Tag Archives: writing

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 112

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The zombies clawed over each other until they finally poured out of the hole that Zeke had torn through the box car roof. A few cars back, they were emerging through the holes that Miles had torn as well.

Slade laid down the heat and put bullets into brains. He quickly ran out of ammo and with no time to reload, he drew Gunther’s knife and stabbed furiously at the zombies that surrounded him, all the while struggling to maintain balance as the train cars rattled due to the increased speed.

A zombified Mr. O’Brien, once Highwater’s friendly photographer, was decapitated by Miles’ claws while Slade plunged his blade into the brain of what had once been Leo, the town’s preeminent drunk.

As soon as they cleared out the zombies in their way, the lawman and the young werewolf ran, with more zombies in hot pursuit.

Slade reloaded, fumbling to fill his pistols with silver-tipped bullets and maintain his footing at the same time.

It was day now. The sun shined brightly and warmed Slade’s face as he blasted a zombie that was grabbing his arm.

The zombies stopped. Slade was puzzled by this until Miles pointed up ahead.

Blythe.

The vampire was using his covered up hostage as a human shield, one arm locked around her neck while his free hand pointed his revolver at Slade.

“Stand down, zombies,” Blythe said. “Mr. Slade and I need to have a little chat.”

Slade and the vampire locked eyes.

“Drop your steel,” Blythe ordered.

Reluctantly, Slade set his pistols down on the boxcar roof.

“And you,” the vampire said as he looked to Miles. “Lose the fur.”

Miles morphed into his boy form.

“Bonnie!” Slade shouted. “Are you all right?”

“Mmmphh!” was the hostage’s muffled reply.

Blythe shook his head and pulled the sheet from his captive’s head.

Sarah. Her mouth was gagged but the fear in her eyes was palpable.

The vampire guffawed. Slade, for the first time since he’d become a U.S. Marshall, displayed a moment of weakness and dropped to his knees.

“Oh,” Blythe said. “Look at you, Slade. You’re too easy.”

“But you said…”

“What?” Blythe asked. “That I took the woman you love the most with me? I lied! That’s what vampire lawyers do!”

Slade stood up.

“The tiny fragments of whatever was left of your heart just snapped, didn’t they?” Blythe asked. “Ms. Lassiter is gone. I’d tell you that she’s dead but that’d be too easy. She’ll wish she was I guarantee you.”

The vein in Slade’s forehead pulsated to a boiling point.

“You’ll hate yourself forever for failing her,” Blythe said.

The vampire nudged his head toward Sarah. “You’ll hate this one for not being your beloved Bonnie…and you’ll hate yourself for hating her.”

Blythe pressed the revolver up against Sarah’s head. “Do I have to splatter her brains to get you to make a deal? Or will you realize once and for all that all a soul does is tear a man up inside and keep him from being his best possible self?”

Miles tapped Slade on the shoulder. The lawman ignored it.

“I’ll draw up a new contract later,” Blythe said. “But for now, a verbal accord will do. Agree to sell your soul to the Chairman or your say goodbye to your second best squeeze.”

“Slade,” Miles said as he continued to tug on the lawman’s arm.

“Not now,” Slade replied.

The vampire cocked the hammer of his revolver with his thumb. “What’s it going to be, Slade?”

Slade stammered. “I…I…”

“Slade!” Miles shouted.

“What?!” Slade shouted back.

“It sure is a nice day, isn’t it?” the boy asked.

Slade squinted his eyes as he looked toward the sun, then back at Miles.

It was time for Slade to hope.

The lawman dove for one of his pistols. The boy wolfed out to his massive furry form, then picked up Slade and through him off the side of the car.

Slade hurtled through to the air in a leftward arc. He took one shot at the vampire before being caught in by Miles’ left paw.

The young werewolf had dug the claws of his right paw into the side of the box car. With all his might, he held on.

Slade looked down. The ground below quickly turned into water. The train was now over the Sturtevant Bridge, darting across the Mississippi River.

Blythe, still holding onto Sarah, peaked over the side and scoffed. “You missed!”

Slade sneered. “Did I?”

Blythe looked himself over, wondering what he’d missed until he saw it. Slade’s crack shot had pierced the chain holding his golden medallion, the gift from the Chairman bestowing upon him the right to be one of few vampires allowed to bask in the sun.

The vampire, for once in his long existence, was afraid. He dropped his revolver and fumbled to catch his talisman but it was too late.

It slipped off his neck and fell through the air into the water below.

Blythe hyperventilated. His face turned purple.

The vampire let go of Sarah and clutched his neck and struggled to breathe.

“Do you think…”

Blythe could barely get the words out.

“… this changes anything?”

The vampire’s eyes bugged out of his head. The veins in his face turned black. “We are legion…for we are many!”

Blythe pushed Sarah off the side of the box car. He then exploded in a burst of sticky, black blood. What had once been the Legion Corporation’s most cunning strategist now painted the roof and side of the box car.

There was no time to celebrate. Sarah screamed through her gag as she fell through the air. Slade reached for her but missed.

Miles roared. He let go of the box car, pulled Slade closer to his body, then caught Sarah.

As the trio fell, a few words from a familiar, overused voice carried through the wind into Miles’ highly sensitive werewolf ears.

“…the open minded masses of the future will no doubt look upon him with great reverence as the man who destroyed the Sturtevant Bridge…”

The young werewolf recognized Doc’s voice and realized no good could come out of this third person tirade. He hugged the two humans tight then maneuvered himself to take the impact of the water landing with his back.

The trio plunged deep into the river as they struggled to reach the surface, the sounds of a tremendous explosion filled their ears.

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How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 107

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Major Culpepper watched as Private Robards placed the last dynamite bundle.

“That’ll do it sir.”

“You’re sure?” the Major asked. “We can leave nothing to chance.”

“It’ll be a magnificent explosion,” Robards replied.

Robards picked up a wooden detonator box, being careful not to get his hand anywhere near the plunger at the top. The device was hooked up to a large spool of blasting cord, the opposite end of which was hooked up to the last bundle of dynamite. In turn, that bundle was connected to a long line of bundles placed on supports all across the bridge.

“I’ll walk the box across, sir,” Robards said. “I don’t trust any of these other idiots with it.”

“Very well,” the Major said. “Just be sure not kill us all with that contraption.”

One of Robards’ helpers picked up the spool and walked behind the demolition expert, leaving a trail of blasting cord behind as they walked toward the Illinois side of the bridge.

The Major addressed the crowd. Corporal Bartlett took his place next to a squad of soldiers.

“Now then,” Major Culpepper said. “Women and children only! All men say your goodbyes and then off you go back to the West to fight the zombie menace. Make your country proud.”

An ornery looking man shouted, “Why don’t you fight the zombie menace?”

The Major grabbed his belly and laughed. “Oh you are a card sir! I’m much too important to have my brains eaten. Away with you now!”

All the men turned and started to trudge back to Highwater. Women of all ages marched across the bridge. Some carried babies, others held their children by the hand.

One woman kept her face covered by a scarf. Her shoulders were wrapped by a raggedy, worn out afghan. A bonnet covered the top of her head. She hobbled along slowly, her right hand gripping a cane. With her left arm, she clutched a white cloth bundle.

Bartlett approached her.

“Oh ma’am,” the Corporal said. “Here, let me help you that.”

The old woman’s voice was high-pitched. “No thank you sonny.”

“Please ma’am,” Bartlett insisted as he reached for the bundle. “You look very unsteady and I fear you might drop your grandchild.”

The old woman looked down and shook her head. “Oh no, sonny. He’s fine. What a nice young man you are for caring. Goodbye!”

Oddly, the old woman picked up her pace, walking as if she didn’t even need the cane.

Bartlett kept up. He grabbed the bundle and pulled it away only to be surprised how heavy it was.

“Ma’am I don’t mind helping you at all…what the…ooomph!”

Bartlett strained under the weight of the bundle. “What in the world?”

The old woman grabbed the other end of the bundle. “He’s a very fat baby. Let him go!”

“What have you been feeding him?” Bartlett asked as he yanked the bundle his way.

“Buttermilk three times a day,” the old lady said as she yanked the bundle back. “He’ll be as big as Paul Bunyan one day!”

There the pair stood on the bridge, locked in a tug of war with the bundle, each refusing to give in.

“Stop!” the old woman protested. “You’re hurting him!”

“Ma’am,” Bartlett replied. “I’m with the government. You can trust me!”

Finally, each person pulled their end of the bundle so hard that the cloth came undone and hundreds of metal objects clattered all across the bridge.

Cutlery made out of pure silver. Forks. Knives. Spoons. Gold pocket watches. A flask or two. A cigar box. Rings. Necklaces. All manner of jewelry. Coins of every denomination.

Bartlett was shocked. He grabbed the bonnet that was covering the old lady’s head to reveal a head of grimy receding hair. He then pulled her scarf away to discover that she was not a she at all.

It was frequent Bonnie Lass customer Roscoe Crandall.

“What’s the meaning of this?” Major Culpepper asked as he stepped over to inspect the commotion. As soon as he saw the riches at his feet he added, “What in the name of William T. Sherman is all this?”

Roscoe started to reply with his old lady impression. “It’s not…”

Seeing that Bartlett and Culpepper were not amused, Roscoe reverted to his own voice.

“It’s not a bunch of peoples’ personal belongings I looted from their homes while they were all busy running for their lives from the dead men I swear,” Roscoe said. “It’s all mine.”

Bartlett raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Roscoe grabbed the lapels of his pink dress and puffed out his chest. “They are! I’ll have you know I’m a rather well-to-do man in Highwater!”

Bartlett shook his head. “You’re in a lot of troub…”

Before the corporal could finish his sentence, a bullet tore through Roscoe’s skull. The degenerate’s body fell to the ground.

The corporal turned to the Major, who was holding a smoking pistol.

“Sir!” Bartlett said.

“Oh don’t give me that look, Bartlett,” the Major said. “The man was clearly scum.”

“But he should have had a trial!” Bartlett said.

“We’re under martial law, man,” Major Culpepper said. “The law’s very unclear in dark times such as these.”

The major looked at all the shiny objects on the ground, then back to Bartlett.

“Be a good man and scoop that all up, will you?” the Major asked. “We’ll claim it for the war effort.”

“But we should try to find out who the owners are,” Bartlett said. “Maybe some of these things belong to the women.”

“Nonsense!” the Major said. “We have a wall to build!”

Bartlett shook his head disapprovingly then remembered his place. He dropped to his knees and started picking up the items and placing them in the white cloth.

A feint sound interrupted his concentration.

“Arrrrrrwooooo!”

Bartlett lifted his head up. “What was that?”

The Major nonchalantly dropped some tobacco into his pipe. “What was what?”

“Arrr! Arrr! Arrrrrwooooooo!”

“That!” Bartlett said.

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Hitler Freaks Out After Hearing BQB Only Has 3.5 Readers

Hey 3.5 Readers.

A highly classified  video has made its way to BQB HQ.

It’s so top secret I was going to share it, but then I remembered only 3.5 people read this blog.

Apparently I have a critic in Germany:

NOTE: Hitler needs to redo this video. Joseph Heller wrote Catch-22. Not James Heller. Stupid Hitler.

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How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 106

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The night gave way to morning. The dark sky slowly shifted to a light gray as a red sun peaked over the horizon.

Had Slade and Miles not been paying so much attention to their footing as they walked down the line of box cars, they might have enjoyed watching a beautiful sunrise.

Miles stopped when he realized that inside his mind he was no longer alone.

“I surely do feel sorry for you young’uns.”

Zeke.

Realizing something was amiss, Slade stopped walking. As a human, he was oblivious to the conversation.

“I reckon some things will never change,” Zeke continued. “My grandpappy used to warn me about strife he’d been through but despite his best efforts he was never able to keep me from making the same mistakes he did.”

Miles sniffed the air. He put a paw on Slade and nudged him back a few feet.

“And you’re just like I was,” Zeke said. “It’s not enough to tell you that you’ll get an ass whupping. You actually need to experience the whupping.”

“Miles,” Slade said. “What’s the hold up?”

Slade’s question was answered when a furry gray fist punched through the metal roof just in front of him.

A second paw emerged and a hole was torn until it was large enough for Zeke to emerge in all his gray, mangy glory.

Zeke hauled his arm back and socked Miles in the face, sending the young werewolf flying backwards.

Slade was about to come to his friend’s aid when Zeke’s two henchwolves popped out of the hole.

“Know your role, boy!” Zeke said as he tromped towards Miles. “The alpha leads and the pack follows. That’s the way it’s always been and it’s the way it will always be.”

Groans and snarls bellowed out of the hole in the roof. Hands, feet and other body parts poked out. The zombies had been packed to the roof and they were itching to get their mitts on Slade’s brain.

One henchwolf lunged at Slade only to take a silver tipped bullet straight to the head. The beast’s carcass fell into the open hole which led to a symphony of crunching bones and unruly growls as the zombies in the boxcar had their fill.

The second henchwolf was more wily. He knocked Slade down and dragged him close to the open roof, preparing to toss his victim into the zombie infested box car so he could be eaten alive.

Slade found himself in an unenviable predicament. A werewolf’s loathsome sharp teeth filled face was hovering over him, dropping drool all over his face. Meanwhile, zombie hands were reaching out of the hole, desperately trying to grab onto any piece of flesh they could find.

Blam! Slade blew the henchwolf’s brains out then scrambled away just in time to avoid being flattened by the enormous carcass.

Zombie hands felt around until they gripped the deceased henchwolf’s foot and dragged him into the pit. The car rocked as the zombies fought over all that werewolf meat.

Slade stood up and turned around. Zeke had wrapped his paw around Miles’ throat and had lifted the young werewolf into the air. Miles was kicking his feet to and fro, struggling with his hands to free himself to no avail.

Miles!” Slade shouted. “Just be yourself!

The young werewolf shot a confused look at Slade, annoyed at what he thought was a sappy sentiment.

Slade gripped his pistol by the end and hauled his arm back. “No! Be…your…self!!!”

“Did you honestly think a pathetic little whelp like you could ever challenge an alpha king?” Zeke asked. “Swear your allegiance to me this instant or I’ll tear you apart!”

Miles transformed into his normal boy form. His body became so small that he slipped right out of Zeke’s grip. Before the King could figure out what to do, Slade tossed his pistol.

The boy caught it. He pointed it at Zeke’s head, pulled the trigger, and the King fell dead.

“Sorry,” Miles said. “But I’m a Freeman.”

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Plagiarism and Self-Publishing

Happy Sunday 3.5 Readers.

BQB here to talk about an article in The Atlantic – Stealing Books in the Age of Self-Publishing by Joy Lanzendorfer.

The article discusses how it is too easy for some unscrupulous people to take the works of others, change them around a little bit and then pass them off as their own, profiling authors who have had this happen to them.

Apparently it happens more often than people realize, and it isn’t always so blatant that is easily discovered. Sometimes plagiarized books are up for awhile and as the article notes, it is usually a plucky reader that spots the similarities and alerts the author.

 

To make this a BQB Daily Discussion, what are some ways that self-publishers can protect themselves from such chicanery?

 

 

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How the West Was Zombed = #220 in Wattpad Horror Fiction

Hey geeks, nerds and assorted poindexters.

BQB here.

How the West Was Zombed is climbing back up the Wattpad Horror charts!

Currently #220!

Read. Follow me. Vote. Comment. Help me make the zombification of Wild West that much better.

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Daily Discussion with BQB – Have You Ever Used Another Blogging Website?

Hey 3.5 Readers. You’re in luck.  A second Daily Discussion.

Obviously, you all use WordPress, but I was wondering if anyone out there has ever used another blogging website?

I don’t believe I’ll move Bookshelf Battle off of WordPress.  Too many of my 3.5 readers use it and I would lose them.

But for other websites, I have been thinking about branching out to see what other blogging sites might have to offer.

For example, I am thinking about creating a website that has information about my zombie western book and proposed zombie western book series.

I have my eye on Wix.  They have many pre-made templates, plus the ability to create your own.

They say it is “drag and drop” and they explain that means what it says.  Drag what you want to the place on your site where you want it to appear and voila it appears on your site.

If that actually works, it could save me a lot of hassle.  I hate to knock WordPress because I understand that sometimes it might be my lack of knowledge, but there are times when it won’t do what I want it to do.

WordPress has many nice themes but you are limited to that theme’s layout.  For example, I feel like I could get more Facebook/Twitter hits if I could put my Facebook/Twitter info at the top right of the blog but instead, this theme puts it at the bottom of the blog and few people scroll down that far.

My concern about Wix or another site is I don’t know if they come with the built-in audience that WordPress has.

My readership mainly comes from other bloggers.  If it weren’t for WordPress’ ability to let you tag your posts so they show up for people interested in those tags, I wouldn’t even have 1.5 readers.

Wix will allow comments, but you do have to comment through Facebook or Disquss.  I’m not sure how Disqus works but I know with Facebook you have to identify yourself and I understand many people understandably don’t want to so that could limit your comments.

So it seems there are some trade offs.  I suppose I might investigate more to see what capabilities the other websites have, but due to the built-in audience, I’m not about to leave WordPress anytime soon.

By the way, I’m told (and have seen it myself) this site doesn’t come off the best when you read it on a tablet or a smart phone.

Do you find that is the case?  I think the issue is on a tablet or smartphone people really want your menu to come up as a little button they can push and scroll down through that.

I have mixed feelings on that.  I think when the site is viewed on a laptop, the best option is to have your menu right at the top of the screen, all the choices laid out right there for you.

I have noticed there are some themes that split the difference.  When you view them on a laptop, it is all laid out right there, but then go on a mobile device and the menu turns into the button.

I’m not sure I want to abandon the theme I have now anytime soon.  Frankly, it is what gave me the idea for “Bookshelf Battle.”

When I started, I knew I wanted to blog, I wasn’t sure what about or what I’d call the blog, then as I looked through themes I saw this one with the ability to put a picture right at the top and I was like, “Huh. Well I don’t have much in the way of a graphic design department, but I suppose I could take pictures of my action figure collection and put them at the top and then I could call it umm…Bookshelf War? Huh no, Bookshelf Battle?”

I know. How more women don’t throw themselves at a guy who takes pictures of his action figures is beyond me.

Anyway, I like this theme because of that and also I just feel like it looks very comic-booky.  Add in the silly shutter stock photos and it feels, to me anyway, like you’re reading an online comic book.

So I don’t want to lose the theme anytime soon but I know in the long run I will have to resolve the mobile device issue.

Honestly, I know my menu sucks anyway as I have never really decided what to put up there and I am never able to figure out how to get it all organized.

Long story short, if you can think of an alternate WordPress theme that would fulfill BQB HQ’s needs, let me know.

Further, I have not yet given up on Pop Culture Mysteries.  It is just on hold a bit until I figure out how to streamline it a bit more.

I have been thinking that I need to rework that formula.  In many of Jake’s case files, he’s asked to solve a mystery – so example, if he’s asked something about Star Wars, he’ll start out by hitting on and getting rejected by Ms. Donnelly, then he’ll opine for a long time about some sad memory in his life, then he’ll walk through the neighborhood and complain about how the world has changed, then he bullies Agnes the Librarian into doing the research for him and THEN he’ll finally get to the answer.

I’m thinking the case files need to be shorter – ask the question (Why did Luke do X in Star Wars) then give the answer right away (He did it because…) and then I can take all of Jake’s life story stuff and work it into an ongoing online story.

At any rate, here’s what Pop Culture Mysteries looks like know. I like this theme because it looks like all the posts are files coming across Jake’s desk.

It does not have the “menu turns into a button on mobile devices” option that I suppose could be an issue, but I looked at it on my mobile device and thought it looks good and the menu bar stayed the same, it didn’t move around unlike how Bookshelf Battle’s menu does.

Anyway, give me your opinions on a) my current themes b) alternate themes and c) alternate blogging sites.

Also, give me cookies.  You know you have cookies. Stop holding out on me.

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How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 104

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Run?” Miles thought to himself. “No thanks. I’ve done enough running.

The young werewolf galloped along the left side of the last box car, jumped towards it, then dug the claws on his left paw into the metal. With his right paw he punched a hole in the box car, then used both paws to rip the steel apart until there was an opening big enough for him to jump in.

Inside, the box car was pitch black. That didn’t matter to Miles. He could still see.

But the smell of all that rotten zombie fleshed packed into that giant rectangular can was ungodly.

Groans and demands for brains filled Miles’ ears. He struck wildly, his claws ripping off zombie heads, limbs and other parts.

Like ants converging on an unattended sweet, the undead swarmed on the werewolf, knocking him down, biting and scratching at him.

“Brains…ugh…urgh…brains…”

Every wound the undead opened on Miles’ body instantly closed. The werewolf stood up and shook the undead off of him.

Miles bent his knees and, as if he were spring loaded, hurtled himself through the roof of the box car.

Slade was just about to step forward when Miles emerged from the twisted steal, his fur covered with zombie guts.

“I thought I told you to run!” Slade said as he looked up at the young werewolf, who was now towering over him.

All Miles could do was growl in response. Had he been able to communicate with Slade, he would have shared what he was thinking.

Run? I’m tired of running. I’m a Goddamned werewolf. People need to start running from me.”

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How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 103

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Slade gripped Miles’ fur tightly. The young werewolf was running at a speed that was incomprehensible to the law man. Winds rushed all over them as Miles’ paws tromped across the prairie.

Soon, the Marvel of the Rails was within sight.

“Just get me on board then run,” Slade shouted into Miles’ ear. “I don’t need a dead kid on my conscience on top of everything else.”

Bringing up the Marvel’s rear was a henchwolf manning a gatling gun. He instantly spotted the duo and unleashed a hell storm of bullets upon them.

Miles zigged and zagged, dodging each shot effectively but just barely. It was all happening so fast Slade’s mind could barely keep up with it.

The lawman pointed his pistol at the henchwolf’s head and fanned the hammer, striking the back of his gun with the palm of his hand over and over until six silver-tipped bullets had tore through the henchwolf’s head. Blood splattered across the gatling gun as the henchwolf keeled over and fell onto the tracks.

Miles sped up until he was running just behind the train.

The human body comes with all manner of built in means of self-preservation. Slade had to fight ever reflex he had when he tentatively stood up on the young werewolf’s back. He knew he only had mere seconds before he’d stumble and fall, so he quickly pushed off and grabbed the railing that surrounded the gatling gun car.

Slade pulled himself on board. He took six bullets off of his bandolier and reloaded his gun as he watched Miles veer off to the left and out of sight.

The lawman climbed a rickety iron ladder until he reached the top of a box car.

The Marvel’s whistle blared. Its bell clanged. Slade struggled to maintain his balance as the train barreled down the tracks.

Far down the line, he could see smoke belching from the locomotive’s stack. That was where he needed to be.

The wind whipped up underneath the brim of his Stetson, threatening to blow it away until he pulled it down tight over his head.

Slade’s woman and his hat were both at stake, and he was determined to not lose either.

Slowly, he walked across the box car as the train rattled down the track.

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How the West Was Zombed – So Much Action

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And now the part all 3.5 of us have been waiting for – Slade’s big fight against Blythe on a fast moving train.

I’m not sure action translates well into books.

On a movie screen, you can see an explosion.

In a book, I’m not sure what an author can really do other than write, “There was an explosion.”

Oh well.  This next part is going to be action packed, so please advise me on how to make it better.

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