Lady Melisandre.
The Red Woman.
Skillfully played by Carice van Houten, the Red Woman may be Stannis’ other woman but let’s face it…she’s the only woman if she has anything to say about it.
From the home office in BQB HQ and just in time for the Season 6 Premiere of Game of Thrones, here are the Top Ten Warning Signs Your Girlfriend Might Be Melisandre:
10. She’s very supportive of your work and career goals…to the point that she’s willing to push a shadow assassin out of her vagina to murder your enemies.
Hey. Be disgusted all you want but that’s true commitment right there. My entire life I’ve never even been able to get a woman to make a damn sandwich for me, let alone push a shadow assassin out of her vagina to use in the assassination of my enemies.
9. Cares enough about you that she’s always warning you that everything is “dark and full of terrors.”
- The night is dark and full of terrors.
- Your closet is dark and full of terrors.
- Don’t get a popsicle because the freezer and dark and full of terrors…and popsicles.
8. May or may not be able to bring your dead friends to life as we may or may not find out in Season 6. (Warning: if she does bring your deceased friend back to life, it is because she wants to bang him.)
7. Doesn’t always have the best advice. Burn your daughter at the stake. Sacrifice your illegitimate nephew. None of it ever really gets you anywhere.
6. She’s kind of a religious fanatic, almost to the point where you can picture her knocking on your door while you’re in the shower and you come out in your bathrobe and have to listen to her, “Have you accepted the Lord of Light as your personal savior?” routine.
5. Redheads = feisty in the boudoir. It is also a scientific fact that they are crazy. Studies show that craziness turns hair red.
4. Doesn’t want any baby mama drama. Doesn’t even go after you for child support for the shadow assassin she pushed out of her magic snootch to dispatch your enemies.
3. She is literally a character that pushed out a shadow assassin out of her magic snootch which means, if you are a writer, you need to stop doubting yourself because as long as your idea is as equally farfetched as “woman pushes shadow assassin out of her magic snootch” then the worst that can happen to your book is that it is turned into a highly profitable HBO series.
2. Isn’t really about tying you down. Willing to give you the magic snootch without any promises that you will dump your crazy wife for her.
- Could possibly be a fraud who just throws chemicals into fires in order to give the illusion of magical power. Then again, she did push a shadow assassin out of her magic snootch so, she’s definitely studied a magic book or two.
Bookshelf Battle 
ROFL – and I don’t even watch GOT
This is only partially meant in jest. There are many parts of Game of Thrones, the part where Melisandre births a shadow assassin in particular, that have made me stop beating myself up, realize maybe my stuff isn’t too unbelievable and keep writing.
And watch it, it’s good.
What’s new? I have missed your Zombed notes 😛
Lol. Nothing has needed too many notes lately.
Oh good. Last week it was the tribe’s turn to shine.
Now I’m on a lull where I’m not sure what will happen next.
I’m thinking about starting a second novel to write when I can’t figure out what will happen next but that is a slippery slope.
Reblogged this on Bookshelf Battle and commented:
Sure she has a mean streak…and she’s very sure of herself…she might even be a bit of a religious fanatic….but if your girlfriend displays all of these traits plus has the ability to push smokey shadow assassins out of her vagina, then you, my friend may very well be dating Lady Melisandre aka the Red Woman from Game of Thrones.