Melisandre’s Necklace

Hey 3.5 Readers.

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Preach on, Sir Davos.

OK before we begin…this post is dark and full of spoilers.

SPOILERS!  The whole show will be ruined so if you haven’t seen it or last night’s episode yet, read no further.

OK.  Are the hardcore nerds who are up to date with their watching here?

Cool.  Now we can talk without those wannabe nerds bothering us.

“Waah I didn’t get to watch Game of Thrones because I was busy out having a life waaah.”

Anyway, so there was a big Red Woman reveal last night.  We learned that the necklace she always wears is really magical and when she takes it off, she’s not really a hot chick but in fact is a hideous old hag crone who is losing her hair and has big ole floppy knockers.

Look that just happens.  It may not have even been the necklace.  Sometimes you’re in da club.  The lights are down low.  You meet a chick who looks like a fly ass hunnie only to get her back to your crib and under the lights she is a hideous crone.

But ok.  It was the necklace.

And the Interwebs are blowing up with nerd protest.

Carice van Houten, the actress who plays Melisandre, has been sporting her Dutch oven on this show for years now, getting naked to seduce Stannis, using her evil vagina to egg him on in his quest for the Iron Throne, tricking Gendry into letting his guard down so she could stab him and take his royal blood, birthing smokey shadow assassins out of her enchanted cooter and so on.

Bottomline this chick has been naked on the show a lot and nerds have been taking this as an excuse to go back and rewatch clips of naked Melisandre to catch her without the necklace on yet still looking hot.

I’m not going to post a photo of a naked witch on this site because I have standards.  Yes, I’m writing a zombie western novel filled with swears and violence but I have to draw the line somewhere and I draw it at posting photos of naked Dutch women and their Double Dutches.

Maybe that’s why they call it the Netherlands, because women are always showing off their nether regions.

Amsterdam it, I’m all out of Dutch nudity puns.

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Yes.  Yes it is.  And as you can see, she’s wearing the anti-hag necklace here, but if you Google “Melisandre naked” you’ll see photos of her sans-necklace, still looking hot, in the tub before she killed Gendry, for example.

Note I have never performed such a Google search and frankly you should not either. I am ashamed of you for even thinking about it.  Weirdo.

Is this a case where we are all nerds who should just shut up?

Be quiet you nerds…this is a minor insignificant detail.  And if you really need an explanation then uh…she was lying in magic anti-hag bathwater.

Eh.  We nerds like things to be right is the problem.

The show runners had a big challenge.  Bring back Jon Snow with the Red Woman’s help.

Yet, people on the Red Woman’s side have been dying around her all the time and she’s never used magic to help them.

So it couldn’t be something she could do over and over…it had to be something she could only do once.

Hence, a magic necklace that can cheat death.  The Red Woman has been using it to cheat death for a long time and is much older than we thought, and so enthralled is she with Jon Snow that I theorize she’ll put her death cheating necklace on him so that he may live, thus making the ultimate sacrifice as she will then eventually die from her elderly crone-ism.

And then alas, we fans will never again see Melisandre assassinate someone with the dark magic of her evil vagina, unless it is in our dreams and/or nightmares, depending on your opinion of witches with dark vagina magic.

Are we big nerds for debating this?  Or is it just a minor detail that we have to let go?

Could they have come up with something else?  Maybe a ring that makes her young, something she had all the time but we never noticed.

And holy shit if this is where the show is going then Jon Snow will have to wear a lady’s choker for the rest of his days.

He has the looks to pull it off but still…

NOTE: I didn’t make these memes and don’t claim ownership of them obviously. I just assume when they are floating around the Internet amongst fans then it is cool to use them.

Note that is an assumption though and I can’t tell you if it is ok for you to use them.

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2 thoughts on “Melisandre’s Necklace

  1. jennnanigans says:

    Ha ha, Davos is hilarious! Great write-up!

    Yes, I’ve been encountering the ‘but she doesn’t have the necklace in this scene MWEH’ already this morning.

    Someone on i09 pointed out that when she gets into bed, the fire in the hearth goes out. I didn’t even notice myself last night, to be honest, but I think that person is on to something. She’s had her faith in the Red God shaken and she’s got some heavy thinking to do. Also I think you’re right, she can’t just plug in and charge herself up and raise the dead any old way – it seems like a huge energy expenditure and it might kill her if she does it again.

    I thought the reveal was PERFECT. Everyone I was watching with were like ‘Oh here come the requisite boobs’ AND THEN –

    People who get upset at the idea of people getting old and losing their looks are in for a bad time later in life. :/

    • So maybe the necklace is like an ancient iPhone charger and her body is the iPhone so she can take it off and still be hot for periods of time but the loss of Stannis followed by the loss of Jon Snow drained her charge so much that when she took the necklace/charger off she went straight to crone mode.

      In theory, if that necklace is keeping you alive, I’m not sure you’d take it off, even if it is uncomfortable to have it on while you’re asleep.

      I also have a theory that Davos isn’t a big fan of hers so he might discover that she’s a crone and take it from her to give to Jon Snow but that’d be too dishonorable. He’s generally good to everyone, whether they have been bad or good.

      So I assume she’ll fork it over to Jon Snow and then when those dudes come back to kill everyone in the room Jon will be like boom what’s up I got a magic resurrection choker bitches.

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