By: Count Krakovich, Asshat Vampire
Sure, you’re all aware that silver will defeat a vampire.
But did you know that it doesn’t have to be something made out of actual silver?
It can be something or someone that just has the word “silver” in the name.
Consider the following:
- Pollster Nate Silver has, to the best of my knowledge, never been attacked by a vampire, most likely because his name strikes fear into the hearts of vampires.
- Bing Crosby sang Silver Bells not to celebrate Christmas, but to ward off vampires. It worked. Bing Crosby was never bitten by a vampire (again, that I know of.)
- The Lone Ranger always yelled, “Hi ho, Silver!” not to call his horse but to ward off vampires. Also, because the horse was named Silver, he was never attacked by a vampire.
Change your name to silver. Wear silver clothes (have you ever seen someone dressed in a 1960s space costume get chased by a vampire?) or write a song about silver and sing it all day long and you will not become vampire chow.
How would you defeat a vampire? Discuss in the comments.
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