Tag Archives: Comedy

Aug 17 2016
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Stop Sucking With Vinny Baggadouchio

Stop Sucking With Vinny Baggadouchio – Trapped in a Suck Rut

shutterstock_669906521World Renowned Motivational Speaker, Anti-Suck Book Author and Bookshelf Battle Blog Columnist, Vinny Baggadouchio

I’m Vinny Baggadouchio and I’m sucking all the suck out of the world in order to make it a suck-free place for a new generation of non-suckers.

Perhaps you recognize me from one of my fine anti-suck books:

You’re Once, Twice, Three Times a Sucker

I Once Was Sucked But Now I’m Found

Get Outta My Life and Into My Suck

The No-Suck Zone

Suck Warriors, Come Out to Play (But Don’t Come Out to Suck)

Mad Suck: Beyond Suckterdome

I Can’t Fight This Sucky Feeling Anymore

One Sucky Day at a Time

Non-Suckadoon: My Dream of a Suck-Free Utopia

Get Your Sucky Hands Off Me, You Damn Dirty Sucker!

A Low Down Dirty Suck

3.5 readers, if you suck, I want to know about it.

In fact, here’s a message I received from one of Bookshelf Q. Battler’s readers just the other day.

Dear Vinny,

I have been a giant, economy sized suck bucket my entire life.

However, I recently started reading your anti-suck books and I immediately developed a desire to suck the suck right out of my life and join the world again as a productive, non-sucking member of society.

Alas, I just can’t find the motivation.  I have sucked since Hillary Clinton was basically the president the first go around. We all know Bill was her unwitting pawn.

That’s a long time to suck and I just can’t wrap my mind around the possibility that there’s a suck free existence out there waiting for me.

Even though I don’t want to suck anymore, I can’t stop sucking. Every morning, I wake up, fully intending to cease my sucky habits, but sure enough, by noon time, I’m sucking up a storm.

What should I do? I don’t want to suck anymore!

Sincerely,

Trapped in a Suck Rut

Wow Trapped. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. That really sucks.

And honestly, I understand. Rome wasn’t built in a day and one simply doesn’t stop sucking overnight either.

You’ve been a sucker for decades.  That’s a whole lot of suck to shake off.

I have three important words for you:

STOP…SUCKING…GRADUALLY!

I’m a very inspirational anti-suck advocate.  What can I say? It’s a gift.

But what happens is someone reads one of my anti-suck books and instantly they want to purge all the suckyness out of their system pronto.

Can’t be done.  Your body feeds off the suck now.  The suck is in your blood.

Thus, if you try to quit all your sucky activities all at once, you’ll be back to sucking in no time flat.  You’ll go into suck withdrawal and end up sucking far worse than you did before, you big dumb sucker you.

What you need to do is pick one sucky activity, drop that, and then once you feel like you no longer need to perform that sucky action anymore, you can move on to dropping the next sucky activity.

EXAMPLE:

I had a client once who:

Cheated on his wife by having sex with other men’s wives.

Cheated on his dog by petting other men’s dogs.

Cheated on his cat by petting every other cat in the neighborhood but his own cat.

Picked his nose at work and planted the boogers underneath his co-worker’s desk.

Tore tags off of his pillows and mattresses and set the tags on fire.

Spent all his free time writing Firefly fan fiction.

Posted his dumb opinions about the quality of his lunch on social media.

Farted in public with reckless abandon. Also posted about it on social media.

So, I was just all like, “Look, Client.  You need to pick one of these sucky behaviors and drop it today.”

And I’m proud to say he did.

My client no longer writes Firefly fan fiction.

He still does all of that other sucktastic nonsense, but he’s been Firefly fan fiction free for a hundred days and counting.

I think he might just kick the Firefly fan fiction habit entirely.

In fact, when he’s up to two hundred days, I’m going to suggest that he start flicking his boogers into a trash can.

He can do it and I’m confident by the end of next year, I’ll get him to stop talking about his lunch and/or farts on social media.

We’ll get him to be loyal to his wife, dog and cat by the end of the decade.

De-sucking yourself is a slow, gradual process, Trapped.

But think about it this way: you didn’t suck yourself overnight, so you certainly won’t fully de-suckify yourself overnight either.

Be patient. All good things come to those who wait to not suck.

And while you’re waiting to not suck, don’t forget to check out my anti-suck books, available now at a bookstore near you that doesn’t suck.

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Aug 17 2016
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East Randomtown News

Update on Harvey Smotchenbocker, East Randomtown’s Olympian

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Hey 3.5.

Bookshelf Q. Battler, Mayor of East Randomtown here.

Just an update on East Randomtonian Harvey Smotchenbocker, who is participating in the 10K Flatulence Competition at the Olympic Games in Rio.

Flatulence is one of the lesser known games but every gold medal counts.

Harvey has checked in. He is reporting that he is getting in some last minute training for his big day later this week.  Filling up on all sorts of gaseous foods.  I have nothing but faith in him.

Stay tuned for more updates.

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Aug 15 2016
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East Randomtown News

East Randomtown Olympian Harvey Smotchenbocker

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East Random Town’s Finest Athlete

Hey 3.5 readers.

For those of you who follow this monstrosity of a blog regularly (because, I don’t know, it was this or watching paint dry) you’re aware that among my many duties, I am currently the Acting Mayor of East Randomtown, due to the fact that our duly elected mayor was eaten by zombies last October.

The job is a real burden, let me tell you. Even so, I’m in the middle of a tough re-election battle with town bar fly Leo McKoy, who I’m fairly certain is a robot, because I saw him get eaten by zombies last October as well.  I don’t know how to explain his shocking return the town other than through robotics.

But I digress.

As mayor, it is up to me to promote our humble hamlet and give a pat on the back to our citizens whenever they do our town proud.

Not gonna lie. It doesn’t happen often. This town is a real stink burg.

But it has happened. East Randomtown insurance salesman Harvey Smotchenbocker is representing the United States of America in the 10K Flatulence Competition.

10K Flatulence is one of the lesser known Olympic events but it does have a long tradition dating back to the very first games when Arcadius the Flatulator climbed to the top of Mount Olympus and let one rip.

Contestants’ submissions are graded on size, length, pitch, tone, aroma, and methane content.

“I train every day with two burritos, a half-dozen chili dogs, and a 2-liter bottle of generic cola,” Harvey told the Bookshelf Battle Blog. “It’s the least I can do to make this great nation proud. USA! USA! USA!”

Keep your fingers crossed and your noses plugged for Harv, folks. He faces some ripe competition from:

Hirohito Takamotodashi – Japan’s most prolific flatulator. Rumored to have killed a man with his flatulence.

Ivan Rostikoff – The greatest flatulator to come out of Moscow. Caught up in the Russian doping scandal. Investigators claim he was injecting chili directly into his buttocks. This kind of doping is frowned upon in the world of competitive flatulence.

Sir Nigel Walstingshire – England’s premiere flatulator.  His greatest supporter is the Queen herself, who shows her support by attending his training sessions with a clothespin on her nose.

These flatulators are no slouches, 3.5 readers, so keep the Harvmeister in your prayers.  He’ll need to make a whole lot of brown to win that gold.

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Aug 13 2016
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Movies

Top Ten 1980s Comedies

Popcorn

Hey…hey…hey….hey! Ooo uh ooo whoa…don’t you…forget to check out BQB’s list of the funniest flicks to come out during the 1980s.

From BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, in no particular order:

#10 – Revenge of the Nerds (1984) – As one of the greatest Internet nerds today, I should know the history of the word “nerd.” I’m sure it is lengthy but any rate, this movie did more to introduce the concept of nerds into pop culture than anything else.  Disrespected for their glasses and computer prowess (which wasn’t much to write home about by today’s standards) Lewis and Gilbert (Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards) gather their campus’ supply of nerds together to rebel against the jocks, who in typical 1980s bully fashion, love to wear their sweaters as capes by tying the sleeves around their necks then allowing the sweaters themselves to drape down over their backs.

Also, this movie had boobs.  I can’t even remember the last time I saw a boob in a movie. Travesty of justice, I say.

#9 – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) – A high school ne’er-do-well (Matthew Broderick as Ferris) concocts an elaborate scheme to convince his parents that he is sick so he can skip school and take his hot girlfriend Sloane (Mia Sara) and uptight, perpetually worried best friend Cameron (Alan Ruck) on a fun trip to Chicago.

Along the way, Ferris manages to stay one step ahead of bumbling principal Ed Rooney (Jeffrey Jones) and the audience laughs their asses off as a dedicated public servant is put through one harrowing ordeal after another as he attempts to catch a student in the act of truancy, or in other words, his damn job.

Memorable line – “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.”  Damn, if that isn’t the truth. In fact, I remember being a little boy in the video store watching this movie play on the display TV as if it were yesterday. Umm, kids, a video store was…oh forget it.

#8 – Coming to America (1988) – Under pressure from his father (James Earl Jones as Jaffe Joffer, King of Fictional African Country Zamunda), Prince Akeem (Eddie Murphy) flees with his trusty manservant Semmi (Arsenio Hall) for Queens, New York in search of, well, his bride, who will one day be the Queen.  This movie is a fun meditation on figuring out what you are looking for in a mate and how money and power can ruin things.  After all, there are plenty of women who would like to marry a prince, but Akeem poses as being dirt poor just to find a woman who will love him for who he is inside. Plus, holy shit. This movie was outright hilarious and still is.  Eddie is the master of playing multiple characters in a movie.

#7 – Weird Science (1985) – Dejected and lonely, big time nerds Gary (Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt (Ilan Mitchell-Smith) use their computers skills to create Lisa (Kelly Le Brock) aka the woman of their dreams. Lisa teaches the lads how to develop the manly confidence they need to stand up to bullies Ian (Robert Downey Jr. long before he became Iron Man) and Max (Robert Rusler) not to mention Wyatt’s mean, pain in the ass older brother Chet (Bill Paxton.)  Besides inspiring to spend many years of my life trying to create a hot babe with my computer to no avail, I remember this film for cementing the phrase “squeeze the cheese” as a euphemism for pooping into pop culture.  Good show.

#6 – National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) – Family vacations gone awry. Who’s never experienced that before? Try as you might, something inevitably goes wrong. Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is the dopey dad/dedicated family man obsessed with planning the perfect family getaway to Walley World.  Alas, one problem after the next gets in his way.  Even so, nothing will stop Clark from showing the Griswold clan (Beverly D’Angelo as wife Ellen, Anthony Michael Hall (damn that kid got a lot of work in the 1980s) as Rusty and Dana Barron as Audrey) a good time.

This film inspired a franchise that gave us hits European Vacation and the ever quotable holiday classic Christmas Vacation (I watch this every year).  Admittedly, they probably could have stopped at Vegas Vacation. Then again, Clark didn’t stop when Walley World was closed, did he?

#5 – Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) – Before Sean Penn became a self-declared, self-righteous world traveling wannabe diplomat, he was Jeff Spicoli, the California dude who defied crotchety teacher Mr. Hand (Ray Walston) by having a pizza delivered directly to class.  Relive your minimum wage slave days as Brad (Judge Reinhold) is forced to don a tacky pirate costume to work at a seafood restaurant. And come on, you’ll always remember the first time you spotted Linda (Phoebe Cates) emerging from that pool.  Phoebe was highly underutilized by Hollywood, if you ask me. Gremlins. Drop Dead Fred.  Then alas, she kind of just disappeared.  Meanwhile Judge Reinhold continues to get steady work. Oh, the irony!

#4 – Caddyshack (1980) – Rodney Dangerfeld’s classic line was true. He got no respect. No respect at all.  In fact, he worked steadily as an entertainer his entire life only to find fame in his sixties. Oh well. Better late than never.  In this film, Rodney plays nouveau riche boor Al Czervik whose uncouth ways turn a high falutin’ country club up on its ear.  Club member Judge Smails (Ted Knight, who cornered the market on playing rich snobby douches in 1970s and 80s movies) wouldn’t stand for it. Al and the Judge square off to hilarious results, as groundskeeper Carl Spackler attempts to explode an unruly gopher.

#3 – Back to School – The 1980s really were Rodney’s decade as he had another hit, Back to School. Again, he plays a self-made man who clashes with folks who were born into wealth. This time around, Rodney is millionaire Thornton Mellon, who decides to cramp the style of his son, Jason (Keith Gordon) by attending college with him.  Thornton enjoys the social part of college, throwing wild, out of control parties. Yet, he uses his wealth to contract out his homework to hilarious results (he hires author Kurt Vonnegut to write about paper about himself.)  Eventually, Thornton realizes the error of his ways and decides that the point of college is to cram the knowledge into his own brain.  Funny cameo by Sam Kinison who relays tales of his Vietnam veteran experience to the class in a loud, hilarious way.  “Oh, oh, OH!!!”

#2 – Ghostbusters (1984) – “Who you gonna call?” The likes of this film had never been seen before at the time.  Action. Comedy. Horror. Special effects. All rolled up into a tight package. Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson as New York City’s premiere squad of professional paranormal investigators and eliminators. They weren’t afraid of no ghost and really, the movie’s greatest villain was the government as EPA agent Walter Peck (William Atherton) shuts down the team’s ghost containment unit. (“Is this true? Yes this is true. This man has no dick.”)  In Walter’s defense though, the Ghostbusters did rely heavily on the use of nuclear technology in their projects and there never was an explanation of how they got their hands on them.

# 1 – Airplane (1980) – “Surely, you can’t be serious? I am and don’t call me Shirley.”  Oh Airplane. Oh Zucker brothers. Jokes for the sake of jokes, plot and and likelihood be damned.  People are so uptight now. They don’t just laugh anymore. There always has to be some explanation for everything.  No one can just look at an inflatable autopilot smiling as if it were getting a blowjob with the humor it deserves. Everyone would want to know how the autopilot was able to smile.  Former air force pilot Ted Striker (Robert Hays) must overcome his past to land a commercial jetliner when the crew falls ill with food poisoning. Along the way, he rekindles the romance he once had with stewardess Elaine (the epically sweet voiced Julie Hagerty.)

I’ll watch this movie whenever it is on but I don’t know if we’ll ever see another one just like it. Zaniness is no longer appreciated. Jonathan Banks (known today as Mike in Breaking Bad) being asked to “check the radar range” only to open a microwave door to reveal an undercooked  turkey and give a reply of “About two more minutes chief” just won’t fly anymore. People have become too literal. Everyone would want to know why he checked on a turkey.  Sigh. People aren’t funny anymore.

The film also breathed new life into the career of Leslie Nielsen, who had once been a serious thespian, only to spend his old age playing buffoons such as Frank Dreben in Police Squad. (FYI The Naked Gun) could have easily joined this list along with many other comedies.

What 1980s comedy movie did I miss, 3.5 readers? Discuss in the comments.

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Aug 12 2016
4 Comments
Tomfoolery

Rejected Olympic Games

  • 10K Pizza Face Stuff – I’d be a gold medalist and then go pro. No steroids needed.
  • The Middle Finger Point – Offend random audience members with a middle finger.
  • Mrs. Doubtfire Dash – Contestants dress like elderly women.  Whoever convinces dumb children that she is their nanny takes home the gold…also, gets arrested and deservedly so, freaks.
  • The Bell Biv Devoe-off – Know that song “Poison?”  Of course you don’t. Millennials are the worst. So it ends with, “That girl is poi-son…uh ah uh ah uh ah….whoever holds the “ah” the longest…GOLD!
  • The Nap Off – Whoever sleeps the longest.
  • The Gas Off – Self-explanatory. Judges rate expulsions from 1 to 10 based on sound, pitch, length of time, and aroma.
  • Yodeling – The Swiss would nail this.
  • Yodel Eating – I would nail this.
  • The Blog Off – Contestants create a blog. First one to attract the attention of 3.5 readers wins.
  • Cat Juggling – juggling….of cats!
  • Extreme Wedgie-ing – First to pull the opponent’s underpants over his/her head and/or possibly use said undies as a slingshot to launch the opponent to the moon wins…the gold!
  • Rubber Band Ball Making – he with the biggest balls wins (in the games and in life).
  • Paper Air Plane Construction/Flight – Separate competitions for best plane and longest flight.
  • Beer Pong – there isn’t enough beer in the Olympics.

What say you, 3.5 readers? Which rejected Olympic Games would you like to compete in?

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Aug 12 2016
2 Comments
Search Engine Optimized Poetry

Search Engine Optimized Poet – What is the Meaning of Life?

:::Bongo Drum Beats:::

Hey there all you hep cats and hep kittens. Come on down to the East Randomtown Java Bean, where the poets always stink and the cups are never clean.

Next on the mic is the one and only Search Engine Optimized Poet…the only rhyme-smith whose beats bring in the Googler’s feets, ya dig?

Life! Whoa, life!

Why oh why am I here?

Oh how many nights I have spent,

Trying to find the answer in a beer?up-korora-beatnik-800px

Cheer…for those who know what they are meant for.

Jeer…at those who sleep through life and snore.

Bore.  I don’t want to be an SEO poet anymore.

I want to spread my wings and soar.

My existence should not be such an arduous chore.

But seriously, what is all of this for?

Am I here to play Pokemon Go?

Surely the answer is “no.”

Am I here to watch reality TV?

Surely there must be something better to see.

Drat. I need to pee.

Pouring out existential wisdom and also spent Diet Shasta Orange  into the porcelain throne.

“What is my purpose?!” is the query that I moan.

If you run a dream bank, I’d like to take out a loan.

But alas, that statement I must edit.

For I have run out of credit.

Irony, thy name is life!

For by the time I have figured out thee,

One thing will be for certain…

…you will be done with me.

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Aug 02 2016
4 Comments
Things That Really Frost My Ass

Things that Really Frost My Ass – Uncle Hardass for President

By: Uncle Hardass, Official Bookshelf Battle Blog Grumpy Old Man Correspondent

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In Hardass We Trust

Hello degenerate 3.5 readers.

Still working on your writing careers, I see.  Insert joke about how you’re all lazy bastards who need to quit writing and get jobs at the salt mines here.

So the presidential election is in full swing and for awhile I thought I might dip a toe into the old wading pool of muck that this contest has become.

Then I said to myself, “No Hardassimo.  You’re no spring chicken anymore. The kids want to see fresh faces with new ideas, not some wrinkled up old has been who has lost all hope after year after year of being put down by the man.”

But then I saw who you people are interested in.   Donald Trump?  Hillary Clinton? Bernie Sanders?

Holy shit.  Is this an election or a cocktail party at the Golden Girls condo?

Somebody hit the music. “Thank you for being a friend. Travel round the road and back again….”

Oh sorry. My incompetent nephew Bookshelf Q. Battler informs me that if I sing any more of that song I’ll owe Betty White a hundo.

Anyway, seeing as how Methuselah-esque politicians are in style this year, allow me to announce my candidacy right here on a blog with 3.5 readers, which might make you laugh, but keep in mind that most news website proprietors would sell their kidneys to black market organ traffickers just to get 2.5 readers.

The following is a brief synopsis of my platform.  You can like it or leave it, I really don’t give a crap.  In fact, you should leave it because you won’t understand any of it because you’re all so stupid.

EDUCATION

That’s right. I said it. You’re all incredibly stupid.

Don’t blame yourselves.  The public school system has failed you.

You know the Japanese kids get up at 3 a.m., go for a 50 mile jog, practice martial arts and break boards in half with their fists, feet and faces, study math, science, languages, quantum physics and so on and so forth until 2 a.m. the next day. Then they sleep for one hour and do it all over again.

Enough with the “high school is the best time of our lives” bullshit. Listen, if high school was the best time of your life, then you’re a loser.

No one likes high school.  High school memories only become moderately interesting when you’re seventy-five years old and suddenly you’d gladly give your entire nut sack away just to be that young kid getting pelted in the back of the head with spitballs all day instead of a decrepit old bastard who has to get up five thousand times a night to pee.

In short, my education system is simple. Beat the Japanese.

Oh, and get a job between 2 and 3 a.m. you lazy bastards. You can sleep when you die.

WORLD PEACE

My plan here is two-fold.

First, all of the poor, shitty countries need a one-hundred percent increase in pornographic access.

Look, I’m sorry, but all of these people are blowing themselves up out of frustration.

Get them some Internet.  Get them set up with some movies of some broads with gigantic knockers and you’ll see a 9,000 percent decrease in people being violent because they’ll all be too busy pounding the old flounder.

Why no one else has thought of this I don’t know but few will ever be as smart as I am.

Second, everyone needs to get jobs.  When you have jobs, you have money coming in and therefore you don’t want to do shit that will stop the money from coming in (like blow yourself up for example.)

Moreover, when you have a job, you just don’t have enough time to worry about petty bullshit that makes you hate people enough to want to blow them up.  “That guy doesn’t believe in the same god as I do.  That guy doesn’t read the same holy book as I do…who gives a shit? I have to go to work tomorrow so I can get my ass paid, son.”

Porn.  Jobs.  Spread both around the world and pretty soon everyone will be joining their sticky hands together to sing a chorus of “kumbaya.”

THE ECONOMY

You. Right there. The dumb ass reading this.

My plan for you is simple.

Get a job!

What? You can’t find a job?

Get any job!

What? You can’t find anything?

Really?  Have you tried:

  • Volunteering and/or developing the skills necessary to turn yourself from a useless sack of crap into a productive member of society? As President, I will be opening a “Useless Sack of Crap Reeducation Center” in every state where you can go to learn how to not be a useless sack of crap.
  • Have you sold your hair, teeth, and superfluous body parts? All will be considered currency under my regime.
  • Have you sold your bodily orifices to complete strangers for pennies on the dollar? Prostitution will be legalized under my administration.  Our criminal justice system is much too clogged as it is without having to worry about prosecuting women just for trying to make you holla for a dolla.
  • Finally, and here’s the most important part.  Get a job…AND…feel like a total dumbass until you secure the aforementioned job.  Once you do have a job, you will join the ranks of the self-righteous and enjoy the tremendous feeling of chewing out useless layabouts who do not have jobs.

TRADE

When engaging in business deals with other nations, the two most important questions are, “Do you want this shit?” and “How much you got?”

The key, you see, is to find the countries that will a) want our shit and b) pay as much as or as close to the amount they got as possible.

By the way, I recently heard some news about child labor that is very disturbing.

We don’t have it here in America and I am very disturbed by that.

Seriously.  You park your kids’ dumb asses in front of the TV for 18 years then wonder why they grow up to become self-absorbed douchebags who start shooting up the joint the first time someone tells them “no?”

I had my first job thirty seconds out of the womb and the only thing I am ashamed of is that it took me that long.

Put the kids to work assembling smart phones for ten cents an hour while some schmuck beats a drum to make sure they go at a steady pace.  I’m telling you, they will grow up to become very productive, high performing, well adjusted adults like yours truly.

CRIME

Stop stealing shit and get a job. Professional stealer of shit is one of few jobs that will be deemed unacceptable.

 

CONCLUSIONS

These are the broad strokes of my platform thus far and I’ll be revising as the campaign moves forward.

If you forget this column, at least remember:

  • I’m running for president so vote for me, dumb ass.
  • Get a job.
  • Seriously, quit your futile attempts at becoming a writer and get jobs, preferably at the salt mines, so that your parents can be proud of you for once.

Paid for by the Committee to Elect Uncle Hardass

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Jul 31 2016
3 Comments
Movies

Movie Review – Bad Moms (2016)

Oh those wacky moms.

So many vagina jokes, so little time.

BAD SPOILERS.

BQB here with a review of Bad Moms.

I’ve been looking forward to this one for awhile now because the trailer looked hilarious. Rarely does a movie live up to a good trailer but this one does.

The setup – Amy (Mila Kunis) struggles to be a top notch mom.  She juggles work, taking care of the kids, the house, the dog, getting everyone to all of their activities and still finding time to volunteer for the PTA.

Blah blah blah…it all becomes too much when super perfect mom/PTA president Gwendolyn (Christina Applegate) and her flunkies (Jada Pinkett-Smith and Annie Mumolo) become Nazi moms – i.e. the moms that have all sorts of rules (the highlight being a detailed power point presentation on what ingredients are allowed in treats sold at the school bake sale along with punishments for those who don’t comply.)

Long story short, Amy and friends Carla (Kathryn Hahn) and Kiki (Kristen Bell) decide to be…wait for it…”bad moms.”

Get it? That’s why they called the movie Bad Moms…because they decided to be bad at motherhood.

I don’t want to ruin it by getting any further into detail.  Lots of funny R rated material. Abundant jokes about male and female anatomy. Musical montages in which they openly disobey PTA rules by purchasing sugary snacks and so on.

There’s definitely a lot of social commentary throughout.

Some things I noticed:

  • Millenials jumped over Generation X without waiting their damn turn. I complain about this constantly myself.  Also, that millennials just lump all the generations that came before them together.  Case in point – Amy’s boss is a dopey 20 year old who is convinced Amy is part of “the Greatest Generation.”
  • People downgraded to part-time.  Companies downsizing jobs to part-time status has been in the news a lot lately. Amy suffers the same problem.
  • No one respects marriage anymore.  Her dopey husband is caught cheating on her and makes it out like it’s no big deal and she’s being uptight.
  • Kids start worrying about what college they’ll go to at twelve now.
  • Parents aren’t allowed to tell their kids no or to tell them to shape up or stop being little jerks when they act jerky or what have you.
  • Of course, the overall theme is to show what the average working mom goes through.    Between work, taking care of kids, volunteering at their school and all kinds of other stuff, life becomes one big juggling act where moms are frantically running from one thing to the next and feeling like there’s never enough time for everything.  So give those moms a break, will you?

Anyway, lot of laughs. I had a good time.  It makes me sad that Christina and Mila, who were once the teenage daughters in Married with Children and That 70’s Show, respectively, are now old enough to be playing moms who go to mom war against each other.

Oh well. Time marches on. It’s tough for us old folks in the Greatest Generation.

But seriously, it is an issue I’ve brought up to the 3.5 readers of my blog so many times, so I was so happy to see the “Millenials think anyone born before 1990 must be a hundred years old” issue in a movie.

I thought it was just me and I was the only one who’d noticed. It was worth going just for that.

OK. I’ll stop sounding like an old crank now.  Get off my lawn.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.  Theater worthy, though the laughs would be good as a rental too.

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Jul 26 2016
4 Comments
Tomfoolery

42 Condoms for Every Olympian

I read an article that every Olympian at the Olympics in Brazil is being given 42 condoms to prevent the spread of the Zika virus.

I have many questions.

  • 42? Really? Look I get it. You’re all young and in good shape. You all have a certain amount of fame, some more than others given what sport you’re in. But holy shit.  Don’t you need to be spending some time practicing your shot puts and javelin throws and thirty meter dashes and all that shit?
  • Who decided 42?  Why not 40?  Who thought of 40 and then was like “Well, better throw in two more!”
  • Why not 25?  I mean really, if you’re getting that much you must have some things going for you and at that point you must be able to afford your own condoms.
  • Is this where we’re at now? AIDS isn’t enough to worry about? Now we have to worry about a disease passed by a mosquito bite and then it can be passed further when people dance the horizontal mambo?  Crap. Holy Crap. It’s like there is a grand conspiracy to keep people from doing it.  I blame the mosquito lobby. Big mosquito most be stopped.
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Jul 10 2016
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Tomfoolery

Happy Sunday 3.5 Readers

None of the other revered Bookshelf Battle Columnists have stopped by lately. I guess now that I’m nearing the end of completing my very first draft of a book ever, I’ve been focused on that, rather than help my esteemed slate of scribes polish their work for your perusal.

Which columnist do you miss the most? Alien Jones? Dr. Hugo Von Science? Vinny Baggadouchio? Video Game Rack Fighter? Nerdstradamus? Search Engine Optimized Poet? Count Krakovich, Asshat Vampire? Uncle Hardass?

Inform me who you miss the most in the comments, 3.5.

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