Daily Archives: May 18, 2015

May 18 2015
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Self Publishing

Why “Self or Traditionally Publish?” is a Dumb Question

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

BQB sounds off.

BQB sounds off.

Self vs. Traditional Publishing – Which route should I take?

For awhile now, I’ve read posts that begin with this very question from a number of bloggers.

Apparently, there’s a lot of folks who feel this is an either/or proposition.

Allow me to provide my take on the issue by posing these questions:

  • Should I continue working a day job or should I put all my time and money into buying and scratching lotto tickets?
  • If a nice woman comes up to me tomorrow and expresses an interest in going out on a date with me, should I take her up on the offer or should I tell her to hit the bricks because Scarlett Johannson might (I repeat “might”) knock on my door and demand my sweet, sweet lovin?
  • If I enjoy telling jokes to people, should I continue telling them or should I wait until I’m cast on Saturday Night Live?
  • If I get a part in a local community theater production, should I take it or should I wait to see if George Clooney calls me to ask me if I’ll take a part in his next film?

What?  You get the point now?  No.  No I don’t think you do.  I think we need some reinforcement here:

  • If I like the way the sun feels on my skin on a nice summer day, should I take a nice stroll on the beach or should I wait to see if the sun will come into my house?
  • If I’m hungry, should I make a sandwich or should I wait and see if Emeril will show up at my door and cook me a three course meal?
  • If, by some God inspired miracle, Scarlett does knock on my door, should I go on a date with her or should I wait and see if Charlize Theron and Katee Sackhoff show up and propose some type of triple arrangement?
  • If the Constitution is somehow altered to make me Supreme Ruler of the United States, should I take the position or wait to see if I’m crowned Emperor of the World?

All right, you get the point.

Yes.  If you’re a new writer and a traditional publisher offers you a legit deal, you should go for it.  But here’s the problem:

  • I’d like to be an astronaut.
  • I’d like to be the leading man in a Hollywood blockbuster movie.
  • I’d like to look like Channing Tatum while having George Clooney’s sophisticated style.
  • I’d like to have a bajillion dollars.
  • I’d like to be King of a Small Island (because to go any bigger is too much of a headache)
  • I’d like to be a pro-athlete.  Football, basketball, hockey, doesn’t matter.
  • I’d like to be date a famous actress.
  • I’d like my face on currency.
  • I’d like to rename the Moon “Bookshelf Q. Battle Orb.”

I’d like to do and/or be all of those things.

The odds of accomplishing them?

About the same as getting your book selected for a big time publishing deal.

OK.  You got me.  There might be some slight exaggeration here.

The Moon will be renamed Bookshelf Q. Battle Orb before I get a publishing deal.

The tech isn’t here that will turn me into an astronaut, football player or a Hollywood leading man.

The tech is here to help me put my writing out into the world.

Here’s my question:  Why does self or traditional publishing have to be an either/or proposition?

Honestly.  It’s like Traditional is my Mom and Self is my Dad and they’re a divorced couple competing for my affection:

ME:  Mom, can I have a book deal?

TRADITIONAL/MOM: Do you think you’re ready, dear?  I don’t really think you’re ready.  By the way, your father is spoiling you and you should hate him as much as I do!

ME:  Dad, can I have a book deal?

SELF/DAD:  Sure!  It’s our special weekend, buddy!  Publish all you want!  Eat cookies for breakfast too!  I don’t care!  It’s up to you! Control your own destiny!  Oh and don’t forget, your mother is a contemptible shrew whose sole purpose in life is to crush your hopes and dreams so stick with me kid!

ME:  ARGH!  Can’t you guys just get along?  Don’t make me choose!  I love you both!

Does self publishing guarantee success?

Well, first off let’s define success.

What’s your goal?

  • Make nothing but be happy just knowing your writing was put out into the universe? (Even if only 3.5 people read it?)
  • Make a little beer money?
  • Make a nice second income?
  • Make enough to support yourself?
  • Make enough to support yourself comfortably?
  • MAKE ENOUGH TO BE ON THE COVER OF FORBES AND HAVE YOUR BOOK TURNED INTO A BLOCKBUSTER AND YOU LAUGH AT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO MADE FUN OF YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL AS YOU WALK THE RED CARPET!  BAH HA HA!  YOU STINK, LOSERS!!!

With little to no effort, you can accomplish the first and second with self publishing.

The rest require work.

Should you get your hopes up?  Should you assume that self publishing will make all your wildest dreams come true?  That it will fill your pockets and turn you into a Hollywood insider?

Of course not.

However, I’m happy that blogging has provided me with 3.5 readers.  If I ever make a few bucks that’d make me happier.  If I earn a second income, that’d be great too.

I’d dance the Texas two-step if, God-willing, this leads me to become a millionaire, but I don’t expect that and you shouldn’t either.

So I guess I don’t understand the argument of “Well, there’s only been a few major self publishing success stories so don’t bother.”

Amanda Hocking and Hugh Howey have some fabulous stories, but people who make a few extra bucks and get to enjoy doing what they love?  That’s certainly a form of success too.  It might be a low level success, but if it makes you happy, then it makes you happy.

I don’t understand this all or nothing “if you don’t get a guarantee that your book will become a blockbuster then why bother” attitude.

Self-publishing isn’t a free ride, but it offers you something that the traditional world doesn’t:

A shot.

You’ll still need to work hard.  You’ll need to build your platform, reach out and obtain an audience, build a mailing list, and, above all else, write and publish a quality product.

And even then, you might and/or most likely won’t become a household name but a) hopefully you’re happy with the above discussed lesser forms of success and if you aren’t then b) at least you gave it a shot.

The traditional publishing world, more likely than not, will be closed to you.  The self-publishing door is open.  The readers inside that world may or may not be interested, but why not give it a go?

Meanwhile, if you get a traditional contract that’s great.  You should always explore your options.  Polish your work. Query agents.  Seek that traditional deal.

I’m not here to knock traditional publishing.  “Famous writer” is a highly sought after job.  Many people want it.  Traditional publishers and agents are bombarded with author queries all day long.  They only have so much time to take on so many projects.  They can’t please everyone.

Agents and publishers have to go with the projects they think will work best for them.  They’re in a business. That’s all there is to it.  Don’t take it personally.  Don’t hate on others who’ve “won the publishing lottery.”  Other people doing well does not make you do poorly.

Wait a minute, BQB.  What if I start self-publishing my work and then traditional publishing knocks on my door with a better deal?  What then?  Bet you didn’t think of that smart guy.

I did.  Let me ask you:

  • If I make that baloney sandwich and then Emeril DOES knock on my door with a fresh snappy lobster to cook for me, should I slam the door in his face or just put the sandwich in a ziplock bag and save it for later?
  • If that nice woman from before turns out to be a weirdo who wants to bedazzle all my shirts with cat designs and lock me in her crawlspace, should I keep seeing her if Scarlett DOES ask me out?
  • If I do scratch that winning lottery ticket, am I required to keep working a day job and therefore must never spend my newfound millions on world travel and chalices to eat my cereal out of?

In short, if that traditional publishing miracle deal does happen, you can always shift gears to embrace it.

But BQB, if the traditional publishing world isn’t interested in my work, what do I do?”

Well, let me answer that question with these questions:

  • If that non-famous woman who was interested in me (see above) dumps me after a few dates, should I lock myself in my bedroom and listen to James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful on a continuous loop or should I get back on the proverbial horse and ask another woman out?
  • If I can’t find the ingredients to make a sandwich in my kitchen, should I just go hungry or should I go buy some bread and baloney?
  • If I scratch two cherries on my lotto ticket and a lousy lemon on my third square scratch, should I go to work tomorrow?
  • If my car breaks down, should I buy another one I can afford or should I just walk everywhere in the hopes that one day I’ll win one on a game show?

I think you get the point.

Let’s come together and be friends, traditional and self publishing worlds.

At the end of the day, we all want the same thing.

To rename the Moon the “Bookshelf Q. Battle Orb.”

Oh and success.  Lots of success.

Don’t make me choose.  There’s plenty of Bookshelf Q. Battler to go around.

Nerd with a bullhorn image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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May 18 2015
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Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones – Season 5, Episode 6 – “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken” – Wrap-Up

Wow.  They really have a merchant for everything.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here with another GOT wrap-up.

SPOILERS AHEAD

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  • Arya is learning how to be one of the Faceless Men.  Is it worth it?
  • Jamie and Bronn vs. the Sand Snakes
  • Ser Loras and Queen Margery in custody?  Oh no!
  • What’s Littlefinger up to?  He’s promising everything to everyone.  I can only assume he’s hoodwinking Cersei.
  • Sansa has a tough life.  She ends up being married to every jerk in Westeros.

By the way, some interesting social commentary underlying tonight’s episode:

  • LGBT Rights – Come on Westeros.
  • Black Slave Traders – I’d call them “African American” but Africa and America don’t exist in George RR Martin’s world.  Kind of ironic though.

What say you 3.5 readers?

As usual, it’s show that can take a fantasy world and make us think about our real one.

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May 18 2015
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Uncategorized

TV Review – Mad Men Series Finale (2015)

SPOILER ALERT

What did you think of the Mad Men Series Finale?

I like it when the fates of characters are spelled out.  I know there are some who are ok with it when things are left up in the air but personally, when I’ve invested time in a series, I like to know what happens with these characters I’ve spent time watching.

The series finale of Mad Men provided closure (and surprisingly happy endings) for the main characters (well, except Betty.  Poor Betty).

The look of complete and unrelenting sadness on Don’s face when Peggy asks Don “What did you ever do that was so bad?” and he explains it…that pretty much captures the whole series.

Sooner or later, bad actions catch up with the actor.  Cheating was fun and all but faced with the fact that his philandering means that he won’t be able to be there for Betty, the woman he loves, during her terminal illness forces him to fully accept the full weight of what he’s done.

We’re led to think Don might commit suicide but the story ends…with a smile.

Catharsis.  The assumption (I assume) is Don forgives himself.  It’d be nice to know what he’s going to do next, but at least he’s come to terms with his past and is willing to forgive himself and move on.

It’d be nice to know if he actually does move on and live a fruitful life from hereon but I suppose shows can’t last forever.

Thanks Mad Men.  You will be missed.

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May 18 2015
7 Comments
Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Violence!  Mayhem!  Action!  A superflous monster truck type vehicle whose only purpose is to carry drummers and a guitar player!

Buckle your seat belts, 3.5 readers.  It’s time for Bookshelf Q. Battler’s review of Mad Max: Fury Road.

WARNING:  POST-APOCALYPTIC SPOILERS AHEAD!

At the outset, this movie was a bit of a gamble for Hollywood.  These days, movies are all about beauty, beauty, beauty and anyone or anything ugly?  Adios.  Sayonara.  Today’s average movie goer wants to see nothing but attractive people and sets and Hollywood is often too scared to take a risk for an “outside the box” type of film.  (And yes, believe it or not, even though this movie is a sequel to a trilogy, it still qualifies as unique in this day in age).

Yet, Mad Max takes place in a world ravaged by a nuclear apocalypse.  The once fertile world has become a desolate wasteland.  Between the dirt and sand as far as the eye can see and the rusty cars driven throughout the film, movie goers who are used to dazzling colors will need a moment to adjust.

Then there’s the ugliness.  Don’t get me wrong, Charlize Theron aka Impersonator Furiosa is an ultra hottie and Tom Hardy is a handsome enough fellow (I can note that a man is pleasant looking without being accused of being accused of gayness, can’t I?  Come on, it’s 2015 people!) they’re “uglied up” with soot and dirt while the bevy of baddies chasing them are grotesque, maimed, deformed etc.

But the gamble paid off.  The post-apocalyptic world will likely not be a pretty place and Director George Miller captures that aspect and then some.  And despite the aforementioned drab colors, the movie features some of the best action, fight scenes, and special effects that I’ve seen in a long time.

I wish I could tell you more about that but I wouldn’t want to SPOIL it for you.

I discuss the craft of writing often on this blog and “show, don’t tell” is the one of the writer’s cardinal rules.

Holy Smokes, 3.5 readers.  For most of the first half of the movie, there’s a ton of showing and very little telling.  Even with few words being spoken, the action tells us everything we need to know.  (Watch the scene where Max and Furiosa meet for the first time and get back to me.)

The set up?  Mad Max is taken hostage by a group of wackos ruled by “Immortan Joe” (played by Hugh Keays-Byrne who, fun fact, played “Toecutter,” in the very first Mad Max film way back in 1979.

Joe has some health problems, has to use a breathing apparatus and well, let’s just say like most of his lackeys, he’s not going to win any beauty contests any time soon.

Furiosa hijacks Joe’s wives (it’s a step up for them, believe me) and heads for “greener” pastures, namely the long lost homeland she was kidnapped from as a girl.  Max gets snagged into the mess and ends up as the unwilling hero who eventually becomes willing.

The best part?  With the exception of a few scenes, this movie is essentially one gigantic chase epic!  It’s Joe’s flunkies in their rusty bolt buckets vs. Furiosa’s war rig.

Is this movie for everyone?  Probably not.  It does earn its R rating.  If you’re a teetotaler when it comes to movies, you might want to find another flick to take in.  I hear Pitch Perfect 2 is good.  Go see that instead.

But for the rest of you action lovers, you won’t be disappointed.

Some final thoughts:

1)  It reminded me how sad Mel Gibson’s major meltdown was.  Millennials, have you ever heard of Mel Gibson?  He was the original Mad Max.  In fact, the movie made his career.  He went on to great movies like the Lethal Weapon franchise and Braveheart just to name a few.  Then he sort of just went nutsy cuckoo, going off on all manner of inappropriate crazy rants and long story short, he’s far from his original Hollywood golden boy status.

2)  I get the impression this film was the cumulation of everything Director George Miller wanted to do in this post-apocalyptic world but lacked the special effects technology in the late 1970’s and early 1980s.

3)  Speaking of, how cool and rare is it that a director of a movie franchise gets to direct the modern day sequel?  (It’s not really a remake or a reboot so I guess sequel is the best label).

George Lucas, for example, met the wrath of fickle fans.  He gave us Star Wars but fans have been crying for a new director ever since they laid eyes on Jar Jar and now JJ Abrams is at the helm.

Miller directed the original Mad Max Trilogy (Mad Max, Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome) and thirty-six years later, he brought his vision back to the big screen.  Artists are often separated from their art in the name of profit all the time, so a director being allowed to stand by his work is refreshing.

4)  Where does Mad Max fit in when it comes to the science fiction world?  It’s not space opera.  There’s no technology.  In fact, the absence of technology is the entire point of the film.  Ultimately, the franchise’s major credit is that it gave birth to the Sci-Fi sub-genre of Post-Apocalyptic fiction.

5)  Speaking of, let’s try our best to make the world a better place, ok?  I know I’m just a blogger with 3.5 readers but global nuclear annihilation is a threat that’s just as real today as it was when the original films were made long ago. (Maybe even more so if you consider the fact that North Korea, a country that just executed a dude with a friggin’ anti-aircraft gun, has them.)

If you think about it, a Mad Maxian world where people revert to being savages clinging to rusty broken down cars is probably the BEST CASE SCENARIO of a nuclear war.  In actuality, few people, if any would be left, let alone enough to start small civilizations.

We only have one world people and believe it or not, despite the many differences we claim to have, we’re all pretty much the same.  We want success, stability, happiness, something to look forward to.

We all really need to reach a point where we can share the same planet without the subtle threat of “Cross me and I’ll blow the crap out of you” lingering in the background.

Save the world from ending up in the clutches of Immortan Joe, folks.

In conclusion, two men enter.  One man leaves.  That is the way of thunderdome.

(Really wish they could have worked that line into this one somehow.)

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.

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May 18 2015
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BQB and the Meaning of Life

BQB and the Meaning of Life – Part 4 – God’s Waiting Room

PREVIOUSLY ON BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER AND THE MEANING OF LIFE…

PART ONE – “Oh my God! I ate a toaster pastry full of concentrated lightning then died on the toilet trying to get rid of it!”

PART TWO – “Where am I? Why am in a 1930’s bar?”

“Wow, look at all these famous dead celebrities – Albert Einstein, Cleopatra, Liberace and so on…”

PART THREE – “Wow. Bill Shakespeare is explaining everything about this place to me…but wait, so I’m not in Heaven or Hell?

AND NOW BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER AND THE MEANING OF LIFE CONTINUES…

Bill plucked the olive out of his martini and ate it. I waited patiently for him to give me the 411 on the situation I was in.

“You, my good man, are in God’s waiting room,” Bill said.

In my mind, I thanked the waitress. The booze insulated me from this shocking news.

“You have yet to discover the meaning of life, Mr. Bookshelf,” Bill said. “And until you do so, Heaven is off limits to you.”

Welcome to God's Waiting Room, where drinking to excess is not only welcome but encouraged...

Welcome to God’s Waiting Room, where drinking to excess is not only welcome but encouraged…

“Wait a minute,” I said. “Abe Lincoln. Albert Einstein. Lucille Ball. Roosevelt, Cleopatra. You’ve got some pretty top notch folks walking around this gin joint. You’re telling me none of them have discovered the meaning of life? That all of these influential icons are just lollygagging around here because they’ve never answered mankind’s most elusive question?”

“No,” Bill said. “You see, the last thing God needs is for people to die and then return to the physical realm where they will undoubtedly run their big mouths about the existence of an afterlife.”

“Why would that be a problem?” I asked.

“Man’s greatest fear is that nothing happens after death,” Bill said. “That upon death, that’s all there is and nothing more. Fear of the lack of an existence after the physical life is what often produces a fire under the posteriors of the masses to get them moving…to take advantage of all that the physical realm has to offer.”

“So you’re saying that God wants people to be afraid…”

“That life is a tale told by an idiot,” Bill said with a dramatic flourish. “Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

“That makes sense,”  I said.  “I suppose if everyone were to learn that the afterlife exists, they’d all just sit around drinking booze and eating chili cheese nachos waiting to croak.”

I slurped from my alcohol hat straw and ate a handful of chips.  The irony was not lost on me.

Bill sipped his martini.

“Thus, when people die and arrive in Heaven, they are pleasantly surprised to find their lives have not ended but in fact, are just beginning,” Bill said.

“Heavy stuff,” I said. “Still doesn’t explain why all these brilliant historical types are in a room for people who don’t know the meaning of life.”

“When you return to life,” Bill said. “And tell everyone that you died, then woke up in a 1930’s speak easy where you were served free drinks and snacks by the most beloved female celebrity of your generation who died too soon, hobnobbed with the likes of Einstein, Lincoln, and Roosevelt and engaged in a deep, meaningful conversation about the meaning of life with William Shakespeare…”

“Everyone will just think I’m a nutcase and the secret answer to the question of whether or not there is an afterlife will remain hidden from the living,” I said.

“Precisely,”  Shakespeare said.

“All these historical figures just spend their afterlives hanging out in this bar to make people who have yet to find the meaning of life look crazy?”  I asked.

“There’s a rotation,”  Shakespeare said.  “We all take turns to help the Man Upstairs out. Had you died yesterday, you’d of seen Nixon, Elvis, the Big Bopper, and Gahndi.”

“Aw man,”  I said.  “I love Elvis!”

“I’m the only one who never gets a break,”  the waitress said, handing me a Cuban cigar.

“Thanks,”  I said. “But I don’t smoke.”

“Good thing,” the waitress said, taking the stogie back.  “These things will kill ya’ sweetie.”

“What about you, Bill?”

“Me?”  Bill asked.  “I am indeed the Bard, the one and only William Shakespeare.  But every person who ends up in the seat you are sitting in is greeted by a different person.  I have been selected to be your spiritual guide, based on your interest in a career as a writer.”

“Wow,”  I said.  That was all I could come up with.

Will Shakespeare share any more nuggets of wisdom? Find out next time on Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life!

Copyright (C) Bookshelf Q. Battler.  All Rights Reserved.

Beer photo courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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