Tag Archives: twitter

State of the Bookshelf – 4/17/15

Ladies and gentlemen, loyal 3.5 readers, and Aunt Gertie – Machovka-Writing Thank you for joining me in this, my latest “State of the Bookshelf” report.

Before I begin, I’d like to point out that as of this post, I am 5 followers away from meeting the Yeti’s demand of 4000 Twitter followers.  I’m sure those 5 stragglers will come my anyway any moment now.

For those new to the blog, Bookshelf Battle Headquarters was invaded in March by “The Yeti.”  The Yeti believes everyone should live a bland, boring life and is therefore my arch enemy, as I am on a mission to spread badassery to the masses.

You folks cared about me so much that you only allowed me to struggle in the clutches of a foul abominable snowman for a month and a half until reaching his ransom demands. That’s not sarcasm.  I appreciate the follows.  I thought you people would just leave me to the Yeti’s devices forever, so a month and a half isn’t bad.

Now, onto the State of the Bookshelf.

I’m in the middle of a one post a day for 2015 challenge.  Let’s check the stats:

2014 (Started in June, did not really begin blogging in earnest until June and then only did it once in awhile, occasionally letting weeks or more go by with nothing):

VIEWS: 4,658

VISITORS: 3,264

2015 (As of April 17, 2015, after approximately 3.5 months of blogging once a day, and often more than once a day):

VIEWS: 8,531

VISITORS: 5,055

ANALYSIS:  I think the obvious takeaway is that blogging regularly works.  In a little over one quarter, I’ve doubled the views I received last year, and I have close to 2,000 more visitors. Ultimately, I’ve beaten the pants off of my 2014 results and the year is far from over. Are these stats good?  I have no idea.  If you know about website stats, feel free to enlighten me please.  Any advice is helpful.

PROS:

  • I’m building an audience.  At least I hope I am.  The whole goal of this has been to build a following that I can (no offense) one day sell books to.
  • I’m flexing my writing muscles and learning new things everyday.
  • It makes me happy to have a creative outlet, albeit a small one.

CONS:

  • With the daily posts, I can barely find time to work on said book.  This is a real chicken vs. egg scenario.  I’m building an audience with no book to sell them, but I need an audience before I shell out all the money needed to polish a book and make it professional looking.  (Oh yeah, and I also need to write it).
  • I hate to admit this one, but there are times when I feel I am sacrificing quality for quantity.  Once in awhile, I’ll look over posts and see errors I missed and feel mortified.  I consider myself a professional, or at least am striving to be one.  I’m not the type of author who is like, “What?  Give me a break!  It’s just a typo!”  No.  I’m the author who says, “I’m sorry.  I failed you, noble reader.  Please direct all well-deserved wrath my way.”
  • Unfortunately, when you’re pushing out daily content in a rapid manner, those mistakes are inevitable.  If you see one, let me know.  Don’t worry about being rude.  My skin is thicker than an alligator’s hide.

On that last point, I’m considering this a building year. At my core, I’m a businessman.  I know we don’t like to mix “business” and “art” but I have a tendency to take a business-like approach to all life’s activities.

In short, I put out what I get in.

Say you want in on the lemonade business.  Do you buy an entire lemon orchard and rent a store the size of a Wal-Mart?  Do you hire 500 employees?  Do you produce 1,000 tanker trucks full of lemonade?

I dunno about you, but I’d probably start with a few pitchers and a card table at the end of my driveway.  I’d hone my lemonade making skills, be encouraged by neighbors who find my lemonade to be delicious, and work toward scraping a few bucks together for a small storefront.

That’s my longwinded way of saying that this year I’m building the Bookshelf Battle audience. Next year, the audience (I believe) will be here and I’ll have to shift my focus from quantity to quality.  That will mean blogging less, spending more time on fewer but higher quality posts and get my butt in gear on that long dreamed of novel. And (keeping my fingers crossed) maybe even investing a few bucks in the blog.

Top idea on my mind?  Getting some artwork of The Yeti, Alien Jones, and Yours Truly, Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Next year I’ll be shuffling through this year’s posts, revamping and polishing the ones that have made the cut and building a portfolio that will hopefully increase traffic.  Meanwhile, the posts that were just daily filler will have to go the way of the dodo.

Thank you for being patient with me.  Put up with occasional lameness this year and this site will blow your socks off with an industrial hairdryer in 2016.

Let me leave you with one final “Pro vs. Con.”

PRO:  We live in a brave new world where technology allows writers to hold the fate of their careers in their hands.

CON:  Years ago, I accepted the fact that success as a writer was akin to success at winning the lottery.  Those people who threw caution to the wind and made the pursuit of that ticket their life’s work are admirable but the idea that a nobody like me would trot off to NYC or LA and sweet talk big wig media types into selling my writing was about as likely as Fast and Furious 7 winning an Oscar (although it totally should!)

It was easy to say, “Well, I’m not one of those beautiful people who can go to a cocktail party and schmooze publishers and agents into thinking I’m a genius, so I guess it’s the average life for me!”

I can’t say that anymore.

When I look in the mirror, I see the man who’s standing between me a successful writing career.

And that guy’s really pissing me off lately.

Thanks a lot, technology.

Writing graphic courtesy of Machovka on openclipart.org

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Yeti Hashtags

#YetiSongs – Put “Yeti” in a Song Title or Lyric

#YetiMovies – Put “Yeti” in a Movie Title or Movie Quote

#YetiTV – Put “Yeti” in a TV show title or quote

And you know, because I heard a rumor this is a book blog…

#YetiBooks – Put “Yeti” in a book title or quote

There’s no hard and fast rules here, people.  Just yeti away!  Hopefully it helps me get up to 4000 followers so I can banish the Yeti for good!

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

#ReplaceSongLyricWithYeti

Hello 3.5 readers.

Any assistance you could provide in getting this trending would be appreciated:

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate The Yeti

10)  Hairballs…everywhere.

9)  He bogarts the Doritos

8)  He won’t stop watching Olga’s Stewstravaganza

7)  He won’t stop playing Tapper.

6)  He isn’t house trained…

5)  …and refuses to wear Depends for Yetis

4)  He’s very opinionated.

3)  Makes the whole HQ smell like wet dog.

2)  He looks like an albino Chewbacca.

1)  He refuses to leave until I get 4000 Twitter followers.

Tagged , , , , , , ,

#womeninfiction

#womeninfiction is trending on Twitter.  Do you remember Twitter?  It’s that thing I need 4000 followers on before I can kick the World’s Smelliest Yeti off my couch.

I chose Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones.  And actually, I’d also have to give props to Catelyn Stark.  Kind of a toss-up, really.

Wait, what about Daeny?  It’s a triple toss-up.

The Yeti chooses Olga from Olga’s Stewstravaganza and Olga’s Stewstravaganza II – Electric Stewgaloo.  

Alien Jones chooses Princess Leia and he argues this counts because Leia appears in Star Wars books.  I can’t argue with his impeccable logic.

Who are your favorite literary females?

Discuss in the comments.  Also, follow @bookshelfbattle to save me from the Yeti scourge.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Celebrity Retweet

Hello 3.5 Readers.

As you know, I am in quite a struggle against the Yeti, who for no practical rhyme or reason, refuses to leave Bookshelf Battle HQ until I receive 4000 twitter followers.

Now, I’m no name dropper and in fact, I pride myself on my humility.  I’ve got humility by the truckload.

Imagine my delight when I saw a tweet I wrote about Irish Author James Joyce on St. Patrick’s Day was favorited by a prominent Hollywood entertainment lawyer.

Further, when I tweeted that I was honored by my tweet being favorited by this tremendous legal scholar, said barrister further honored me by retweeting said tweet:

You don’t recognize prominent Entertainment Attorney Jeff Cohen?

Perhaps a photo from his younger days will refresh your memory:

warnber_bros

Truffle Shuffle 4-Life!

Honestly, sometimes it’s the little things in life that get you through the day.  Chunk.  The guy who played Chunk favorited my tweet.  And the guy who played Chunk rose past childhood stardom to become a professional attorney.  Good for him.

My 3.5 readers know I am incredibly sarcastic.  Please know this post has no sarcasm whatsoever.  I remember watching Goonies when I was a kid, thinking it was a perfect blend of comedy and adventure. That someone who starred in that movie noticed something I wrote (and yeah, it was just a stupid little tweet and for all I know he hit the favorite button by accident) brought a smile to my face.

So, it is with full sincerity and without my usual brand of sarcasm that I say, “Thank you for making my day, Jeff Cohen.”

That’s all the superfluous name dropping I’ll do for today.  I won’t even mention that I am still followed by @TayeDiggs, probably because his assistant clicked my follow button by accident.

Checkmate, Yeti.  Checkmate.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Inside Bookshelf Battle HQ

By:  The Siberian Yeti, Newly Self-Appointed Ruler of the Bookshelf Battle

Muah ha ha ha!  Insolent Bookshelf Q. Battler thinks he can oust me from control of his wretched blog with a Twitter follower drive.  What an imbecile!

Let me put it this way, 3.5 readers.  Bookshelf Q. Battler will get 4000 twitter followers when I stop being engrossed in your 1990s era documentary about the Chicago based scientist, Mr. Steven Urkel.  In other words, he will never reach his goal because I will never tire of viewing Mr. Urkel’s contributions to the scientific world.  Frankly, Mr. Urkel is the only American I do not truly despise.

As I have taken up residence in the Bookshelf Battle Headquarters, perhaps I shall enlighten you into some of the things your beloved blogger is into?

First, let’s talk about Bookshelf Q. Battler’s taste in music:

Have you seen this loser’s playlist?

  • Katy Perry’s “This is How We Do” on an infinite loop!
  • Taylor Swifts, “Shake it Off” has been played by BQB 9,081 times!  (And that was just last Tuesday alone!)
  • He played Meghan Trainor’s “All About that Bass” so many times that he broke his last phone and had to replace it!
  • And Iggy, Iggy, and more Iggy.  This self-proclaimed tough man, this man who claims to be an adventurer, he cannot get enough of an Australian She-Rapper!  “Fancy.”  “Black Widow.”  “Work.”  “Bounce.”  He even has her early Melbourne based single, “Work ‘Dat Digiredoo!”

Movies:

  • Bookshelf Q. Battler claims to be a karate expert who trained Steven Seagal?  That’s funny, since the man owns very worn DVD of “Eat, Pray, Love!”
  • Streisand.  So many Streisand movies.  Not just her early stuff.  That new one with Seth Rogen that had less viewers than this infernal blog!

Food:

  • Nothing in his refrigerator.  Nothing in his pantry.  In his closet?  500 bags of Buffalo Ranch Doritos and a ten gallon drum of Mr. Pibb.  How is he still even alive?

Writing:

  • He claims to be hard at work on a serious novel, but all I see are 100 notebooks filled with Firefly fan fiction.
  • Also one notebook that just reads, “Katee Sackhoff-Battler” over and over.  Dude, as they say in your U S of A, “WTF?”

Extracurricular Activities:

  • Decoupage, Decopage, and More Decopage – Everything is covered with colored paper.  It was like he started and could not stop.
  • He collects thimbles, action figures, and potato chips that look like celebrities.  He has a particularly fetching pringle that looks exactly like Mayim Bialik.
  • Two words – VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY!

So, there you have it.  Continue to violate my control of your blog, Mr. Bookshelf Q. Battler, and I, your arch nemesis, the Siberian Yeti, will be left with no choice but to continue to share with your 3.5 readers the secret embarrassments that lurk within your Bookshelf Battle HQ!

Muah ha ha!  Yeti laugh, Yeti laugh!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

A Statement from Bookshelf Q. Battler

Hello.  This is Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Sunday night, due to a complete and total failure on the part of my Head of Security, Bookshelf Battle Dog, the Bookshelf Battle Compound was overtaken by The Siberian Yeti.

Yes, that is correct.  An abominable snowman.

He is treating me well.  I am having a good time.  He did not write this statement for me and is not forcing me to post it.  The Siberian Yeti would never do such a thing because he is a representative of true communist principles, whereas I am an evil American capitalist pig and…

No.  I’m sorry.  I can’t do this.  Up yours, Yeti!  We were supposed to settle our differences like men, or, one man and one snow monster!  I challenged you to a best 2 out of 3 roundhouse kick competition and you cheated!

Listen.  This beast is making me watch Russian television and movies.  Do you know what I’m watching right now?  Olga’s Stew-gravaganza.  That’s right.  Two hours of a frumpy peasant woman cooking a stew.  Will she overcook the stew?  Will she add the right amount of salt?  What will she put in the stew?  I can’t take it.  I’m going mad!  Mad I say!

Curse you, Bookshelf Battle Dog!  Why did I get such a small dog?  I knew I should have gotten a Doberman!

Anyway, here’s a quick announcement:

Surely, the Yeti will listen to reason.  If I can get 4,000 twitter followers, then he will probably let me go so I can stop watching TV shows about stew and get back to watching House of Cards, which I was totally in the middle of and now I’ll never know whether or not Frank gets AmericaWorks passed thanks to an incompetent dog and a smelly Yeti.  If the Yeti realizes that enough people prefer my brand of witty humor over his commentaries about toilet paper rations, then he will bow and gracefully and return to Siberia like the loser that he is.

And here are some more reasons why I hate yetis.  First, they are really….ARRRRGHHH!

Hello 3.5 readers.  Siberian Yeti here.  You read nothing.  Bookshelf Q. Battler is delirious.  He loves Olga’s show about her delicious stews.  Nothing to see here.  Move along.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Nimoy’s Last Tweet

Inspiring to the end, the final tweet of Leonard Nimoy, the actor who played Mr. Spock on Star Trek:

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

The Dress

Top Ten Explanations for “The Dress”

gcmrcydrfpdfyamqbp8w1) It’s a CIA Mind Control Conspiracy.  The longer we stare at it, the more hypnotized we become…

2)  Same thing but aliens did it instead of the CIA.  I will have to consult Alien Jones on this.

3)  It’s an ancient Queen’s dress come back to haunt us.

4)  It is an intelligence test.

5)  It is an illuminati conspiracy to turn us against each other.  Where were you on the day the people who saw white and gold separated from the people who saw black and blue?

6)  Charlie Sheen found it crumpled up on his floor last night, hanged it up, and posted a pic.  Had no idea it would go viral.  Winning!

7) It’s a psychology study to see how long we, as a society, are willing to talk about mundane things.  Answer – a long time!

8)  It is a wearable Rorschach test.

9)  If you see white and gold, you are awesome.  Thus, proof I am awesome.

10) It is just a dress.

Seriously (or maybe not so seriously), I have long held a theory that perhaps people see things differently.   I have wondered – “What if, what I see as blue, other people see as red?”  and “What if, when I am talking about something I think is blue, people hear me say, ‘blue’ but they think of what I see as ‘red?'”

To blow your mind more, what if, what I see as people, you see what I believe to be lizards?  What if, when you look at a lizard, you see what I would see as a tiny little person walking around on all fours?

MIND BLOWN!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,