The things you end up Googling when you’re an aspiring author, let me tell you.
One subject I’ve had to look up is the various ways in which characters could possibly die, what happens when they die, is it possible to live through something, etc.
Writing about zombies gives you the particular need to know how dead bodies decompose, fall apart, etc.
While looking for such information, I happened across the “Ask a Mortician” YouTube Channel.
This lady is the funniest mortician I have ever seen (not that I have seen that many.)
She takes questions about what happens to people after they die – how embalming works, how bodies are cremated, why human taxidermy doesn’t work so well, coffin birth (is it possible for a deceased pregnant woman to give birth to a deceased baby, corpse poop, etc.
Here she is in a video explaining what happens to artificial implants in a body when they aren’t burned up during cremation:
Anyway, just throwing it out there, as an aspiring author I have found her videos helpful and I appreciate her ability to explain emotionally difficult topics with humor.
Check her out, 3.5 readers.
Alas, death comes for us all and though we should do our best to keep it at bay for a long, long time it is good to know that professionals like Caitlin are looking out for the deceased and getting them ready for a proper send off.
Hey 3.5 Readers. You Tubers are like self-publishers for video production, right?
Once in awhile I’ll talk about my favorite YouTubers.
First up, Comic Book Girl 19. She’s a nerd. She’s hilarious. Swears constantly. Has sidekicks like Robot (usually broken due to a bad wire or something) and Space Brain (floating brain.)
Reviews nerdy movies, comic books, TV shows. Did a series of videos explaining the back story of Game of Thrones. Helped me understand some of the stuff going on, who is related to who and so on.
Comic Book Girl 19 – Youtube – Why Did I Go See Gods of Egypt
By the way, I agree with her about Gods of Egypt. That movie sucked so bad that I didn’t even bother to review it.
So much CGI but so little substance. Had a few good moments. But mostly sucked.
Writing How the West Was Zombed has made me realize I don’t know a lot about guns, be they from the past or the present. Kind of difficult as I’m not really a gun person. I’m clumsy and accident prone, thus fairly certain I’d shoot myself if I ever had one.
It dawned on me it might be worth a trip to a gun range for an afternoon some day if I’m going to persist in my attempts to become a novelist, seeing as how characters often end up shooting guns no matter what time period the novel is set in.
But I’m certain I would shoot myself in the foot so studying the subject from afar will have to do.
But I’ve seen something in many cowboy movies that I’d like to incorporate into the novel but I don’t understand it.
Below is a video of the infamous “Shootout at the OK Corral” scene from Tombstone starring Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday and Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp.
Tombstone – 1993 – Posted by Thell Reed, Gunman on Youtube
See around 1:40 where Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday slaps the back of his gun a bunch of times real fast? Clint Eastwood did that in his movies too.
Why did they slap the back of their guns so fast? I assume it was some kind of a trick to make the gun shoot faster. If you’re a gun person, please explain it to me.
I’ve searched the Interwebs and alas, there’s not much info about old West shooting.
Part of me wonders how much I need to learn, another part wonders if the reader cares to know much more than a zombie was shot.
By the way, this movie is badass. Can’t believe it is so old now I remember watching it when it came out like it was yesterday. This was probably one of Val’s best performances.
Rewatching it this year made me realize I needed to keep pressing on with writing Zombed. Westerns seemed like they were going out of style even in the 1990’s though movies like this one still managed to keep people interested.
BQB here. Just wishing Johnny, Sean and Dave of the Self-Publishing Podcast a Happy 200th Episode.
I discovered these dudes around Christmastime 2014 and have listened to their show every week ever since.
The best description I can give is it is like having three very funny self-publishing professors teaching you a weekly lesson.
I knew very little about self-publishing before I began listening to them. I’ve yet to start my own self-publishing business but I don’t think I would have ever had an inkling about how or where to begin without these three.
They’ve inspired a lot of people and I think if there is ever a “How Did Self Publishing Become So Popular?” documentary, there will have to be at least an hour on this trio.
Please drop what you are doing and watch this commercial for the Squatty Potty.
The argument is that humans, like cavemen, weren’t meant to poop in toilets but meant to squat wherever they are outside to poop. Squatting opens your uh, well, you know…opens it up more so the poop comes out better.
A unicorn pooping rainbow sherbet explains the concept without you know, showing disgusting poop.
I don’t know. This is commercial is hilarious. Hysterical. I can’t stop laughing.
By the way, has anyone out there ever used one? Does it work? I kinda want one now.
P.S. reports are going around that this one hilarious video increased the Squatty Potty company’s sales by 600 percent. I know I’ve heard ads for it on Howard Stern but in my head I always envisioned it as some like rigged up contraption I’d have to get into just to poop. This commercial illustrates that its just basically a little stool (to help you make stool) and tucks away neatly when you’re done.
There have been reports that when the Stade de France was evacuated, attendees sang La Marseillaise, the French National Anthem.
If you haven’t heard this part of the news coverage, one of the terrorists attempted to enter the stadium wearing a bomb vest. He was stopped and questioned before entering and detonated himself right there. Three people died and its terrible that they did. It surely would have been even worse had he been able to detonate inside the stadium.
So the evacuees sang their national anthem as they exited the scene. That protest in the face of tyranny reminded me of another time when French people sang their national anthem in defiance of evil. Although the one I’m thinking of was fictional, it’s still moving.
Casablanca, a 1942 film that brought light to the plight of European refugees fleeing their homeland via Morocco during World War II is one of the best films ever made, filled with quotable lines that still hold up today. If you’ve ever heard someone say, “round up the usual suspects” that’s where it came from.
OK. I’ll cry SPOILER ALERT even though its a 75 year old movie. Whatever. It’s about a love triangle between Humphrey Bogart’s Rick Blaine, a night club owner who’s fled America to escape his troublesome past, Ingrid Bergman as Ilsa Lund, the hot babe he falls in love with in France and Paul Henried as Victor Laszlo, an anti-Nazi writer and activist. Ilsa fell for Rick assuming she’d never see Victor again but voila, he returns and it’s heartbreak city all around.
But I’m not talking about that part. I’m talking about the part where the evil Major Strasser sings a Nazi tune with his jack booted brethren, only to be drowned out by Victor and other French folk in attendance.
La Marseillaise. It worked against Nazis. It works against terrorists.
Today’s zombie author is Michael Cairns, the scribe behind the series, Thirteen Roses, an epic tale that begins with a flower seller who’s forced to save the day in the face of a zombie apocalypse.
Here on the Bookshelf Battle Blog, I like to talk to people about their own personal battles. Currently, Michael’s winning the battle when it comes to making a name for himself in the writing game, but analysts say the struggle to retain his hair might be lost.
I’m dialing him up on Alien Jones’ space phone now. Michael? Bookshelf Q. Battler here. Let’s talk.
NOTE: BOLD=BQB; ITALICS=Michael
Q. Michael, I’m stuck in a rather stressful situation. I’m in the middle of a zombie apocalypse that’s struck my hometown. As if that’s not enough, a maniacal alien despot who hates reality television has threatened to conquer Earth if I die before writing a novel that’s so good, it inspires the masses to abandon any and all interest in shows in which vapid, mindless, quasi-celebrities are followed around by cameras all day. On top of that, a corrupt general is trying to blow me up because I allowed one of my correspondents to write about a top secret mission dating back to World War II on my blog.
But this interview isn’t about me, it’s about you, and I don’t want to bore you with my personal problems. Suffice it to say, all this stress made me think about your situation. This year began with you making a pledge to your fans that you’d write fifteen books in 2015. Further, you promised to submit a daily video log chronicling your efforts.
We’re on the tail end of 2015. How has the challenge gone, what inspired you to do this in the first place and how have you dealt with the ensuing stress?
A. Hi Bookshelf. First, can I say how sorry I am to hear about your terrible situation? That sounds like pretty dire straits to me. If you’ll forgive a little advice, I’d urge you to keep eating your greens to keep your strength up, and never leave home without at least two chainsaws about your person at all times.
With regards to your question, it’s been a pretty crazy year. Just to clarify, the challenge was to publish 15 books. My inspiration for this was that I wrote 15 books in 2014. I then sat down with another indie-published friend of mine who threatened to kick my arse unless I actually did something with them. So, the challenge was born. To keep things interesting, I also opted to write a million words, publish a short story on my blog every week and vlog my journey every day. The challenge has, so far, gone remarkably well. I’ve published 6 books and have another three less than a month away. So the last few months of 2015 are going to be pretty packed, but it’s still doable, assuming I’m willing to completely lose what remains of my sanity.
Regarding the rest of the challenge, that I’ll easily do. I’m going to hit a million words sometime around the beginning of October, and my short stories are, fortunately, getting better each week.
As far as stress goes, it’s been a mix. I’ve given up shaving, given my chocolate addiction free reign, and taken to shouting at myself on long car journeys…okay, maybe not so much of the last one. It has been stressful, though mostly in a fun way. I have two young children at home and also decided to move house in July, so that’s only added to the fun…
Q. I whine louder than a balloon with air escaping out of it about how I can never find the time to write, but here you are living the dream. Do you have any advice for my 3.5 readers about how to balance writing with all of the other curveballs that life throws our way?
A. Excellent question. I think the answer to that lies in a couple of things. The first is to examine yourself and your habits, and decide how organized you are. If you are someone who does things in a random, scatty kind of way, it can be tricky to develop the discipline to write on a regular basis. Tricky, but by no means impossible. I wrote a guest blog post on how to develop said habit, which you can check out here.
The second thing is to decide how important writing is to you. I know that seems kind of obvious, but it’s easy to say how much it matters. The question is, is it important to ditch reruns of The Walking Dead? Is it important enough to wake up an hour earlier each morning? Simple things that will develop your writing habit.
I can highly recommend Julie’s website that tracks her first year in the self-publishing business. She’s a romance writer, so if you’re struggling to find the light at the end of your apocalypse shaped tunnel, Bookshelf, it might just help brighten your day. 🙂
Q. How has daily video logging worked out for you? Is that a means of author/fan communication that you’d recommend for aspiring writers?
A. I have to be honest about this, it’s been hard work. I’ve got the process, from recording the vlog to having it uploaded onto Youtube and posted on my blog, to tweets scheduled down to about 20 minutes, but there have been more than a few nights when it’s the last thing I’ve wanted to do. Have said that, it’s also been great fun. I’ve gotten almost comfortable talking to myself, certainly improved my ‘umms per minute’ rate, and have a wonderful record of the year. I’ve also got to vlog from all sorts of interesting places. I toured Italy a couple of times with my band in the summer, so I’ve vlogged from over there. I’ve also been to numerous festivals and concerts and done the same from there, so it’s been fun. With regards to author/fan communication, I wouldn’t put it near the top of the list. I’ve had a few nice chats with the videos as a springboard, but not nearly as many as via emails and twitter.
Q. One Goodreads reviewer described Thirteen Roses as “The Walking Dead as if written by Neal Gaiman. Is that a fair assessment and if so, why?
A. I wish!! I loved that quote. It was the kind of quote you couldn’t pay to get, and that it was entirely not my doing was even better! Neil Gaiman’s Sandman is still one of my favorite comic series of all time, so I was beyond flattered to have that comparison made. I’d like to think I could get somewhere close to him in terms of characterization if nothing else, but I’d have to leave that up to the reader to decide…
Q. There are a number of zombie apocalypse books which feature a science based beginning, i.e. an experiment gone wrong, (which coincidentally is how my zombie apocalypse began), terrorists who discharge a virus, or some other physical phenomena. I understand your zombie series has more paranormal origins. I don’t mean to ask for spoilers, but can you elaborate a bit for my 3.5 readers?
A. Without wanting to cop out, it’s very difficult to divulge much of the paranormal side of things without giving everything away. Having said that, I’m happy to say that the origin of the zombies is fairly standard. Am ambitious and slightly naive science student spends far too much time messing with an airborne-delivered toxin. The government takes it away from him, only to have some religious nuts discover the answer to their very screwed up prayers and get involved. The paranormal element comes in with the people left behind, the sorry survivors such as yourself. There’s more to it than that, but I really don’t want to spoil all the fun.
Q. I might know a guy who’s also losing the battle for his hair. Note that it’s not me at all, just some other unnamed person. Any advice on follicle stimulation that I could pass along to this individual or should he just give up the goose?
A. Alas, I’ve tried all sorts. I can confirm that having kids, moving house, and eating your own body weight in chocolate don’t help with hair growth, despite all my wife’s assurances that they would. Actually, she might not have said the thing about the chocolate…
Q. Michael, thanks for taking a few minutes to speak with me today. Before I go, do you have any final words of wisdom that might help my friends and I survive the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse?
Food! Head to the nearest library and get yourself some books on farming. Simple, self-sustaining farming is a must with all that supermarket fruit and veg already rotting away. Similarly, find some goats and put a fence around them. Chickens, too, if you can find them.
However, considering the people you surround yourself with, I’d have thought finding a space ship and getting the hell off this Godforsaken rock would be the only true way to survive.
Best of luck and lovely to talk to you.
BQB EDITORIAL NOTE: Thanks, Michael! I’m going to check with Alien Jones on that, but he’ll probably bore me with some lecture about Intergalactic Space Law, which I usually just take as code for him being too lazy. Good luck with your challenge!
Bookshelf Battle 