Author Archives: bookshelfbattle

Feb 23 2016
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#31ZombieAuthors – Day 26 Interview – Rhiannon Frater

#31ZombieAuthors – what a blast that was. Well, the interviews were great anyway. As for East Randomtown, we’ll be picking up zombie parts forever.

On Day 26 I interviewed Rhiannon Frater, who writes about a zombified future and also – VAMPIRES! BLEAH!

Check it out.

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By: Alien Jones, Special Guest Interviewer

Greetings 3.5 human readers.

The Esteemed Brainy One here, filling in for Bookshelf Q. Battler as he recovers from his trial by zombie combat.

Today’s guest is Rhiannon Frater, author of such zombified books as the As the World Dies Trilogy and The Last Bastion series.

A prolific author, her works also transcend the Young Adult, Vampire, and Supernatural genres.

A Texan through and through, Frater’s many accolades include a starred review from Publisher’s Weekly for As the World Dies. Further, The Last Bastion of the Living was declared the Number One Zombie Release of 2012 by Explorations Fantasy Blog and the Number One Zombie Novel of the Decade by the B&N Book Blog.

When she’s not busy writing, other past times include sci-fi and horror shows…

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Feb 23 2016
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Ronda Rousey would love to play Samus in a Metroid movie

Ronda Rousey in a Metroid movie?! Take all my money!!!

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Movies on EW.com

Ronda Rousey would love to play Samus in a Metroid movie

Ronda Rousey?s film career is burgeoning. She?s already playing the Patrick Swayze-inspired leadcharacter in the upcomingRoad Housereboot. But…

Published on February 22, 2016 at 08:12PM

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Read more: http://www.ew.com/article/2016/02/22/ronda-rousey-samus-aran?xid=IFT-Section

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Feb 23 2016
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Game of Thrones

Winter is Trumping

Politics and humor aside, the technology that put Trump’s head on various Game of Thrones’ characters is pretty impressive.

So Game of Thrones is back on the air soon – what do you all think, is Jon Snow still alive?

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Feb 23 2016
9 Comments
Tomfoolery

Generation X Got a Raw Deal

A brief primer on the generations…

THE GREATEST GENERATION – People who came of age during World War II.  Put their lives on hold due to Hitler’s epic douchebaggery.  Post-War, the country was prosperous.  Highways and infrastructure were built.  New homes and communities made.  They settled down and had…

THE BABY BOOMERS – The children of the Greatest Generation.  Many went off to Vietnam.  Others became hippies, embraced flower power and shit.  Turbulent times.  Assassinations.  Fights over civil rights.  Sid and Marty Krofft TV shows that blew kids minds and made people wonder if Sid and Marty weren’t taking a little something.

GENERATION X – The baby boomers’ kids.  I was born on the tail end of this so I identify as a Generation Xer.  We grew up in the 1980s, a time of relative peace and prosperity.  In fact, things were so good that we kind of got depressed about it in the 1990s.  With no wars or major events to bring us together, we just wore a lot of flannel and listened to incredibly boring alternative grunge music.

Typical lyrics were, “I am depressed…I’m sooo depressed, I am depressed about what will happen next.  I dress like a lumberjack, because life is no good, oh look at me I’m going to chop wood…chop wood chop wood chop wood chop wood!”

Be careful what you wish for though because just as we were getting our lives started as young adults, terrorists crashed planes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon.  A whole new era of bullshit came to fruition.

Politics became nastier as a result.  Not that it ever wasn’t but the country split right down the middle.  Confidence was shaken.  Businesses went belly up.  The economy tanked.  I dare say we’re the first generation in a long time to not do as well as their parents.

And it’s our turn to take things over, isn’t it?  You’d think so.  But look at the presidential contenders.  Hilary and Trump are both about 70.  Those pesky baby boomers are just going to hang onto everything forever.  Thanks a lot, improved health care.

Except, not really.  The Greatest Generation knew when it was time to go to Florida and play golf and shit.  The Baby Boomers are going put their brains in robot bodies and still be running shit in 2100.

True, computers were pretty lame back when we were kids.  Having the Internet was considered like a weird, ham radio type hobby until I went to college and then it kind of exploded.  But Generation X embraced and popularized the Internet in its early days, Instant Messaging which would eventually be replaced by texting, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  You’re welcome.  Or we’re sorry, depending on your view of the Internet.

Actually, we will never apologize for Buffy.  Frankly, we’re wondering why in this new age of new life being breathed into old shows, why isn’t there a Buffy rehash?  Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alyson Hannigan still have their moves and honestly, Nicholas Brendon could use the work to keep him out of trouble.

I digress.  If you’re a Generation Xer, you feel like the world skipped you over.  Angst, angst, angst…SHIT AL QAEDA!!!  angst..angst…angst…  Such has been our lives.

I get a little offended when we’re lumped in with the Baby Boomers.  Watch the news and you’ll hear about Baby Boomers or Millenials.  Generation X is never mentioned.  Maybe because the plural form is the non-catchy “Generation Xer.”  Thanks, person who named our generation.

 

Even worse, I think the millennials aren’t aware of Generation X.  They just think everyone born before 1990 is a Baby Boomer.

Example, at my company, Beige Corp, the world’s premiere producer of beige products and supplies, millennials will look at me and be like, “Why can’t that BOOMER die already so I can have his job?”

And I’ll be like, “Jesus Christ!  I’m not that old!  You’ve skipped an entire generation!  People who liked the A-Team as kids are not ready to croak yet.  Shoo!  Shoo!  Go bother that guy in accounting who liked Lassie when he was a kid.  He’s going to croak any minute.”

Shit.  Generation X was really screwed over.  Which brings us to:

THE MILLENIALS – Have never known a life where you couldn’t think of a question and ask the Internet.  I get a little worried about them whenever they say things like “safe space.”  But the Baby Boomers hated my flannel.  And the Greatest Generation hated the Baby Boomers’ tie dye shirts.  And whoever the hell was before the Greatest Generation really did not like those…I don’t know.  Whatever the hell they had.

So go forth, Millenials.  Enjoy being relevant much earlier that my dear Gen Xers were.  And I’m just kidding.  You guys are great.  Please check my blog often and if I ever write a book buy several copies.  Snapchat it to your instatwitter.

But please try to remember that Gen Xers aren’t as old as the Baby Boomers.  Anyone who watched Buffy in her prime isn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet.

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Feb 22 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 47

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On the front steps of the church, Slade, Sarah, Gunther, and Ophelia Hutchins stood, staring in awe at what was in front of them.

“Is this thing going to kill me?” Gunther asked. The ex-deputy was looking more dapper than usual. His hair was pulled back in a pony tail and he sported a suit that looked like it had seen better days, but was an improvement just the same.

“Perhaps we shouldn’t talk, Mr. Beauregard,” Ophelia said. Busybody that she was, the overweight housewife had snookered her way in as Sarah’s Maid of Honor earlier in the day.

“No,” Gunther said. “I really want to know. Is this thing going to kill me? If that thing is going to explode and shoot flames at me I have a right to know.”

Mr. O’Brien pulled his head out from the heavy black curtain attached to his  camera and addressed Gunther.

“It’s perfectly safe,” O’Brien said.

“Impossible,” Gunther said. “I read in the paper one of those things blew up at a hoedown in Kentucky and set a hundred people on fire.”

“It was only a dozen people,” O’Brien said. “And besides, that was a decade ago. The technology has improved greatly since then.”

“Do we not know what we all look like?” Gunther said as he stared at the flash standing on a pole next to O’Brien. “Do we really have to risk being burnt to a crisp just to commemorate what we already know?”

“Mr. Beauregard,” O’Brien said. “Photography is quickly becoming a part of life. Why, the top experts in the field have theorized that one day cameras will become so simple and compact that ordinary laymen will be able to carry these miraculous devices with them and document everything they see.”

“Why in the hell would anyone want to do that?” Gunther asked.

“I don’t know,” O’Brien said. “People might like to share their experiences with one another. If you see something interesting you could take a picture of it and show your friends.”

“I could just tell people what it looked like,” Gunther said. “And don’t people know what everything looks like already? If I see a tree, can’t I just tell you I saw a tree? Do you need to see a picture of the tree?”

“People could take pictures of each other,” O’Brien said.

“What kind of narcissistic jackasses would want to sit around taking pictures of each other all day?” Gunther asked. “And then what would they do? Show the pictures of themselves to each other? Sounds boring as all get out.”

“One day people might even be able to take pictures of themselves,” O’Brien said.

“Well now you’re just talking crazy,” Gunther said.

O’Brien returned under his curtain. “Now everyone please stay perfectly still for the next minute. Starting…now.”

“A whole minute?” Gunther asked.

“Let’s try it again,” O’Brien said. “Starting now.”

The wedding party remained solemn faced and perfectly still for sixty whole seconds. Sparks flew out of the flash. Gunther drew his sidearm and pointed it at the pole then seeing no danger, holstered his weapon.

“Sorry,” Gunther said. “Reflex.”

O’Brien popped out from under the blanket. “Yes,” the photographer said. “I do believe that will be lovely folks. I’ll have it ready in a month.”

“This world’s going to hell,” Gunther said.

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Feb 22 2016
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TV

The Walking Dead – S5:E10 – “The Next World”

Holy Crap, 3.5 readers!

SPOILER ALERT!  SPOILER ALERT!

Seemed like it was coming for awhile but no one was ever sure but bam, it happened.  Rick and Michonne got it on, did the hibbitty dibbitty horizontal mambo and breathed fresh life into Dr. King’s dream amidst the zombie apocalypse.

“Richonne” is now a thing.  Good for them.

What’s up with this Jesus guy?

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Feb 22 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 46

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In his room, Blythe sat Indian-style, levitating three feet above the floor. His eyes were closed as he was in deep meditation.

A knock on the door. One eye opened.

“Boss?”

The other eye opened. “Enter.”

Hewitt and Becker walked in.

“We just overheard those shit heads downstairs,” Hewitt said. “Jack and some of his boys are gunning for Slade.”

“Interesting,” Blythe said. He revolved his body around to face his henchmen.

“You want us to break it up?” Becker asked. “They could set things off too early.”

Blythe sighed. “I had so hoped to delay the festivities until our friends arrive.”

“They’ll be here by midnight,” Hewitt said. “Last I heard.”

“Close enough,” Blythe said. “No, let Mr. Buchanan have his fun. With any luck, he’ll kill Slade for me and free me of the board’s predilections.”

Blythe put his feet down on the floor and stood up. “Gentlemen, allow me a moment to adjourn to my quarters on the Marvel, then dispatch all the Buchanans remaining here.”

“Finally,” Hewitt said. “Can’t stand those hayseeds.”

“I notice there’s no boy with you,” Blythe said.

“He’s long gone,” Becker said. “Gotta be.”

“Very well,” Blythe replied. “If Freeman makes a move, terminate him immediately.”

“With pleasure,” Hewitt said.

“Oh and gentlemen,” Blythe said. “Miss Lassiter and Miss Farquhar are to remain alive. That is imperative. I cannot overstate the importance of this order.”

“Got it,” Becker said.

“When you are done downstairs, search for them and bring them to me.”
Hewitt and Becker left. Blythe put on his suit jacket and packed his things.

“I swear, the board’s incompetence will be this plan’s undoing.”

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Feb 22 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – The Marvel of the Rails

Ahem.  The next draft will feature a revision in which the train is named earlier as “The Marvel of the Rails.”

So don’t be surprised now that it will be referred to as such.

Thank you 3.5 readers.

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Feb 22 2016
3 Comments
Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – A Note on the Buchanans

I know I keep throwing out names of Buchanan Boys.  Keep in mind they are like superfluous minions, except less yellow and more inbred.  That I keep coming up with new names of Buchanan Boys is meant to be a joke in and of itself.  Remember, Smelly Jack was apprehended in the beginning with over 30 of his brother-cousins, so I can spew out names all day.

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Feb 22 2016
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Zombie Western

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 45

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“Slade…”

Smelly Jack had been hearing that name bandied about amongst the barflies all day long. He repeated it in anger as he squeezed his beer mug until it shattered, sending glass pieces and brew all over his brother-cousins.

“Damn it, Jack!” said Frank Buchanan. “You got your suds all over me!”

Jack stood up and flipped the table over, sending cards and poker chips scattering to the floor.

“I WANT SLADE DEAD!”

“Aw hell, come on Jack,” said Rufus Buchanan. We’ve got a pretty sweet deal as railroad security agents here.”

“Yeah,” said Buck Buchanan. “This is our shot at going legit and living the sweet life.”

“FUCK THAT!” Smelly Jack bellowed. “That crooked schiester has kept us cooped up in this joint for two days and we haven’t seen so much as a dime or a job! All the while that chicken shit law man is strutting around like the cock of the walk, probably telling everyone how he got one over on me!”

“Calm down Jack,” Rufus said.

“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do!” Jack said. “And putting Slade six feet under is what this man’s gotta do!”

Frank, Rufus, and Buck eyeballed each other.

“Shit,” Frank said. “You sure we can’t talk you out of this, Jack?”

“NO!!!” was Jack’s reply.

“He is the boss,” Rufus said.

“We got your back, Jack,” Buck asked.

The quartet walked out of the saloon, proudly shouting about Slade’s imminent demise, just in time to be overhead by Hewitt and Becker as they returned from an unsuccessful day’s hunt.

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