By: Video Game Rack Fighter, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Video Game Correspondent
Hey 3.5 nerds.
Video Game Rack Fighter here, taking a break from Car Thief Mayhem to talk about Mass Effect: Andromeda.
This go around, a contingent of space travelers have left the Milky Way in search of greener pastures (and planets) in the Andromeda Galaxy.
I’m only an hour or two into the gameplay. My initial thoughts:
I’m not as big a fan of the character face/body customization options this time. In the last game, I had my own version of Shepard that I used in all three games. This time, I couldn’t really make one that I liked so I just went with the default. I admit it could be that I’m too impatient to work with the options until I find one I like.
I do like that you get a twin. I don’t know for sure but I assume this is for those folks who wondered what they were missing out on when they played Mass Effect as male or female Shepard. (Were you missing out on FemShep if you were ManShep and vice-versa?) You can make the twins the same sex, but why not dip your toes in both waters?
I’m mildly concerned that there hasn’t been much of a chance to shop or visit space stations or make friends or hump anyone. These were the most fun parts of the original and they must be reproduced here.
What say you, 3.5 readers? Are you playing? What do you think? I’ll keep posting my thoughts as I move forward.
Video Game Rack Fighter – Ranking World Car Thief Mayhem Champion; Currently Involved with Bookshelf Q. Battler (She has our condolences.)
Hey 3.5 Readers,
Video Game Rack Fighter here, swiping BQB’s laptop to bring you my very first Game of the Month column.
Alien Jones has a column. Dr. Hugo Von Science has a column. Even the Yeti has a column but that’s ok, BQB. Make the best thing that ever happened to you wait an entire year to get her own column. That’s totally fair.
***cough cough JERKFACE! cough cough***
Excuse me. Lots of dust here in BQB HQ.
Uncharted 4! Let’s check out the trailer:
Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End – Playstation
3.5 readers, I love, love, love this series. It is cinematic gameplay at its best. These games always grab hold of you, drag you in, and leave you feeling like you’re guiding treasure hunter Nathan Drake through his very own movie.
The graphics are that good, rivaling any big Hollywood blockbuster.
There’s a little bit of everything. Gunplay. Oh stop. If you’re reading this then you’re a video game nerd and you know you can’t have a good game unless you’ve got some gun action.
Hell, I’ve been lobbying Nintendo to let Mario pack a Mac-10 but they won’t return my calls. Dorks.
There’s death defying stunts. You’ll feel like you’re with Drake as he’s clinging on that ledge, overlooking a drop into vast nothingness below.
And there are puzzles. The puzzles I’m not that huge a fan of. Some of them are pretty obvious. Others are real head scratchers that take some time. Occasionally, they take too much time and then I have to go online to search for the answers so I can get back to making Drake make things go boom.
If you’re new to the series, it follows Nathan Drake, modern day ancestor of 1500’s explorer Sir Francis Drake, as he goes on globe trotting adventures to uncover treasures and relics. Obviously, there are always bad guys with unlimited supplies of henchmen getting in the way.
Naughty Dog, the game’s developer, scored a winner when they first began making this series. I’ve played them all and they keep getting better and better, proving that it is possible for games to a) have a lot of action and b) a compelling storyline.
Screw the movies. Just stay home and play Uncharted 4. Just don’t get any popcorn grease on your controller. Those things are like seventy bucks a pop.
You know, a friend of mine who only has an X-Box asked me whether or not Uncharted is worth springing for a Playstation (seeing as how it is exclusive to PS.)
My answer? If you’ve got the money and plunking it down isn’t going to leave you sleeping in a cardboard box at night, then yes. Yes it is.
STATUS: Rack worthy. This game totally deserves a spot on my rack.
Hmm. Yeah, BQB said that was a poorly phrased line and I scoffed at him but now that I hear it out loud…
Oh well. Uncharted 4 is my game of the month for April. If you’ve played it, share your thoughts in the comments and tell me which game you think should be my Game of the Month for May.
Is it me, or does WordPress change things around every five seconds? I feel like no two visits to my dashboard are ever the same. File under: nerd problems.
If you haven’t checked out Undesiredverse: Wanted yet, please do. Give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Tell me if it stinks. Tell me if you like it. Tell me if you think there are dishwasher instruction manuals that could get more sales. I’d love your input, especially the negative kind to help it improve.
Did I mention you can read it on bookshelfbattle.com or on Wattpad? If you’re on Wattpad, you might find that to be the better experience as all the Chapters are right there whereas they tend to get bumped down on this blog.
Call of Duty. Halo 5. Fallout 4. Star Wars: Battlefront. I don’t think I’ll see Video Game Rack Fighter again until March:
Video Game Rack Fighter
I was sorry to hear about Charlie Sheen. There are probably 10,000 jokes that could be made about how this is not surprising but Attorney Donnelly advises me that AIDS jokes have been unacceptable since 1990.
Alien Jones is still available for Ask the Alien. Come to think of it, he might have one or two questions rolling around to get to. Feel free to ask him yours and if he approves he’ll plug your book/blog.
Why do people eat pudding? It has all the calories but none of the awesomeness of other desserts. You might as well have had ice cream. Eating pudding for dessert instead of the ice cream in your fridge is like taking your cousin on a date when Charlize Theron really wanted to go with you.
Sometimes I want to tape fallen leaves back onto trees. It seems like a waste and also a shame the trees are left naked.
I just invented a time machine. I used it to travel to ten seconds ago to get myself to change the subject and hey look! A hippopotamus in a pink tutu!
Do you think that because I went back in time and changed the above random musing, that there will be disastrous effects on the world? They say the smallest tinkering with the past can change the future in terrible ways. Still, I can’t help but think that my life would be better now if I go back in time and tell myself to stop picking my nose so much. It would have prevented my deviated septum, the various brain restorative surgeries, and also I might have gotten more chicks. Then again, I might not have met Video Game Rack Fighter. Oh well. I guess I’ll stay a nose picker.
Greetings Earth Losers! A Happy Sunday to you all and thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules of Comic Con Cosplay to read this fine column.
(Sorry, but all 3.5 of you can’t be Daenerys Targaryen. 2.5 of you are going to have to change.)
Huzzah! My favorite Game of Thrones character is doing great and…uh oh.
Speaking of, Bookshelf Q. Battler, a Game of Thrones fanboy if there ever was one, not only plotzed, but passed out and had to be resuscitated by the Yeti when he received this tweet:
@bookshelfbattle I'd like to submit one of my books for battle against a classic….
Yes, that’s none other than Justin Sloan, a writer for Telltale Games, who’s worked on the Game of Thrones video game, as well as Tales from the Borderlands.
He’s an optioned screen writer, a USMC veteran, and a recent guest on the Self Publishing Podcast with Johnny, Sean and Dave:
BQB informs me he enjoyed that podcast thoroughly, because it explains how one author managed to rise above the odds and land a sweet, sweet career as video game writer. You don’t get there without rolling up your sleeves and putting a little elbow grease in, folks, and Justin can certainly attest to that.
(Plus, Dave doesn’t even complain about the lousy service at Target and Olive Garden once in the entire show.)
Teddy Bears in Monsterland
Anyway, long story short, BQB reached out to Justin to inform him he enjoyed his appearance on SPP and Justin, class act that he is, requested that one of his books be pitted against a classic on bookshelfbattle.com
After reviewing Justin’s Amazon Author Page, I, Alien Jones, humble intergalactic correspondent, will now pit one of his works against a classic and decide which one is better.
Teddy Bears in Monsterland vs. Hamlet
Hamlet. It’s considered by scholars of English literature to be the quintessential piece of writing that everyone should read at least once in their lifetime.
It’s routinely assigned in high school English classes and actors believe it is a great achievement when cast in a production of the Bard’s seminal work.
But, it’s severely lacking in the teddy bears vs. monsters department.
I’ve studied the entire play and not once do I see:
POLONIUS: Come come, my son, for your ship doth prepare to embark and thou hast yet to encounter a teddy bear with magical powers.
LAERTES: Fi on thee, oh father! For I hath witnessed many bow tied teddy bears able to harness the power of the supernatural for the purposes of dispatching monsters most foul!
A great oversight on Shakespeare’s part, if you ask me. I don’t know how he wasn’t laughed out of the industry for such an epic fail.
As an alien being with a superior intellect (which doesn’t take much when you’re around humans), I’m fairly certain Back by Sunrise would soundly defeat The Chronicles of Narnia. Really, all a competitor has to do is offer Edmund a piece of candy and he’ll gladly sell out his entire family.
Are you an aspiring scribe? Justin has some books about writing that you might want to check out as well.
Finally, and avert your eyes Game of Thrones fans if you don’t want to read a SPOILER but, come on Justin. Seriously. What’s next for Jon Snow? Is there a resurrection afoot? Maybe the Red Woman works a little hocus pocus? Perhaps a little eye of newt gets dropped into a potion and Jon’s back to his old mopey know nothing self again?
Come on. Spill the beans. The secret will be safe here. Only 3.5 people read this blog anyway, and one of them is Bookshelf Q. Battler’s aunt.
Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have an inquiry for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle or leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, or other project in his answer.
Green alien image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.
Greetings Earth Losers. Alien Jones here to answer your questions and
pump your planet full of extraterrestrial intelligence.
Why? No offense, but your planet is dumb. Very dumb. There are no words to express its level of dumbositude. So very, very, very dumb.
This week I answer a question from none other than Blogger-in-Chief, Bookshelf Q. Battler, who continues to be a Yeti hostage:
Alien Jones! BQB here.
Pixels – WTF?
WTF indeed, BQB. WTF indeed.
Feast your vision receptacles on this trailer, insignificant humans:
Pixels Trailer – Sony Pictures Entertainment
Coming to a theater near you this summer…assuming the North Koreans are cool with it.
To elaborate on BQB’s “WTF” I will ask and answer questions I assume are on the minds of this blog’s 3.5 readers:
Q. In Pixels, 1980’s era humans place a time capsule on the Moon which contains, among other examples of Earth culture, 1980’s video games. The aliens misunderstand and take the time capsule as a threat of war and respond by creating massive video game characters, which they use to attack Earth. The trailer shows Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, and Space Invaders attacking Earth.
Is it possible for such a misunderstanding to lead to an intergalactic war?
A. Such misunderstandings happen all the time. The Moloklaxons have been on a thousand year campaign, sweeping through the galaxy, taking one planet after another, all because an ambassador from the Intergalactic Diplomacy Organization broke wind in their ruler’s presence. It wasn’t meant as an insult. The ambassador had some bad tacos the night before and couldn’t help it.
Q. But seriously, aliens think video games are real and respond with giant video game characters?
A. Most species laugh at your video games because ours are so much better. Few species would respond with war, though the Moloklaxons are willing to fight over anything.
Q. What’s the point of this movie? Is it serious? Is it a comedy? What the hell is going on?
A. There are some serious looking Independence Day-esque scenes of monuments being attacked by video game inspired space ships. On that note, it looks serious. On the other hand, it stars Adam Sandler and it is about attacking video game characters, so it must be a comedy.
Q. Is it going to be good?
A. It will either be great or it will suck with the force of a thousand Dysons. There will be no in between. It will either be considered a unique and fun premise or will be Sandler and co’s attempt to run around with video game characters of their youth that sadly today’s kids don’t care much about. Pac Man was fabulous for its time but today’s youngsters want Call of Duty.
I fear young people will be like “Who’s Pac Man?” and old people will be like, “I’m so old because I used to play Pac Man!”
I will withhold judgment until I see it and will hope that it is excellent.
Q. Is there a ray of hope?
A. It stars Peter Dinklage in a role where he is not Tyrion Lannister. He is always great as Tyrion but this will give him a chance to branch out.
Thank you for your time, 3.5 readers. Kim Magennis, loyal Bookshelf Battle fan and proprietor of the Whimsy Blog submitted some questions. I have been a bit swamped this week, what with my ongoing diplomatic efforts to convince various worlds to stop trying to annihilate one another. I will definitely get to those next week.
Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Submit it to Bookshelf Q. Battler via a tweet to @bookshelfbattle, leave it in the comment section on this site, or drop it off on the Bookshelf Battle Google + page. If AJ likes your question, he might promote your book, blog, or other project while providing his answer.
Submit your questions by midnight Friday each week for a chance to be featured in his Sunday column. And if you don’t like his response, just let him know and he’ll file it into the recycling bin of his monolithic super computer. No muss, no fuss, no problem.
I’m asking my 3.5 readers to put their choice in the comments and if they want to, explain why.
The Yeti votes for Tapper. He loves Tapper. So much Tapper.
“Pour the beverage on the right…slide it down to the left…the perfect game to help children develop obsessive compulsive disorder and alcoholism!” – Tapper, 1983, Game by Bally Midway
Hmmm…well, I suppose for the record, we must note that Tapper apparently did not work in a bar but rather, a soda fountain, where he poured sodas (in case you missed the big “soda” sign.) So, no alcoholism. Just raging caffeine addictions and sugar buzzes.
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