Hey Fantasy Nerds,
My apologies, there will be no Game of Thrones wrap-up tonight on the Bookshelf Battle Blog.
In the meantime, you should really be reading the top notch tale that is “Game of Yetis.” Here’s the most recent installment.
Bookshelf Battle
The only site where new bestsellers are forced to do battle for space on a nerd's bookshelf.
Monthly Archives: May 2015
Book Review – A Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger (1951)
Hey 3.5 Readers,
Buncha phonies.
Alien Jones is taking a Sunday off so I, your humble blog host, Bookshelf Q. Battler can provide you some commentary and analysis on the controversial classic novel, The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger.
Yes, once in awhile an honest to god book review happens here on the Bookshelf Battle Blog.
I’ve heard about this book my entire life, but only about how controversial it is, how it was banned and considered subversive when it first came out.
I never knew what it was about, but given all the negative hype, I assumed it must be something awful that would turn me into a crazed wacko hippy or something.
So when I finally cracked it open, I was surprised to find it’s just about a kid wandering around New York City in a dazed and confused manner.
Even more surprising? It is equal parts sad and hilarious.
The protagonist? One Holden Caulfield, a highly opinionated wayward youth whose soul is a bottomless pit of complaints. From his friends at school to random people he meets, from Hollywood to New York City, everyone, is, to Holden “a phony.”
It took me a moment to get used to 1951 speak. If this novel is a barometer of culture during the middle of the last century, then apparently youngsters of the time said some pretty bizarre things.
How to Speak Like Holden Caulfield
- Phonies – Everyone’s a phony. Hey you! Yeah you, the only one reading this review! You’re a phony!
- And All – Pretty much thrown in at the end of every other sentence. “So then I went to the park and all and there were some people there and all and I sat on a bench and all…”
- Madman – Used to describe anything out of the ordinary. “Those marbles bounced around like madmen.”
- Goddamn – I don’t know if kids in 1951 said “goddamn” a lot or if Salinger didn’t think he could get away with dropping more than a few F-bombs without being kicked out of the country or something.
- Really Was – In case you don’t believe him, Holden reminds you that he, she, or it (whatever or whomever he is discussing) “really was” whatever it is he’s saying they were.
- Put them All Together – “So I went to the bar and all and the waiter was a real goddamn phony. He really was. He handed me a gin and tonic and I drank it like a mad man. I really did and all.”
And Now a Message from The Yeti
Hello pitiful 3.5 readers.
The Yeti – Back by Unpopular Demand
This is the Yeti, former occupier of the Bookshelf Battle Blog, now prisoner in Bookshelf Battle HQ basement, from which I am only released on Thursday nights to watch Scandal with Bookshelf Q. Battler and the weird short alien man.
First, let me say, “ROAR!”
Second, let me tell you that I am guilty of nothing but good taste. I tried to direct you 3.5 people away from Bookshelf Q. Battler’s lame pop culture obsessions and feast your eyes on lesser known gems, such as my beloved Olga’s Stewstravaganza Part 2: Electric Stewgaloo.
You must watch Olga’s Strewstravaganza Part 1 first as you will be hopelessly lost if you try to wade your way into Part 2 without taking in the breathtaking splendor of Part 1.
But you clowns ignored me and follow @bookshelfbattle on Twitter and now I am defeated by the many roundhouse kicks that were delivered by the amazing Bookshelf Q. Battler straight to my Yeti face.
Perhaps I am a glutton for punishment, but allow me one last chance to reason with you people.
Don’t mark your calendars for May 15. That’s the day when BQB’s story, “Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life” begins right on this horrendous excuse for a blog.
Honestly, what does BQB know about life? If it isn’t at the bottom of a bottle of Dew of the Mountain then that loser knows nothing about it.
Next, I urge you to not mark your calendars for June 1. That’s the day BQB’s Project X will land on this blog’s runway. He claims its a project so awesome that he doesn’t want to share too much about it at this time.
Let’s face it. He’s probably going to shave me on a live podcast.
Actually, that would probably be delightful. Summer’s on the way and all this fur is a bitch come July.
So do mark your calendars or don’t. I don’t care. But as you cheer on your false prophet, the incredibly dimwitted BQB, know that he is exceptionally mean to Yetis.
Why, he doesn’t even let me hold the remote during Scandal.
In conclusion, Yetis love Scandal.
We really do.
Yeti picture courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.
Movie Review – Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Iron Man! Thor! Hulk! Captain America! Black Widow! Hawkeye! Various and sundry other Avengers!
ASSEMBLE!
It’s time for Bookshelf Q. Battler’s review of Avengers: Age of Ultron!
Dun…dun dun da dun…dun dun…dunnnnn….dun dun da dun dun dun!
Sorry, that was me trying to sing the Avengers’ theme song. Doesn’t translate well through the written word.
The summer movie season is has arrived and Hollywood is coming out swinging with this superhero extravaganza.
If you SPOILERS make you angrier than Bruce Banner with a stubbed toe, you might not want to click below:
A Public Service Announcement from Alien Jones
By: Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent
Greetings Earth Losers. It is I, Alien Jones, the most intelligent being in the cosmos, here with an important public service announcement.
Beware the Moloklaxons – the Universe’s Greatest Weirdoes
Perhaps one day you one of you humans might turn off your TV, your computer, your cell phone, your iPad, your iWatch, or your iWhatever and do something crazy like, oh I don’t know, venture outside your dwelling and take in some your planet’s fresh air.
Actually, that’s not advisable as you clowns have evaporated your ozone layer, what with your body sprays and fancy butt perfumes and all, but I digress.
While your outside, you may encounter what we in the intergalactic exploration business refer to as an “Unidentified Flying Object.”
That’s a bit of a misnomer. To you, it’s unidentified. To us, it’s those damn Moloklaxons, the jerk faces of the universe.
While most civilized alien worlds banned the practice of abduction over a thousand years ago, the Moloklaxons feel there is nothing more hilarious to do on a Saturday night than to beam an unsuspecting human into their craft, fly all over the galaxy, perform disturbing nether region probes, then drop said human off in the middle of the nowhere, making sure to dose said human with a gallon of Kentucky bourbon so that the Earth authorities will write the abduction victim off as a drunkard or kook.
If you see such a spaceship in your vicinity – run! And if the Moloklaxons tell you that they must abduct you in the name of intergalactic science, know this a hoax, as they are not acting in accordance with intergalactic law.
I’m glad I was able to clear up this important question, Earth losers. Meanwhile, if you have any more questions, you should submit them to Bookshelf Q. Battler who will forward them to me. Drop them in the comments on this blog, on BQB’s Google Plus, or tweet them to @bookshelfbattle
Finally, I’m contractually obligated to remind you that the epic blog serial story, “Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life” will begin right here on bookshelfbattle.com on May 15.
I’m not prominently featured in this tale so really, I could give three craps if you read it.
Alien Jones (aka Lord Alien of House Jones) is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.
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