Daily Archives: April 23, 2016

How the West Was Zombed – Book #1 of the Zombie Western Series

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SUMMARY:

Highwater, Missouri. 1880. The Old West was a time of expansion and opportunity for some, oppression and violence for others. Dangerous desperadoes ran wild leaving lawmen struggling to maintain order.

U.S. Marshall Rainier Slade is a genuine stoic, a quiet man with a raspy voice, a permanent scowl on his face, and a disdain for humanity that leaves him using the bare minimum amount of words necessary to get his point across. His deputy, the elderly, pragmatic yet loyal Gunther Beauregard does most of the talking.

Together, they work to enforce the law in a town filled with drunkeness, debauchery, and mayhem. Meanwhile, there’s a tentative peace between the townsfolk and a nearby Native American tribe, made possible only by the good rapport between Slade and Chief Standing Eagle.

The world Slade knows crashes down around him when the dead start refusing to die, thanks to the evil endeavors of Henry Alan Blythe, Attorney-at-Law for the Legion Corporation, and his newly recruited flunkies, the Buchanan Boys.

Zombies aren’t the creatures our heroes will have to worry about. Vampires and werewolves are on the prowl too.

Will Slade save the day? Will the West be lost to the zombie hordes? And when the dust settles and the last undead brain gets a bullet through it, will our hero choose the scandalously alluring brothel owner Miss Bonnie, or the prim and proper bible thumping Widow Farquhar?

PART 1 – The Stand 

U.S. Marshall Rainier Slade and his trusty deputy Gunther Beauregard are joined by traveling snake oil salesman Doctor Elias T. “Doc” Faraday in a stand against the nefarious Buchanan Boys.

PART 2 – Werewolves and Women

Smelly Jack and the Buchanan Boys have been captured and now our hero, US Marshal Rainier Slade, has to wait a week until the arrival of Judge Sampson.

In the meantime, a love triangle blooms. Scandalous brothel madame Miss Bonnie is the only woman Slade can be himself around but…the bible thumping Widow Farquhar is there.

Never underestimate the power a woman who is there has on a lonely man.

Plus, there are some damn werewolves.

PART 3 – The Trial

A day of reckoning comes for the Buchanan Boys. Judge Sampson comes to town and is hankering to pass out some hangings.

But “simple country lawyer” Henry Allan Blythe and his werewolf lackeys have other plans in mind.

PART 4 – History Repeats Itself

Joe Freeman’s past haunts him again and again and his longstanding feud with Blythe is about to come to a head.

Blythe, a villainous vampire/counsel for the Legion Corporation’s board of vampire directors, has dreamed up a scheme to conquer the United States with a zombie army that responds to his will.

But the board’s bureaucratic maneuvering threatens to throw his plan off the rails. His bosses want him to toy with Slade and Freeman, rather than kill them outright.

PART 5 – Wedding Crashers 

Though his heart belongs to fiery redhead Miss Bonnie, Slade just can’t bring himself to say no to his fiance, Sarah “the Widow” Farquhar. Slade and Sarah head to Highwater to plan a wedding for the evening. Actually, Sarah does most of the planning. Slade acts like a depressed hostage.

Meanwhile, a heavily armed and armored train arrives in town. Despite an argument filled with chest puffery, Slade is unable to get any information out of villainous lawyer Blythe.

Smelly Jack crashes Slade and Sarah’s wedding in a big way, though as it turns out, in a much bigger way than expected…

PART 6 – Miles Freeman, Amateur Werewolf

When Blythe’s evil werewolves attack the Bonnie Lass Saloon, Highwater finds itself in the grip of a terrifying zombie outbreak.

But for young Miles Freeman, there’s no time to feel sorry for himself when he loses his father.

Miss Bonnie needs his help…and Blythe’s wolves are on the hunt.

Somehow, Miles will have to figure out how to use his werewolf powers to save the day.

It won’t be easy for him. After all, he might be a werewolf…but he isn’t a very good one.

PART 7 – Doc’s Secret Shame

After Miles gives the survivors a crash course regarding the Legion Corporation’s evil plans, Doc must acknowledge his tarnished past in order to come to grips with a terrible mistake he’s made in the present.

PART 8 – Plans

Plans. Everyone has them.

Slade’s isn’t much of one. He intends to send his bride away in the care of Miss Bonnie, the woman he loves the most. After that, he and Gunther will take Blythe head on, hopefully with Standing Eagle’s help.

Meanwhile, Lady Blackwood beseeches the Chairman to set aside the board’s plans in favor of her own.

And Doc? He’s planning to do something with two mysterious documents.

Part 9 – The Not So Great Escape

Tribal shaman Wandering Snake guilts Standing Eagle into coming to Highwater’s aid.

Slade gets his crew to the livery stable, with a plan to send Miss Bonnie, the Widow Farquhar and Miles south to seek refuge with Eagle’s allies.

Meanwhile, Doc and Annabelle plan to head East to pursue their dreams of becoming international cocaine peddling gynecologists. (Yes, it makes more sense if you read it.)

But with an army of obedient zombies under his control, Blythe interferes with these plans.

The Reverend’s attempt to find some good in Blythe backfires in a big way.

Miles will need to figure out how to be a werewolf before its too late.

Part 10 – Dying with Your Boots On

Blythe has loaded his vile army of the undead aboard a train headed East, schemes to backstab his furry friends and enlists the aid of a strange vampire colleague for some sinister doings.

The vampire lawyer makes Slade an offer he can refuse, but in turn, the counselor refuses to take no for an answer.

Blythe separates Slade’s women. Will our hero be able to save them both before it is too late?

Gunther wishes his boots were off.

Part 11 – Catching a Train

It’s do or die time for Slade.

A train full of zombies is barreling East. If it crosses the Mississippi River, the United States is surely doomed.

Will our hero save the day?

And while he’s at it, will he save the woman he loves?

Will he even get to save the woman he likes?

Part 12 – One Week Later

The West has been zombed.  Cut off from the rest of the country, our heroes contemplate their next moves.

Part 13 – One Year Later 

A year has passed since the West has been zombed.

Miles makes a deal with a suspicious new acquaintance.

Annabelle takes up Doc’s cause.

Slade and Miss Bonnie head to Arizona and get a visit from Wyatt Earp.

And finally…a master outdoorsman is put on the path to the presidency.

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How the West Was Zombed – Parts 1-5

Hey 3.5 Readers,

For those of you just tuning in, I have been working on a Zombie Western novel, “How the West Was Zombed” since January 2016.

I’m 65,000 words in, a record for me, as I have a habit of starting and stopping stories, leaving them half-finished to move on to something else before any of them are ever finished.

I’m determined to finish this one though. It has been a challenge.

I’d appreciate your feedback, good or bad. It is a rough draft but the rough draft but completing a rough draft will be a first for me.

Check it out. Let me know what you think. And don’t be afraid to be like Vinny Baggadouchio and tell me if it sucks.

Bookshelf Battle

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Hey 3.5 Readers,

My stats indicate some of you checked out the latest chapters and went digging for earlier chapters.

My blog rolls so fast that things often get buried.  So here are Parts 1-5:
PART 1 – The Stand

Marshal Rainier Slade, a genuine stoic who’d prefer to shoot a fella as soon as look at him, is the only man in Highwater willing to face the dastardly Buchanan Boys. Reluctantly, he’s joined by his elderly deputy Gunther and the fast talking snake oil salesman Doctor Elias T. Faraday, who thinks the move would be good publicity.

When a misunderstanding occurs between Slade and Standing Eagle, Chief of a nearby Native American tribe, the Chief translates as his shaman, Wandering Snake, delivers an ominous curse.

Part 2 – Werewolves and Women

Miss Bonnie, owner, proprietor, and prostitute-in-charge of the Bonnie Lass, is the only woman, nay, the only person…

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Movie Review: The Huntsman: Winter’s War (2016)

Is love only a fairy tale?

That’s the question asked by this part prequel/part sequel to The Huntsman.

You’ll be hunting for some spoilers if you read further.

Freya (Emily Blunt) is sister to Ravenna (Charlize Theron) aka the Wicked Queen.

Prior to the events of the first Huntsman film, Freya becomes irrevocably heartbroken, and sets out to take over the Northern part of wherever the hell this fantasy world is.

To do so, she raises an army of “Huntsmen” and thus we learn Eric the Huntsman’s (Chris Hemsworth) origin.

Freya proclaims love to be a lie and bans it, leaving Eric and his secret wife, Sara (Jessica Chastain) to hide their relationship.

Yadda yadda yadda.  Flash forward to a time post the original movie. The magic mirror has gone missing.  Eric and two of his dwarf pals have to find it. Some dwarf women come into play.

Freya wants the mirror.  Ravenna also wants to keep doing evil shit.  That’s about it.

Lots of action. Great special effects. Not so great Scottish accents but you can’t have everything.

For whatever reason, Kristen Stewart’s not in this one.  Occasionally, you get to see Snow White with her back turned. Maybe they figured with all these stars they’d save on a salary.  Or maybe K-Stew’s post-Twilight fame is in its twilight.  Who knows?

Emily Blunt is convincing as an ice queen. Charlize has been lamenting lately that tall, hot statuesque blondes have a hard time making a go of it in show biz, but somehow she was able to soldier on through this flick so I give her props.

I enjoyed it but it is a popcorn movie.  Is love real or is it just an unattainable fantasy that we just torture ourselves with?

I ask myself that all the time. Yikes. Maybe I missed my calling by not becoming an Ice King.

Do they have Ice Kings?  Queens seem to have a monopoly on the ice game.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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