I try my best not to make fun of the work of others on this blog. And let’s
50 Shades of Grey – 20 Percent of Off
face it, make fun of Fifty Shades of Grey all you want, but the author, publisher, and now movie studio behind it are raking in the dough.
I just can’t help but scratch my head though as I try to make sense out of why today’s modern, empowered woman would be into this thing. But that’s a slippery slope I don’t want to get onto, lest I be accused of trying to tell women what to do.
Here’s the hypothetical Hollywood pitch meeting as it plays out in my head:
HOLLYWOOD SUIT 1 : OK. We’ve got this great movie idea.
This mousy woman goes to interview a man, but discovers he has a secret room where he tortures women!
HOLLYWOOD SUIT 2: Oh my God! Sounds terrifying! So what, I guess we brand it as a horror flick and release it on Halloween?
SUIT 1: What? No! Sorry, I forgot to mention the guy is handsome and rich.
SUIT 2: Handsome and rich?! Well, why didn’t you say so? Sounds like a surefire Valentine’s Day blockbuster to me!!!
Admittedly, I’ve never seen the book nor read the film. If you have, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the main theme basically, “If you’re handsome and rich, it’s ok to abuse women?”
Eh, what the hell do I know? I’m just a humble book blogger. Y’all have fun at the movie. I’ll be at home lamenting the decline of Western civilization as we know it.
In conclusion, let me be clear. I’m not telling women what they should or shouldn’t like. I am saying that Susan B. Anthony is rolling in her grave.
21) Did the dinosaurs talk? I mean, like actually talk? “Hello Mr. Brontosaurus, how are you?” “Oh, I’m delightful Mr. Triceratops, thank you for asking.” Scientists assume not but none of us were there. I bet those scaly bastards talked all the time.
22) Would Abraham Lincoln win an election today? Or would everyone just be all like, “Great emancipator, my ass, look at that dude’s craggy ass face!”
23) Have you ever asked Siri, “What does the fox say?” You should try it. Seriously, you should.
24) Do ghosts really exist? I hope not. I mean sure, for the first couple years, you prank the people who move into your house. Move their shit around while they aren’t looking and freak them out. Break stuff. Jump around while they’re sleeping and laugh when they jump up and try to convince themselves it was the house creeking before they go to bed. But I have to say, that’s a pretty tedious way to spend an afterlife. I hope ghosts get to quit that crap eventually.
25) Few politicians of the 1960’s dared to speak out on the plight that was elderly criminals dressing up like monsters so as to manipulate real estate prices. Scooby Doo and the good people at Hanna Barbera were the only citizens who dared bring this issue to the forefront. And I say, god bless them. Thanks to them, I don’t have to worry about my Grandpa dressing up like a Sasquatch to drive down the price of the local abandoned amusement park.
26) If Star Fleet has the power to beam people anywhere in the Universe, why do they even need the Starship Enterprise? Or the whole fleet for that matter?
27) Speaking of, the next time you encounter a difficult situation at work, you should scratch your head and say, “Wow Boss, this is a real Kobayashi Maru!” There is a 50% chance your boss will think you’re brilliantly citing some obscure business principle and a 50% chance your boss will think you are a stone cold crack smoker. There’s pretty much no in between in that scenario.
28) Am I the only one to notice that in Pulp Fiction, they make this big deal about Harvey Keitel’s character, “The Wolf,” that he’s some kind of mastermind fixer and an expert at turning around bad situations, but all he does is tell Travolta and Jackson to spray some household cleaner in the back seat and clean up all the brains? I mean, I’m not a criminal hitman, but I feel like I could have figure out “get the paper towels and the windex” on my own.
29) I want a helper monkey. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just lazy. He could fetch me snacks, change the channel on my TV when I lose my remote, and write this blog. Hell, he could probably do a better job.
30) Sometimes I worry that people are so easily offended by the silliest things that it is really going to take a toll on the future of comedy. I predict by the year 2100, Saturday Night Live will consist of nothing but Knock-Knock Jokes and jokes about ducks walking into bars. Thank God I’ll be dead by then and won’t see it. Or if they keep me alive through robotics then remind me to reblog this when I’m right.
Sooo, first surprising thing, after five years of wandering through Georgia, they’re suddenly in Virginia now. Oh well. That’s a change of pace anyway.
Most of the episode centered around Tyrese hallucinating after being bitten. And then that nasty scene where Michonne hacks off the infected limb with her samurai sword. This was basically Tyrese’s character building episode. And it almost looked like he was going to make it.
The gang decides to head for Washington, DC.
And what was up with all those zombie torsos in that truck?
Well, who else in Rick’s crew do you want to see on the bookshelf? Michonne? Glenn? Maggie? The Governor? Eugene? Abraham? Abraham beating up Eugene?
So for the past few weeks, I’ve been asking for your input as I build a world for a sci-fi novel that’s locked up in my brain. Naturally, I thought, why not help the process along by checking out a cult classic of Sci-Fi cinema, namely the 1982 Ridley Scott Directed film, Blade Runner, starring Harrison Ford.
(Forever Cinema Trailers)
THE PLOT
Ford stars as Richard Deckard, a Blade Runner, a special type of police officer assigned to hunt down and execute replicants on site.
Replicants are bioengineered humans. They’re built by the Tyrell Corporation to be stronger, faster, smarter, or as Tyrell puts it, “More Human than the Human.” (In case you were wondering where that White Zombie song came from).
Foreseeing the problem that replicants could use their superior abilities to take over, the government outlaws them on Earth, and only allows them to be used as slave labor on off world colonies. Further, Tyrell has put in a failsafe – replicants only live for four years, so none of them really have time to learn how to get too big for their britches.
THE WORLD
In the 1980’s, Japanese tech companies were booming, so naturally the creators of the film anticipated an Asianization of American culture. Although it takes place in a futuristic Los Angeles, open area Asian bazaar style shops and sidewalk noodle joints riddle the landscape. An enormous building size image of a geisha is prominently displayed.
Even though its in the future, everything looks old and worn out, suggesting that America may one day fight itself in abject poverty, everyone living in cramped, dirty spaces, tripping over one another just to get some room. (Sometimes when you look at today’s economy reports, it feels like we’re there).
THE CLOTHES
Oddly, even though it’s LA and the depletion of the ozone layer is only going to make it hotter, everyone in this film is bundled up like its Christmastime in Minnesota. This is where some science nerd will now explain to me that global warming can actually lead to global cooling. And you’re probably right, science nerd.
THE TIME
It takes place in 2019, so about four years from now, we’ll be subject to a number of “Where are the replicants?” stories like we did this year now that we’ve reached the age of Back to the Future II.
THE TECHNOLOGY
Much of the tech in the film, at least by today’s standards, looks like it was raided from the basement storage room of a high school AV Club. There’s a lot of tube based monitors and equipment that looks like it could display microfiche in your local library. But hey, it all probably seemed like top of the line stuff in 1982.
There are flying cars, but there are also regular land cars. Deckard has a land car. He does get a ride in Edward James Olmos’ flying car. And I was glad to see this flying car did have several instruments, computer monitors, controls, and Olmos even puts on a special flying hat. In other words, the people behind this film anticipated, like I do, that flying a frigging car will be serious business and not something you can allow just an y old jerk to do.
There are video pay phones. Video phones are here, but you know my feeling on the subject. Pay phones of any kind are long gone and I doubt they’ll make a comeback.
Also, nothing to do with tech, but people smoke like chimneys throughout the film. People don’t smoke as much today and when they do, rarely in public lest they be accused of a hate crime. Enter any dive bar and you’ll find people engaged in Russian roulette competitions, chainsaw juggling, wild and crazy orgies, but anyone who lights up a stogie will be asked to leave.
LEGACY OF THE FILM
It’s fun to make fun of, but in a time where Star Wars had put Hollywood on a “space opera” kick, the people behind this film did try to make something serious. It poses a lot of questions about bioengineering, and JF Sebastian’s creepy “toy shop” certainly leaves us wondering whether maybe we should let nature run its course with the human anatomy, rather than do our own tinkering.
There’s certainly a lot to discuss about life when it comes to film – the quality of life, how little time we have, how none of us want to die, even replicants.
Olmos’ character, Gaff, speaks in a foreign language of some kind through most of the film, only to clearly annunciate at the end, regarding Deckard’s replicant love interest Rachel:
“It’s too bad she won’t live! But then again, who does?”
In other words, Gaff uses his few precious words in the film to tell us that we all tend to walk around aimlessly, trying to get something out of life, but few of us ever get where we want or are satisfied if we ever do.
IS DECKARD A REPLICANT?
If I shake my magic 8 ball, it will read, “All signs point to yes.”
Deckard dreams of a unicorn. I don’t know if that’s really a sign, because frankly, I dream about unicorns all the time. I might be a replicant then. Replicants have implanted memories and since unicorns aren’t real, and yet Deckard has a vivid memory of seeing one, the suggestion is he was built in a lab where a scientist added a false memory of a unicorn. Replicants receive false memories, supposedly in an effort to make them happier and/or more human.
Also, Deckard has kind of an odd relationship with his boss, Bryant. At the start of the film, he tells Bryant that he’s out of the Blade Runner business and won’t help him. Bryant tells Deckard he doesn’t have a choice and so Deckard just complies and goes on a replicant hunt. Does that mean Deckard is a slave of some kind, beholden to Bryant’s will? Or is Deckard just like any other human who doesn’t want to piss off an overbearing boss?
ROY BATTY
The villain of the film is Roy Batty (isn’t batty another word for nuts?) aptly played by Rutger Hauer. He’s a replicant who roams LA, cutting a wide swath through various genetic scientists in the hopes he can torture one into coming up with a cure that will allow him and his friends to live longer. None of them are able to, which drives him, well, batty.
SPOILER ALERT (Although honestly, you’ve had like thirty plus years to watch this damn thing)
The surprise of the movie comes when Batty has Deckard right where he wants him. Dickard clings to a rooftop beam, about to fall at any second. Batty can easily step on the hands of the man who has been hunting him and be the victor. But instead, Batty uses his super strength to save Deckard and pull him to the rooftop.
Why? Could it be that Batty recognizes that Deckard is a fellow replicant and doesn’t want to kill one of his own? Or, does Batty just decide that killing Deckard won’t really accomplish anything, so why spill more blood?
In the end, Batty has this iconic “TEARS IN THE RAIN” speech:
I have… seen things you people wouldn’t believe… Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those… moments… will be lost in time, like (cough) tears… in… rain. Time… to die…
Out of the mouths of replicants. That’s pretty profound stuff, isn’t it? Forget about attack ships and glittering beams, just think about all you’ve done in your life. Long before I became Blade Runner fan, I would often get choked up just by thought that one day, I’ll kick the bucket and all the memories of all my accomplishments, including starting this blog that only three people read, will vaporize into nothingness. Who knew that I was just suffering from Roy Batty sadness the entire time.
And what is a tear in the rain? A tear is happening. A memory is happening. But a tear in the rain just becomes another drop of water. A life full of memories ends, just like so many others do every other day…well, I don’t want to say that life is meaningless or “a tale told by an idiot” as Shakespeare once said, but aren’t there times when we all feel a little bit like Roy Batty?
CONCLUSIONS
It’s worth a rental. And Hollywood hasn’t shown an interest in remaking it with a bunch of dopey starlets who would probably just screw it up…yet.
I’ve been looking forward to this one for a long time, mainly because I feel like they’ve been promoting in forever. Given that it is up against Seventh Son, a fantasy film, nerds have plenty to watch this weekend, though these films may be cannibalizing one another’s profits since their core audiences are going to be the same contingent of geeks and dweebs.
That’s not an insult geeks and dweebs. I am one of you.
And sadly, since they’re both movies that cater to a younger crowd, I think they’re both going to be trounced by…dun dun dun… Spongebob: Sponge Out of Water.
But enough about business talk.
The plot? It turns out that worlds aren’t so much natural occurrences as they are business assets of a corporation owned The Abrasax family. The three heirs, played by Eddie Redmayne , Tuppence Middleton, and Douglas Booth, as heirs to a fortune often do, squabble over their inheritances, always trying to gain more planets for themselves.
But they don’t want to rule them. They want to harvest them. We’re all basically cattle and once a planet’s population exceeds its resources, the Abrasaxes have all of the people killed and somehow they are turned into a juice that can be bathed in to reverse the aging process.
Umm…good luck with that. All I can say is if you bathe in a juice made out of me, you’re going to be pretty disgusted.
Somehow, and they don’t really explain how, but Jupiter Jones, played by Mila Kunis, is a reincarnated version of the Abrasax kids’s mother. That’s a problem for them, seeing as how their mother, before being murdered by Redmayne’s character, Balem, wrote it into her will that her reincarnated self would inherit Earth.
Sidenote – this movie realized that I’ve done very little to ensure that my assets will be transferred to my reincarnated self, and thus as soon as I’m done writing this review, I’m going to get my attorney on the horn posthaste.
Keep in mind that at the start of the film, Jupiter has no idea that she’s a reincarnated space queen. She was born a Russian immigrant and cleans rich people’s toilets for a living.
Middleton’s character, Kalique, is happy to have a version of her mother back. Booth’s Titus contrives a scheme to marry Jupiter, claiming that doing so will protect Earth and keep it out of Balem’s grubby mitts. However, Titus has his own evil plans.
Here’s a rundown of a conversation I had with the Wachowskis in my mind as I watched the film:
ME: So this guy is trying to marry a reincarnated version of his mother?
WACHOWSKIS: Yes.
ME: That isn’t incest?
WACHOWSKIS: No. She’s not actually his mother. She’s his reincarnated mother.
ME: But she’s his mother brought back to life so…
WACHOWSKIS: SHUT UP AND WATCH THE PRETTY SPECIAL EFFECTS!!!!
Anyway, Channing Tatum plays Jupiter’s protector, Caine Wise, a human-wolf hybrid, and at this point, the man’s abs must be a multi-million dollar business.
HOLLYWOOD: Channing, we want you in our next picture.
CHANNING: I’m gonna have to charge you a million per ab.
And much to my surprise, Sean Bean was in the movie and he didn’t die. He dies in every movie he’s in, so it was kind of a disappointment that his character didn’t bite the dust, buy the farm, or kick the bucket.
All in all, for a February film, it was pretty decent. I’ve seen ads for this forever, and when a movie is hyped for this long, you kind of go into it expecting your socks to be knocked off, and usually they never are. But sci-fi nerds and space geeks will be pleased. The Wachowskis of Matrix fame are masters of the genre and they don’t disappoint with their special effects skills. People fly, there’s space craft warfare, and so on.
Plus, the scene lampooning the bureaucratic process that Jupiter has to go through to be named Queen was amusing.
One minor complaint – there were a lot of characters, aliens, technologies, organizations – in short, just a lot going on. It leaves you with questions that unfortunately a movie just doesn’t have time to answer.
The special effects alone are worth seeing on the big screen though, and let’s face it, you’ve got nothing else better to do this weekend, so go see it.
Oh Twitter. We can always count on you to rub the salt in America’s gaping wounds.
Smart asses from all over the Internet have descended onto #brianwilliamsmisremembers to engage in the wisecrackery of placing Williams at the scene of all manner of historical and fictional events.
Even this jerk weasel got in on the action:
All my reports were based on posts on a bulletin board. Drop your mug in disbelief America #BrianWilliamsMisremembers
If you’re not following @bookshelfbattle then you’re missing out on all the snarky goodness! And if you act fast, you can be my 3000th follower, which will win you…absolutely nothing! Well, it will win you my undying gratitude and devotion.
So yeah, in other words, you win nothing. But follow me anyway! Surely being my 3000th twitter follower will get you bragging rights…if you’re in a room of people who care about mundane things.
Respect to you for doing this…I couldn’t write a short post if I tried (you’ve probably noticed) and trying one per day would probably give me an aneurysm. On that note, I reckon you’ll achieve the goal but I’m wondering how you’ll get past the day you get sick, as in the kind of sick where you’re bedridden and narcoleptic and running the kind of temperature the Sahara Dessert would be jealous of and thinking ‘Must…get…to….wordpress!’ and then your body knocks you out when you try. I read your random questions post tonight as well, so here’s a question: could you get past a day like that and still post?
– Tommy Muncie
ANSWER – I’ve been scheduling posts in advance, in the hopes of avoiding this very scenario. However, should I fall violently ill, I will use my last bit of energy to make a post. It won’t be anything fancy or spectacular, it will just be “post” or I’ll just bang on the keys and click “post” just to meet the once a day requirement.
Further, if, say, I am hit by a bus or otherwise left incapacitated, I have engaged a team of individuals to post in my stead, mimicking my subtle nuances and character, so that you will not even notice I am gone.
Actually, I haven’t done that, but now that I’m worried about illnesses and bus attacks on my person, I will have to do so.
Thanks a lot, Muncie!
Now that I’ve answered that question, here some others I anticipate you, my audience of three readers, may have:
QUESTION: Suppose you are cornered by a team of robot ninjas who stand between you and your computer, preventing you from making a post? Will you yield on your promise to us, the readers, to make one post a day?
ANSWER: Absolutely not. I scoff in the face of danger. Few are aware of this, but I was trained in the martial arts by Chuck Norris. I payed it forward by training Steven Seagal, teaching him all the moves he displayed in his movies from the 1980’s and 90’s, though I take no credit from his later films where he got fat and teamed up with Tom Arnold.
QUESTION: An asteroid is careening towards Earth. You have one minute to save the world and you have not yet posted on this particular day. What do you do?
ANSWER: I make a quick post, then I frighten the asteroid back into space with a glare so fearsome that it clearly communicates to the asteroid my disapproval of its tiresome behavior.
QUESTION: A grizzly bear demands to fist fight you in a steel cage UFC championship bout. The prize? Your computer. If you win, you get to post. If you loose, the bear eats your computer.
ANSWER: My post will be a selfie of me wearing the bear’s oily hide as a coat.
QUESTION: Aliens invade. They detonate an electromagnetic pulse that renders all electronic equipment useless.
ANSWER: It’s fine. I scheduled an advance post.
QUESTION: You didn’t. You were too busy watching Game of Thrones, that show that Tommy Muncie is not impressed with. Blasphemy, I say.
ANSWER: I did post.
QUESTION: You didn’t.
ANSWER: Well, if your computer is taken out too, then how can you be sure I didn’t?
QUESTION: Well played, sir. Well played.
QUESTION: You are kidnapped by Russians, who want your blog down because it is too awesome. They throw you, your computer, and a parachute out of a plane, but separately, not together.
ANSWER: I dive myself to the computer, post, then put on the parachute. Note that my first instinct was to post, not to save myself.
QUESTION: Katy Perry and Katee Sackhoff, two of your favorite Katies in the entire world, barge into your domicile, each wearing their customary garb. Perry is in her California Girls video costume, while Sackhoff is in her Battlestar Galactica pilot gear. They offer to have their way with you, but the price? You must not post for one day.
ANSWER: Define “have their way with me.” I understand the classical connotation, but it is an open ended term that can be taken a variety of ways. Thus far, in my experience, a woman “having her way with me” means she sucks up all my money, provides me with a longwinded speech about how we should just be friends, and then said friendship inevitably requires that I console her while she, with a cat in one hand and a pint of ice cream in the other, whines to me about how the men she wants to be more than friends with aren’t nice to her. I feel such a situation would not be worth sacrificing the respect of my three readers for.
QUESTION: The classical connotation.
ANSWER: Ah. Wow. That is a tough one. They won’t even allow me to post just so I can brag about it?
QUESTION: No.
ANSWER: Well, I made a promise to all three of my fans, so I would invite the Katies in for a rousing game of Parcheesi, perhaps build a few jigsaw puzzles with them, then send them on their way in time to make a post. That’s just what a selfless man who has made a commitment does.
QUESTION: Would you resent us forever for it?
ANSWER: Yes.
Do you have questions about what I would do in a potential scenario that would make it difficult for me to post? Ask away in the comments.
I’ve been talking a lot about movies lately. You might as well start calling this blog “Movieshelf Battle.” But what can I say? I do love books. But I also have movies. And whether it is in a book or on the screen, a story is a story.
Here’s the list of this year’s 2015 Oscar Nominees:
Birdman (or the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) – Haven’t seen it. As a former Batman, Michael Keaton plays a role he knows something about – that of an actor known for playing a superhero, and what happens to him in the film I’m not sure. But I do love superheroes and was a fan of Keaton’s 1989 Batman, so I’ll have to check it out.
Boyhood – I’ve rented it but have yet to watch it. People who have tell me that the story itself is pretty blah, but the idea of filming a child actor at different stages of his life (as opposed to having different kids play the character at different ages, which is what Hollywood usually does) is very unique and creative.
The Grand Budapest Hotel – Eh. I’ve never been a huge Wes Anderson fan. I love comedies. Sometimes I think he might try too hard. Other times I watch something like Hangover 3 and think that maybe Hollywood NEEDS to try harder when it comes to comedy. It is nice to see a comedy in the best picture list though. That rarely happens. The late 1990’s As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicholson was the last Oscar recognized comedy that I can remember.
The Imitation Game – I have seen it! I owe you a review! In fact, I’m a little disappointed in myself for reviewing The Boy Next Door before The Imitation Game.
Selma – Haven’t seen it. Been meaning to. Looks good. Lots of history. Good for the historical record for this important time in U.S. history to be recorded on film.
The Theory of Everything – I’m glad Stephen Hawking got his own biopic. He does more with a wheelchair and a keyboard than most able bodied people do all day. Yet to see it.
Whiplash – Never seen it. Has to something to do with a drummer who wants to learn to drum and receives help from a guy who is like some kind of drumming drill sergeant. I’ll try to see it.
Anyway, those are the nominees. My main complaint? I wish they’d space these out over the year, rather than come out all at the same time. But I suppose that’s the strategy – open them in a few theaters in December so they count as 2014 movie, then release them everywhere in January so people are talking about these movies come Oscar time.
I’m going to try my best to see and review them all before the Oscars. Doubt I’ll make it, but let’s see what happens. If you have reviews or comments about these movies, feel free to comment away.
January is garbage movie month. It’s not the summertime where people are on vacation and have time to go to a movie. It isn’t Christmas time when families feel the need to get together and watch a movie in the spirit of togetherness, camaraderie, and all that nonsense.
Alas, January is the time when half the country is freezing their butts off and everyone is plugging away on New Year’s resolutions which will be tossed aside by March.
So naturally, I went into The Boy Next Door assuming I was walking into a pile of red hot smelly garbage. To give it a backhanded compliment, it was only hot and smelly garbage, with the “red” adjective being unnecessary. In other words, it was bad, but not as bad as I thought it would be, and not the worst movie I’ve seen…so I guess as January movies go, good job J Lo?
So, let’s get to the disturbing premise. J Lo is estranged from her husband, Garrett, played by John Corbett. As they quickly show you in a massive detail dump of a beginning scene at the start of the movie, he cheated on J Lo with his secretary, thus introducing J Lo to a new low in her career, that of playing a woman who could possibly be cheated on. (Listen, I still don’t buy it, if you have J Lo and you cheat on her, you’re just a greedy bastard, even if we are talking about middle-aged J Lo).
Twenty-year old Noah, played by Ryan Guzman, moves in next door, on the premise that he’s there to help an ailing Uncle, but as we learn later, Noah killed his parents, because, I don’t know, he’s nuts I guess. J Lo’s character, Claire (yes J Lo is old enough to play someone named Claire) helps the young lad cook a meal and in a moment of weakness, she succumbs to his advances.
The whole idea is creepy and weird, and the writers make sure to stress that Noah is 20 years old, I assume in an attempt to make it less creepy and weird. And while I’m not sure how old J Lo is, she has to be in her forties and the idea of her playing a character who gets with someone who probably wasn’t even born yet when she was a fly girl on In Living Color just seems like an odd choice for her acting to career to go in.
After all, I miss the J Lo who was a maid that won Matthew McConaughey’s heart in Maid in Manhattan or the J Lo who trained to kick her killer stalker husband’s ass in Enough. Meanwhile, this movie was basically Enough meets The Graduate.
So, needless to say, Claire tries to break things off with Noah, but as previously mentioned, he’s nuts, and he’s not having any of it. He stalks Claire, threatens her, harasses her. The stakes are high because Claire is a teacher and Noah is attending Claire’s high school. And while the writers, again, make it clear that Noah is 20, the situation would still cost Claire her job, standing in the community, any attempts to reconcile with her cheating husband who is trying to make amends for what he did, and so on.
Sigh. I like J Lo. And this isn’t the worst movie she’s made. That award goes to Gigli. Still, even if he is 20, the whole idea of her playing a teacher who has an affair with a student…its just disturbing and might be an indictment of Hollywood’s treatment of older actors.
After all, J Lo’s kept herself up well and doesn’t look much different from her Maid in Manhattan days, at least in my opinion, anyway. And while her acting skills will probably never earn her an academy award (she’s always been a better singer and dancer), surely Hollywood could find some better roles for her to play.
But alas, no. No matter how beautiful you are, or how long your career has been, if you’re over 40, Hollywood demands you play a stalked mother with marital problems.
As you know, the Bookshelf Battler is a lover of classic literature, and there was brief mention of the fact that Claire was a classic literature teacher. There are some very brief classic lit discussions (not too many, we wouldn’t want to provide any thought provoking discussions to a January movie).
On a bad blind date with a man who belittles Classic Literature, arguing that it is not a good subject to study for one who wants employment, Claire points out JK Rowling as an example of a Classic Lit Major who made it big. And true to form, I sat there with my popcorn, yelling in my mind, “And what about all the other Classic Lit Majors who end up in the slush pile, J Lo?!”
Sigh. I’m such a cliche. Don’t mind me. Keep majoring in Classic Lit people.
Oh, and then there’s a scene where Noah gives Claire “a first edition copy of Homer’s The Iliad.” I don’t have the heart to point out that a first-edition copy of The Iliad probably would have been printed on papyrus or a stone tablet.
So, in conclusion, it’s a movie that a) made me feel bad for J Lo b) was bad and c) wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and d) pretty much what you can expect from a January movie.
Come on, March! We need your better movies to distract us from our broken resolutions!
Bookshelf Battle 