How My 3.5 Readers Can Multiply Themselves

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Dear 3.5 readers,

We’ve had some good times, haven’t we?

There was that first year where I didn’t post that much because I was still learning what all the damn buttons do.

Not gonna lie. I’m still learning. It doesn’t help that WordPress changes shit around everyday. Hell, sometimes I’ll step away from the computer to drop a deuce and come back and shit has been changed.

No two visits are ever the same.

Then there was that second year where I concentrated on the blog, tossing up tons of material, doing my one post a day for a year challenge.

And finally, year three is the year where I finally finished the first rough draft of a novel.  Now I just have the long journey to getting it published and out there.

Let’s take a moment to talk about you, my 3.5 readers.

Oh how I adore you, 3.5 readers. I really do.

Many authors have humongous egos where they desire millions of readers.

Meanwhile, I have decided that I will always keep blogging as long as at least 3.5 people keep showing up to look at this drivel.

1.5 readers? I give up. 2.5? No thanks. 3.5? OK. Cool. I’ll keep posting.

But can we talk about how you, my 3.5 readers, can help me, BQB?

You guys are cool. You’re great. But what I need you do to is to become MORE than 3.5 readers.

You need to multiply, 3.5 readers. You really do.

Have you tried to multiply yourselves yet, 3.5 readers?

Here are some ways that you can be more than 3.5 readers:

  • Tell your friends about my fine blog.
  • No friends? Make one, then tell your new friend about my fabulous blog.
  • What do you mean, you don’t have any friends?
  • OK so go make a friend then.
  • Yes, I know that’s easier said than done, but look at your life, you need a friend.
  • I don’t know to make a new friend. How does anyone make one? You attend some type of social gathering, strike up a conversation with a person in attendance, develop a rapport, and then perhaps after six months of friendship you slide it in to your new friend that he/she should check out my blog.
  • No, I didn’t say to give your friend the boot after. Sheesh, I’m not heartless. I’m not telling you to engage in an elaborate scheme to make a friend, get them to look at my blog, then kick them to the curb after. You can keep being friends with your new friend if you want.
  • Bring my blog up in casual conversations. Example:

RANDOM PERSON: You know I’m really concerned about global warming, genocide, war, and the extinction of the East Pango Tangonian Tree Bird.

YOU: Cool. You know what I do when I’m worried? I read the Bookshelf Battle Blog.

  • Hire a sky writer to inform the masses about my fine blog.
  • Conduct massive amounts of research into discovering the cure to an exotic disease. When the press interviews about your amazing discovery, devote the entire interview to talking about my blog.
  • If you have a blog, tell your 3.5 readers about my blog. Then, my 3.5 readers and your 3.5 readers can mingle.
  • Become an astronaut.  Once in outer space, deploy a sign directing Earthlings to read my blog. Note the sign must be large enough to be read from outer space. Block out the sun if necessary.
  • Use Jurassic Park technology to bring a dinosaur back to life. Ride through the streets on said dinosaur whilst telling all the Looky Lous about my splendid blog.

OK.  So out of those, I suppose the most reasonable requests are to ask you to follow me on Twitter on Facebook.

So go do that.  And then, if you can find the time, the dinosaur thing.

Thank you, 3.5 readers.

 

 

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