Category Archives: Tomfoolery

Mar 02 2017
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Tomfoolery

Lessons I Learned from Fiverr

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

Fiverr.  What a trip.

I was mildly curious about it last week so I checked it out and became instantly hooked.

The gist of the site is that it is a massive collection of people willing to do all sorts of things for $5.  (Get your mind out of the gutter).  I know hiring someone to do THAT for $5 seems like a bargain but the kind of THAT you’d get for $5 a) isn’t worth it and b) is going to leave you itchy and that’s the best case scenario.  Also, the site doesn’t allow for THAT.

There are all sorts of services you can buy for your blog and it’s all very cheap.  For the most part, “gigs” as they are called, start at five bucks.  Usually, you can get something decent for a “fiver” but there are all sorts of add-ons to enhance your service.  Adding these can get costly so it’s up to you and what you can afford.

All I know is I got four videos for a pretty cheap price.  They’re cool, they help me advertise, they provide me with a little more legitimacy etc.

Unfortunately, I’ve spent all the fivers I can afford for awhile, but I’ll dip my toe back into the Fiverr water when I can afford to.  Ultimately, using this site hasn’t led me to getting more than 3.5 readers, but it has been good for the soul.  I’ve always wanted to work in TV. Yes, I realize this is nowhere near working in TV, but it’s a lot of fun to write a script, write some directions, and then like a day later you’ve got a fun video based on your ideas.

In conclusion, here’s the cue card girl reminding you to check out my fine website:

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Mar 01 2017
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Tomfoolery

Droppin’ Monsters (A Bookshelf Q. Battle Rap)

Oh my God, 3.5 readers.  Oh my God.

Sit all 3.5 of your butts down for this.

So, as you know, back in the day I was one half of the rap duo known as The Funky Hunks.  My partner MC Plotz and I were a hit with the late 1990s/early 2000s soccer moms what with our squeaky clean lyrics.

Alas, time moved on and my rhyme spinning days are long behind me, but my lyric writing game is still pretty sweet, so I found a rapper on artist who goes by the handle I_Will_Rap.  He’s got mad crazy skills and he’ll rap whatever you want for a reasonable price.

Anyway.  Without further ado, I present to you the debut of the new hit single, sure to take the hip hop world by storm and it’s so good that it may even unite East and West Coast rappers together in a new era of peace, love and understanding: Droppin’ Monsters.

DROPPIN’ MONSTERS (A Bookshelf Q. Battle Rap)

Lyrics by: Bookshelf Q. Battler

Beats Dropped and Rhymes Rapped by I_Will_Rap

Yo. 2017. Time to make the green.
Bookshelf Q. Battler droppin monsters like a bad habit.
Let’s do this thing. Time to get paid, ya dig?

You roll up to your crib and there’s a vampire inside.
Call on BQB to do the wooden stake slide.
But oh my god a zombie wants my brains!
Better get BQB to make it rain the pain.
What’s that in my yard? A chupacabra goat sucker?
BQB grab your nine, pop a cap in that mother (bleep).

When it comes to fighting evil, BQB is the best.
Forces of darkness don’t even try it, this is a nerd you do not want to test.

East Randomtown is the dope ass hood where this bespectacled pimp resides.
He’s chillin in his headquarters, the fly ass hunnies won’t be denied.
BQB is a badass monster hunter, you know that is a fact.
So if you’re a demon straight outta hell, he’ll put you on your back.

One day while BQB was writing,
On his blog called bookshelfbattle.com
There was a sound that was oh so frightening
So he said, “what’s going on?”
He ran downstairs to his living room and what oh what did he see?
A fat ass yeti sitting on his couch, eating his food and watching TV.

“I live in your house forever now,” the Yeti said.
“I’m taking over this fabulous place.”
But that idea filled BQB with dread
So he round house kicked the Yeti right in the face.

Yeah, BQB is droppin monsters.
Ghosts and goblins and werewolves too.
That nerd is gonna do a drive by.
On anything that dares to shout, “boo!”

But when BQB’s not dropping a monstrous reprobate,
He’s writing a dope ass story.
He’s gonna save the world from the Mighty Potentate,
And get his ass some glory.

So don’t forget to check bookshelfbattle.com
For news of BQB’s daring do.
And if you are a monster,
BQB is coming for you.

Damn. That was some sweet ass shit.
3.5 readers my ass. Bookshelf Q. Battler should have all the (bleep) readers.

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Mar 01 2017
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Tomfoolery

Are You a Nerd? Become One of BQB’s 3.5 Readers!

Hey 3.5 readers.

Bookshelfbattle.com is an awesome place for nerds to commune in the spirit of nerdery while talking about nerdy things.

But don’t take my word for it.  Here’s a lady nerd to fill you in on the details:

Sigh.  I’m hooked on Fiverr now.  Anyway, if you want to hire this performer to do a card slide promo, check her out on Fiverr.

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Feb 28 2017
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Tomfoolery

In Case You Missed the Message from My Spokesperson…

Hey 3.5 readers.

So, my spokesperson delivered her message flawlessly and that message is way too important to remain buried under the blog roll.  Plus, I paid five bucks for it.

In case you missed it, here’s my spokesperson again, telling you all the reasons why my blog is so awesome:

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Feb 27 2017
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Movies, Tomfoolery, Uncategorized

If you think the Oscars are too pretty…

…then tweet along with BQB on #OscarsSoPretty

Don’t forget to root for our fellow ugly person, Michael Shannon for Best Supporting Actor.

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Feb 27 2017
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Tomfoolery

Just a reminder…

…if I can get 3,500 WordPress followers to commemorate the love I have for my 3.5 readers by following my amazing blog, then I will celebrate by hiring this chainsaw juggling man to provide a celebratory chainsaw juggling video.

You people aren’t following fast enough.  Get your priorities straight.  It’s like you don’t even want to see a man juggle a chainsaw, for crying out loud.

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Feb 26 2017
2 Comments
Tomfoolery

If I Get 3,500 WordPress Followers…

Hey 3.5 readers.

So it has come to my attention that it is possible to hire a dude on Fiverr who will literally record a video of himself juggling a chainsaw with the name of your website written on the saw.

God bless you, Internet.

At the time of this post, I have 2,068 WordPress followers.  When I get to 3,500 I will hire chainsaw man to make a video and post it here.

So…hit that follow button.  Tell your friends.  3,500 WordPress followers = super awesome chainsaw juggling video.

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Feb 25 2017
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Tomfoolery

And Now a Word From My Spokesperson…

Hey 3.5 readers.  Your old pal BQB here.

You know, this March will mark the third year anniversary of this fine blog, and though I love you all,  I must admit that in all of this time I have been sitting back and wondering when one of you readers would get off your shiftless, lazy hides and record a video testimonial of my greatness.

Seeing no such incoming video testimonials, I turned to Fiverr and found this delightful spokesperson, who was happy to educate the masses of my astounding brilliance.

In conclusion, this was the best five dollars I have ever spent and had I known it was possible to get women to say nice things about me by paying them I would have started doing it a long time ago.

Thank you, spokesperson.  That was an awesome testimonial.  In all humility, I truly deserved all of those wonderful compliments.

Meanwhile, this was my first time using Fiverr and I recommend it.  There are all sorts of talented folks waiting there to help you do awesome things with your website, blog, business, etc. so check out Fiverr.com

And finally, my spokesperson did such a fantastic job that I’ll give her a plug.  If you have a gig you’d like to throw her way, you can check out Stayingvintage on Fiverr.com

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Feb 18 2017
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Tomfoolery

How to Get Rich Quick

Hey 3.5 readers.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here.

People always ask me, “BQB, is there a way to get rich quick?”

I’m not sure why people ask me this.  I have holes in my underpants, for crying out loud, do I look like John D. Rockefeller or something?

Hard work.  Patience.  Sticking to your goals.  These are, in general, the often cited and well respected ways to get rich over a long, long period of time…usually such a long time that by the time you get your hands on that money you’re too old to enjoy it and you end up croaking and leaving it to your spoiled children who, let’s face it, won’t appreciate it.

But, ok.  I get it.  You want money now.  NOW!

So, I’ll level with you.  There is a way to get your hands on big time money at a young age, for doing very little work.  Zero risk.  Ultimate reward.

I’ll share this secret with you now, 3.5 readers.

If you want to learn how to get rich quick, click here.

 

 

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Feb 15 2017
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Tomfoolery

BQB is Back!

Wonderful news, 3.5 readers.

My special Valentine’s Day song moved Video Game Rack fighter so much that she took me back, allowed me to return to BQB HQ and has returned my glorious blog to me.  Also, she returned custody of you, my 3.5 readers.

Thank you for sticking with us during this tough time.  Every couple has their ups and downs, but it’s nothing but up from here on out.

Also, having to spoon with Leo McCoy in the Random Motel for warmth was truly a low point of my life.  Please don’t tell anyone.  This should be fine as only 3.5 people read this blog.

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