get any worse than your other podcast, Better Off Undead, but I’d challenge that notion since last time I checked, my site only has 3.5 readers. 

NOTE: BOLD=BQB; ITALICS=DAVE

Q.  Happy Halloween, Dave!  Do you have any plans to celebrate?  (Redact as necessary.)

A.  If by celebrate, you mean hide away from anyone who might knock on my door, then yes, I’ll be celebrating in an undisclosed location.

Q.  What’s the deal with zombies?  The past month, I’ve interviewed authors from all different backgrounds and they’ve all managed to find their own unique take on the zombie genre.  For the layman who thinks, “I don’t get it.  All they do is grunt and groan and eat brains!” please explain why fans can’t get enough of the undead.

A.  I can only speak to the appeal from my perspective. As long as I can remember, long before I ever saw a zombie movie, I dreamed of hordes of slow-moving people coming after me. Most horror movies, the hero or heroine have some chance to defeat the bad guy, monster, etc… There’s something terrifying about an unyielding, unending force of nature like a horde of zombies.

There’s a cathartic nature to most horror, and I think zombies can be representative of many fears for people, and movies and books are just one way of facing those fears in a safe manner.

I think one of the books that truly gets that fear right is The Girl With All the Gifts. Those zombies will track you down, and just wait outside wherever you’re hiding. They’ve got nothing but time, and they will eventually get you, unless you find a way to fight back.

61NWfE06WqL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_Q.   Z 2134, which you co-authored with Sean, features a dystopian America of the future, one in which zombie plagues have ravaged the world, giving rise to a totalitarian government, not to mention the Darwin Games, a televised survival show in which people have to fight zombies on air.  What inspired you to write these stories?

A.   Well, I’ve always wanted to write a zombie story. Sean wasn’t as keen on the idea, as he felt like it had all been done, and there was a lot of it at the moment. However, if we could mash up other genres, he was a lot more interested. So we thought, “Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a Hunger Games type story with zombies?” At the time, I’d not even seen The Hunger Games, and had read only the first few chapters. But I knew the idea, and we thought it would be cool to blend it with zombies and add a dose of 1984.

We pitched it to 47North after they’d reached out to us because of Yesterday’s Gone’s success, and they bought the trilogy.

Funny that some of the one star reviewers say it’s a “direct ripoff” of The Hunger Games, which I have to laugh at given that the only thing we ripped off was that it was a) a game and b) how The Hunger Games did the opening part where everyone had to make a mad dash toward the loot (which is as far as I got in the series). Anything similar beyond that, if there actually is, is pure coincidence. Fortunately, enough people liked the series for what it was to make it a bestseller at Amazon.

I think that mash-up of Z 2134 was sort of a dual-edged sword, though. While it earned us a lot of new readers, I think that people who thought we merely ripped off The Hunger Games, probably didn’t go on to give our other books a chance. They probably thought we were mash-up hacks churning out derivative stuff, which is a shame, because I feel that our other books are original and genre defying in many aspects.

Sean and Johnny are currently writing the first book in a zombie series that I’m super excited about, which seems to have an original sorta twist to it. Perhaps Sean and I will write in that world, since I’m still itching to do a proper real zombie story.

Q.  One thing I’ve noticed about science fiction/zombie lore is that authors have a tendency to forecast a future of doom and gloom.  I can’t say as I blame them though, given that every day there’s a new story on the news that rattles my faith in humanity.  Do you think a book where people are actually happy and the world has come together in a peaceful, harmonious future would ever be viable (or dare I say, realistic?)

A.  As much as I’d love to believe otherwise, it all comes down to a few things that seem immutable: there are limited resources on this planet, and people are clannish by nature. Therefore, there will always be struggle.

Q.   Let’s talk SPP.  You guys do a fair amount of busting on one another, all in good fun of course.  Still, I have to say I envy the partnership you’ve formed.  I’ve worked on a number of group projects in my life and to date, I’ve never walked away from the experience without holding back the desire to strangle my partners (who probably felt the same way about me.)  Do you guys realize what you have and more importantly, when the microphone’s off, do you tell each other?  It’d make me happy if the three of you would break out in a chorus of Bette Midler’s Wind Beneath My Wings one day, in celebration of a rare collaboration that actually works.

A.  I don’t think we talk too much about it. We’re usually busy talking about the work that needs to be done to fulfill our dreams. When we met in Austin in Sept. 2014, though, it was the first time all three of us were together, and we had a long heart-to-heart-to-heart talk, and it felt good to get to know Johnny (I’d already known Sean) in person. We’re like family, except we get along more often than most families.

Q.  Dave, as mentioned on your site, “Sean is the Tigger to your (Dave’s) Eeyore.”  I’d even go so far as to say that Sean is the Professor X to your Magneto.  In other words, Sean’s an optimist while you’re a pessimist.

Is that why you two work so well together?  One of you holds out hope, the other can see problems coming at twenty paces, and together you equal each other out?

A.  Good analogy. I think we’re a good mix, though I’m sure we’d be better off if I were a bit less pessimistic and a bit more hopeful. I think pessimism can be good as a protective shield, but there are times it costs you in potential.

Q.   Not to bore you with my problems, but a maniacal alien dictator from an unnamed world despises reality television to the point where he’s demanded that I write a novel so finely crafted that it causes the public to abandon shows where cameras follow around vapid celebrities and focus their attention entirely on scripted media.

But I don’t want to bother you with that.  You’ve been in self-publishing for a long time now.  Is there one nugget of advice, something that you wish someone had told you early on when you were getting started that you could pass on to me?

A.   Work through the doubt, and write a lot. Growing up, I tended to abandon projects the moment they got a bit too intimidating. I’m still prone to self-doubt and lots of rewriting before I’m happy, and I blow deadlines, but I am still always moving forward toward a goal — something I didn’t do before I had Sean as a partner.

Q.   Self-publishers are often vocal about their fears, which is understandable. Amazon might change their terms.  Tech companies they depend on might go out of business.  Traditional publishers might find a way to flip the proverbial poker table over and take their chips back.

But lets forget all that and be positive for a moment.  Let’s be Seans and not Daves.  As an expert in the field, do you foresee any major, positive developments coming in the future that will make self-publishers jump for joy?

A.   I’m hoping for a universal e-book format which would allow people to migrate their collections across readers without having to jump through hoops. I’d love to be able to buy at any store and read on whatever reader I prefer, without having to go through proprietary apps.

While companies may be resistant to this, I think in the long run it will help the companies sell more e-books.

Q.   Dave.  Seriously.  Thank you for all that you do.  When The History of Self-Publishing is written, there should be twenty chapters dedicated to you, Sean and Johnny.  The floor is yours.  If there are any last minute words of wisdom you’d like to share with my 3.5 readers, please feel free to do so.

A.   Thank you for having me. I’m not sure if this is wisdom, but I’ll share one thing. I started putting comic strips on the web in 1999. I was clueless to how bad I was. I think a lot of artists early on come in one of two flavors — they think they’re awesome or they think they’re shit. The truth is probably somewhere in between. Had I realized how bad I was, I’m sure I would’ve quit. Instead, I thought I was better than I was, but knew I wasn’t as good as I wanted to be, so I pushed through, always trying to get better, until I had a semi-successful comic which I could be proud of. So, I’d say don’t beat yourself up early on, but don’t ignore the areas you need to improve, and just always keep creating.

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#31ZombieAuthors – Day 30 Interview – J.M. Wilde – Australia Zombified

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:::Looks in the mirror.  Slaps myself.:::

OK, BQB.  Get a grip.  You’ve got a half-hour left until East Randomtown is blown up.  You need to complete this interview, then go save the day.

Time is of the essence and you’re about to talk to a professional.  Sure, J.M. Wilde is one of today’s top Australian zombie fiction authors, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk and ask her about Australian stuff.  She doesn’t want to talk about kangaroos, koala bears, or dingos.  She doesn’t want to compare knife sizes a la Paul Hogan in Crocodile Dundee.  Don’t ask her about vegemite sandwiches or if the Men Without Hats’ mandate to ostracize friends of your friends who don’t dance is still in effect over there.

Just take all of your pre-conceived Aussie stereotypes and throw them out the window.  The fans of the highly popular Eva series deserve no less.

OK.  The space phone is ringing.

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Q.  Hello J.M.  I’m trapped in a zombie apocalypse and my hometown is about to be blown to smithereens as part of an elaborate conspiracy, but I’ve dropped everything to use a highly sophisticated alien communication device to place a call clear across the world in order to ask a question of utmost importance:

Clockwise or counterclockwise:  which way does the water swirl down the drain in the land down under?  Please.  Go flush your toilet, take copious notes, then come back with a full report.  I swear that’s all I’ll need to get all the curiosity about Australia out of my system.

A. I actually have no idea. I’ve never really noticed, I guess counterclockwise? Flushing the toilet isn’t any help because most toilets here don’t swirl, they just flush down. I didn’t even know that myth existed until that one episode of The Simpsons when they came to Australia.

Q.  By the way, since its already October 31 in Australia, Happy Halloween!  I realize this is an American holiday that began in the pre-colonial days of the U.S. in which colonists believed it was necessary to ward off evil spirits by running around in costumes, because if it’s one thing that a hell beast fears most, it’s a puritan in a bed sheet.  Fast forward to today, where once a year we all openly encourage children to disobey all the rules we impose on them throughout the rest of the year by encouraging them to “go ahead and knock on that stranger’s door and demand free food stuffs!”

Long story short – Halloween in Australia.  Does anyone over there do anything to celebrate or is it just another day?  Don’t worry if the answer is the latter.  With all the goofballs running around in costumes and all the weight I gain from eating fun size candy bars, there are times I wish it was November 1 already too.

A.  This is an interesting one. Halloween is also connected to Samhain, which takes place in Autumn. Here in Australia, Samhain takes place on May 1st, so technically that’s our Halloween. But thanks to commercialization and the many American TV shows and movies we watch, Halloween has made its way here over the last few years and is celebrated more and more on October 31st. It wasn’t celebrated here at all when I was a kid, but I would have loved to have gone trick or treating just like all my favorite characters on TV. Now, I see more and more kids and teens knocking at my door in costumes, and more Halloween decorations being sold in stores. Halloween parties are becoming a thing, too, which is awesome as I love a good costume party!

51b3SGDcMfL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_Q.  Let’s talk about The Eva Series. In this three-book collection, you’ve turned Australia into one great big zombie infested death island.  Readers follow the journey of Eva as she and her friends make their way through the madness in search of safety. I have to admit, this is a pretty unique turn for the zompoc genre.  How did you come up with Eva’s story and what inspired you to tell her tale?

A. It really started because of my husband. I’d never written fiction before and wanted to try it, and at the time I thought my husband would be the only one who would ever read it. He loves zombies, so I decided to write a zombie story. And seeing as we live in Australia, I figured it would be cool to write about what might happen if a zombie virus broke out here. And voila! As They Rise, the first in the series, was born.

Q.  As I told a pair of writers the other day, I don’t have much pull in Hollywood.  Sure, Taye Diggs follows me on Twitter but I’m pretty sure he hit the follow button by accident.  That being said, “Zombies in Australia” seems like a concept ripe for a movie. On the off chance that J.J. Abrahams visits my blog by accident, give him your pitch as to why we need an Eva movie.

A. Taye Diggs follows me too! Okay, here’s my pitch. Hey J.J (or other equally awesome Hollywood person), enough already with zombies in the U.S of A! It’s been done to death (Ha! Puns.) Let’s move the fun down under where the stakes are higher and the production is cheaper. I’ve got the story, you’ve got the skills and the connections. Let’s make movie magic.

Q.  OK, I don’t want to brag, but I have been known to attract as many as 3.5 readers to my blog.  I thought that was pretty impressive until I learned that The Eva Series has racked up over 3 million reads online.  How did you get so many eyeballs on your work and for any aspiring writers out there, what can they do to attract more readers?

A. It’s all thanks to Wattpad. I don’t really know how it happened, but once I started uploading chapters to Wattpad a few years ago, it skyrocketed. I wouldn’t have ever considered being a pro writer without all the support from those early readers who kept begging me for more Eva. Aside from writing a good story and having a cool cover, I’ve found that being persistent and consistent is key when it comes to writing on Wattpad and attracting readers.

Q.  You’re a Wattpad star.  For people who aren’t as hip as we are, Wattpad is an online site that allows users to post their works and receive feedback from other users.  What about this site have you found useful and would you recommend it to other authors?

A. I adore the hell out of Wattpad, and I definitely recommend it to other authors. I think my favorite aspect about it is the interaction with readers. I’ve made friends and get to talk to my readers regularly, gain feedback on my work and just have so much fun with them.

J.M. Wilde on How to Get More Readers on Wattpad

Q.  So what’s next for you?  Any other book ideas in the works?  Could the zombies attack your neighbors?  Just going to throw it out there.  I feel like “TaZmania” or “New Z-Land” are rife with potential.

A. Haha! I love the New Z-Land idea. I’ve started working on a spin-off about one of the characters from book three, and I’ve been thinking about a potential fourth book in the series. But right now I’ve got a few other projects in the works; a couple of geeky YA contemporaries and a fanfic of The 5th Wave commissioned by Sony that’s being posted to Wattpad.

Q.  You’re a self-described fan girl.  On your website, you talk about how you want to be Iron Man and have pictures of yourself in Marty MacFly’s “future wear” from Back to the Future II, in which you’re meeting Christopher Lloyd, the actor who played Doc Brown.  I tip my hat to you, madam.  You’ve dethroned me as the Internet’s most renowned poindexter.  A lot of great superhero/comic bookish movies are coming out next year.  Which one or ones are you looking forward to most?

A.  Meeting Doc Brown was definitely one of the best moments of my life. BTTF is my fave movie so it was surreal. He’s such a nice dude. To answer your question … All of them! Deadpool. Captain America: Civil War. X-Men: Apocalypse. Suicide Squad. The list goes on!

Q.  J.M., thanks for taking a moment to talk with me.  Before I go, do you have any last minute advice that might help my friends and I survive the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse?

A. As Eva learned the hard way, fire doesn’t work against zombies, it just turns them into undead fireballs. Running is always the best choice. If you can’t run like hell, fight like hell. And always follow Rule #2 of Zombieland: double tap.

BQB EDITORIAL NOTE: J.M.’s running a Halloween sale!  Get all three books of the Eva series for .99 cents!

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BQB’s Zombie Apocalypse Survivor’s Journal – Day 28 – (Part 1)

I was awake.

My head felt awful.  My shoulder hurt like hell.  But I was finally sitting up in bed.

“Oh thank goodness,”  Alien Jones said.  “The Mighty Potentate won’t vaporize me!  Well, at least not for this, anyway.  He’ll probably get me on something sooner or later.”

VGRF was holding onto me like I was going out of style.  I should almost die more often.

There was a knock on the door.

In walked Mario, Janet, and a contingent of people wearing gas masks.  Whoever they were, they were the same people who shot all the zombies dead (as in dead,dead not just undead) in the gym, saving me from filling their bellies with my flesh.

“Who are you people?”  I asked.

One of them stepped forward and removed a mask to reveal the face of a kindly old woman.

“Don’t you even recognize your dear sweet auntie, bubalah?”

“Aunt Gertie?”  I asked.  “But how?  We couldn’t find you at Decrepit Oaks!  I assumed you were dead.”

“Of course you assumed I was dead, dearie,”  Aunt Gertie said.  “Everyone assumes that old people are weak and useless but that shows what you know.  The old folks and I formed the East Randomtown Prepper’s Society years ago and we were completely prepared for a zombie apocalypse!”

“But how?”

“We all had bug out bags ready to go,”  Aunt Gertie explained.

“Did you consult the sage advice of noted zombie fiction author and bug-out-bag expert Sarah Lyons Fleming too?”  I asked.

“Nah,”  Aunt Gertie said.  “You know I don’t bother with your dumb blog anymore, BQB.  I just grabbed some shit to eat, some shit to kill zombies with and stuffed it all in a bag.”

“Where’d you get the firepower?”  I asked.

“I uh..”  Gertie hesitated.  “I know a guy.  Let’s leave it at that, sweetheart.”

“Wait,”  I said.  “Who were those two bodies I found in your bathroom?”

“Hauser’s thugs,”  Gertie said.  “They tried to kidnap me and were going to hold me for ransom, demanding that you turn yourself into Hauser.  I whipped out my bowie knife and made quick work of those sons of bitches, let me tell you.  Too bad you were dumb enough to come here on your own anyway.”

“Wow Gert,”  I said.  “And here all this time I just thought you were all about knitting and bingo.”

“A gal can diversify.”

The remaining geezers removed their masks.  One old dude with a sea of white hair shook my hand.

“Bob Northrup,”  he said.  “Sorry to give you the news this way, but I’ve been sticking it to your Aunt twice a week for awhile now.  Nothing too serious, mind you.  I’m only seventy-eight so I like to keep my options open.”

Gertie furrowed her brow.

“You could have just told him we were good friends, jackass!”

“At this point I don’t care,”  I said.

Mario showed me a cell phone and clicked a button.  Up popped a video of Hauser, George, and the DiStefanos loading boxes of supplies into the Compensator, the SUV my friends and I drove to the rec center.

“BQB,”  Mario said.  “Your aunt and her friends had been surveilling the area for a long time, devising a plan to rescue you.  They shot this video that clears your good name.  On behalf of the whole settlement, I want to apologize for ever doubting you.”

“Pretty lame, Mario.  Pretty lame.”

“I know,”  Mario said.  “And I hope this makes up for it.  We took a vote and the decision was unanimous.  We’ve decided to change the name of this settlement from Fort Hauser to Fort Battler, and we’d like you to be our new Mayor.”

“Oh screw that,” was my instant response.  I didn’t even take a second to think about it.  “Like I want to lead a group of asshats who wanted to feed me to a bunch of zombies.”

VGRF, always the voice of morality, perked up.

“People make mistakes, BQB,”  she said.  “They need you now more than ever.”

Janet, who you might recall was a registered nurse as well as the settlement’s medical advisor, looked at me.

“BQB,”  Janet said.  “You created a WordPress site and promoted it to the point where it attracted an audience of 3.5 readers.  No one could ever possibly repeat that amazing feat.  Songs will surely be sung in your name for years to come.  Please, you must take the wisdom you used to build a substandard blog that people only read when they click on it accidentally and use it to guide us.”

“Oh fine,”  I said.  “But on one condition.”

“Name it,”  Janet replied.

“This place is not Fort Hauser.  It’s East Randomtown.  The thousand or so survivors on the property, they’re the last East Randomtownians left.  No more cults of personality.  No more dictatorships.  We’re a town again.  We’re a democracy.  All important decisions are made through a vote and we’ll call for elections as soon as possible.”

Janet and Mario nodded.

“You’re a good man,”  Mario said.  “You really do deserve that statue.”

“I don’t want a statue,”  I said.  “Will you people let me rest now?”

Everyone poured out of the room except Alien Jones and VGRF.

“Congratulations, Mr. Mayor,”  AJ said.

“This sucks,” I replied. “I hate politicians.  Whoever they are, whatever party they’re in, they’re all out to pick your pocket, promise you the world and deliver you a bowl of hot steamy crap instead.”

“Maybe this is your chance to make a difference,”  VGRF said.

“We’ll see about that.”

The space phone interrupted our conversation with a loud ring.

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#31ZombieAuthors – Day 25 Interview – Zombie Warfare

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Today’s guest is Luke Duffy, author of The Dead Walk the Earth and When There’s No More Room in Hell series of books, which detail the journeys of soldiers as they fight undead hordes.

Have you ever read a zombie book written by a guy who’s skilled at jumping out of perfectly good airplanes? Having grown up in Northern England, Luke joined the Parachute Regiment at the age of eighteen. Further, he has worked in Iraq on the Private Security Circuit.

His first book, Running the Gauntlet: The Private War in Iraq, detailing his memoirs from his time on the circuit, was published in 2011.

Following that non-fiction work, he turned his attention to zombie lore.

Luke, thanks for taking a minute to talk with me today, and thank you for your service.

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Q.  I’m just going to say it. Look at you. Soldier. Private security. 51qtY0bYz1L._SX311_BO1,204,203,200_You’re a badass. As a layman, I’d think that having such vast military experience would inform one’s writing. Do you find that’s the case? Do you draw on your experience when writing your books?

A.  Absolutely. I read a few apocalyptic books before I decided to write my own. Some were great, others were awful. But one thing I found that the majority of them had in common was that most authors lacked any real experience in military matters. Don’t get me wrong, there were some great efforts out there, well researched and thought out, but there was always something missing. The mark was never quite hit. Only someone who has experienced being shot at, blown up, or felt those familiar sensations of dread and retrospect when preparing for a fight, can write a realistic battle scene. I’ve always tried to make the action as close to real as possible, and my own experiences have helped, a lot. I like to draw the reader into the pages, making them imagine what it is like to come under fire and wonder whether they would make it out. As a reader, it’s important to feel part of the story.

Also, most of my characters are actually based on real people that I have known over the years.

Q. You started out with non-fiction and then moved on to fiction. What drew you into the world of zombies?

A. In a few short words; Dawn of the Dead. I’m talking about the original. I watched it when I was about six or seven, and from there, I was hooked. It wasn’t so much the action and the zombies themselves, but more to do with the collapse of society and the slow death of humanity. Even as a kid the words ‘what if?’ rattled around inside my head. The end of civilisation has always fascinated me, regardless of the cause. But what could be more exciting, terrifying, and total, as the dead returning to life and hunting the living?

I like to imagine how different people, from various rungs of the social ladder, would react to a global crisis such as a zombie plague. I think true, true colours would quickly come to light, and I think the whole ‘good and bad’ thing would be turned on its head in many cases. I couldn’t imagine Bob Geldof and Bono still wanting to save the world, hugging plague victims and shaking hands with zombies. I think they would barricade themselves into their mansions and drop from the radar.

Q. Here’s a question I’ve thrown at a lot of writers this month. How do you find the time to write? I ask because I’m rather unfocused and if a good show comes on TV, there goes my writing for the day. So obviously, I respect a guy who has served in the military and in private security and yet still finds the time to write. Do you have any advice for aspiring scribes on how to balance work and writing?

A. My best piece of advice would be to create a routine. Finding the time and motivation to start writing, even if I’m half way through a book and on a roll, can be extremely hard. Sometimes I need to give myself a serious kick up the arse to get myself down behind my computer. Like you said, distractions can have a severe effect on you. So, what I do is ensure that I get myself into a routine. If I’m working away, most of my writing is done in the evening, which can be a real pain because my energy and enthusiasm is sapped by then.

When I’m home in the UK, it’s a little easier. I get up, have a coffee and a smoke, check the news, as well as the usual morning stuff that a man does. Then, come ten o’clock, I get to work and do at least four hours writing each day. After that, the world is my lobster and I don’t feel guilty, having the fact hanging over my head that I jacked on my work for the day because Susanna Reid was looking particularly hot on morning television and I became side-tracked.

Q. The description of The Dead Walk the Earth states, “Eight soldiers, accustomed to operating below the radar, carrying out the dirty work of a modern democracy, become trapped within the carnage of a new and terrifying world. Deniable and completely expendable. That is how their government considers them, and as the dead begin to walk, Stan and his men must fight to survive.”

“Deniable and expendable.” OK. So obviously, I enjoy being alive, so I’m not asking you to get into “If I tell you I have to kill you” territory (sorry, bad joke there) but generally speaking, is being “deniable and expendable” a fate that soldiers often find themselves facing?

A. Depends on the type of soldier and the operations being conducted. There’s no such thing as a clean government, and they all need someone to get their hands extremely dirty on their behalf, from time to time. I’ll not go into too much detail, but deniable operatives do exist. No, not like xXx and Mission Impossible. They’re just beyond fantasy. Deniable operators could be the man next door, or the guy driving your taxi. Shaved heads, huge muscles, and wearing Oakley sun glasses in the dark… don’t help.

I suppose that all soldiers are expendable, to a degree. Or at least they are viewed that way by the people who send them to war. No politician, no matter how sincerely they claim to have, has ever lost sleep or shed a tear over the men and women of their country being brought home in bags. Tony Blair and George Bush; they saw their military as mere pawns to be moved about on their own paths towards personal glory and gain.

Don’t get me wrong, I was part of the invasion of Iraq. I was amongst the first troops into Kosovo during the liberation in 99. I battled in Sierra Leone during their civil war, and I patrolled the streets of Northern Ireland before the peace process. I enjoyed the lot, but I never lost sight of the fact that not a single member of the government cared how many of my friends lost their lives.

Since joining the private circuit in Iraq, I’ve seen the attrition rate first-hand, and watched as countless friends were killed. Yes, we were in it for the money, but we were also doing a job on behalf of the US and UK governments, helping to rebuild the Iraqi infrastructure. But before long, the media stopped reporting the deaths and the government leaders forgot about us. All the while, the deaths of British and American private military soared. Expendable.

Q. Hypothetically, would today’s modern military be able to take on a zombie outbreak? Not that I spend a lot of time worrying about such a scenario, but I’d be interested to hear your take on it.

A. It depends on society as a whole, I suppose. In my books, the concept of the dead returning to life (zombies) has never been imagined. There are no books, movies, computer games, or folk tales about such creatures. So, when the dead begin to rise, it’s complete confusion, terror, and chaos. No one knows how to deal with the problem. On the one hand, some see the threat for what it is, and insist that immediate action be taken. However, on the other hand, there are the ‘bleeding hearts’ and ‘do-gooders’, bleating that even the dead are people and have rights.

Governments hesitate, fearing backlash should they act with what can be viewed as brutality and inhumanity towards the infected (yes, I believe that even on the brink of an apocalypse, the politicians would still worry about their image and future votes).

People struggle to come to terms with the outbreak. Families cannot imagine that the monsters staggering towards them are no longer their dad, mum, sister, brother, uncle – twice removed… etc.
Then there are the legal complications to consider. Most people out there follow the rules. They avoid confrontation and shy away from violence. Inflicting pain and suffering is not a desire that most human beings carry. Many would hesitate, because we have all been brought up to understand that killing is wrong, both in a legal and moral sense. Suddenly being told that it is perfectly okay to smash your neighbor’s head in with a hammer, isn’t going to have any great and immediate effect. Most people would simply lock their doors and hide. Even I would hesitate, and I don’t like my neighbors.

Morality and human emotions play huge parts in the downfall, and only when it is too late, do people realize the extent of the catastrophe and put down their delusions of decency and respect, but by then, it’s too late.

However, in reality, I believe that the military would soon have the outbreak under control. No doubt, they would all be rounded up and sent to work in Starbucks, maybe even become Labour Party members.

Q. Any plans for further zombie books in the future? Or perhaps other monsters? I read a post on your blog that made me think you find technology as infuriating as I do. That me think – soldiers vs. killer robots has some potential.

A. I take it that you’ve never watched Terminator?

Seriously though, yes, I find technology infuriating. In my opinion, it causes more trouble than its worth, even though I have found myself reliant upon it.

I have one more book to write in the current series, and then I intend to get a couple of kids’ books written that I have in mind. Yes, it’s a dramatic shift from people being eaten alive and copious amounts of profanities and violence, but I’ve had these stories in my head for some time, so I will be hanging up my zombie hat for a while. I may return in the future, if the demand is high enough and I have some new ideas, but for now, I need to step away from the genre.

Q. Luke, thanks for stopping by. Before I go, do you have any last minute advice that might help me survive the East Randomtown Zombie apocalypse?

A. Get away from the cities. Find a place that is remote. The dead are stupid, and lazy. Can you imagine them walking up mountains or fording rivers? High-ground, preferably open with good all round visibility, would be your best bet. Dense forests are also good, but they can be a double edged sword; they can’t see you, but you can’t see them, either. I wouldn’t like to have to bug-out from a wooded area during the dark hours, surrounded by zombies

If you’re stuck in an urban area, stock up, stay out of sight, and keep quiet. Remember, a barricade can never be too big, no matter how valuable that antique chest of drawers is. Trust no one, and lock your heart away in a sealed box. There’s no room for easy emotion and sentimentality in the zombie apocalypse world. Finally, make a note of all the people close by who have pets, because when the time comes, cats and dogs make good eating.

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