AND NOW A SECURE TRANSMISSION FROM THE MIGHTY POTENTATE, SUPREME AND UNDISPUTED OVERLORD OF A PLANET THE NAME OF WHICH IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
Alien Jones! I demand a full list of all the Earth authors who’ve dared to consult your highly evolved mind!
Step forward, oh Esteemed Brainy One, and notify me whose names shall be added to the protected rolls in the event it is deemed that an invasion of Earth is the only means necessary to prevent the intergalactic spread of reality television!
Do this quickly or be vaporized!
Alien Jones, The Esteemed Brainy One
Certainly, oh Wonderful Potentate!
The indie authors who’ve consulted my are as follows:
Oh Mightiest of Potentates, forgive this alien and spare the vaporizer, for in the beginning, I was less efficient and crammed multiple authors into one column.
These brave pioneers, who dared to attach their name to a column purported to be written by an alien in the service of a man who claims to own a magic bookshelf include:
DC Graylocke – I don’t plan to participate in reality TV
AND
Gary Henry – Will the alien provide advice for the lovelorn?
Oh, Mightiest of Potentates! In summation, a total of 21 indie authors and/or bloggers have consulted the precious wisdom of my genius mind.
Surely, this is a sign the humans are worth salvaging.
Especially worth noting is that for the past 9 weeks, I have not gone a single week without one human seeking my counsel.
Bookshelf Q. Battler informs me that he is honored that so many authors would trust this blog to promote them. He put out the call for humans to ask an alien a question and the questions have been coming in since this column began March 1.
BQB and I continue to fight the good fight against the reality television that so offends your eyes by promoting fiction. Also, BQB is even working on a series of his own, and that’s a far cry further from where he was at the start of this year when I found him.
I had my doubts, your Potentosity, but perhaps BQB is indeed the chosen one.
That’s why you’re the Potentate.
Humans, please keep the inquiries coming. Let’s keep the MP happy and keep the hot streak going.
Yours in Braininess,
Alien Jones
Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.
The Esteemed Brainy One enjoys the dog days of summer…pantsless.
Alien Jones, the Esteemed Brainy one here, reminding you to “Ask the Alien” a question and get plugs for your books and blogs in my answer right here on the Bookshelf Battle Blog, bookshelfbattle.com.
Help me get Bookshelf Q. Battler’s writing career up and running so my boss, the Mighty Potentate, will release me from this mission.
“But Alien Jones,” you ask. “What are the pros and cons of asking you, an alien, a question?”
PROS:
You help your planet become one answer smarter.
You help promote self published authors and strike another blow in the Mighty Potentate’s war on reality television. You thought reality tv was harmless, didn’t you? But now a reality tv star is running for president. Next thing you know it’s Secretary of State Kardashian. Don’t say you weren’t warned, 3.5
You’ll get a free plug and maybe even gain a new reader or two. I’ve helped 20 indie authors already.
The Mighty Potentate won’t vaporize me.
CONS:
Literally, nothing. Why are you humans so quick to look a gift alien in the mouth? A representative of a hyper intelligent species wants to share all the mysteries of the universe with you and you’re all still like, “Well, I dunno, let me kick the tires on this one and get back to you.”
So ask me, Alien Jones, a question today. You can ask away on twitter. Tweet @bookshelfbattle #AskTheAlien and our resident Blogger in Chief will forward your question to my ship.
Or, just leave it in the comments here.
“But Alien Jones, where else can I, a mere human, get in touch with you?”
If you can reach BQB on his other social media, go for it.
And finally, you might ask, “Alien Jones, how long will it take for you to answer my question?”
Normally, I try to answer questions in the order they’re asked. I used to bunch several questions into one column, but now I like to give each author a column all their own. That doesn’t mean that repeat askers aren’t welcome. They are. And if you’re one of the 3.5 people out there without a book to push, feel free to ask away. I like to help indie authors promote their works, but you don’t have to have something to promote in order to ask away.
Thank you, Earthlings. Continue your normal functions of duck faced selfies and scratching yourselves at inopportune times.
Plus 5, carry the one = get some more roughage in your diet.
Greetings Earth losers!
Earth losers, this is a very special edition of Ask the Alien.
Sometimes societies do things that are wrong and don’t realize those actions are wrong until years later.
It’s happened on your planet. Europeans arrived in the New World, declared it to be theirs, ignoring the natives’ protests of, “Hey, guys, we’re right here. We can totally hear you.”
To put it in perspective, imagine how P.O.’d you’d be if you were relaxing in your living room, watching some human sporting event, enjoying a beer and a pizza and out of nowhere, a European explorer plunks a flag down on your barca lounger and announces your crap is his crap now.
But I digress.
Aliens have their own sordid past and a question from science fiction author A.H. Browne of “Pouring my Art Out” causes this outer space traveler to rehash a dark time in my species’ history:
Actually, my first question was going to be; “Uh, you aren’t going to probe us, are you?” You jumped the gun on that one.
Indeed, I’ve addressed this difficult topic before, but since only 3.5 people read Bookshelf Q. Battler’s nonsense, it’s worth repeating.
Yes, it’s true. In the past, and for many, many years, our Supreme Overlord, the Mighty Potentate, commissioned a series of abductions, which were carried out as follows:
Kidnap humans
Insert probing devices in hind quarters
Retrieve data on what makes humans tick, how they function, and what they had for breakfast
Return humans to Earth.
Spritz them with gin so NOBODY believes them.
In fact, to make sure nobody believes them, we usually took eccentric folk in the first place. You know that guy at the bar who’s always babbling about how the government is reading his mind and cats are actually spies that report all of your activities to the CIA? Yeah, we’d usually scoop him up in a heartbeat.
Was probing our finest hour?
No, but we learned a lot about you and after 10,000 years of experience, we offer, in the name of peace and putting this sad chapter behind us, the full summation of our probing knowledge:
Eat more fiber. Seriously. You’re all backed up worse than I95 after a semi-truck rollover in the eastbound express lane.
Further, a public service announcement:
The Mighty Potentate cancelled the probing project over a thousand years ago. There has not been an officially sanctioned probing expedition since medieval times. If you want to know why the dark ages were full of angry people who were constantly hacking each other to pieces, it’s because they were so angry that we were probing the bejesus out of them.
But that’s all done now. Once we reached the limit of all possible data available through lodging roving robotic devices into human nether regions, the MP put the kibosh on the whole deal. After all, no one wants to waste their time watching something they’ve already seen. It’s like MASH. Why are the reruns still on the air? We get it, Klinger. You’re wearing that dress in the hopes the brass will send you home.
However, we do have some young aliens who don’t know any better. Your human teenagers range from 13-19. Our aliens have their young and dumb period between 100-1,000. I always say, “Boy, I hope no one thinks ill of me just because of some stupid stuff I did when I was 999 and didn’t know any better.”
Anyway, our younguns often get rowdy and their idea of a fun Saturday night includes:
Flying to Earth
Probing humans
Teleporting cows to different locations, thus confusing the cow and the human farmer who’s left wondering where his cow went.
Crop circles (the Mighty Potentate had once ordered these markings to show our shock troops where to land, but the hostile takeover was cancelled once your planet invented reality TV, thus proving to the MP that your species wouldn’t be a welcome addition to his empire.)
In short, if an alien demands to probe you, he does this without the Mighty Potentate’s blessing, and thus you may feel free to defend yourself from insertion of a Probe-o-matic.
Usually, all you have to do is state to the alien intruder, “I’m telling the Mighty Potentate on you!” and they’ll skeedaddle.
Ornery aliens always wise up once the possibility of vaporization is on the table.
Now that you humans no longer have to fear probing, might I suggest that you use your new found free time to read one of Browne’s books? For example, a lazy, opinionated janitor at an intergalactic Texas saloon becomes an unlikely hero during a spaceship hijacking in Saloon at the Edge of Nowhere.
Browne seems to have a good sense of humor, so the 3.5 of you who enjoy BQB’s scribblings will probably like this book too.
(Did I really get through an article about probing and not make a Browne/brown pun? I’m slipping.)
Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.
Another Sunday and that means another installment of “Ask the Alien,” the only column where a) a representative of the most intelligent species in the universe does what he can to raise Earth’s intelligence levels and b) another fiction author is supported, thus striking another crucial blow in the battle against reality television.
Scripted media is where it’s at and my boss, the Mighty Potentate, hates any kind of TV show that features words in the title like, “Who Wants to Be a Blank…” or “Something Something Wars” or “Blank Makeover.”
Java is a modern day Jack Kerouac of sorts, traveling the open road and sharing stories and photos of his journeys, as well as his love of coffee.
He reminds me of Voro Chabadox, the only alien to visit every planet in the universe, fueled only by Starbucks (we have them out here too.)
In his book, Flying with Chabadox, Voro claims that he actually reached the edge of the universe, only to find a giant sign on an insurmountable wall that read, “There’s nothing to see here. Go away.”
All kinds of theories abound about what’s behind the great end of universe wall. I’ve deduced it’s a locale where the answers to the greatest mysteries of life are kept. Other aliens argue it’s where the afterlife is located. The Mighty Potentate is certain it’s where all your socks go when they go missing, as well as your lost keys, cell phones, and other stuff you swear you just put down a second ago and now for the life of you can’t find anywhere.
Perhaps we’ll never know what’s behind that wall, but at least fellow traveler Java has shared what he’s learned on the open road.
He’s also authored a number of books, all of them conveniently laid out here. Java does one thing that I rarely see indie authors do and that’s offer a large print edition of his books.
The Mighty Potentate will appreciate that. He doesn’t like to admit it but he just had his 999,999th birthday and once we aliens start pushing a million, the old visual receptors aren’t what they used to be.
(Don’t tell him I said that. You know, his penchant for vaporization and all.)
Of particular interest to self-publishers might be Java’s non-fiction book, On Becoming a Dinosaur.Java used to be a typesetter, an occupation that was replaced by desktop publishing, and so he explains how that all came about and his adjustment to his career becoming obsolete.
It happens to the best of us, you know. As a hyper intelligent alien, I have impeccable foresight, and can advise you all that this whole Internet craze will one day be remembered as quaint once the neural implants start but whoops, I’ve said too much.
Java has been a fan of Pop Culture Mysteries, a blog serial that Bookshelf Q. Battler is currently working with hardboiled detective Jake Hatcher on turning into a book.
Personally, I wonder when the Alien Jones book is coming because, you know, it’s not like my epic life as a space traveling warrior/diplomat/servant of the Mighty Potentate could ever be fodder for a fantastic book that would blow the minds of BQB’s 3.5 readers or anything.
Don’t worry. I’m not bitter.
But in addition to dropping some pop culture dimes to BQB’s gumshoe, the Road Trip Writer was also concerned enough about how to help indie authors learn how to consult my genius brain that he asked:
Dear Alien Jones, how does an indie author go about engaging with your alien self?
May you continue to wow us with tales of your cross country travels, JD.
Thank you for stopping by with your question. The answer is as easy as checking out the weekly after column blurb below:
Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.
Know ye, Earth creatures, that I, the Mighty Potentate, declare the following:
This Friday, July 31 and this Friday only…
You may plug whatever you want to plug in the comments section below. Books. Blogs. Whatever.
Bookshelf Q. Battler reserves the right to not allow it, especially if you’re book is titled “Hooray for Hitler!”
Share a link to your books, blogs. Share a blurb what it’s all about…
BUT – THE CATCH…
At the end of your comment, you must swear fealty to the Mighty Potentate.
A simple, “ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY POTENTATE!” shall suffice, but feel free to get creative.
ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY POTENTATE!
For those 3.5 readers just tuning in, the Mighty Potentate is the Supreme and Unquestionable Ruler of A Planet the Name of Which is None of Your Beeswax.
He of Great Potentostitude is the boss of Alien Jones, author of “Ask the Alien.” The MP has declared Bookshelf Q. Battler to be the chosen one, the individual whose exceptional fiction writing skills will surely prevent reality television from sweeping across the universe.
Boy howdy, does the Mighty Potentate hate Reality TV. Don’t even get him started.
Thus, the MP has assigned AJ to aid BQB in the promotion of his blog. Alien Jones cannot rest until Bookshelf Q. Battler is a famous writer.
So go forth, promote your stuff in the comments below, and remember, you have to say, “All Hail the Mighty Potentate” or some reasonable facsimile thereof.
Remember, a column that plugs you as an author and your books and blogs is possible if you ask Alien Jones a question.
The Mighty Potentate here, commanding you to address your inquiries to my emissary, Alien Jones!
“What’s in it for me?”
Ah yes! The first thing any human asks! Right after, “Can I take a selfie?”
Ask the Alien a question, and if he likes it, he’ll plug your books and blogs in his answer on this most irreverent of sites, bookshelfbattle.com
BQB will tweet it with his @bookshelfbattle handle and on his Google Plus page.
18 authors assisted so far.
Will you be next?
Do not allow the vile forces of reality television to win! Help Bookshelf Q. Battler push his and your fiction to keep all of our collective televisions free of absurdly produced, low quality unscripted programming such as:
1. Tuba Wars – Have you got what it takes to be the best tuba player in the world?
2. Falafel Truck Nightmares – A leading falafel vendor helps others bring their falafel businesses up to speed.
3. Narwhal Makeover – The ugliest half-whale/half-unicorns (they really exist!) consult with beauty experts.
4. Who Wants to Be a Chicken Wrangler? – Self explanatory.
5. Cooking with Preppers – Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to make a stew out of a boot? Find out.
Don’t be shy, lowly humans. Ask the Alien a question today and Bookshelf Q. Battler’s 3.5 readers can be yours!
Not when you’re as big a fan of that holiday as I am.
And not when you’ve got a big idea in mind.
Today, my main squeeze Video Game Rack Fighter and I took a walk, did some shopping, and we stopped by a fortune teller who’d set up shop and was predicting futures at five bucks a pop.
VGRF talked me into it and, much to my shock, this mysterious gypsy lady with a kiosk next to the Orange Julius stand at the East Random Town Mall prognosticated the following:
That on October 1 of this year:
VGRF, Alien Jones, myself, and possibly The Yeti will take in a scientific demonstration by my mentor, the esteemed Dr. Hugo Von Science.
That Dr. Hugo, through his gross incompetence, will botch his experiment, thus causing a zombie outbreak to sweep over my hometown.
VGRF, Alien Jones, and myself will be left with no choice but to fight our way through the undead hordes until we reach the safety of the Bookshelf Battle Compound.
Perhaps we’ll even come up a cure for the zombie epidemic in the process.
But to get through this, we will need the assistance of 31, count em, 31 Zombie Authors.
ALIEN JONES: Zombie authors?! That’s ridiculous! They can’t even hold a pen.
BQB: No, I mean authors who have written self-published books about zombies. Though, hey, if there’s an actual function zombie who is an author, I’ll gladly talk to him as long as he promises not to bite me.
Every day, as a new part of the story unfolds, a self published zombie author will take a question from a member of our merry band of unlikely heroes.
Questions will mostly come from me, but Alien Jones and/or possibly the Yeti might have some inquiries. Maybe even Dr. Hugo will participate.
I’ve also heard rumors of this thing called “Women’s Lib” so hell, Video Game Rack Fighter will have some questions too.
Examples:
DAY 1 – We need some supplies. Author Fred Fredman of Super Scary Zombie Book, can you tell us the essentials of what a zombie apocalypse survivor needs to fend off the undead masses?
DAY 2 – The Yeti was just bitten by a zombie. Author Kate Katerson of Incredibly Frightening Zombie Book, do you know if zombie bites affect animals?
DAY 3 – We’re holed up in an abandoned shack and the TV’s working. Author Annie Annerson of You’ll Crap Your Pants if You Read this Zombie Book! Which zombie movie do you recommend we watch to pass the time and why?
I don’t know. Just some initial questions off the top of my head.
Heck, you non-horror authors could get in on this too. Submit questions you’d like to know about how to survive the zombie apocalypse and maybe one of the members of our survivor party will pass it along to an interested zombie author.
ANTICIPATED QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS IDEA:
1) Just self-published horror authors?
Not necessarily. If you’re a traditionally published zombie author, I’d love for you to participate as well. If you have a zombie blog or are some other kind of zombie writer, let’s talk.
Hell, if you’re George Romero, you can just take the blog over.
2) You do a lot of interactivity on this blog. Why a story? Why not just a straight-up interview?
In today’s rapid information age, anything fun is going to be checked out more than a traditional approach.
Take all the late night talk shows these days.
Long ago, all the stars would just sit on the couch and shoot the bull with Johnny and Ed. It was boring as hell.
We love stars but their stories about their acting method or the lunch they ate that gave them a tummy ache or whatever? Who cares.
Jimmy Fallon does hilarious bits with his guests instead. Be honest. Do you want to listen to Scar Jo babble about how hard it was to pretend to be whoever she just pretended to be, or do you want to see her play a rousing game of “Box of Lies” with Jimmy?
NBC – Box of Lies – The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
I loved that. There you go. Scar Jo’s latest movie promoted. I’m left thinking she’s a ball of fun and I wasn’t bored with a story about her acting process.
“Let’s Promote Ourselves with Fun” is what I’ve been going for with Alien Jones’ “Ask the Alien” Column, and that’s what I’m going for with this idea as well.
3) So what are you looking for?
Your choice of length to an answer posed by myself or one of my buddies. I’d say 500 words or so sounds decent, but more if you’re willing.
We could come to an agreement on what question would be best for you. If you have one in mind you want to be asked, that’s possible.
4) Are you going to make me look stupid?
Your books, blogs, reputation as a writer, they’re all important to you, as they should be. I fully understand. Hell, I’ve put so much work into my persona as”Bookshelf Q. Battler,” I’d be unhappy if someone besmirched BQB.
I’d envision the post with:
A) A quick synopsis of what happened today (day of post) with BQB’s friends vs. the zombies.
B) A quick overview of you, the author, including links to your books and or blogs and or Amazon page (or wherever you’re selling them)
C) An answer YOU WRITE that I’m not going to change. They’ll be your words, so you can’t go wrong.
5) I’m still skeptical.
I don’t blame you. I’m a guy claiming to own a magic bookshelf and also that I’m an alien’s friend. It’s understandable that you’d want to kick the tires on this one.
To that end:
A) Alien Jones has had 17 satisfied customers in his Ask the Alien column so far. I’ve never received a complaint from an author who participated yet. Usually they’re pleased enough that they retweet or share AJ’s witty commentary on their own blogs.
B) Alien Jones has a “Don’t Like it and It Gets Taken Down No Problem Guarantee.” If it turns out you don’t like the post, let me know, and it’ll come down. If we can fix it to your liking, that’s great. If not, no hard feelings. I get that writing is a business and you have to do what you have to do. No muss, no fuss, no problem.
But luckily, no author has asked for that yet. And I believe that’s a sign that when you take part in this, you’re in good hands with me and my alien.
6) Keep talking.
At present, I have 1,250 (approx) WordPress followers, 5,400 Twitter followers, and over 500 Google Plus followers. All will be notified of your awesomeness.
7) I’m not one of your 3.5 readers, so I’m not up to speed on your blog and therefore unsure if I could respond to one of your friends’ questions.
No problem. Here’s the lowdown:
Bookshelf Q. Battler = the owner of a magic bookshelf where small versions of literary characters come to life and fight over limited shelf space.
Video Game Rack Fighter = Bookshelf Q. Battler’s girlfriend and author of a video game review column hopefully coming soon, if she ever comes up for air from playing Arkham Knight.
Alien Jones – The Mighty Potentate, ruler of an undisclosed planet, is displeased with the growing popularity of reality television. He’s a fan of scripted media and feels promotion of fiction authors is the only hope to stem the reality tv tide. To that end, the MP has dispatched his emissary, Alien Jones, to answer questions from self-published authors and in the process, make Earth a smarter place one question at a time. Alien Jones truly believes in this mission, and isn’t doing it just because the Mighty Potentate has threatened to vaporize him if he abandons his assignment before BQB’s writing career is off the ground.
The Yeti – An international war criminal and fuzzy snow monster, The Yeti is currently imprisoned deep in the bowels of the Bookshelf Battle Compound. However, BQB isn’t completely heartless and allows the big lug out once a week to watch Scandal. Alien Jones brings the bean dip.
Dr. Hugo Von Science – A distinguished professor of science at Science University, Dr. Hugo is this blog’s science correspondent and holds patents on over a bazillion inventions. We’re fairly certain he might be plotting a global conquest in his spare time, but his generally goodnatured demeanor covers up his underlying intentions well.
There you go. That’s the blog in a nutshell. It’s a labor of love for me, and it’s enjoyed daily by 3.5 people, one of whom is my Aunt Gertrude.
(There are some subsidiary, occasional characters. Uncle Hardass, the ghost of my grumpy uncle, shows up once in awhile to tell me to give up all of my hopes and dreams of becoming a writer and get a job at the salt mines. The Funky Hunks are a rap group I used to belong to and they show up now and then too. Oh, and a whole slew of tiny book characters live on my magic bookshelf).
Don’t get me started on Bookshelf Q. Battledog.
I don’t believe the subsidiaries will get involved but you never know. 31 days means I need to come up with a lot of ideas to keep a story going.
8) You had me until you said you have 3.5 readers. Doesn’t seem worth it.
“3.5 Readers” is an ongoing, inside joke for this blog. In the beginning, I really did only have 3.5 readers. But I pressed forward and now I have more. Like any blog, I have up days and down days. I’d say on a good day I get anywhere around 30-70 hits.
Views are often double, sometimes triple, the hit count and I believe this is because people who do find this blog like it enough to stick around and read some more.
At any rate, I’ll do what I can to make this a fun, month long Zombie fiesta. On my own, I’m going to be writing about The Walking Dead and the new Fear the Walking Dead and overall, if this works out, it’s just going to be 31 days of zombies.
9) What’s in it for you?
Cross promotion, basically. If you enjoy what you see here, I hope you’ll do want you can to point folks to my ramblings. Not required, of course. That’s about it.
10) So now what?
At this point, I’d just like to get the ball rolling. I’m starting early because to recruit 31 people to respond to a daily ongoing story is going to be like herding cats.
Right now, I’d just like to see who’s interested enough to let me know. If you want in, Tweet me @bookshelfbattle or tell me in the comments here.
You can send me a private message on Twitter too. Just tweet me to let me know you sent it so it doesn’t get lost in the mass of spam I get from folks trying to sell me timeshares, miracle ointments, and **Cough cough*** self published books.
I’d say by mid-August, if I can wrangle enough authors to be interested in this, then I’ll be able to see who’s who, what’s what and come up with better questions that would apply to various authors.
If it’s a go, I’d like to get questions to you late August, or September and have 31 posts in the can by the time October rolls around.
But then again, this could be a dumb idea.
If it fizzles out and goes nowhere, then hey, I tried. You’ve got to try, right?
Feel free to share with anyone you think would be interested. If I see enough interest, I’ll start getting in touch with folks with formal instructions at the end of the summer.
Leave me your thoughts, 3.5.
Until next time, this has been Bookshelf Q. Battler and Video Game Rack Fighter, signing off:
Before he became BQB’s Pop Culture Detective, Jake Hatcher was a down and out boxer forced by the evil Mugsy McGillicuddy to take a dive, thus tanking his chance at the big time, not to mention his budding romance with singer Peaches LeMay.
When Jake tries to escape his past by enlisting, he gets a second chance at the greatness he missed out on when he’s recruited by General George S. Patton, President Roosevelt, and Pre-CIA Agent Carmichael to take on the most daring mission in the history of warfare:
Infiltrate Das Fuhrerbunker and punch Adolf Hitler in the face before an equally skilled puncher sent by the Russians can.
Why? Assassination attempts by his own men have left Hitler paranoid in the final days of World War II. He’s banned all staff from carrying weapons, leaving him the only armed individual in the bunker.
No guns. No knives. Nothing.
Thus, Uncle Sam needs a man whose weapon is his fist.
Is this a viable novel idea? Would you want to read a book about Hitler getting punched in the face?
The first three proposed chapters and outline of the rest:
Hate to do it, you all know how cheap I am, but I’m thinking about opening up the ole wallet and letting the moths fly out to get some banner photos.
What I’m thinking about:
Banner images that could be used as the header photo on this site, plus on Twitter and Facebook.
Probably through 99 designs.
Possible ideas:
1) As you know, Alien Jones and I allow the Yeti out of his cage once a week to watch Scandal. It’s our special Scandal night. The three of us eat chips and dip and talk about Olivia’s latest adventures.
The image would be a nerd to represent myself sitting on a couch between the Yeti and Alien Jones with a TV in front of us.
Should my main squeeze Video Game Rack Fighter also be on the couch? Could be cool, could be crowded. Cuz then, do I have to add Dr. Hugo Von Science, Uncle Hardass and other subsidiary characters?
2) Not exactly Star Wars but a Star Wars – esque poster where a nerd, that would be me, is in some kind of action pose, holding a ray gun or something, Video Game Rack Fighter clutching me….Dr. Hugo and Alien Jones have my back, the Yeti looms large ready to eat me or something.
3) Maybe just my bookshelf with battles going on it. A bunch of books and little characters running around on the shelves attacking each other.
Which one of these ideas do you like and do you have any others, 3.5 Readers?
Bookshelf Battle 