Hey 3.5 readers.
BQB here. I don’t have time for an in-depth review, but wanted to know what you all think about this season of “The Walking Dead” thus far.
I think it is one of the better seasons, I especially love the recent tension with Eugene. I will say though the show has a tough decision. The goal seems to be to kill Negan, the worst, most dastardly villain the show has ever seen and yet, he’s also the most interesting character the show has seen in a long time.
What say you, 3.5?
Hey 3.5 readers.
So, in 2003, a man named Tommy Wiseau put out, “The Room,” what is widely considered the worst film ever made. Bad writing, bad acting, bad dialogue, a plot that goes nowhere, subplots that are never tied up and for some reason, during rooftop scenes, the city skyline is added via green screen even though, you know, getting to the rooftop of an NYC building is fairly easy for a movie crew to do. Add in a bizarre sex scene where Tommy appears to get freaky with his female co-star’s stomach of all places and yeah, you’ve got a bomb that later became a cult classic, just because people have so much fun goofing on it.
Tommy Wiseau was over the hill, odd and awkward, using an accent no one could quite place, but somehow he teamed up with a much younger acting class student to get his movie made.
Yes, his movie sucked but then again, here’s a question for you. Where’s your movie? Yes, Tommy’s movie sucked the big sucker, but he can say he made a movie. You should also strive to make a good movie but getting the movie made is half the battle.
James Franco’s, “The Disaster Artist” tells the story of how “The Room” was made. Honestly, I don’t think I have 2 hours to devote to watching the room. There are “worst of the Room” clips on YouTube that tell me what I need to know. Somehow, this movie about the movie looks like it will be good.
I always like it when an underdog somehow comes out ahead. Ironically, this film will probably give Wiseau more fame than the sucky film he made.
Introducing a new segment, brought to you courtesy of the fact that hindsight is 20/20.
This is all wisdom that came to me too late to do anything about. Maybe it will help some of you young millennial pricks. Then again, young people always have to face plant themselves into the ground before they learn anything. I know that because I did.
Enjoy…or don’t. Who cares, really.
Nascar! Southerners! A heist!
BQB here with a review of “Logan Lucky.”
The Logan Brothers (Channing Tatum as Jimmy and Adam Driver as Clyde) hail from a family with a long string of bad luck. They believe they are cursed, destined to always be poor, broke, miserable, and never, ever happy.
Jimmy slaves away in a West Virginia coal mine only to be fired over a limp his company’s insurance carrier wants nothing to do with. He barely sees his daughter because his ex-wife, Bobbie Jo (Katie Holmes), traded up and married a richer man. Clyde tends bar and laments the loss of his arm while he was serving in Iraq.
In short, they are fed up and want better. Well, Jimmy does. Clyde does too but he’s not interested in breaking the law, but ultimately does to make his brother happy. From thereon, the brothers devise a scheme to rob the box office of a Nascar race.
First, they’ll have to bust veteran safe blower-upper Joe Bang (Daniel Craig) out of prison, no easy feat. I have to admit, I was a little bummed as the promos for the film made it look like Craig was the star, whereas he’s a side character. He’s a very interesting side character and ultimately, it’s kind of fun to watch a British man who is so British he was tapped to play James Bond morph into an angry redneck.
Overall, the movie is full of wit and comedy, giving us a glimpse of what life is like for poor, downtrodden Southern folk. Seth MacFarlane has a cameo as a British billionaire who sponsors a race car but doesn’t know the first thing about racing and just comes across as a dick.
While I did like the movie, I have some complaints. There’s a lot going on and I’m not sure I understood half of it. There are a lot of leaps…a lot of planning and you wonder why people are doing things. Sometimes you find out…sometimes I’m not sure if we find out or if I missed it.
There are some plot holes. For example, Tatum, long suffering over the loss of his wife yet having to show up to her new husband’s mansion and accept he will never be half as good a provider, has a brief flirtation with a doctor. SPOILER – the relationship never blooms and I mean…why? My only guess is that the actress playing the doctor was, well…she was pretty but real life pretty, not Hollywood pretty…I can only assume Channing Tatum has a rule that he must only kiss Hollywood hot chicks. (Probably not a rule but it would be funny if he did.)
The movie runs a bit long. Hillary Swank is introduced towards the end to wrap up a pointless investigation that goes nowhere. She feels almost wasted as a character. Ultimately, I’m left confused about a lot of things, as well as the future of the characters.
Even so, it made me laugh enough and think enough that I can recommend it.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy.
By: Monica Duncan, Professional Bad News Breaker
Hi 3.5 readers. I’m Monica Duncan and I hate to break it to you, but I am the best when it comes to breaking bad news. That may be due to the fact that there really isn’t anyone else in the professional bad news breaker game, but it’s a burgeoning field and unlike BQB’s blog readership, I expect it to grow substantially by 2020.
I’ve broken some of the worst news in history:
And today, I’m here to tell you how to tell your kids that you and your spouse are getting divorced.
So…you and your better half are calling it kaputs, overs-ville, adios, bye-bye, sayanora, see you later.
Who will tell the children? Those lovable cherubs you brought into the world love you both. This news will shatter their world and frankly, destroy their little lives, and may even have negative ramifications for their future.
Here are some things to do:
#1 – Be Sure To Tell Them This Was Entirely THEIR Fault
Honesty is always the best policy and divorces are no different. Sit Junior down and explain it all to him:
#2 – Do My Parents Still Love Me?
No. No they don’t. How could they? You’re a horrible, awful little child and they were so much happier before a nasty little eating, pooping, crying, money sucking machine came into their lives and ruined everything. Daddy used to have hair. Mommy used to have perky tits. All your fault, you little loser.
#3 – Will I Get to See Daddy Again?
Probably not…or barely. You see, while there has been great advancement in women’s rights laws, divorce laws continue to favor women based on the antiquated notion that a woman’s only means of support was in her ability to find a quality husband and that ability declines drastically after a divorce. Today, women work and divorce doesn’t just carry the stigma in the dating world. (Don’t worry. It still carries a stigma in the high school popularity world. Everyone will call you that divorced family kid, the one who broke his/her parents up.)
Mommy will drain Daddy’s money with child support and alimony so he’ll have to work 80 hours a week but barely afford a one room apartment in the ghetto. He’ll resent this so much he’ll barely be able to stand seeing her for the five minutes required to pick you up, so he’ll do it less and less.
Ironically, Daddy will eventually realize he has the best of both worlds. He accomplished a goal in life to have a kid…but he doesn’t have to take care of the kid that often. He can’t because he doesn’t live with Mommy. He’ll pick you up one weekend a month…then every 3 months…6 months…before long he’ll start a new family with a hotter, younger wife and use the knowledge of all the mistakes he made to be a great husband and father…to the new family…that you won’t be a part of….because remember, old gray white dreadlock step-daddy is your daddy now.
You really wish you’d picked up that fucking troll doll off the floor don’t you? Yeah you do.
#4 – Will This Ruin My Future?
Almost certainly. You’ll pit your parents against each other. You’ll gravitate towards the one with the least amount of rules. Whichever one you make the guiltiest will agree to all kinds of crazy shit. You’ll basically be the boss of your parents because they feel bad, but you won’t get any real parenting, so you will have a wasted youth that leads to a jaded, ruined adulthood.
Romantic partners will consider you damaged goods. You’ll get divorced yourself because you know, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
#5 – Will I Ever Be Happy Again?
Nope. That feeling will elude you for life. It is all your fault.
Conclusion
If you forget everything else, 3.5 readers, ALWAYS remember to tell your kids that your divorce is THEIR fault. You can’t sugarcoat every piece of shit that comes your kids’ way and believe me, as divorced life begins, there’s going to be a lot of shit, so let them take it straight.
What kind of bad news would you like me to explain how to break? Tell me in the comments.
Hey 3.5 readers.
Proud to announce that there is a new columnist for the Bookshelf Battle Blog. Also, because the millennials are all about diversity and shit, this columnist has a vagina, so, yeah that’s cool. We don’t have many of those around here.
We promise not to sexually harass her around the office. We aren’t into any crazy Matt Lauer shit so it should be fine.
Anyway, Monica is a professional breaker of bad news. Do you have something very difficult to say? Can’t do it yourself? Don’t worry. Monica will do it for you…or in her column, she’ll tell you how. Telling people about some heinous, life altering for the worse shit, is what Monica does best…or you know, she at least does it….so that’s better than we can do.
Please give her a warm welcome, 3.5 readers.
As word comes out that “Today” show host Matt Lauer engaged – ALLEGEDLY (to make my lawyer happy) in all manner of alleged perversions, i.e. having a secret button to lock the door to his office from his desk, allegedly to keep the ladies in…and that allegedly he sexually assaulted a woman until she passed out….one has to wonder…
…has anyone noticed these are, I believe, all mostly baby boomers? Kevin Spacey, Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton, Roy Moore, Al Franken and the list goes on and on…I mean, more or less, they’re mostly baby boomers, right?
The WWII generation returned home from defeating Hitler, had babies, gave them all they wanted and that created the so-called “me” generation. Add into that the 60s, a time of sexual liberation (or perversion, however you want to call it) and these old farts just can’t stop being so grabby and pervy and assaulty on the job.
Seriously. I’m in Gen X and after the Anita Hill testimony on TV, we were all basically taught that there should be ten foot brick wall between you and any females at all times whenever you talk to them, that you should only address women while wearing a beekeeper’s helmet ala Howard Stern’s Gary Delabate, that ten witnesses of virtuous character should witness the meeting and the whole thing should be videotaped, a transcript motorized and signed off by the President, Pope, and your city councilman…all saying that no sexual misconduct occurred.
In case you missed that joke, we were basically all taught to go out of your way to avoid being accused of sexual misconduct. So you just don’t really see any Gen Xers or millennials being accused of misconduct.
Time for the Baby Boomers to retire, take their pervy ways with them, and let the next generations take over.
Discuss.
Bookshelf Battle 