After Miles gives the survivors a crash course regarding the Legion Corporation’s evil plans, Doc must acknowledge his tarnished past in order to come to grips with a terrible mistake he’s made in the present.
Chapter 66 Chapter 67 Chapter 68
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Tag Archives: self publishing
These Yummy Mozzarella Sticks Will Be in My Belly
Oh, sweet cheesy mozzarella sticks. Italian herbs and cheese in stick form, perfect for dipping into marinara sauce. Once ingested into my stomach, they will bind me up and make me drop a brick but it will be so worth it.
Attorney Donnelly advises me to note this is not a photo of Applebee’s mozzarella sticks per se but just random sticks in general. Either way, so delish and nutrish.
The Applebees website lists their mozzarella stick appetizer at eight bucks. (I assume Mrs. Applebee comes out and gives you a back massage or something.)
So, I’m thinking I’ll price How the West Was Zombed at 2.99 and then once you factor in Jeff Bezo’s cut, I’ll probably need to sell four copies just to make sure I have enough.
You know what? Let’s go for five copies. I’ll want a soda to wash all that gooey cheese down.
What a world we live in. Never did I once dream that I would ever be a successful enough writer to buy my own plate of cheese sticks and now I’ll be wolfing them down.
I don’t know exactly when. There’s still a lot of work to do. But there’s definitely a light at the end of the tunnel for the first draft and thus that’ll be a first for me.
Not sure how long, could be a year or two before it gets self-published but now I know it is not a question of if but when.
Those cheese sticks will be mine and I owe it all to my 3.5 readers.
Oh wait. Damn it. I’m going to need 5.5 readers to get cheese sticks and a coke. Come on people, I need 2 more readers to make my dream of a delicious appetizer come true.
In the meantime, 3.5 readers, would you do me a favor and read what I have written so far of How the West Was Zombed?
Your comments (good or bad) bring this project closer to fruition. If you help me whip this book into good enough shape I might even…no…dare I dream it?
Get an entire fiesta lime chicken entree. Oh sweet, delicious chicken seasoned with lime…
BQB Breaks the 60,000 Word Mark on How the West Was Zombed
Zombie BQB
Hey 3.5 readers,
BQB here. I have a small milestone to celebrate.
With Chapter 77 of How the West Was Zombed, I have, for the first time ever, written 60,000 words of a novel.
Yup, all it took was a snippet about a lesbian vampire getting assaulted by a goblin pervert on her way to see a Chairman who may or may not be Satan to put me over the top.
Aunt Gertie would be so proud if she still read this crap.
Further, there are writing experts who will differ on what the key parts of a novel are, but for example, if you figure that the main three have to be:
- The Set-Up – Who is everyone, where are they, drop some seeds of what’s in store for your 3.5 readers.
- The Conflict – What will happen to trouble your characters?
- The Resolution – How is that conflict resolved?
I have written two out of three of those.
1) The Set-up – Cowboys vs. an Evil (Literally Evil) Railroad Corporation.
2) The Conflict – Evil Corporate Lawyer/Vampire (Redundant) wants to conquer America with the help of werewolf henchmen and an army of zombies.
Those parts are done! And now I must write:
3) Resolution – How will the cowboys stop the zombies? (Or will they? Muah ha ha!)
If the standard novel length is around 100,000 words or so, then I am beyond the point of no return and closer to being finished than starting.
Is there more to go? Yes. It still needs a major rewrite. Then various pros to give it the ole look see. Then all the formatting. And honestly, I might just write the first three just to make sure they all go together continuity wise.
So…time…so much time. But it is starting to look like persisting in writing a little bit now and then does build up and eventually puts you in the right direction.
So thank you, 3.5 readers, for your support and your 7 eyes. For the first time ever, I actually believe a BQB has a good chance of being published. And with sales to my 3.5 readers, minus Jeff Bezos’ cut, that mozzarella cheese stick basket at Applebee’s is calling my name.
Mmmm…mmm…that’s good eating!
How the West Was Zombed – Part 6 – Miles Freeman, Amateur Werewolf
When Blythe’s evil werewolves attack the Bonnie Lass Saloon, Highwater finds itself in the grip of a terrifying zombie outbreak.
But for young Miles Freeman, there’s no time to feel sorry for himself when he loses his father.
Miss Bonnie needs his help…and Blythe’s wolves are on the hunt.
Somehow, Miles will have to figure out how to use his werewolf powers to save the day.
It won’t be easy for him. After all, he might be a werewolf…but he isn’t a very good one.
Chapter 54 Chapter 55 Chapter 56
Chapter 57 Chapter 58 Chapter 59
How the West Was Zombed – Parts 1-5
Hey 3.5 Readers,
My stats indicate some of you checked out the latest chapters and went digging for earlier chapters.
My blog rolls so fast that things often get buried. So here are Parts 1-5:
PART 1 – The Stand
Marshal Rainier Slade, a genuine stoic who’d prefer to shoot a fella as soon as look at him, is the only man in Highwater willing to face the dastardly Buchanan Boys. Reluctantly, he’s joined by his elderly deputy Gunther and the fast talking snake oil salesman Doctor Elias T. Faraday, who thinks the move would be good publicity.
When a misunderstanding occurs between Slade and Standing Eagle, Chief of a nearby Native American tribe, the Chief translates as his shaman, Wandering Snake, delivers an ominous curse.
Miss Bonnie, owner, proprietor, and prostitute-in-charge of the Bonnie Lass, is the only woman, nay, the only person alive that Slade is willing to come out of his shell for. The rest of the time, he puts on a raspy voice, angry faced persona to the world, figuring that’s the only way for a lawman to survive.
The Marshal fumbles a proposal but still makes it clear that he’d like a relationship with Miss Bonnie. She declines, only to rethink that decision when Slade defends her honor.
Slade finds a new love interest in Sarah Farquhar, a widow who has just moved to town after purchasing a large stretch of farmland. The Widow Farquhar doesn’t hesitate in pursuing Slade as Miss Bonnie did, but she’s not perfect. Slade continues to yearn for Miss Bonnie and has concerns about the Widow’s bible thumping ways, her decree that all sexual activity occur through a hole in a bed sheet in particular.
The Marshal throws caution to the wind and successfully proposes to the Widow Farquhar, only to learn Miss Bonnie has the hots for him too late.
Meanwhile, former slave turned werewolf Joseph Freeman and his teenage son, Miles, also a werewolf, arrive in town. Joseph is looking for work and takes a job assisting Slade and Gunther watch the Buchanan Boys until Judge Sampson arrives to conduct their trial.
All the while, strange reports of monsters are afoot.
Judge Sampson, a by the book jurist who’d hang his own mother for stealing a piece of candy, is about to sentence the Buchanan Boys to their doom at the end of a rope when a newcomer arrives in his courtroom.
“Simple country lawyer” Henry Alan Blythe displays a supernatural ability to get people to submit to his will. He convinces the Judge to let the Buchanan Boys off the hook.
Enraged at the injustice, Slade turns in his star. Gunther does so as well out of loyalty, though less forcefully as concerns about ripping his vest get in the way.
Part 4 – History Repeats Itself
Joe Freeman’s past haunts him again and again and his longstanding feud with Blythe is about to come to a head.
Blythe, a villainous vampire/counsel for the Legion Corporation’s board of vampire directors, has dreamed up a scheme to conquer the United States with a zombie army that responds to his will.
But the board’s bureaucratic maneuvering threatens to throw his plan off the rails. His bosses want him to toy with Slade and Freeman, rather than kill them outright.
Though his heart belongs to fiery redhead Miss Bonnie, Slade just can’t bring himself to say no to his fiance, Sarah “the Widow” Farquhar. Slade and Sarah head to Highwater to plan a wedding for the evening. Actually, Sarah does most of the planning. Slade acts like a depressed hostage.
Meanwhile, a heavily armed and armored train arrives in town. Despite an argument filled with chest puffery, Slade is unable to get any information out of villainous lawyer Blythe.
Smelly Jack crashes Slade and Sarah’s wedding in a big way, though as it turns out, in a much bigger way than expected…
Thoughts on Zombie Western Going Forward – And How Sequels Tie In
Hey 3.5 Cowpokes.
Way, way back in January, I decided to give Zombie Western a go. I wanted to write something fun and mindless. Cowboys live a cowboy life in a cowboy town. Zombie outbreak ensues. They fight for survival.
The it got complicated. The Legion Corporation came into play. Vampire Blythe became the villain. He had werewolf henchmen. Oh and there are good werewolves that help the hero too.
And there’s a romantic subplot where the hero can’t decide which woman he wants and the villain will eventually use this against him.
Oh but don’t worry. There are zombies. The villain is trying to transport a whore army of them across the Mississippi River on the way to attack the East coast and conquer the US.
He spread his zombifying blood with the help of Doc as an unwitting dupe, who was tricked into selling a Miracle Cure All that contains the blood in it.
So it has all become very confusing, hasn’t it?
SHOULD I PERFORM AN OVERHAUL?
Part of me wonders if I shouldn’t just go back to the beginning, cut out the vampires, the werewolves, and just write a simpler story about cowboys fighting for survival in the midst of a zombie apocalypse.
SHOULD I KEEP GOING AS IS?
Some of you have said you like the vampires and werewolves so I don’t know.
SEQUELS
I’d like to tell you about my sequel ideas and maybe that can help the discussion.
FIRST SEQUEL (OR ZOMBIE WESTERN 2?) – UNDEAD MAN’S HAND
Part prequel. Part sequel.
The prequel part…
1876. Deadwood. Dakota Territory. North and South Dakota have yet to become states.
Gold is discovered and a makeshift mining camp town “Deadwood” is started. Some of the West’s most legendary characters descend in search of fortune. They swear a lot according to the HBO show about it. (It was good by the way I recommend it.)
Wild Bill Hickok is the best gunfighter in the West. But in secret, he is also a formidable vampire hunter.
As history buffs might be aware, Hickok was shot in the back by Jack McCall over a gambling dispute. It has been said that the poker hand Hickok had upon his death was “Aces over Eights” which becomes known as the “Dead Man’s Hand.”
As it turns out, Lady Blackwood (makes an appearance in How the West Was Zombed, her name needs to be changed because her name can’t be Blackwood if she visits Deadwood) glamoured McCall into shooting Hickok to bring his anti-vampire crusade to a halt.
And the Dead Man’s Hand? It wasn’t aces over eights. It was eight ace cards with the faces of the the Legion Corporation’s Board of Directors printed on them.
Immediately prior to his death, he was in the process of explaining his vampire hunting secrets to his best friends, Martha “Calamity Jane” Cannary and Charlie Utter.
After Bill’s death, Jane and Charlie seek to warn everyone of the Legion Corp’s evil ways but are laughed off by everyone.
To make matters worse, they visit Bill’s grave to find his body missing. Meanwhile, rumors spread across the country of a blonde woman matching Lady Blackwood’s description committing atrocities across the country with a lumbering zombie like creature in tow (that bears a striking resemblance to Wild Bill).
Because uh…I don’t know. She snuck a drop of her blood into Bill’s drink at some point before he died I guess.
The sequel part – Years later, after the events of How the West Was Zombed, the countryside is crawling with zombies and everyone who laughed at Jane and Charlie are now ready to help them.
Then I don’t know. They fight Lady B-whatever her name will be and put Zombie Hickok to rest.
THOUGHTS – I had this idea for a sequel early on and it is what made me decide to go with the Legion Corporation angle in Zombed. If you all think it is a good idea, I suppose that is a vote for keeping Legion and not going with a general zombie survival story. Then again, there could always be a sequel featuring Jane in her own zombie survival story.
SECOND SEQUEL IDEA – (OR ZOMBIE WESTERN #3)
Have you ever seen Tombstone with Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp? Or have you ever, in general, read the story of Wyatt Earp?
BRIEF SYNOPSIS: Wyatt Earp was the West’s most legendary lawman. Eventually, he got tired of it and he and his brothers moved to Tombstone, Arizona, a boomtown set up around a silver mine. There, the Earp family believed they’d find happiness and contentment as business men. They’d mine for silver and operate businesses catering to other silver miners.
Then they got there and realized the whole town was at the mercy of a gang of a-holes including Curly Bill Brocious, Johnny Ringo, the Clantons, etc.
So insufferably douche-tastic was this gang that Wyatt put on a star once more and took them all on.
Wyatt is aided by Doc Holliday, lifelong tuberculosis sufferer…too smart for his own good wisecracker and loyal friend.
HOW IT WILL BE ZOMBIFIED: After the West is Zombed in How the West Was Zombed, Wyatt and brothers did their best to keep Dodge City from becoming overrun by zombies but alas, it has been zombified. With their wives, they head out to Tombstone, in the hopes there won’t be any damn zombies there. They can quit the zombie hunting game altogether and settle down.
Alas, their hopes are dashed. Curly Bill and Johnny Ringo are damn vampires loyal to the Legion Corporation. The Clantons and the rest of the gang are werewolf henchmen.
They refuse to allow anyone to mine the discovered silver because…well, you know what silver does to vampires and werewolves.
The gang becomes so unbearable that Wyatt and brothers become zombie hunters again and they win the day.
Wyatt is assisted by loyal friend Doc Holliday, who has long told everyone that he suffers from tuberculosis but in fact, suffers from a slow acting form of zombie-ism. His blood may be the key to a zombie antidote.
THOUGHTS – I guess this requires the Legion Corp to exist? Then again – Wyatt could fight the gang amidst a zombie outbreak?
SEQUEL IDEA #3 (OR ZOMBIE WESTERN 4)
Prior to the West becoming Zombed, a lovable Robin Hood-esque bank/train robber traveled through the west, robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, with the help of his merry men gang.
They took only what they needed to live then gave the rest away. They were in it for the adventure and thrill.
In the midst of their last heist, they left one of their gang to be captured. He was a douche that did bad things. He has since sworn vengeance.
Also, a noble lawman got the one and only black mark on his career when the unnamed Robin Hood character heisted something under his watch.
Post zombified West, money is worthless and the gang is depressed. There is not much adventure left to be had…except…they realize they can put their skills to work fighting zombies.
And then I assume they go after some vampire with the legion corp.
Except their old gang member is after them.
And the law man they bested will have to hold his nose and help them.
THOUGHTS: This probably could work with or without the Legion. Arguably, it might work better without it.
FINAL QUESTION – Now that I’ve shared what I see as sequels, do you think I should keep the Legion (vamps and wolves and zombies) or just focus on the zombies?
How the West Was Zombed – BQB’s Mockups of Chapters 64 and 65
Hey 3.5 Readers.
BQB here. As you all know, I’m a perfectionist. I need everything to be one-hundred percent genuine.
If you read Chapter 64 and Chapter 65 of my Zombie Western novel, you know that Becker, a damn werewolf, charged at Miss Bonnie.
In turn, Miss Bonnie shot Becker in the head with a silver tipped bullet.
Slade opened the front door to the church, pulled Miss Bonnie out of the way in the nick of time, but alas, Blake was not so lucky.
In the last few moments of his life, Becker kept running, only to fall and crush Blake under his massive werewolf weight.
But that’s ok because Blake was a douche.
There was a lot of science involved in this scene. Newton’s laws of gravity and such. I needed to sketch it out to see if it all worked on paper and low and behold, it all added up.
Check it out:
ILLUSTRATION #1
Nope I didn’t have a kid draw this. This was all me. OK, so here we see a stupid werewolf who is running. Miss Bonnie has a gun (I felt the need to make a note of that because some have suggested, if you can believe it, that my artistic skills are lacking).
Everybody’s a critic.
Meanwhile, as you can see to the right, Blake and Gunther are arguing with each other, not paying attention to their surroundings.
ILLUSTRATION #2
Here, we catch our first real life glimpse of the macho stud muffin that is Marshal Slade. As you can see above, he grabs Miss Bonnie and pushes her out of the stupid werewolf’s path just in time.
ILLUSTRATION #3
And finally, we see the untimely demise of the group’s agitator, Martin Blake. He was too busy getting the last word in during his argument with Gunther to pay attention to the oncoming werewolf and alas, ended up being crushed underneath the hairy remains.
You can see Blake’s head sticking out. The rest of Blake’s body is crushed underneath the stupid werewolf.
Doc, a believer in the curative properties of cocaine (because it was 1880) offers Blake a sip of his Miracle Cure-All but it is of no use.
OBSERVATIONS
- Clearly, this all checks out and none of it is far fetched at all. If anything, this all seems so plausible I now live in fear that I might get crushed underneath a stupid werewolf.
- Miss Bonnie looks way too happy during all of this.
- Damn Slade is sexy. No wonder he has chicks fighting over him and shit.
- Doc is truly a dedicated medical professional.
MOST IMPORTANTLY…
Money is tight around BQB Headquarters but luckily, this exercise has made me realize that I am a gifted artist. I can save a bundle on what I was going to shell out on a cover illustrator and just design the book cover on my own.
Thank you for reading How the West Was Zombed, 3.5 readers. If there are any other chapters you’d like me to illustrate, let me know and I’ll put pen to paper.
Shit, I’m so good at this I might turn this entire thing into a graphic novel.
Two Year Anniversary Stats
Gratuitous Bookshelf Q. Battledog Photo
In two years of bloggery, I have made 1,240 posts and received:
37,577 views
20,698 visitors
Is this good? I don’t know. If there’s some expert out there, please tell me.
The highest number of views I received in a day came on February 9, 2015. I think that was largely because someone was nice enough to put something I wrote on Reddit. I had just announced the one post a day for a year challenge too so I think that made people somewhat curious.
In general, if I get between 30-50 hits a day it is a pretty average day. It is nice when there are more views than hits. I feel like that means people like what they see and want to keep looking around.
This has definitely been a labor of love. I truly wish this technology had existed when I was 20 and had the ability to stay up two days straight writing term papers cranked up on Red Bull (shit, come to think of it, that could explain a lot of my problems now.)
But it is here now and I like it because every day brings at least one new follower and I hope all of these little drops in the bucket lead to a nice full bucket some day.
(A nice full bucket of people who will buy the book I can’t seem to finish. What? Did I say that? No. I do it for the art. Money schmoney.)
If you haven’t done so yet, please follow me on:
Thank you, 3.5 readers. Please keep it up and help a nerd’s dream come true.
Happy 200th Self-Publishing Podcast
Hey 3.5 Readers,
BQB here. Just wishing Johnny, Sean and Dave of the Self-Publishing Podcast a Happy 200th Episode.
I discovered these dudes around Christmastime 2014 and have listened to their show every week ever since.
The best description I can give is it is like having three very funny self-publishing professors teaching you a weekly lesson.
I knew very little about self-publishing before I began listening to them. I’ve yet to start my own self-publishing business but I don’t think I would have ever had an inkling about how or where to begin without these three.
They’ve inspired a lot of people and I think if there is ever a “How Did Self Publishing Become So Popular?” documentary, there will have to be at least an hour on this trio.
Keep up the good work guys!
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