Author Archives: bookshelfbattle

Apr 23 2015
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TV

Community Lives On

EDIT:  I wrote this awhile ago and for whatever reason, never got around to posting it.  Community’s return to Yahoo is old news now but what the hell, let’s talk about it anyway.

I’m sure I can blame this on The Yeti somehow.

It’s the show by Geeks, for Geeks with so much Geek support that it refuses to die.  And now it belongs to the Geekterverse.

Community’s Sixth Season is now available on Yahoo Screen, after five seasons on NBC.  

Since its inception, the show has always had an uphill battle.  If you’re a geek, nerd, dweeb, poindexter or an all around pop culture junkie, then this show is your bag.  On the other hand, if you’re a square like most of America, most of the jokes probably fly right over your head.

With online displays of support, Internet nerds the world over managed to keep NBC from tanking it for years.  In fact, this show has always been a pioneer of the streaming age with droves of fans who didn’t watch in its usual time slot but caught it later on their own terms.

And now it belongs to the web.

The show has suffered some losses in recent years.  Chevy Chase/Pierce Hawthorne to a falling out with show runner Dan Harmon, Donald Glover/Troy to “to be on his own” and according to a letter to his fans, not to focus on his rap career as “Childish Gambino,” and now Yvette Brown/Shirley to take care of her Dad (awww).

With so many exits to the core group, the show isn’t quite the same, though the Season 6 premiere “Ladders” is as nerd-tastic as ever.  Still, I hope no one else leaves.  If Joel McHale/Jeff Winger takes a hike, that will probably be it.

The plot, for those who’ve never seen it?  Community College attendees tend to run a wide gamut – the elderly looking for something to do (Pierce), the lawyer who faked a Bachelor’s and now needs to actually get one (Jeff), the single mom (Shirley), the dumb guy (Troy), the guy who is convinced he’s living in a television show (Abed), the classic overachiever (Annie), and the girl who’s always feeling the need to protest something (Britta).

As a show about college, it was destined to have a short shelf life from the start (after all, college only lasts four years).  Yet, last year in season 5, there was a pretty adept “reboot” in which Jeff and the gang decide their lives are no better than when they first started college.  Jeff stays on as a professor while the rest of the group decides to keep studying.  If it is one thing this show is good at, it is reinventing itself.

“Shows change,” as is pointed out in an exchange between Abed and newcomer Frankie Dart (Paget Brewster).  She’s hired by Dean Pelton to whip the school into shape, but as the group laments, Greendale’s lousiness is what makes it so charming.

Good luck on the web, Community.  Your legion of nerds is behind you, but you’re going to have to come up with a helluva story to keep the gang at college past year 8 (and knowing you people, you probably will easily).

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Apr 23 2015
2 Comments
TV

How Justified Made Westerns Cool Again

My parents loved Westerns.  I don’t blame them.

I’m not sure of the actual numbers, but I’m willing to bet if someone did a statistical analysis of the subject matter of all films produced between 1950-1980, “Western” would dominate its way straight to the top.

Gene Autry, Chuck Connors, James Arness, John Wayne – the baby boomers loved their cowboys.

Justified – Flashbacks – The Beginning – FX

When my parents grew up, became adults, and had me, they often had reruns of shows like Gunsmoke and The Rifleman on.  Or they’d watch one of their favorite cowboy movies over and over.

In recent years, the Bravo Western channel made it possible for them to watch all of these movies and shows on a permanent loop.  I’d visit and there’d they be – glued to the same Western movie they’d seen a hundred times before.

And literally, even if it was a different movie, the plot of most Westerns were the same.  Bad guys did bad things.  The townsfolk were too oppressed and downtrodden to care.  They just took it and accepted it as a part of life.  A righteous lawman blows into town and gives the bad guys a run for their money.  The bad guys get angry and fight back.  They get violent and make life even worse for the townsfolk. The people turn their wrath toward the lawman, blaming him for stirring up trouble.  Can’t he just leave well enough alone and let the bad guys have their way?  In the end, it all culminates in a final showdown where the lawman and a bad guy draw, and the lawman is inevitably faster with the iron.

I can’t count the number of times I made fun of my parents over this.  “Do you guys realize you’re watching the same plot over and over again?”

They didn’t care.  And today as an adult, I get it.  The American West was literally society’s last chance for adventure, at least in this part of the world.  “Go West, Young man” they’d say.

People would head out West to prospect for gold, claim land and farm or become ranchers.  Some would start businesses.  Of course, there was a hearty supply of ne’er-do-wells who took advantage of the lack of an established criminal justice system to cheat, steal, and rob everyone blind, thus providing the fodder for the cornucopia of cowboy flicks that my baby boomer parents held near and dear to their hearts.

All that Western stuff?  It was still going on as of the early 1900’s.  People from the 1950s, like my parents, probably knew an old timer or two who could recount stories they’d heard or read about.  By the middle of the last century, the West was won, but the stories?  They were finally being told thanks to the invention of movies and television and the kids of yesteryear couldn’t get enough.  The West was a limitless supply of adventure.

Somewhere around 1980, that all became lame.  Once in awhile, they still make the occasional good cowboy movie.  Young Guns with Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen (before he went bonkers) was a favorite of mine.

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Apr 22 2015
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Uncategorized

Ask the Alien – 4/19/15

Hey 3.5,

Just a reminder ALIEN JONES is taking your questions and making the Earth a smarter place one answer at a time.

bookshelfbattle's avatarBookshelf Battle

Previously on Ask the Alien:

Alien artifacts and diseases!

Pixels!

And now Ask the Alien continues…

Greetings Earth Losers.  The greatest and most humble mind of the universe, here to answer your questions and save you all from your own incompetence.

Sigil of House Jones

BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER:  AJ!  It’s a real humdinger of a week here on Bookshelf Battle!  We have three, count ’em, a whopping 3 questions for you!

ALIEN JONES:  Holy Farzing Shazbo.  Have you been bribing winos off the street again?

BQB:  No!  They’re people!  Actual real people!

The first question this week comes from Mei-Mei of jedibyknight.com who asks:

“Lord Alien, love your house sigil/motto. Can you tell us about one of your distinguished ancestors of House Jones? Or one of the crazy ones, either way.”

Gadzooks.  That stupid sigil.  Who knew when I signed up to be a guest contributor for this blog I’d be required to participate…

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Apr 22 2015
2 Comments
Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

It took the entertainment industry 32 years to get Luke Skywalker back on the big screen.  Paul Blart was back in 6.

Hollywood, we need to have a talk about your priorities.

Paul Blart:  Mall Cop 2 – S

I’m…I’m sorry everyone.

Let’s just put it all out there.  I’m sorry I lost 2 hours of my precious life on this movie.  You’re sorry you lost 5 minutes of yours reading this review.  We’re all sorry.  Let’s just try to get through this, ok?

For those who’ve never wasted their lives, Paul Blart is a mall cop played by Kevin James.  He takes his job seriously, maybe a bit too seriously.  That isn’t easy, as few, if any, have respect for the noble mall cop.

In the first film, Blart saved his mall from a group of highly trained criminals who took control of a shopping center in order to rob…um…the local branch bank.  Ummm….really?  For more criminal masterminds, wouldn’t robbing a mall branch bank be akin to knocking over a 7-11?  I mean, the idea that highly sophisticated ne’er-do-wells would put so much time and effort into…

Nope.  Nope.  Not going to question it.  Just going to sit back and watch.

This time Blart attends the security officer convention in Las Vegas, only to have his daughter kidnapped by art thieves who are really there mainly just as an excuse for Blart to crack the case with his patented “I’m incompetent but somehow I get things done anyway” style.

Here’s the hard part when it comes to busting on Paul Blart – the movie constantly busts on itself.  The folks behind the screen are fully aware they aren’t bringing you high-brow humor.

And it’s not like they tricked you into thinking you’re coming to see something sophisticated.  They didn’t package it as “Shakespeare’s Greatest Hits” to get you in the theater (would that have gotten you in the theater?) and then pull the rug from underneath you and show you Paul Blart.

It’s goofy.  It’s silly.  It isn’t raunchy, life a minute fun like the original Hangover.  When we’re talking about movies you can take the whole family to, Paul Blart is about as funny as it gets.

It has its moments.  Blart gets attacked by various animals.  Blart crosses between two casino rooftops on a zip line.

An attractive female hotel manager provides Blart with some assistance.  The dimwitted Blart mistakes this as a pass, and “shuts her down” with a longwinded speech about how he’s off the market.  She wasn’t buying in the first place, but as the movie progresses, the more he rejects her, the crazier about him she becomes until she’s madly in love with him.

I’m just going to throw it out there – I might try that trick myself.  Attention women of the world, I reject you.

It’s not the worst movie in the world.  It might be worth a rental.  I don’t think you need to rush out to see it at the theater.

Yeah.  I took that bullet for you.  I even wore a disguise so no one would recognize me coming out of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2.  You’re welcome.

Status:  Unshelf worthy.  You might watch it once if you’ve got nothing better to do, but as the years go on, you won’t be feeling any sudden urges to return to the world of Blart.

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Apr 22 2015
6 Comments
One a Day Post Challenge

Where Are My Readers From? (Views by Country)

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

My readers – they stoke the fires of the Bookshelf Battle Blog Machine, fueling the furnace of this humble blogger and inspiring me to be steadfast in delivering the latest news about books, movies, aliens, yes, and of course, my magic bookshelf.

Where are you all from?  Let’s take a look-see:

NOTE:  All figures below are for 2015 today)

#1 – USA – Coming in first place – The Americans!  From sea to shining sea, the Yanks are dominating the Bookshelf Battle scene with a whopping 6,262 views.  That’s almost as many times as I caught The Yeti using his Commodore 64 to checkout those Kim Kardashian photos.

#2 – United Kingdom – God Save The Queen!  The Brits come in second place, but at a mere 682.  Was it something we said, Brits?  Are you guys still feeling some sour grapes over that whole revolution thing?  Hell, if it’s any consolation we pay more taxes now than King Edward ever levied on us.  Hoisted on our own petard if you ask me.  Tax the crap out of our tea for all I care.  This blogger’s drink of choice is Diet Shasta Orange anyway.

Please don’t tax my Diet Shasta Orange.  I don’t want to throw all my orange soda into the harbor.  The fish will get gassy.

#3 – Canada – Oh Canada, our home and native land, true patriot love and something something something!  (Look, just be impressed that I knew that much.  We’re still trying to convince 75% percent of the population down here that you guys actually exist and aren’t just a bunch of magical wood sprites living in a fabled frozen land.)

The Canucks have viewed my site 335 times.  Frankly, I blame myself.  I need to do more to capture the Canadian market.  That’s why I’m diligently working on the following reviews of prominent Canadian Films:

  • Dude, Where’s My Moose?
  • The Maplenator
  • Hockey Man
  • Hockey Man 2 – High Stickin’
  • The Fast and The Polite

#4 – Australia – G’day Mates – The Aussies have viewed this site 249 times.  I was impressed until I realized they were all from this guy:

Koala

He’s been e-mailing non-stop, begging me to review his self-published book, Eucalyptus Leaves Are Delicious!

FURTHER ANALYSIS

It comes as no surprise that my four top countries for views are English speaking lands.  I welcome all viewers, but obviously, I’m limited in that I only speak English, Klingon, and Dothraki.

(New Zealand, I was a little disappointed with you guys – 81 views?  Seriously?  What, you guys are too busy watching all those Hobbit movies get filmed?  Get on the ball, NZ.

Of course, I welcome viewers from all across the globe.  Therefore, I’m working with Google Translate to reach out to viewers in Non-English speaking countries.

For example, the Germans viewed my site 101 times (20 more times than you, New Zealand, not that I’m trying to make you feel guilty or anything.

So allow me to translate some commonly used Bookshelf Battle speak for the Germans’ enjoyment.

ENGLISH:  Stupid Yeti!  Get in the basement!  You know you are only allowed to come upstairs on Thursday nights to watch Scandal!  Away with you!

GERMAN TRANSLATION: Dumme Yeti ! Holen Sie sich im Keller ! Sie wissen, Sie dürfen nur im Obergeschoss am Donnerstagabend gekommen, um Skandal zu sehen! Weg mit dir !

Wow.  That gave me chills.  Thanks Google Translate.  And let that be a lesson to you, Herr Yeti.

What about France?  Our French friends visited this site 49 times this year alone.

ENGLISH:  Alien Jones takes your questions and plugs your blogs!  Yes yes, I love croissants!

FRENCH TRANSLATION:  Alien Jones prend vos questions et fiches vos blogs ! Oui oui, je adore les croissants !

I adore the croissants too, Frenchies.  I really do.

Finally, the Japanese have viewed this site 17 times this year alone.

ENGLISH: The series finale of Dexter was awful! I can’t believe the protagonist became a lumberjack!

JAPANESE TRANSLATION: Dekusutā no shirīzu no fināre wa hidokatta! Watashi wa, shujinkō wa kikori ni natta nante shinjirarenai!

Oh wait.  Before that I should have issued a:

ENGLISH:  SPOILER ALERT!!!

JAPANESE TRANSLATION:  Supoirā keikoku!!!

Sorry about that, Japanese folk.

Thank you citizens of the world for taking in the greatness that is the Bookshelf Battle Blog, brought to you by Blogger-in-Chief Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Also, please allow me to apologize in advance if those translations were incorrect.  In no way did I intend to insult a) your honor b) your beliefs c) your culture or d) your lovely, lovely mothers.

As they say in Portuguese, the official language of Brazil, where my blog was viewed 141 times (still way more than you, New Zealand, just saying):

ENGLISH:  Join us tomorrow on Bookshelf Battle, where nothing can stop the one post a day challenge!

PORTUGUESE TRANSLATION: Junte-se a nós amanhã em Bookshelf Battle, onde nada pode parar a deixar um desafio do dia !

Koala graphic courtesy of a Creative Commons license via Flickr user Marc Dalmulder

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Apr 21 2015
4 Comments
Movies

Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice Trailer

Happy Tuesday 3.5 readers!

BQB here, sharing the clip of the 2016 blockbuster – Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice

Movieclips Trailers

There’s been so much speculation that this movie will stink.  Me?  I always had a feeling that the people behind this flick knew they were taking a big bite with this one and assumed they wouldn’t be doing so if they didn’t think they’d be able to chew it.

In my opinion, the trailer looks great.

The apparent premise?  Superman has God-like powers that make people afraid.  Those in fear include Batman who, presuming the Man of Steel poses a threat to the world, decides to take the notorious tights wearer on.

We can only hope the film ends with them patching up their differences and singing a hearty round of kum-bai-yah.  After all, they’re both good guys.

But if someone has to be the victor, my money’s on Batman.

Well, at least I’m rooting for the Dark Knight.

Good Old Superman – the superhero who started it all.  People love to root for him and over the years, he’s become a symbol for “Truth, Justice, and the American way.”

He’s also hard to identify with.  Handsome, flawless, chiseled – shoot him and he spits out the bullet with his teeth.  Set him on fire and he doesn’t burn.  Blow him up and he comes back for more.  He can fly, run fast, lift enormous and heavy objects, turn back time, shoot lasers out of his eyes.  He has every power.

Unless you chuck a rare piece of Kryptonite at him, he’s going to eat you for breakfast and therefore, while fun to cheer him on, it’s hard to look at Superman and say, “there’s a fella like me!”

Batman?  Well, his powers are derived from money, intellect, and drive.  Money is obviously the big factor as it affords him the ability to spend a vast repository of wealth on his vigilante persona.

So, yeah, you might argue it’s also hard to relate to Batman except for the fact that Batman, though he probably wouldn’t budge at the sight of Kryptonite, could otherwise die in a multitude of ways!

Superman has always proven to be a difficult character to portray on the big screen.  Here you have a character with so much power and one would think the ultimate foil would be an equally powerful bad guy.

Yet, for some reason the 1970’s and 80’s movies pitted him up against Gene Hackman’s caricature of a criminal mastermind.  Though fun to watch, Lex Luthor was historically, at least in the comic book world, a more intelligent, cold, and calculating foe.  So many old Superman films and yet the hero to end all heroes rarely met a baddie his equal.

2013’s Man of Steel sought to remedy that with General Zod, a fellow citizen of Krypton who, like Superman, also becomes blessed with super powers when under Earth’s yellow sun.  In fact, I’d argue the old film starring Terrence Stamp was the best of that series because it was the only one where Superman fought a challenger with similar powers.

Man of Steel, to this blogger, wasn’t the dud that other critics labeled it.  However, I have to admit, when I saw Superman and Zod smashing their way through an IHOP, a 7-11 and other chain stores, my reaction was, “Wow, that is a lot of product placement.”

Since that was my only issue with Man of Steel, I assume I’ll have a fun time watching  Batman and Superman, as long as Bruce doesn’t drive the batmobile through an Outback Steakhouse or something.

Were you skeptical of Ben Affleck as Batman?  Admittedly, I was.  Actually, I was on the fence.  On the one hand, Affleck has given us Gigli.  On the other hand, he also gave us Argo.  He’s given us more pops than flops, so I assumed he wouldn’t have taken the role if he didn’t think he could deliver, and thus far this trailer proves me right.

Will DC finally catch up to Marvel’s box office prowess?  We’ll have to wait until next year to find out.

What say you fellow nerds?

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Apr 20 2015
3 Comments
Movies

Movie Review – The Woman in Gold (2015)

Nazis.  Damn they sucked.

The Woman in Gold

The Woman in Gold

Bookshelf Q. Battler here with a review of The Woman in Gold.

Based on real events, the film follows the story of Maria Altmann (Helen Mirren) and Randol Schoenberg (Ryan Reynolds) in an underdog against the odds quest to return a famous painting once stolen by Nazi’s from Maria’s family.

The year is 1998 and Maria is an elderly boutique owner in California.  Young Randol (Randy) is the son of an old friend of Maria’s.  Randy’s a newly minted lawyer and having a rough go of it.  His practice just went under, he and his wife (played by Katie Holmes) just have a newborn baby, and he’s just managed to secure a position with a big time law firm.

It all begins with some polite free advice – Maria consults Randy about what to do in light of the fact that the Austrian government has been making an effort to return artwork stolen by the Nazi regime to their rightful owners.

The painting in question?  The much admired “Woman in Gold” painted by artist Gustav Klimt.  Over the years, it moved from Nazi hands to a public art gallery and has become beloved by the country as “the Austrian Mona Lisa.”

The Woman in Gold – Movieclips Trailers

But to Maria, it’s a picture of her dear Aunt Adele.

The movie switches back and forth from past to present.  Randy and Maria take on a government that doesn’t want to return the painting.  In the past, young Maria once lived a happy life in a prominent Jewish family, where her father played the cello and there was much singing and dancing by all.

Alas, the Nazis come to power, roll into Austria, and Jewish people are robbed blind, their homes stripped of possessions.  Nazis takeover Maria’s home and haul off all the artwork inside, including the portrait of Adele.

They’re forced to undergo all manner of humiliations, often cheered on by onlooking non-Jewish Austrians.

Maria’s family had worked hard for what they had and the Nazis took it all.  So many decades later, for the elderly Maria, the fight for the painting’s return isn’t so much about the painting itself, or about the money (its worth at the time was 150 million), it’s a desire for the Austrian government to admit it did wrong – that Austrians welcomed the Nazis into the country with open arms and openly supported the mistreatment of Jewish citizens.

In the past, we see young Maria and her husband make a heroic and daring escape out of the country, after which they make their way to America.  For the rest of her life, Maria feels resentment at those who turned Austria into a place she had to leave.  She also feels guilt for leaving her family behind, and is angry at those who made her do so.

In the more recent past, the late 90’s, we see Randy go from viewing the case as a nuisance, then a chance to make some loot when he realizes how much its worth, and finally a chance to right a past wrong.  Randy puts his career on the line and loses everything in pursuit of the case.  Meanwhile, Maria goes from wanting to pursue the case to wanting to forget it all.

It becomes an international and complicated case as Randy battles the Austrian government in Austria, and later before the U.S. Supreme Court.

Do they win?  Well…that’s a spoiler in gold, isn’t it?  Ha ha ha.

This was an interesting and enjoyable film.  It’s not getting a lot of press. It’s a film I like to call “Oscar-ish.”  Hollywood often makes Oscarish films, movies about serious subjects and give actors a chance to flex their serious role chops but for whatever reason, they don’t end up in the Oscar running.  That’s not to say this film won’t, though it is rather early in the season.

It’s also a story that needed to be told.  I’m often amazed that even after so many WWII movies, even today there are stories that are still emerging.  Maria’s family had worked hard for what they had, contributed to their society and the thanks they received was the government and their fellow citizens cheering on the Nazis in their anti-Jewish reign of terror.

Go see it, noble readers.

STATUS:  SHELF WORTHY

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Apr 20 2015
4 Comments
Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones Wrap-Up – Season 5, Episode 2 – “The House of Black and White”

Hey there noble readers,

Time to talk about tonight’s Game of Thrones!

  • Arya has made it to the House of Black and White
  • There’s friction in Dorne over the Viper’s death
  • The Mereenese are displeased (and hissing) at the Mother of Dragons
  • Speaking of, Drogon’s back! (To protect his mom from unruly rock throwing subjects?)
  • Cersei gets no respect, no respect at all…it’s open season on imps!
  • Jamie’s on a mission to Dorne
  • The Spider and the Imp are on a road trip!
  • Jon Snow is the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch (and Stannis wants him to be Lord of Winterfell)
  • Brienne of Tarth should probably think about finding another cause.  The Stark girls just aren’t interested.
  • What is Littlefinger up to?

What say you, bookshelf battlers?

IMG_1757

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Apr 19 2015
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Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog

PRESS RELEASE – Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog Reinstated as Head of Security

EAST RANDOM TOWN, USA – Bookshelf Q. Battler, Owner and Proprietor of the Bookshelf Battle Blog, has announced that after a thorough internal investigation, BQBD will be reinstated as Head of Security of the Bookshelf Battle Compound.

“I was extremely displeased when BQBD allowed The Yeti to enter onto the compound with reckless abandon,” BQB said.  “However, upon further review, I determined that BQBD is one foot tall, whereas The Yeti stands at a whopping eight feet.  In trying circumstances, BQBD fought valiantly and did what he could.  Alas, he was no match.”

BQBD - A stoic master of security. I sleep better knowing he's around.

BQBD – A stoic master of security. I sleep better knowing he’s around.

Adding to BQBD’s woes is this photo, which clearly shows the alleged guard dog licking his schnozola, completely oblivious to the puppy sneaking up behind him, preparing to swat him in the backside.

“That photo is troubling,”  Bookshelf Q. Battler said.  “However, let’s be honest.  BQBD could have easily dispatched that puppy with a karate move.  Instead, he decided to show restraint to a young lad who has yet to learn the ways of the world.  That takes guts.”

Members of the press further asked BQB what his number one pet peeve is.

“I’m glad you asked,” BQB said.  “Those idiots who share pictures of their stupid pets on their dumb blogs.  We get it.  You like your pets.  You think every little thing they do is adorable.  Who cares?  Your pets are stupid!  Stop bothering everyone with them!”

Asked for comment, BQBD released the following statement:

Woof.

BQBD – a relentless protector and a canine of few words.

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Apr 19 2015
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Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones Tonight!

IMG_1757Just a reminder – after tonight’s episode I’ll be doing a show wrap-up.  So many GOT fan bloggers out there.  Feel free to stop by, chew the fat, offer your latest conspiracy theory, debunk some of mine, and while you’re at it, toss in a plug for your blog.

I’m always happy to do what I can to send my 3.5 readers (including my Aunt Gertrude) your way.

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