Wait until April 24th for Game of Thrones Season 6?
This a man cannot do.
For Lord Battler of House Bookshelf loveth his Game of Thrones.
Oh, how it has allowed nerds across the land to experience what Superbowl Sunday must feel like for the normals.
Yes, 3.5 readers I love GOT as much as you love your girlfriend.
And from BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, here are the Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be the Khaleesi:
(Note this list is mere fantasy. If you’re reading this blog, you are a nerd who is unworthy of the Khaleesi.)
***NOTE: GOT SPOILERS AHEAD! SPOILERS!!!!****
10. Her wardrobe consists of 950 turquoise dresses. Khaleesi loves turquoise.
9. No one at work ever steels her lunch from the communal fridge…BECAUSE IT’S A DAMN BLOODY HORSE HEART IN A BAG!
8. You avoid arguing with her because you know that all arguments end with your ass getting burned extra crispy by her dragons. Also, people refer to her as the Mother of Dragons. Like you’ll answer the phone and people will be all like, “Can I speak to the Mother of Dragons?”
7. Speaking of, she has so many titles. Khaleesi. Mother of Dragons. Breaker of Chains. And she insists on announcing them every time she enters a new room. You need to leave three hours early just to take the Khaleesi to a movie.
6. Dated Seth MacFarlane. Part of you is annoyed with her because she could have done better. Part of you wants to high five Seth for being the first nerd in history to use his nerdy ways to snag a Khaleesi. (I stand corrected about my early statement about nerds not being able to snag the Khaleesi.)
5. Starred in a Terminator reboot. It was godawful. So bad. So very, very bad. But you forgive her. Because she’s the Khaleesi. Only the Khaleesi can be forgiven for a terrible Terminator remake. Cersei was also in a sucky Terminator remake. It’s ok to not forgive her because fuck her. She’s Cersei. Cersei’s the worst.
4. Her brother sold her into slavery and then was jealous that she made a big ass pot of lemonade out of those lemons. In-laws. Am I right?
3. Totally the type to hop on her dragon and fly away, leaving her friends to fend for themselves in the gladiator’s arena. (Oh shut up. That’s not a spoiler. You had a year to watch this shit.) Probably won’t give you a ride to the dentist either.
2. Nerds in the know theorize she might be Jon Snow’s Auntie. Channel your inner M. Knight Shyamalan and repeat after me, “What a twist!”
- Out of a group of people who are the worst, she’s always the best.
- Drew you in by getting naked, but now that she’s won you over, that turquoise dress stays on. In other words, she’s like every other woman post commitment. Heap her with praise all you want but you’ll be lucky if you see a boob on your birthday.
- Honest and fair, but cheat her and you’re banished to the friend zone. Also, from the country.
- Appreciates your wise counsel. Would appreciate it more though if you were a dwarf or a eunuch. Seriously, she’s got an army of eunuchs and two eunuch advisors.
- She takes what’s rightfully hers, by fire and blood if she has to. So don’t bogart the Funions.