World Renowned Motivational Speaker, Anti-Suck Book Author and Bookshelf Battle Blog Columnist, Vinny Baggadouchio
I’m Vinny Baggadouchio and if sucking is the disease, then I’m the cure.
If you’ve come down with a bad case of suck, then pick up one of my anti-suck books today:
Be the Not Sucking Person You Were Meant to Be
101 Ways Suckiness Creeps Into Your Life
Stop Sucking This Instant
Goodbye, Suck. Hello Not-Sucking.
Don’t Stop Sucking Tomorrow. Stop Sucking Today!
Why Do Sucky Things Happen to Non-Sucking People?
Drop That Suck!
Don’t Want to Suck? You’re In Luck!
The news sure has sucked lately, hasn’t it 3.5 readers?
In fact, a whole lot of suckage has happened in Orlando, which is surprising, because you’d think between the great weather, cartoon mouse park, the wannabe cartoon mouse park, that park where they make whales do tricks, all the beaches filled with scantily clad women and the ability to buy oranges anywhere every two minutes, it all blends into a very not-sucky place.
But so much tragedy struck in the course of a few days. A budding singer was shot dead. 50 gay people were killed in a night club. Another 50 wounded.
Plus a kid got eaten by a damn alligator.
So much suck. So, so much suck.
3.5 readers, I have counseled world leaders and useless peons such as yourselves through very dark times and inevitably, someone always poses the following question to me:
Why does the world suck?
What a loaded question. I’m tempted to say that question sucks but in as much as it gets the mental gears turning, it does not suck at all.
Before I reach an answer, I must first back track to another inquiry:
Does the world, in fact, suck?
You’ll notice the subtle difference between the two questions.
The first one presupposes a sucky world and seeks knowledge as to why it does suck.
The second does not automatically assume a sucky world but rather inquires whether or not it sucks.
“Does the world suck?”
It all boils down to a matter of perspective. What sucks to one does not suck to another.
Suck is truly in the eye of the beholder, or perhaps I should say, in the eye of the be-sucker.
I’m paid big bucks to stop the sucks. Thus, life seems pretty good to me. The world is my oyster. And it tastes like it doesn’t suck.
But for the many, many suckers out there, life sucks and by extension, they view the world as a sucky place.
Life is precious. We are all given a short, finite supply of time to not suck in this world. Everyone should do their best to not suck.
Yet, many aren’t able to escape the feeling that their lives suck and therefore by extension the world sucks.
The world’s supply of suck ebbs and flows. Sometimes its suck cup runneth over. Other times it putters along at an excellent, suck free pace.
Overall, all non-suckers must not taking their suck-less lives for granted. They must cherish them and do what they can to guide suckers by the hand and walk with them hand in hand down the road to non-suckitude.
Many suckers are out there wallowing in their own suck filth, waiting for a kind non-sucker to show them the way to not-sucking.
Meanwhile, many suckers are so stuck in their sucky ways that try as they might, no one is able to snap them out of this suck spirals.
As much as it sucks to admit it, even I, a world renowned anti-suck expert, have met a few suckers who I wasn’t able to rehabilitate and turn into productive non-sucking members of society.
On top of all that, many suckers become suckers, not due to any sucky things they did per se, but because they are trapped in environments, situations, or circumstances that suck.
Non-suckers will always have a duty to work towards desuckifying that which sucks up life for so many sucky people.
So does the world suck? It all really depends on your perspective.
To get to the original question – “Why Does the World Suck?”
That, too, is a question with so many answers.
It’s never easy to go through sucky times.
And in the wake of sucky tragedies, it’s only human nature to want to know what can be done to keep all the suck from sucking up people’s lives again.
To answer the question, I could go on for days.
I could talk about:
- The history of the world and more specifically, how so many sucky activities that transpired in the past have led to a sucky world today.
- The need for the present day world to come to terms with its sucky past and more importantly, learn to find a way to embrace a suck free future.
- The sucky political climate where suck-a-ticians from both sides retreat to their own corners and suck rather than engage one another in suck-free dialogue on how to rid the world of suckage.
- The downward suck-conomy, in which it has become so difficult for sucky people to find jobs that will turn them into productive non-suckers, and the ensuing despair that leads non-suckers down the path to suckitude.
- The need for parents to embrace suck free lifestyles and become positive role models to thus inspire the next generation to not be suckers.
- The necessity for suck free and less sucky parts of the world to continue their quest for non-suckitude and the corresponding need for regions of the world that suck to work towards desuckifying themselves or at the very least, to not export ideas that suck to not-sucking parts of the world, thus descending the entire world into suckage.
- The adoption of a “Don’t suck and let suck motto.” Non-suckers can’t force suckers to become non-suckers over night. Rather, suckers need to learn how to not suck by making mistakes on their own and eventually reaching the conclusion that they must change their ways and not suck. Only then can non-suckers make a difference and lend a helping, non-sucking hand.
- Until that happens, suckers and non-suckers alike must learn to live together and be happy, each side agreeing to enjoy the goods, services and opportunities of the modern world without trying to foist their believes vis a vis sucking or not-sucking upon one another.
I could write a book on each of those points (wait a minute, I have!) but suffice to say, I believe the world itself does not suck.
The world is water and trees and land and so on. At its core, it does not suck. It is the things that sucky people do that make it suck.
To non-suckers, the world does not suck. To suckers, it does.
What can be done to rectify the situation?
Non-suckers must continue to embrace their suck free parts of the world. Help those who shout, “I don’t want to suck anymore! Teach me how!”
Suckers must keep their suck to themselves and not export it to suck free parts.
And while it’s never a fun concept to talk about, non-suckers must be vigilant and take the necessary security measures to keep suckage from spilling over into their not-sucking areas.
Keep moving forward. Keep not-sucking. Be an inspiration to all those who suck yet aspire to not-suck.
Thanks for your time, non-suckers and suckers alike.
Remember, buy my anti-suck books. They’re available at bookstores that don’t suck.
And if you want to know when my latest anti-suck column has been posted, be sure to follow BQB on twitter – @bookshelfbattle
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