Tag Archives: entertainment

Aug 23 2014
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Writing

The Writer’s Battle – Expression Challenge – “It is what it is.”

EXPRESSION: It is what it is.

MEANING: A situation that is difficult yet must be accepted as is, for it is unchangeable.

EXAMPLE: MARGOT: Hi Becky. Just wanted to say I am sorry to hear that your lousy husband stole all your money, ran off with your sister to Paraguay, and started a folk music jazz fusion band together. Moreover, I was chagrined to hear that their new hit single, “Becky Sucks in Every Conceivable Way,” which is basically just a list of all of your faults set to a melody, has not only gone triple platinum but has had a Sirius XM channel devoted to playing it on a continuous loop 24/7.

BECKY: It is what it is.

COMMENTARY: I really despise this one. These days, I mostly see it posted all over facebook, social media, etc. People trying to be cool about a situation by saying the obvious – “It is what it is.” Of course it is! What else could it be? Unfortunately, we live in a society where everyone is so sensitive about every little thing that if you complain about something negative in your life people start to become amateur psychologists and try to diagnose you with depression. No one can just take two seconds to complain about a crappy situation without everyone getting all flustered. “Oww! I hate that I stubbed my toe! That really bugs me!” “Really? Sounds like you are well into the advanced stages of the early onset of clinical depression! Get ‘ye to an insane asylum posthaste!”

So to avoid people making a big deal about something, people just say “It is what it is.” It sounds negative without being negative. It lets someone complain without complaining.

ORIGINS: “It is what it is.” Surely, that has to be a grandiose philosophical statement of epic proportions. I can see Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato all sitting around in their togas, pondering the mysteries of this phrase.”

PLATO: What is it?

ARISTOTLE: It is something, surely. Something it must be.

SOCRATES: It is what it is.

ARISTOTLE AND PLATO: Whoa!

Over time, various philosophers and political movements got their grubby mitts on this expression and twisted it to suit their own ends:

COMMUNISM: If it’s yours, it should be ours!

FACISM: If it’s theirs, it should be ours!

CAPITALISM: Screw you! It’s mine!

EXISTENTIALISM: It is to the extent you believe it is.

NIETZCHEISM: There it is…enjoy it while it lasts.

MACHIAVELLIANISM: Make it yours before the other guy makes it his.

1960’s HIPPY-ISM: It is like whatever, man.

DARWINISM: If it is the best, it lasts longer than the rest.

PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN: That’s right. You heard me. I’m about to tilt the world’s philosophical axis, right here on a dorky book blog website. Check out my own flawless philosophy:

It is what it is.

If it is what it is, then —> Is it not what it is not?

BUT —> If it IS NOT what it IS NOT…

THEN—> IT MUST BE WHAT IT IS NOT!

AND THEREFORE:

The transitive property teaches us that IT is both what IT IS *AND* what it IS NOT!

I know! I should have told you to sit down for that one, right! Are your heads ok? Did they blow up? Did I just lose half my readership? Am I down to only six readers now? I’ll have to make it six more to make it an even dozen.

You may scoff, but if you think about it – is a person not defined by a) what he is and at the same time b) what he is not? Is a person who is a) a good person also b) not a bad person? Is a person who is a) a dentist also b) not a race car driver?

Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Go tell it on the mountain! It’s the Expression Challenge now till Labor Day on bookshelfbattle.com where once in awhile, the proprietor actually does review a book!

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Aug 23 2014
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TV

Hi I’m Troy McClure…

…and you might remember me from such book blogs as “Bookshelfbattle.com” and “Return to the Valley of Bookshelfbattle.com!”

In honor of the Simpsons Marathon on FXX, “Every Simpsons Ever!” I’m posting the following filmography of everyone’s favorite Hollywood hack, Troy McClure. Voiced by the late, great Phil Hartman, the character was a mockery of celebrities who have fallen from stardom and are forced to take part in lame projects they view as beneath them. In Troy’s case, he was always featured in some movie, film, TV special that was incorporated into the Simpsons’ plot and he’d introduce himself by saying, “Hi I’m Troy McClure! You might remember me from such films as…” and then he’d go on to list two hilariously titled films.

Without further ado:

Hi! I’m Troy McClure! You might remember me from…

1) …such films as “Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die” and “Gladys the Groovy Mule.”

2)…such educational films as “Smoke Yourself Thin!” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”

3) …such films as “The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed” and “They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall!”

4) …such driver education films as “Alice’s Adventures through the Windshield Glass” and “The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot.”

5) …such cartoons as “Christmas Ape” and “Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp”

6) …such educational films as “Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly” and “Here Comes the Metric System!”

7) …such Fox Network Specials as “Alien Nose Job” and “The Five Fabulous Weeks of the Chevy Chase Show!”

8) …such telethons as “Out with Gout 88” and “Let’s Save Tony Orlando’s House”

9) …such films as “P is for Psycho” and “The President’s Neck is Missing”

10) …such TV spinoffs as “Son of Sanford and Son” and “After Mannix.”

There’s plenty more where that came from. What’s your favorite Troy McClure movie title? Or, for that matter, what’s your favorite Simpsons quote?

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Aug 09 2014
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Books

James Patterson Weighs in On Amazon vs. Hachette Battle

Exceptionally prolific book writing machine James Patterson has weighed in on the Amazon vs. Hachette Battle. Check it out here on CNN.

MY TWO CENTS: Frankly, this is one of those complicated issues that leaves a bumpkin like me cross-eyed. I think I get it. For both sides, it’s about money. On the one hand, you have Hachette and authors arguing that they should be rightly compensated for their work – that a lot of time and effort goes into producing these stories that we all enjoy and they should be paid for it. Why would anyone sit themselves in front of a computer screen typing away for twelve hours a day unless there’s just compensation coming? For the love of the artform? Well, that would be nice but hey, you know, money would be nice too. After all, authors need to pay their bills and need an income to survive on so they can focus their efforts on churning out more books. Without that income, they’ll have to get day-jobs and who feels like writing when they get home from work?

On the other hand, you have Amazon claiming that the demand for books priced too high just isn’t there. They may have a point. Think for a moment the veritable explosion of entertainment at your fingertips that has arrived on the scene in recent years. I can remember living in a time where if you wanted to watch a movie, you drove to a store and rented a physical copy, brought it home, watched it, forgot to bring it back, got charged late fees. Today, you can pop on your iPad, rent any movie you want and it is instantly on your screen. I can remember a time where if you wanted to buy a book you’d drive to the bookstore. Today, you again pop on your iPad, download it and start reading. Sadly, the movie and book stores are bygone relics, which is kind of sad as I used to enjoy wandering around them, finding books and movies I’d never heard of before.

The point is though that if you are any kind of entertainer – an actor, a singer, or even an author – you have a ridiculous amount of competition these days for the limited dollars people can afford to spend on your entertainment product in today’s garbage economy. If your book price reaches over a certain level, people will just watch a movie on Netflix instead.

It’s one of those difficult debates where both parties aren’t entirely right or wrong. I suppose in the end, we live in a free market and the publishers/authors should be able to price their products as they choose. If they price them too high, in an age where there is an abundance of options, the consumers will be the ones in the end who will let them know whether or not their product is worth the cost.

One last shameless plug for James Patterson (not that he needs it) – he’s one of the most successful authors in history for a reason. His books are pretty great and you should read one today.

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Jul 31 2014
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TV Based on Books

Frankenstein’s Monster is Kind of a Dick

Have you been watching Penny Dreadful on Showtime? It’s a new show that weaves together all sorts of famous characters from horror literature – Dr. Frankenstein, Dorian Gray, and Prof. Van Helsing just to name a few.

It’s a bit confusing but I suppose that’s the point. A “Penny Dreadful” was a type of sensationalized, trashy novel horror novel, usually printed in serialized form, from the 1800s. (It’s ok, I spent the first three episodes saying, “Well, when the heck is Penny Dreadful going to show up?” before I looked up what a Penny Dreadful was too).

I’ve heard some people say they love the show, others say they hate it. Personally, the best compliment I can give it is that it’s caught my interest enough to keep me watching. If anything else, Eva Green deserves an emmy for the scenes where she, perhaps a little too realistically, convinces the audience that she’s been possessed.

One part I find funny though is Frankenstein’s monster. (Spoilers ahead)

So, Dr. Frankenstein makes a monster who, for reasons we don’t have to get into (just watch the show and find out) has become a major jerk. He’s constantly complaining and whining about how hideously ugly he is – how he must hide in the shadows to hide his grotesque face, how he curses Dr. Frankenstein for giving him life so that he has to suffer being hated and despised for being so gross looking.

His ugly face has left him depressingly lonely, so he commands Dr. Frankenstein to make him a companion – a dead wife brought back to life – a “Bride of Frankenstein” if you will.

One catch, the monster notes – “She must be beautiful!”

Well, holy crap, that’s just the sad nature of life, isn’t it? Here’s a guy who knows everything there is to know about the pains of ugliness, and what’s he say about his bride?

SHE’s GOTTA BE HOT!

“Oooo look at me I’m Frankenstein’s monster, I’ve got stitches all over my face and I hide in the dark because I’m so ugly but no, no undead ugly chicks will be good enough for me, nooooo I need a hot undead chick!”

Come on, Monster. Ugly undead chicks need love too.

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Jul 30 2014
2 Comments
Monthly Wrap-Ups 2014

Previously on Bookshelf Battle…July 2014 Wrap-Up (Game of Thrones Edition)

Here’s what I wrote about in July 2014, told in Game of Thrones style:

LORDS VARYS AND BAELYSH walk through the empty throne room, the IRON THRONE looming large in their presence.

VARYS: My little birds tell me there’s an idiot out there who doesn’t know how to run a book blog.

BAELYSH: Yes, he’s supposed to be writing about books, not about TV and movies. Why is he boring everyone with his rants about Fargo and Better Call Saul?

VARYS: I confess I know not. Perhaps he thinks he’s the next Roger Ebert.

BAELYSH: To aspire to be the next Roger Ebert is a dangerous goal – like a man reaching for the sun and forgetting to keep his footing on the treacherous ground below him.

VARYS: Even worse, he apparently thinks he’s some type of comedian – making light of Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. Does he think he could do be better if Hollywood gave him a budget and a crew?

BAELYSH: My whores could make a better movie than that if they were given a budget and a crew.

VARYS: Stupid lowborn.

BAELYSH: Idiot eunuch.

MEANWHILE ACROSS THE NARROW SEA:

The KHALEESI sits on a throne inside a pyramid. SER JORAH is on his knees, begging.

KHALEESI: You spied on me! You sent information about me and my child to the usurper!

JORAH: The info was mostly about your brother and come on, my lady, let’s be honest – he was kind of a dick.

KHALEESI: Even worse, you subscribed to a book blog that ONLY REVIEWED ONE BOOK IN JULY! Only one single, solitary book! How dare he call himself a book blogger if he can’t be bothered to produce more book reviews?

JORAH: But surely everyone wants to read a review of Fletch, Khaleesi!

KHALEESI: Don’t call me that! Leave at once, or I’ll have your head! Don’t come back until you’ve found a book blog that reviews at least TWO books a month!

BEYOND THE WALL…

YGRITTE: You know nothing, Jon Snow.

JON SNOW: Not true. I know all about the poem, Invictus thanks to a poetry discussion on bookshelfbattle.com

YGRITTE: We never should have left that cave.

JON SNOW: We had to. There was no Diet Shasta Strawberry soda in there.

ACROSS THE COUNTRYSIDE:

THE HOUND: All your relatives are dead, nobody to pay me my money, what in Seven Hells are we to do now?

ARYA: I don’t know. Maybe we could sing some Batman Day Carols or watch a Weird Al Music Video

THE HOUND: I’d rather borrow another one of me brother’s toys without asking again.

AT TYRION’S TRIAL

TYRION: I wish to confess. I saved you. I saved this city – and all your worthless lives. I should have let Stannis lecture you all into boredom about whether or not life is a tale told by an idiot.

I didn’t make Joffrey read about “A Plague on Both Your Houses!” though I wish I had!

AT THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE RED VIPER AND THE MOUNTAIN:

RED VIPER: You followed @bookshelfbattle on Twitter! You followed http://bookshelfbattle.tumblr.com/ on tumblr! You liked the Bookshelf Battle page on Facebook! Admit it! I’ll hear you confess! Who gave the order?!

THE MOUNTAIN: YEAH I FOLLOWED ALL THE FABULOUS BOOKSHELFBATTLE SOCIAL MEDIA!!! AND I DID IT JUST LIKE THIS! (Smashes the Red Viper’s computer into a million pieces).

As always, thanks for reading. Looking forward to entertaining you with more booktabulous goodness in August.

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Jul 26 2014
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Game of Thrones

Comic Con – Game of Thrones Bloopers

Comic Con is underway in San Diego. Wish I was there. Here’s a look at the Game of Thrones Blooper real shown at the GoT panel:

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Jul 24 2014
8 Comments
Uncategorized

Batman Day Carols

Today is Batman Day. No, seriously, it really is. July 23rd has been declared a day to honor the Dark Knight – everyone’s favorite one-percenter crime fighter.

What’s a holiday without a carol? Here’s a couple I whipped up:

Oh Batman Day!

Sung to the tune of Oh, Christmas Tree!

Oh Batman Day! Oh Batman Day!
You never let the Joker get away.
Punch the Penguin, in his stupid face,
Vicki Vale, you will embrace.
Oh Batman Day! Oh Batman Day!
How lovely art thine Batcave!

The Caped Crusader’s Coming to Town

Sung to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Oh, you better not cheat! You better not steal!
You better not kill or act like a heal!
The Caped Crusader’s coming to town!

He sees you when you’re naughty
He knows when you’ve been bad
He’ll chase in the Batmobile
His car is really rad!

Oh you better not rob, or make people cry!
You better be good
I’m tellin you why!
The Caped Crusader’s coming to town!

We would have also accepted:

Oh Little Town of Gotham

Silent Bat, Holy Bat

The Little Drummer Bat

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells…but that’s been done before. Can’t take credit for that one.

Robin the Yellow Caped Sidekick

Deck the Cave

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Jul 02 2014
2 Comments
Comedy, Music, Writing

On Writing – Or “I Wish These Were My First Words”

A few posts ago, I went on a tangent – asking why do I bother to work so hard on my writing when America is easily satisfied by a song that goes, and I quote, “You know what to do with that big fat butt! Wiggle wiggle!”

Well, I suppose this next song is not as bad, but J. Lo’s “First Love” also makes me wonder if music writers are trying as hard as they could be.

Check out these lyrics:

I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second, third or fourth love
Woah oh oh oh
I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second, third or fourth love
– First Love, Jennifer Lopez

So, what was left on the cutting room floor? How about:

I wish you were my first love
‘Cause if you were first
Baby there would have been no second third or fourth love
Furthermore a fifth love would have been unlikely!
A sixth love would have been improbable!
A seventh, eighth, or ninth love would have been out of the question
And a tenth love would have been right out!
Don’t even get me started on the eleventh love
Yes, I can certainly count!

Yes, I even imagined how the sales pitch for this song went:

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: OK J Lo, pitch us your new song.

J LO: Ok, so this song, is essentially about time travel.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Whoa.

J LO: I’m singing to a guy who is currently my love.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Uh huh

J LO: And I’m explaining to him that had I met him first, I would not have dated three previous men.

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: So, wait, what are you saying?

J LO: That if things happen differently then other things also happen differently

MUSIC EXECUTIVE: Oh my God. Mind totally blown.

Seriously, all she does is count her loves. That’s it. All she does. I half-expect the Count from Sesame Street to come in on back up vocals. “One! One love! Ah ah ah!”

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Jul 02 2014
1 Comment
Not About Books, TV, Uncategorized

Fargo – Oh Hey, That’s a Really Good Show, Dontcha’ Know?

Are there SPOILERS ahead?

Oh yah’, you betcha’ young fella.’

I just finished the last episode of this season’s Fargo on FX. All I can say is, “Wow.”

When I first heard that a Fargo TV show was in the works, I hated the idea. The Fargo film is such a classic and so self-contained that it did not seem like it would be possible to improve onto it or add to it. If you haven’t seen it, you should. The movie follows a scheme by a wimpy, chronically disrespected car salesman played by William H. Macy to stage a fake kidnapping of his wife in order to extort money from his overbearing father-in-law. The kidnappers, one of them played by Steve Buscemi in what I recall to be one of the best performances of his early career, botch things up miserably and well, tragedy ensues. The evildoers are eventually rounded up by unlikely hero Margie, an exceptionally pregnant police officer. Throughout the movie, much fun is poked at the ways of the Northern Midwest, the overly polite manners of the people there, and their tendency to speak in pseudo-Scandanavian accents – “Oh yah,’ dontch’a know?”

Naturally, the Fargo TV series did capture some of the film’s themes. There’s a wimpy disrespected loser, Lester Nygaard, this time played by Martin Freeman. There’s a female police officer, played by Allison Tolman, but she doesn’t get pregnant until the end. Further homages to the film are made here and there, but for the most part, this is not an attempt to remake the movie so much as to tell another crime story set in the greater Fargo area.

The show becomes increasingly shocking – especially towards the end – the Las Vegas elevator scene and the scene where Lester sends his second wife into the shop, well, I’ll let you watch for yourself, but those scenes left my jaw scraping the floor.

I did worry that casting Key and Peele as two bumbling FBI agents might turn the whole show into a joke, but oddly enough, it did work.

Overall, a great show. FX continues to set the bar high in bringing quality entertainment.

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Jun 30 2014
7 Comments
Fantasy, Game of Thrones, TV Based on Books

Lady Stoneheart – Pros and Cons

OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING

The nerdosphere is aghast with fury at the news that Lady Stoneheart, a character in the Song of Ice and Firenovels will not be in the Game of Thrones TV series. As someone who has watched the series but not read the books, I’ll throw my two cents into the already chock full well of public opinion.

WHO IS LADY STONEHEART?

Novel readers will probably correct as I mangle this explanation, but here goes. After the Red Wedding, Catelyn’s body is dragged out of a river. The Brotherhood Without Banners brings her back to life as a zombie who can barely speak due to her throat having been cut. A shell of her former self, she basically becomes a new character – Lady Stoneheart. She travels the countryside on a quest for revenge, killing anyone whoever did the Stark family wrong.

Michelle Fairely, the actress who played Catelyn, recently announced that Lady Stonheart won’t be featured in the HBO series. Let’s discuss the pros and cons of that decision:

PROS – NO LADY STONEHEART IS GOOD

I’m not a book reader but I am a self-spoiler. Unable to wait to find out what happens next, I often check A Wiki of Ice and Fire. I’m like the dumb jock that doesn’t read the book but doesn’t want to fail so I read the cliff notes. Although, after self-spoiling the Red Wedding, the Purple Wedding, and Tyrion killing Tywin, I have pledged to not self-spoil anymore in the upcoming seasons.

When I self-spoiled the news that Cat becomes a zombie, I have to admit my first impression was, “Umm…really?” The Red Wedding was just such a powerful scene. George RR Martin weaves you into such a false sense of security. It really appears as though the Starks and Walder Frey have made up and are letting bygones be bygones. The wedding starts out as a joyous occasion, Robb’s uncle is happy to be marrying what appears to be Frey’s only attractive daughter (Sidebar had Frey let Robb know of her existence this whole mess could have been avoided). Then, out of nowhere, all Starks and Stark men in attendance are brutally executed. Quite an unexpected event. On the show, it was quite emotionally disturbing to see all hope drain out of Lady Catelyn’s face just before her throat is cut. That was some great acting on Fairely’s part.

So in some respects, I feel like it would be somewhat silly to say, “OK, Cat’s back as a zombie now!” Zombie Cat takes something away from that powerful Red Wedding scene. One of George RR’s ongoing themes in this story is that life is unfair – bad things often happen to good people, that you want the heroes to overcome but in real life, the heroes don’t always come out on top. So in some respects, Cat coming back to life takes away from the power of the Red Wedding scene.

Plus – overall, the HBO showrunners have done a great job so far so surely their judgment must be understood here. There must be some technical reason why they felt Lady Stoneheart would not play well on screen. As discussed in the nerdosphere, I don’t think it’s any kind of contract issue. I think they could get Fairely to come back and do it. If they couldn’t, well, the character is a zombie, so they could stick any old chump in zombie makeup.

I wonder if the issue is they just think that a Zombie Cat would just be too cheesey. They have this as-realistic-as-the-fantasy genre gets TV show and then all of a sudden they have this zombie version of one of their characters running around. Although I’ve never heard that explanation offered. Most of the explanations have been that they just could not fit her in because they want to do too much else and they only have 10 hours a year and can’t fit in every little detail…

CONS-NO LADY STONEHEART IS BAD

…but this isn’t a little detail! We want revenge for the Starks and without Lady Stoneheart, how does that happen? I agree that TV/Movies can’t always 100 percent mirror their book source material, but this is a big plot line to just overlook. Lady Stoneheart’s path of destruction causes a lot of ripples in the GoT world and it would seem like to not include her would be to have to constantly change the overall GoT storyline. Thus far, the showrunners have remained faithful to the books and that has yielded some powerful results in terms of viewership and show popularity. Admittedly, Lady Stoneheart seems like an unusual idea to me, but I haven’t read the books. I trust George RR’s judgment and writing abilities and I’m sure he took this unusual idea and ran with it in a powerful and amazing way that would be fantastic to watch unfold on screen.

In other words, my fear was Lady Stoneheart would be too much – “Grrr…argh..me zombie…me must kill Lannisters” but from what I hear, the character is much more moving and scary than that.

Plus, it’s not like the Red Wedding scene is taken away from that much. It’s not like she comes back and is all happy like “Hey, look at me, I’m Zombie Cat!” From what I hear, Lady Stoneheart is very sad and tortured – to the point where Cat would have been better off having been better off left dead.

FINAL RULING

How is this an extraneous character or plotline? It’s not like this is an issue where Tyrion wears blue shoes in the book but they make him wear red shoes in the TV. This is a major character in a major plotline. To take her away means the need to make many changes to the show to the point where it may become like True Blood where the show bears no resemblance to the source material whatsoever. While we can debate all day on source material deviations, I think we can all agree that in this case, remaining true to the source material has paid off for both HBO and the viewer.

With today’s make-up and CGI capabilities, I’m sure that an awesome looking Lady Stoneheart could be produced and surely a Zombie Cat on a revenge quest could make for riveting television. Ultimately, none of us run the show so this is like complaining into the wind, but I hope the HBO suits have not made a bad decision here.

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