Ah, the Victorian Age!
When gadgets were powered by steam and operated by cranks and levers and wheels and other such bullshit.
Some people are so enamored with the late 1800’s that they wish they could live there.
Heck, your girlfriend acts like that all the time.
From BQB HQ in fabulous East Randomtown, here are the Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be a Steampunk.
10. When she asks if you want to get high, that usually means she’s offering you a ride in her airship. (Although it could also be a pot reference. Steampunks aren’t necessarily against the idea of steaming up a spliff once in awhile…)
9. Wears goggles everywhere, for no apparent reason, even when they are not necessary. Alas, you can’t see her beautiful eyes or tell what she’s thinking about. (Hint: it’s probably steam.)
8. Demands that you also convert all of your gadgets to steam power. You thought your PC was slow before, try it when you have to turn a damn crank to get it running.
7. Her name is something wacky, like Ezmeralda Fibbleteegibbett or Lady Shamalamadingdong. Still refuses to take your name if you two get married.
6. Wears a top hat everywhere, even in the boudoir, which seemed interesting at first but now in the dark it just feels too much like you’re hooking up with Abraham Lincoln.
5. When people ask you what the hell a steampunk is, she gets mad at you when you reply, “I don’t know. It’s a blend of sci-fi and historical fiction in which modern devices are powered through late 1800’s steam based technology, and often all of this shit happens on a damn airship?”
She shouldn’t be mad at you because that answer was straight up spot on, yo.
4. She’s probably British. Every British person is, in secret, a steampunk plotting to take back the US colonies through steam powered weaponry.
3. Offered to bring some risqué steam powered uh, devices, into the bedroom. Sounded fun at first, but now you realize your crank isn’t the one that is going to be turned…
Plus, how the hell is that steam engine going to fit in your house?
2. Gets mad if you suggest changing it up once in awhile by using gas and/or electricity and/or some damn Duracells because “I don’t have all day to turn this crank, Steampunk Girlfriend!”
- She might not be a steampunk. She could just be a woman with a fake British accent who buys her clothes at Hot Topic and wanted a look other than goth for a change.
At any rate, bless you sir, and your steampunk girlfriend, for with her, every day will now be an adventure…in the skies…with steam!
Seriously, enough with the steam already.