Daily Archives: October 24, 2016

Update on BQB’s Zombie Western

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So I’ve thought….and I’ve thought…and I’ve thought.

How can I…

a) Create an ongoing plot that ties several books together

b) but neither book loses its distinct style and feel

c) and how can this all be made scalable so that I can put out one book in the series, then move onto something completely different, put that book out, then come back and put out another book in the series because I have a short attention span.

So here’s where I am.

I’m going to write a book about zombies attacking the Alamo.  Yes, you heard that correctly.

Turns out that Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie, William Travis and Sam Houston were all bad ass warlocks who defended the Alamo from Vampire Santa Anna because there was a hell gate that Satan could pass through.

Our heroes save the day, but the Legion continues to cause chaos.  The Legion will look for others to lead zombie armies, to descend the world into madness, to distract everyone whilst the hellgate is opened again.

Book 2 will be Undead Man’s Hand where Wild Bill, Calamity Jane and Charlie Utter give us the information on who all the board members of the Legion Corporation are.

To my great surprise, How the West Was Zombed will become Book 3.  I struggled with this.  It really seemed like a great Book 1, what with the West being zombed and all.

But even in that book there are some mentions of the Alamo and of Wild Bill, so instead of making these stories flashbacks, why not give them their own books.

If popular enough, I forsee future books where Wyatt Earp, Bat Masterson, Billy the Kid, Jesse James, and Butch and Sundance all take a turn fighting zombies.

If no one is sick of it yet after all that, Miles will get his own book as he helps Hoo Doo Brown sniff out what happened to Santa Anna’s leg.

If no one is exhausted by all this, then there will be a grand finale in the early 1900s in which Teddy Roosevelt becomes President.

Meanwhile, Slade’s brother Tobias becomes president of the newly formed Western States of America and after a life time of being downtrodden, Tobias succumbs to “the dark side” and leads the Western States down a dark path which will lead to the Alamo hell gate being opened once more.

Ultimately, a battle royale in which all the heroes in previous books still alive work together in the West while Teddy Roosevelt leads a charge in from the East.

You see, Bowie’s original Bowie knife was in fact, a magic knife used to kill Satan, who according to the bible, is able to come out of a portal in serpent form every once in awhile unless someone stops him, which sounds like an awesome, yet scary, plot line.

Bowie passes that knife to an unwitting young Gunther who carries it around with him until he’s old. He passes it off to Slade. Slade carries it till he is old. I believe an incantation also gets written on a piece of paper tucked into Bowie’s hat, which Gunther passes on to Miles, ergo Miles and Slade must reunite by the end.

I haven’t decided if Slade, Calamity Jane, Wyatt Earp et all will become warlocks like Crocket et all, the original people who stopped the hellgate.

So bottomline – it is a series that begins with four heroes who, amidst zombie created chaos, stop Satan from exiting a hellgate and then an ongoing saga where various Legion villains try to recreate that chaos and various heroes stop it.

The new heroes may or may not become warlocks as the series progresses.  I suppose they have to if Crockett and friends were warlocks, but somehow Slade becoming a warlock seems like a jump the shark idea.

I’ll probably be like 75 by the time this is all written so, you know, at that point, who gives a shit if I make a million dollars if I’m too old and hideous to attract hot buxom blondes.

Anyway, that’s where I’m at, 3.5 readers.  I’m going to finish Zomcation just because I think it will be an easy path to get a book out and then do a zombie western, do another book, do another zombie western, another book and so on until I either croak or become famous and wealthy.

So in other words, until I croak.

But at least you 3.5 readers will be very entertained.

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I Literally Can’t Stop Watching David S Pumpkins

Like the characters in the SNL Haunted Elevator sketch who can’t understand why David S Pumpkins is scary, I can’t figure out why this sketch is so funny.  It just is.

And I can’t stop watching it.

I’m retiring from writing, 3.5 readers.

I will now spend every second of my day watching David S. Pumpkins.

What does the S stand for? I want to know!

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30,005 Visitors

Hey 3.5 readers.

I was feeling bummed today.

Back from my nice vacation, time to go back to my regular, hum drum life as the Assistant to the Assistant of the Vice President of Corporate Assistance at Beige Corp, the World’s Premiere Producer of Beige Products and Accessories, feeling a little down in the dumps, i.e. realizing it is unlikely I’ll ever visit a big city like NYC ever again except as a tourist…i.e. I’ll never be there to sign on with a publishing agent or to close a book deal or to go to a book signing of my book or something.

Then I saw this:

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See that visitor counter?

30,005 visitors?

Or could that number be considered…”30,005 visitors?”

On a numerical scale, seems in keeping with “3.5 readers.”

I could have clicked on this any time. I clicked on it exactly when it said 30,005.

Is it a sign?

I honestly don’t know.

When I was young, I could have chosen the risky path of going balls out toward a writing career or the safe, hum drum path.

I chose to play it safe but in retrospect, I wish I’d chosen risky.

It was so easy to play it safe when I was young. “Plenty of time left. Just be safe a few more years and then you’ll be able to be risky.”

Sigh.  Now I’m too old to be risky.  The world wouldn’t even let me be risky if I wanted to. Risky opportunities are only passed out to the young.

I get my hopes up too much I guess.  My brain and my body keep quoting Eminem, telling me to learn to live “down here” but my heart keeps crying out, “No, live up here!”

I don’t know.  These books take time. I suppose I’m too down in the dumps to be all like, “this means I’m going to make it as a writer!” but at any rate, it was neat to see 30,005 readers.

That’s in almost 3 years.  You might say 30,005 readers in 2.5 years.

I really need 30,005 readers a day.

Also, I have a theory that the 30,005 visitors are just my 3.5 readers clicking on the site 30,005 times.

I’m sorry to be such a bummer, 3.5 readers.

If you like what you see here, keep reading and keep trying to become more than 3.5 readers.

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The Walking Dead – Season 7, Episode 1 – “The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be”

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Holy crap, 3.5 readers.

Seven seasons and The Walking Dead just keeps walking.

I don’t want to spoil it but needless to say, the big question going into this season was who did Neegan kill and low and behold, we found out, in a big way, and with some twists.

Some big ole twists.

So, you know, I’ll probably hang on for another week before I go into detail just to let people process and in case anyone hasn’t gotten to see it yet and needs to catch up.

If your new to BQB’s recaps, just remember they are spoiler laden, so avoid if you haven’t watched the show yet.

What did you think, 3.5 readers?

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#31ZombieAuthors Rewind – Day 24 -W.J. Lundy – WTF

By: Schecky Blargfeld, Zombie Comedian

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WTF?

WTF indeed.

BQB, WTF can’t you get your writing career off the ground when W.J. Lundy finds the time to write AND fight for freedom?

Seriously, BQB. Get off your ass.

Check out BQB’s interview with W.J. Lundy here.

And don’t forget to check out W.J. Lundy’s Amazon author page.

#31WaysToDefeataVampire Way #24 – Sunglasses

By: Count Krakovich, Asshat Vampire

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Cool people wear shades.

If you’re cool, then vampires won’t bite you.

They’ll try to get you to turn voluntarily, but vampires rarely pick on cool people.

You may look uncool despite the shades but the shades will be enough of a speed bump to slow a vampire down and make them look elsewhere.

Bleh. Wear shades.

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