Bookshelf Battle

Ahoy mateys.

Yup.  There’s a joke about pirate booty to made here.

Last September, a band of pirates took over bookshelfbattle.com in celebration of National Pirate Week.

They taught you all how to talk like a pirate…but you didn’t learn how to speak like a she-pirate.

If your girlfriend were a pirate, here is the English to Pirate translation of things she might say to you…er, “to ye.”

10.  ENGLISH: Honey, I wish you’d help out around the house more.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  Avast ye stinking bilge rat!  Batten down the hatches, trim the mainsail and swab the poop deck or it’s the cat of nine tails for ye.

9.  ENGLISH:  I’m in the mood for nookie. 

PIRATE TRANSLATION: ARRR ye filthy landlubber!  Raise the misen mast fer it be time to keel haul across the starboard bow.

8.  ENGLISH: I am not happy with you right now.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  ARRRR!  Avast ye scurvy dog!  Listen and listen well, fer another trespass will earn ye a trip to walk the plank, where you’ll end up in the briney deep, trapped in Davey Jones’ locker for the rest of ye miserable days.

7.  ENGLISH:  I love you.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  Arrr.

6. ENGLISH:  I am mad at you.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  Arrr!

5.  ENGLISH:  I’m confused.

PIRATE TRANSLATION: Arrr?

4.  ENGLISH: Let’s go on a vacation.

PIRATE TRANSLATION: Point yon vessel toward the third star and journey into the rotten bowels of our miserable mistress, the sea.

3.  ENGLISH: Let’s get a drink.  I know a trendy new martini bar.

PIRATE TRANSLATION: Hoist ye grog matey and fill yer hole with this nasty brew.

2.  ENGLISH:  I’m worried about our finances.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  ARRRR!  Pillage yon village, matey!  Abscond with all the gold ye can carry and bury it where X marks the spot.

1. ENGLISH:  I want to see other people.  It’s not you.  It’s me.

PIRATE TRANSLATION:  There isn’t a literal pirate translation for this one.  She would just run a sword through your belly, matey.  Arr.