He’s got a set of skills…that include riding on a train.
BQB here with a review of “The Commuter.”
Liam Neeson’s tough guy using his skills action movie phase continues to go strong and up front, I have to admit that out of all of the post “Taken” movies that still tried to capitalize on that, this one is the best. Overall, it’s better than what you usually might expect to see in the dull, dreary month of January.
Liam stars as Michael, an ex-cop who got tired of the corruption and became an insurance salesman. For the past ten years, he’s been a passenger on the same commuter train. Everyday, it’s the same routine, day in, day out, where he does the same thing at the same time, and always passes by the same fellow commuters.
Alas, one day his ride home is not so routine. A mysterious woman ( the ever boner inducing Vera Farmiga) approaches him and forces him to do her dirty work, namely, there is someone on the train her evil bosses want found and it is up to Michael to find this person…or else!
Admittedly, the plot is a little thin. At times, Vera and her mysterious associates are able to watch and manipulate Michael so much from the shadows that one is left to believe that they probably had the power to find the person they want all along without disturbing an insurance salesman.
Still, there are some cool scenes. There’s a montage at the beginning where Michael does the same various tasks everyday in different clothes to show the monotony of commuter life (get there everyday at the same time and do the same thing.) There’s also a pretty cool fight scene between Michael and a would-be assassin.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Liam’s still got it after all these years. “Breaking Bad” fans will be happy to see Jonathan Banks in a small role.
Grab your accordion and hold onto your wallet, 3.5 readers. BQB here with a review of “The Polka King.”
Netflix is at it again, adding a new film to its repertoire, this time a comedy biopic of Jan Lewan, the Polka King of Pennsylvania who built his empire on a Ponzi scheme. SPOILERS abound in this review. I mean, it’s based on a real life case, though honestly, I’d never heard of it until I saw this film.
Jack Black plays the titular character. At first, Lewan’s story is the stuff that the American dream is made of. He was an immigrant from Poland who moves to America, works every disgusting job there is, from janitor to dishwasher. In time, he marries Marla (Jenny Slate) and starts a polka band. Regular polka shows become the go-to event in town and Lewan capitalizes on the publicity to promote a variety of business enterprises, from a Polish gift shop to a guided European tour business.
On the surface, it all seems too good to be true. Loving wife, adorable son, a business empire based on his love of Polka music and even a grammy nomination. Alas, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
To fund his various ventures, Jan takes “investments” in the form of promissory notes from his adoring fans, all who love and trust him. Lewan is charming and affable. He oozes positive energy, helps people find the best possible version of themselves and is considered a pillar of his community. Unfortunately, this causes his investors to keep dumping money into his enterprise, money that he doesn’t have a chance at paying back.
In truth, Jan’s businesses aren’t making money at all. They are more or less fronts for an increasingly complicated “rob Peter to pay Paul” operation. Jan offers his investors a ridiculous, unheard of 12 percent rate of return, but rather than pay them back with money he has actually earned, he just keeps borrowing money from new dupes, and uses the newly borrowed notes to pay back the older ones. In short, he was the Madoff of Polka.
Jack Black does well in this role and brings a lot of heart to it. In the film, Jan comes across as a bit of a naïve fool, a dummy who thought it was perfectly fine to keep borrowing and borrowing into infinity. At least, he appears that way at first, but as the film moves on, he delves deeper and deeper into more treacherous behavior. Fame and success are like drugs. He wants to be popular and famous and loved and the constant borrowing allows that to happen.
My main criticism is there is a lot of focus on how Lewan suffers as a result of his scheme. True, I’m sure he did suffer but to be fair, the film might have shined more light on how his scheme hurt others, especially elderly retirees who trusted Jan with their life savings. At one point, an elderly couple who lost their money is made out as if they are villains for hating on Lewan (i.e. Lewan’s mother-in-law shouts at them that they were greedy for thinking a 12 percent return on an investment could ever be real.) It may be true that people who would give tons of money to a Polka player in the hopes of a huge payday aren’t too bright but at the same time, Lewan was lovable and came off as trustworthy so at the end of the day, Lewan was wrong for taking advantage of the trust placed in him.
Jenny Slate is great as Marla, Lewan’s beauty queen wife who stands by her man at first but over time, seeks to have her own piece of the pie, to have her own fame and fortune. Jacki Weaver stars as Lewan’s battle axe mother-in-law who is irritatingly yet accurately vocal about her suspicions regarding Lewan’s business dealings.
Jason Schwartzmann rounds out the cast as Lewan’s friend and band mate, Mickey Pizzazz, a buddy who is torn. He’s grateful to Lewan for saving him from a lifetime of working at Radio Shack by giving him a job as a musician that pays a living wage, but at the same time, he suspects chicanery.
Ironically, J.B. Smoove, the comedian known for playing larger than life, “Don’t give a F” characters like Leon on “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” serves as the voice of reason in this film. Smoove plays Ron Edwards, a securities and exchange commission agent who initially lets Lewan off with a warning in the early days of the scheme when it could all be cast aside as a simple misunderstanding only to hunt him down when his operation blows up. While I would hate to see Smoove drop his comedy, this turn shows he does have some range and could be tapped to play more serious characters in the future.
…and you know how to make it so that your web browser is full screen instead of having it be down lower on the screen and then on top it shows all your tabs, past sites you’ve been to etc, how to fix that, it would be appreciated.
Thank you, 3.5 readers. I’m sorry to inform you but your fearless leader doesn’t know everything.
(It’s the 1990s. An enraged Lorena Bobbitt enters her bedroom to find her husband fast asleep. She raises her hands. She’s holding a man’s shirt with a lipstick stained collar in one hand and a butcher’s knife in the other. She breaks out in song.)
SONG TITLE: “Chop it Off”
LORENA BOBBITT:
He cheated…again!
(Chorus girls fill the stage, all dressed like neighborhood housewives.)
CHORUS:
He cheated again! Why, oh why can’t you see?
LORENA BOBBITT:
That he had carnal relations with someone other than me?
CHORUS:
Oui!
LORENA BOBBITT:
My eyes are open now! It’s clear what I have to do!
CHORUS:
Get in the car and leave him now! For divorce you’ll have to sue!
LORENA BOBBITT:
I’ll make it so he can never, cheat on me again! I’ll separate him from, his tiny little friend!
(LORENA raises the butcher’s knife.)
CHORUS:
Um…no we were just thinking, that you could just take all his money in court. Make him open his wallet, but to be violent is to be a bad sport.
LORENA BOBBITT:
But if he goes to court he’ll find another woman. He’ll cheat on that poor girl too. No, to end this vicious cycle, there’s only one thing left to do.
(LORENA belts out a showstopper.)
Oh…I’m going to….CHOP IT OFF!
CHORUS:
No, this plan will surely fail!
LORENA BOBBITT:
Yes, I’m going to chop it off!
CHORUS:
Think of the headlines! Think of jail!
LORENA BOBBITT:
I’ll be a hero to every woman who ever got the jilt. Now you can chop off your husband’s penis, and not feel any guilt!
CHORUS:
You should probably feel some guilt.
LORENA BOBBITT:
Yes, I’m going to chop it off! Nobody can stop me now! Oh, I’m going to chop it off! I’m going to shout it loud!
(LORENA walks to the bed, raises the knife. Stage goes dark.)
Hi 3.5 readers. I’ve decided I’m going to write inappropriate musicals for awhile. If anyone from Broadway is interested, let me know. If you have an inappropriate topic for a musical, please share.
I hate it when you lose work and have to do it all over again. I just feel like your first gut feeling is always the best, it’s impossible to recreate.
But try, I must, for the world needs, nay, DESERVES…TOILET GATOR!
I have commissioned artwork of Alien Jones blasting the Yeti with a ray gun because I’m a grown ass man and I do that sort of thing, so tune in next week to see that. I’m looking forward to it.
I was listening to Howard Stern today (he actually came into work) and he had an interesting take on all the talk about President Oprah.
He said (and I remember this) years ago, he ran for Governor of New York as a goof. He didn’t want the job and just did it as a promotion, to get his name out there and get some free press. He didn’t think anyone would take him seriously so got scared when he actually ranked high in the polls. Political consultants began getting in touch with him, sure he had a good shot at winning.
He backed out of it because he felt he would not do a good job. He’s a funny radio guy and while he enjoys that and he has been successful as an entertainer, he did not believe he could handle the job of being governor – the tough decisions, the turmoil, the scrutiny, the studying, the non-stop nature of the job, 24/7 and weekends. Ultimately, people rely on the Governor and he didn’t think he could deliver.
He thought maybe he might have won and who knows, perhaps from there he might have had a shot at the presidency but he didn’t want it. He did not believe he would do a good job and so bowed out so an actual politician could win.
He likened his situation to Oprah and said that as a celebrity, especially one that came from humble beginnings without much money (as he and Oprah did) it is tempting to want everything, to take every offered opportunity, to do every TV show, movie, book, business venture, everything because no matter how big you get, you fear it might all go away and so it’s easy to see the presidency as the ultimate plaything, to increase your fame and status…but ultimately, you have to think not of yourself but of the country.
I think he has a good point and I’m wondering if we aren’t going down a path where perhaps there should be a mandate that to win the presidency you must hold some kind of prior office first? Reagan was an actor, but he did go on to run a union and serve as governor of California. He did his homework and got his government training.
I mean…when we hear of President the Rock….come on. I don’t care how loved of a celebrity you are, the second you run for office, half the country will hate you. Why not stay a celebrity and be loved by all?
On the other hand, TV has really screwed politics up, for years now. Gone are the days when character, knowledge and experience matter. How photogenic are you? What’s your social media following like?
Howard said we need a modern day Winston Churchill but I have news for him – Winston could not win office today. “Who’s that chubby little bald man with froggy voice? Get him off the stage and put a squared jawed, perfect haired dummy in his place!”
In other words, politics and entertainment are hand in hand now, such that you can’t be an actor if you aren’t a hottie and let’s face it, you can’t be a politician unless you’ve got that super star quality either.
Bookshelf Battle 