Tag Archives: selfpublishing

Apr 26 2015
3 Comments
Ask the Alien

Ask the Alien – 4/26/15 – Iggy, Jennifer, and Daniel Waltz’ “The Water Travelers”

By:  Alien Jones, Intergalactic Columnist, Most Intelligent Being in the Universe

PREVIOUSLY ON ASK THE ALIEN:

AJ’s Relatives, Orcs, and Sci-Fi Gary

Alien artifacts and diseases!

Pixels!

AND NOW ASK THE ALIEN CONTINUES…

Sigil of House Jones

Greetings Earth Losers!  Alien Jones here beaming copious amounts of knowledge through the Bookshelf Battle Compound and straight into all of your computerized devices which, though they may seem highly advanced to you rubes, are actually considered children’s toys in most other parts of space.

Who has a question?  Come forward and declare your inquiry!

BQB:  Hey AJ.  It’s me.  Bookshelf Q. Battler.

AJ:  Oh Cripes.  Not many takers this week?

BQB:  Well, you’re the one who told me to stop bribing the winos.  But seriously, I have a question – what is the best song ever produced?

AJ:  Ahh, that is an excellent question but I could not possibly answer it.  There are so many, where would I begin?  Do I limit the field of inquiry to a particular genre?  To a group of artists?  To a select time period?  To a single planet?  The realm of possibility is so vast that…

BQB:  I’ll save you the “trouble.”  It’s Trouble by Iggy Azalea and Jennifer Hudson.

AJ:  You can’t just say that a song is the best song ever produced, why that’s….

BQB:  Sing it.

AJ:  No I couldn’t possibly…

BQB:  You know you want to.

AJ:  It would be indignified…

BQB:  Do it!

AJ:  I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT YOU WERE BAD NEWS…FROM THE BAD BOY DEMEANOR AND THE TATTOOS….TAKE IT BOOKSHELF….

BQB:  DON’T YOU COME IN THINKIN’ YOU BALLIN….it’s so great isn’t it?

AJ:  It really is.  I stand corrected.  This song is the best song ever composed in the history of the space/time continuum.

BQB:  Makes Beethoven look like a pile of crap.

AJ:  We shall sing it during the commercials on Scandal night!

BQB:  Damn straight.  But first, you have a question…

Daniel Waltz, author of “The Water Travelers” asks:

ALIEN JONES,

Have you ever water traveled?

Oh Daniel, I see what you did there.  You worked the title of your book series into your question.  Good show!  For BQB’s 3.5 readers, I’ll note that your site provides a description of your latest installment, The Curse of Senapin. Here’s an excerpt:

“For the past six months, Aaron and Madi have been waiting to receive word from Yerowslii. But, when the King of Upitar is taken captive by Senapin forces, Aaron and Madi must flee their hiding place to rescue him. Although skeptical of it, they are accompanied by a disloyal ally, Ugine.”

– Daniel Waltz, The Water Travelers

Bookshelf Q. Battler and I can relate.  On our joint missions to make the Earth a more intelligent place, we’re often accompanied by The Yeti and he’s the most disloyal and ugly ally I’ve ever seen.

I was quite impressed with your book trailer:

https://youtu.be/JtcslPai7hE

BQB:  My socks were knocked right the hell off, AJ.  At first I was like, “Twenty one seconds?  That’s too short…”

AJ:  Yes, but “Adventure finds those who are brave enough to take the first step.”  That’s all you need to know.  If I had emotions, I’d be moved.

BQB:  Plus it’s read by someone who sounds like he could be a friggin’ Lord of the Rings wizard or something.  Very awesome.  Makes me want to rush right on over to Amazon and buy a zillion copies…

Now, at first I thought Daniel was just trying to find out if I like to water ski or snorkel or something (which I do) but he’s actually referring to a power discussed in the book that allows travel between another world and Earth through water.

To answer your question, no.  I don’t need to.  I’m a duly designated officer of the Intergalactic Space Force and as such I have a vast array of ships at my disposal, so there’s no reason to get my pants wet.  (When I bother to wear them.  I usually don’t because, you know, I’ve got nothing down there so what’s the point?)

Your book is very prophetic though because certain species have been “water traveling” for years.  In fact, there’s an entire planet where anchovies rule like kings, love like queens, laugh like jesters, and live like jacks.  Then they water travel on over to Earth and end up as a dinner entrée topping.  Don’t you feel bad now for putting them on your pizza?

BQB:  I don’t think anyone put anchovies on their pizza anymore AJ.  I think they just keep one can around for the random weirdo who wants a fishy pizza.

AJ:  Sounds like something The Yeti would be into.

Thank you for your question Daniel.  May your career as an author travel farther than the vast reaches of the cosmos.

Until next week, this is Alien Jones, signing off.

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Submit it to Bookshelf Q. Battler via a tweet to @bookshelfbattle, leave it in the comment section on this site, or drop it off on the Bookshelf Battle Google + page. If AJ likes your question, he might promote your book, blog, or other project while providing his answer.

Submit your questions by midnight Friday each week for a chance to be featured in his Sunday column. And if you don’t like his response, just let him know and he’ll file it into the recycling bin of his monolithic super computer. No muss, no fuss, no problem.

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Apr 25 2015
2 Comments
Self Publishing

Self Publishing Podcast Interview of Andy Weir – Author of “The Martian”

Let’s face it.

We all say, “oh, I’m just in it for the art!” but deep down, we all secretly hope, dream and fantasize that The_Martian_2014one day our writing will be embraced by the masses, a big pile of money will be dumped on our heads, and our work will be read by everyone and turned into a Hollywood movie!

Well, as it turns out, that happened for Andy Weir, author of The Martian.

Andy was on the Self Publishing Podcast this week with “Johnny, Sean and Dave” aka Johnny B. Truant, Sean Platt and David W. Wright.

Keep one thing in mind, aspiring scribes – success in the writing game doesn’t happen overnight.

Andy discussed how he’s been at it for years – that he’s been blogging since the early 2000’s, how he spent a long time seeking a traditional publishing deal with no success, that initially wrote “The Martian” as a serial on his blog, that his followers urged him to turn said serial into an ebook on Amazon and boom, it took off.  Now he’s a highly successful author and a movie based on his book starring Matt Damon is scheduled for release at the end of this year.

The important thing to note?  Yes, some people are very lucky and see those doors to success swing wide open for them early on.  And good for them.  Others, like Andy, had to painstakingly climb that ladder one rung at a time.

After hearing his story, I can’t think of someone more deserving.  He really put his work in and earned his success.

As always, Johnny, Sean and Dave bringing us a great show.  And they didn’t even veer off topic this time!

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Apr 24 2015
3 Comments
Game of Yetis

Game of Yetis – Part 6 – House Alien

Previously on Game of Yetis:

PART 1 – House Bookshelf – Lord BQB hides out from the War for the Iron Throne, coming up with various excuses as to why he’s been unable to assist various claimants to the throne all the while positioning himself to declare allegiance to whoever emerges as the victor. Alas, a complication in his plan arises when a band of Yetis under the control of Lord Yeti abscond with his supplies of snacks and Dew of the Mountain.

PART 2 – House Yeti – Lord Yeti of House Yeti, the ruler of Yetifell, a territory North of the Wall, where abominable snowmen love to frolic because it is ridiculous cold, mocks his son Yetyrion, calling him a dwarf because he is 6’5″ (which is really short for a Yeti).

PART 3 – House Bookshelf – The usually not so easily rattled Lord BQB is enraged when he discovers that his supply of Special Edition Code Red Dew of the Mountain has been stolen by dirty yetis in the employ of Lord Yeti of House Yeti. Unable to purchase an army of eunuchs because Daenerys Stormborn bogarted them all, he turns to his trusty banner men. Alas, they were only in it for the Dew of the Mountain and now Lord BQB must fight this battle alone.

PART 4 – House Yeti – Lord Yeti is aghast when he spies white walkers on their way to Yetifell.

Part 5 – House Bookshelf – Lord BQB takes it easy as his elderly lackey, the decrepit Maester Monty pulls his master across the countryside all the way to Riverrun, the land of House Tully.  Along the way, Lord BQB confides in Monty that he has long dreamed he would one day meet an enormous warrior woman, one capable of providing him with love and vanquishing his enemies.  Lord BQB refuses to take a wife until he meets such a lady.

And now Game of Yetis continues…

Across the Narrow Sea, a tiny being walked through the marketplace, his face obscured by a weathered cloth hood.  He was weary from a long voyage and his feet ached for rest.  He took a seat inside a tavern and ordered an ale.

“Hey!”

The small figure ignored the brooding hulk who, despite without so much as an invention, took a chair across the little one’s table.

“Hey half-man!”  the brute said.  “Take off your hood!”

The small being refused to look up.  Instead, he sighed the sigh of a creature who, on a daily was forced to realize that the burden of being the smartest one in the room would always belong to him.

“You deaf or something?”  the man said.  “Take off your hood or I’ll cut it off for you along with your head!  Queen Cersei’s put out a hefty reward for her brother the imp’s head and I’ll be damned if you aren’t just about Lord Tyrion’s size!”

Seeing that it was pointless to wait for the little one to comply, the man reached a big burly hand across the table, intent on pulling the hood off.  Just then, quicker than a flash of lighting, the small one threw off his cloak, withdrew a laser blaster, and incinerated the intruder until there was nothing left but a pile of ash.

The last thing the would-be bounty hunter saw?  The face of an alien – two almond shaped eyes and a ginormous cranium.

“Gadzooks,” the alien said.  “It’s getting so that a highly evolved being can’t even have a drink in peace around here.

The alien ran a three-fingered hand over his wine glass and sucked the wine particles into the air and up into his pores.

“Aww,”  the alien said as he emitted an obnoxious burp.  “That is, how I believe they say on this primitive planet, ‘the good shit.'”

“Caw!  Caw!”

A raven landed on the table carrying a scroll in its beak.  The messenger bird dropped it on the table but refused to leave.

“Thank you,”  the alien said.  “You may go now.”

“Caw!  Caw!  Tip!  Caw!”

The alien wished he had the type of eyes that could roll.

“Here’s a tip,”  he said as he pointed a finger to his laser blaster.  “Flap your wings outta this joint before I put fried raven on the menu!”

“Caw!  Caw!  Cheap ass!  Caw!”

And with that, the raven skeedaddled out the window, leaving the alien to unravel the parchment across the table.

It read:

LORD BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER:  Salutations, Lord Alien of House Jones!  This week’s “Ask the Alien” question comes from Mereen!

@DothrakiDragonMama4Eva tweeted:

“Alien Jones – how u trn dragnz?  Helps!  LOLZ!”

Lord Alien put his cloak back on, left the barkeep a coin for the wine and another for the ashy mess he left and exited the establishment.

This was a question that required a house call.

Sigil of House Jones

Alien Jones (aka Lord Alien of House Jones) is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time.  Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One?  Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus.  If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.

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Apr 19 2015
10 Comments
Ask the Alien

Ask the Alien – 4/19/15

Previously on Ask the Alien:

Alien artifacts and diseases!

Pixels!

And now Ask the Alien continues…

Greetings Earth Losers.  The greatest and most humble mind of the universe, here to answer your questions and save you all from your own incompetence.

Sigil of House Jones

BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER:  AJ!  It’s a real humdinger of a week here on Bookshelf Battle!  We have three, count ’em, a whopping 3 questions for you!

ALIEN JONES:  Holy Farzing Shazbo.  Have you been bribing winos off the street again?

BQB:  No!  They’re people!  Actual real people!

The first question this week comes from Mei-Mei of jedibyknight.com who asks:

“Lord Alien, love your house sigil/motto. Can you tell us about one of your distinguished ancestors of House Jones? Or one of the crazy ones, either way.”

Gadzooks.  That stupid sigil.  Who knew when I signed up to be a guest contributor for this blog I’d be required to participate in promotions, such as this Ren Faire disaster nonsense that Bookshelf Q. Battler will have going on until June.

BQB:  I actually do it all year round.  I only display it prominently for GOT from April-June.

ALIEN JONES:  You probably don’t want to admit that.

Anyway, I’m not privy to “Lord BQB’s” final draft, but I’m sure I’m the only Alien who makes an appearance in :::shudder::: “Game of Yetis.”

In the real world, a place that BQB should consider visiting once in awhile, aliens of my planet are cloned in a government lab and assigned a designation number.  Some of my favorite family members?

Cousin 1012049AZ1 – Ah good old Cousin 1012049AZ1.  Many a day we spent scanning for signs of intelligent life in the cosmos.  We’re still scanning.

Uncle 3XC5056089 – If I felt emotions, I imagine I’d be brimming with pride over the exploits of good old Uncle 3X.  Took down a Maloklaxon freighter with nothing but a wad of chewing gum, a paper clip, three boxes of what you call baking soda, a pair of ladies’ pantyhose (don’t ask me how he got them) and some twine.  He’s been on the Maloklaxon Most Wanted List ever since but that’s ok, because between you and me, the Maloklaxons are considered the a-holes of the universe.

Great Grandpa 19191919RFT – The black sheep of the family.  Only cured three diseases and developed two inventions.  Talk about an underachiever.  Bleh.

Thank you for your question, Mei-Mei.

NEXT QUESTION!

ALIEN JONES:  Who’s this guy?

BQB:  He’s Sci-Fi Gary!  Everybody knows Sci-Fi Gary!

ALIEN JONES:  Scanning memory banks.  Ahh…yes!  Of course Sci-Fi Gary!

As an all-knowing Alien, I was born with an inner-knowledge of every book ever written, as well as those yet to be written.  I even know about all those half-written manuscripts you all can’t finish because you’re too busy watching Mad Men.

BQB:  You know I’ve invested eight years of my life in that show and it looks like Don’s going to marry a random waitress in the end?

ALIEN JONES:  It’s Dexter all over again!

Back to Gary.  I took a peak at Amazon Author page for Gary Alan Ruse, which features many of his novels originally published in the 1970’s and 1980’s.

I’ll have you know that Bookshelf Q. Battler was a big fan of 1980’s sci-fi.  He used to watch that movie where Tom Selleck shot the robo-spiders on a continuous loop as a kid.

BQB:  Runaway

ALIEN JONES:  I would if I could but my agent says I’m locked into writing this damn column forever.

Anyway, I highly advise that you check out Gary’s stuff.  My faves:

  • Morlac – The Quest of the Green Magician
  • The Gods of Cerus Major
  • Aggie and Agent X – the cover features an alien in a trench coat who bears a striking resemblance to my old college roommate
  • Houndstooth – a secret project in which a chip is put into a dog’s brain

BQB:  Alien Jones, can you put a chip into Bookshelf Q. Battledog’s brain to keep him from using Bookshelf Battle Headquarters as his personal toilet?

ALIEN JONES:  I could but it would turn him rabid.

BQB:  Nothing new.  Hey, on a serious note, isn’t it great that authors who have had publishing success in the past have been able to use sites like Amazon to sell books to a whole new generation?

ALIEN JONES:  Indeed.  Thank you for your question, Gary.  Continue spreading your tales of intergalactic daring-do.  The comments and reviews on your books tell me you’re a respected author who has built a loyal following.

NEXT QUESTION!

ALIEN JONES:  Zounds.  A third question?  I demand a raise.

BQB:  OK.  I’ll double the nothing I pay you now.

Kai Delmas of the blog, “Of Orcs and Men” writes:

“I write a story blog about a war between orcs and humans. It’s called “Of Orcs and Men”. I thought AJ could help promote it and while he’s at it, with his infinite wisdom, he could answer some questions about orcs that I was wondering about.”

Ah yes.  Of Orcs and Men.  The first draft of Steinbeck’s classic tale of two hulking beastly creatures who roam about the Californian countryside, looking for work and getting into trouble due to Lenny the Orc’s dimwittery.  Steinbeck didn’t think it worked with both characters being big, dumb and stupid so he rewrote it as “Of Mice and Men” with both characters as humans and George being smaller and smarter.

1. Are there orcs or other fantastical creatures on other planets in the universe?

Yes.  We enjoy fantasy just as humans do.  On my planet, there is a show called Game of Brains.  It imagines a fantasy planet Earth, where the humans have them.  They never watch reality television, people are only famous if they achieve something, and stuffed crust pizza is banned.  You can your cheese on the pizza but in the crust?  Insanity!

I admit, there are some far-fetched plots on that show.  Here’s an except from last week’s show:

PETE:  Say Fred, we each practice a different religion, but let’s not start a war over it, ok?

FRED:  That’s a very sensible idea, Pete.  No need for people to die just because I pray to one man in the sky and you pray to another.

PETE:  Capital idea, Fred!  Another notion – let’s have an election where both sides provide their thoughts and points of view on various issues and leave it up to the people to decide without a constant need to paint one side or the other as a bunch of vile, baby’s candy stealing, puppy kicking lowlives?

FRED:  That makes sense, Pete.  At the end of the day, we all want we believe is best for the world.  We can voice our opinions, but there’s no need to be monsters over it.

Ahh…good old Game of Brains.  The highest rated fantasy comedy on my home planet.

2. If yes, are they smarter than us primitive earthlings?

Until we locate another planet where the inhabitants wear pajama pants to public shopping centers, I’m sorry to say that Earth wears the dunce cap of the cosmos.

3. Who does he think would win such a war between orcs and men? (Medieval times)

Men.  And hobbits.  And dwarves.  And elves.  J.R.R. Tolkien was trying to tell you all the truth about your planet’s early history.  All of his books were actually written as documentaries.

Thanks and have a wonderful stay on our planet. It’s not much, but we’re doing the best we can with our limited cerebral resources. 😉

Appreciated.  Earth?  I rarely visit that dump.  I do most of my blogging from my ship.  Once in awhile I will visit Bookshelf Q. Battler’s compound to watch Scandal.  

Aliens love Scandal.

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Submit it to Bookshelf Q. Battler via a tweet to @bookshelfbattle, leave it in the comment section on this site, or drop it off on the Bookshelf Battle Google + page. If AJ likes your question, he might promote your book, blog, or other project while providing his answer.

Submit your questions by midnight Friday each week for a chance to be featured in his Sunday column. And if you don’t like his response, just let him know and he’ll file it into the recycling bin of his monolithic super computer. No muss, no fuss, no problem.

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Apr 18 2015
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Game of Thrones, Game of Yetis

Game of Yetis on Wattpad

Dear 3.5 Readers,

I hate to call it fan fiction, but I suppose there’s no other label.  Game of Yetis is basically me just goofing around and having fun with my favorite TV show.

I posted the first part on Wattpad, mainly out of an experiment to discover the process of posting something over there.

I had no cover other than the “House Bookshelf” banner from the GOT sigil creator.

But it turns out, it’s fairly simple to put up a story.

Even better, I was able to pull it up on my phone – it felt very “e-bookish” and for good or ill, seeing something I wrote in a mobile digital format, no matter how trivial, caused that little old self-publishing bug to sink its teeth into me that much harder.

Crap.  I might actually have to start doing some work around here.

We’re 5 parts in on Game of Yetis here on bookshelfbattle.com, but should you desire to read Game of Yetis while out on the town (and let’s be honest, if that urge hits you, you must be on a real lousy day), then head on over to Wattpad:

Game of Yetis on Wattpad

Join House Bookshelf!

Join House Bookshelf!

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Apr 17 2015
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Self Publishing

State of the Bookshelf – 4/17/15

Ladies and gentlemen, loyal 3.5 readers, and Aunt Gertie – Machovka-Writing Thank you for joining me in this, my latest “State of the Bookshelf” report.

Before I begin, I’d like to point out that as of this post, I am 5 followers away from meeting the Yeti’s demand of 4000 Twitter followers.  I’m sure those 5 stragglers will come my anyway any moment now.

For those new to the blog, Bookshelf Battle Headquarters was invaded in March by “The Yeti.”  The Yeti believes everyone should live a bland, boring life and is therefore my arch enemy, as I am on a mission to spread badassery to the masses.

You folks cared about me so much that you only allowed me to struggle in the clutches of a foul abominable snowman for a month and a half until reaching his ransom demands. That’s not sarcasm.  I appreciate the follows.  I thought you people would just leave me to the Yeti’s devices forever, so a month and a half isn’t bad.

Now, onto the State of the Bookshelf.

I’m in the middle of a one post a day for 2015 challenge.  Let’s check the stats:

2014 (Started in June, did not really begin blogging in earnest until June and then only did it once in awhile, occasionally letting weeks or more go by with nothing):

VIEWS: 4,658

VISITORS: 3,264

2015 (As of April 17, 2015, after approximately 3.5 months of blogging once a day, and often more than once a day):

VIEWS: 8,531

VISITORS: 5,055

ANALYSIS:  I think the obvious takeaway is that blogging regularly works.  In a little over one quarter, I’ve doubled the views I received last year, and I have close to 2,000 more visitors. Ultimately, I’ve beaten the pants off of my 2014 results and the year is far from over. Are these stats good?  I have no idea.  If you know about website stats, feel free to enlighten me please.  Any advice is helpful.

PROS:

  • I’m building an audience.  At least I hope I am.  The whole goal of this has been to build a following that I can (no offense) one day sell books to.
  • I’m flexing my writing muscles and learning new things everyday.
  • It makes me happy to have a creative outlet, albeit a small one.

CONS:

  • With the daily posts, I can barely find time to work on said book.  This is a real chicken vs. egg scenario.  I’m building an audience with no book to sell them, but I need an audience before I shell out all the money needed to polish a book and make it professional looking.  (Oh yeah, and I also need to write it).
  • I hate to admit this one, but there are times when I feel I am sacrificing quality for quantity.  Once in awhile, I’ll look over posts and see errors I missed and feel mortified.  I consider myself a professional, or at least am striving to be one.  I’m not the type of author who is like, “What?  Give me a break!  It’s just a typo!”  No.  I’m the author who says, “I’m sorry.  I failed you, noble reader.  Please direct all well-deserved wrath my way.”
  • Unfortunately, when you’re pushing out daily content in a rapid manner, those mistakes are inevitable.  If you see one, let me know.  Don’t worry about being rude.  My skin is thicker than an alligator’s hide.

On that last point, I’m considering this a building year. At my core, I’m a businessman.  I know we don’t like to mix “business” and “art” but I have a tendency to take a business-like approach to all life’s activities.

In short, I put out what I get in.

Say you want in on the lemonade business.  Do you buy an entire lemon orchard and rent a store the size of a Wal-Mart?  Do you hire 500 employees?  Do you produce 1,000 tanker trucks full of lemonade?

I dunno about you, but I’d probably start with a few pitchers and a card table at the end of my driveway.  I’d hone my lemonade making skills, be encouraged by neighbors who find my lemonade to be delicious, and work toward scraping a few bucks together for a small storefront.

That’s my longwinded way of saying that this year I’m building the Bookshelf Battle audience. Next year, the audience (I believe) will be here and I’ll have to shift my focus from quantity to quality.  That will mean blogging less, spending more time on fewer but higher quality posts and get my butt in gear on that long dreamed of novel. And (keeping my fingers crossed) maybe even investing a few bucks in the blog.

Top idea on my mind?  Getting some artwork of The Yeti, Alien Jones, and Yours Truly, Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Next year I’ll be shuffling through this year’s posts, revamping and polishing the ones that have made the cut and building a portfolio that will hopefully increase traffic.  Meanwhile, the posts that were just daily filler will have to go the way of the dodo.

Thank you for being patient with me.  Put up with occasional lameness this year and this site will blow your socks off with an industrial hairdryer in 2016.

Let me leave you with one final “Pro vs. Con.”

PRO:  We live in a brave new world where technology allows writers to hold the fate of their careers in their hands.

CON:  Years ago, I accepted the fact that success as a writer was akin to success at winning the lottery.  Those people who threw caution to the wind and made the pursuit of that ticket their life’s work are admirable but the idea that a nobody like me would trot off to NYC or LA and sweet talk big wig media types into selling my writing was about as likely as Fast and Furious 7 winning an Oscar (although it totally should!)

It was easy to say, “Well, I’m not one of those beautiful people who can go to a cocktail party and schmooze publishers and agents into thinking I’m a genius, so I guess it’s the average life for me!”

I can’t say that anymore.

When I look in the mirror, I see the man who’s standing between me a successful writing career.

And that guy’s really pissing me off lately.

Thanks a lot, technology.

Writing graphic courtesy of Machovka on openclipart.org

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Apr 16 2015
9 Comments
Self Publishing

A Post Making the Rounds of the Self-Publishing World

You know that 20th “Buy My Book!” tweet you tweeted today?  You might want to rethink that strategy:

Delilah S. Dawson of whimsydark.com – “Please shut up: Why self-promotion as an author doesn’t work.”

Personally, I think she makes a lot of sense.  I don’t think in today’s modern world you can completely go without marketing (and I didn’t get the impression she’s saying that) but on the other hand, you can’t rely on it either.

Marketing and a Book worth marketing – they go hand in hand.  Sometimes we market so much that we neglect our writing altogether.

What do you think, 3.5 readers?

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Apr 12 2015
5 Comments
Self Publishing

Wattpad

Who has experience using Wattpad that they’d like to share?  I am thinking about dipping my toe in that interesting water and would like to hear from those who have done so.

EDIT:  I am now on Wattpad.  You were all too slow and I did not wait for your advice.  That being said, please share it anyway.  You can look me up as “Bookshelf Q. Battler” and follow me on Wattpad.

Thank you.  May the watts be in your favor.

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Apr 12 2015
13 Comments
Ask the Alien

Ask The Alien – 4/12/15

ALIEN JONES:  I really don’t want to do this.

BQB:  Will you just shut up and put on your suit of armor and helmet?

ALIEN JONES:  No.  I hail from the most intelligent species in the universe.  We cured cancer, heart disease, and excessive gastrointestinal distress.  I’m not going to walk around like I’m in a damn Renaissance Faire.

BQB:  Please?  It’ll spike my readership from 3.5 to 10.12.

ALIEN JONES:  Sigh.  Fine.

Sigil of House Jones

Sigil of House Jones

Verily, forsooth and so forth.  It is I, Lord Alien of House Jones.

ALIEN JONES:  Lord Alien of House Jones?  Seriously?

BQB:  Will you?  Please?  OK?  Seriously.

Sigh.  Fine.  Lord Alien of House Jones here, taking your questions in my ongoing effort to raise your planet out of its exceptionally stupid status.

Apologies that my column has been out of commission for a couple of weeks.  Luckily, my memory receptors have not forgotten who asked what.

Kim Magennis of the blog Whimsy had two questions:

1)  Was Nikola Tesla one of yours?

No.  He was just a random Serbian guy who was hijacked by rogue aliens.  He managed to escape and passed off the knowledge he saw on their ship as his own.

Many human inventors have done the same.  That guy that made the Sham-wow?  Totally an alien invention.  You really think a human made cloth can suck up an entire gallon of milk?  Please.

2) Another question for Alien Jones: out of place artifacts (like that hammer in made from an alloy of iron which was found inside a “100 million” year old rock and the 100,000 Years Old Stone Embedded With A Three-Pronged Plug) are they pranks or the real thing?

(Read more) 

Three possibilities:

1)  Some of it is just human junk that got mixed into ancient rocks due to human incompetence.  For example, that plug was just left there by an archaeologist trying to find a place to charge his Kindle Fire.

2)  Some of it is alien junk.  Many aliens are slobs and just chuck their trash wherever they please.

3)  Some of the items were left as pranks.  Young aliens especially have been known to go out on a Friday night, flying around the Cosmos with a bottle of space hooch and a bag of screws, dropping them all over primitive planets, only to laugh about it thousands of years later when scientists print longwinded papers about them.

BQB:  Lord Alien of House Jones!  Behold!  A raven brings a tweet from the land of Twitter!

ALIEN JONES:  Are we really going to do this crap for all of Game of Thrones Season 5?

BQB: Tara Ellis, Author of Bloodline:  Forgotten Origins Trilogy, now available on Amazon, tweeted:

BQB:  March 27 that tweet came in and here you are responding to it on April 10.

ALIEN JONES:  Need I remind you I was hit by a space bus?

BQB:  Oh yeah.  How are you doing?

ALIEN JONES:  I’m fine.  You should see the bus!  :::rimshot:::

BQB:  AJ, Tara’s book is about alien viruses.  Can you elaborate on the subject?

ALIEN JONES:  Why?  Do I look like a dirty virus carrying alien or something?

BQB:  No I just thought…

ALIEN:  Yeah, yeah…you “thought.”  Just because some aliens have viruses we must all have viruses!  That’s some backward thinking man.

This book seems like a fine tale worth a download.  In the opening paragraph, Ellis lets the reader know a) the narrator’s father had something bad happen to him whilst in Egypt and b)  said father wasn’t the type to go down easily, thus a mystery ensues!

Thank you Kim and Tara for your interest in #AskTheAlien.  Lord Alien of House Jones signing off now, taking a break from what will be apparently a long season of dealing with GOT fanboy Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Submit it to Bookshelf Q. Battler via a tweet to @bookshelfbattle, leave it in the comment section on this site, or drop it off on the Bookshelf Battle Google + page. If AJ likes your question, he might promote your book, blog, or other project while providing his answer.

Submit your questions by midnight Friday each week for a chance to be featured in his Sunday column. And if you don’t like his response, just let him know and he’ll file it into the recycling bin of his monolithic super computer. No muss, no fuss, no problem.

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Apr 07 2015
1 Comment
Self Publishing

Amazon – Superman or Lex Luthor?

DEBATE QUESTION OF THE DAY:  When it comes to self-publishing, is Amazon Superman or Lex Luthor?

AMAZON IS SUPERMAN:  Once upon a time, if you had a story in your heart and wanted to tell the world, your only choice was to roll the dice, write it, submit it, and there was like a 10% chance maybe you’d find a publisher and a 90% chance that your manuscript would collect dust in your sock drawer.  To increase your odds, you could abandon your home, family, and everyone you know from the place you grew up and move to New York City or LA and try to hobnob with the beautiful people but in reality, the closest you’d get is a form reply from the assistant to the assistant of the book agent’s assistant.

Amazon has changed all that.  You are in control.  You build your platform.  You draw in your readers.  An entire self-publishing industry has been created to help writers like you.  You can find editors to help you polish your work, beta readers to give you feedback on what works and what doesn’t, formatters to put your book together in digital form and artists to create your book cover.

Roll up your sleeves, work hard, upload your book to Amazon, and you now have a foot in the door of the world of publishing.  If your book is as good as you think it is, people will read it, tell others and God willing, you become the next Hugh Howey or Amanda Hocking.

Does KDP Select lead to authors making their works exclusive to Amazon and push them to give their works away for free or on the cheap?  Yes.  But, come on.  We’re struggling no-names.  Readers only have so much expendable income.  If they have ten bucks to spend, will they buy my book or Steven King’s.  King has a proven track record.  You buy a Steven King book and you know you’ll be entertained.  Me?  I still have to earn that reputation.  So, take my work for pennies, world and if you like it, I hope you’ll come back for more and pay for the privilege because a steady flow of book sales income is what I need to justify writing as a full time career.

Thanks Amazon!  Like Superman, you’ve saved us all!

AMAZON IS LEX LUTHOR – Muah ha ha.  Yes.  Gather around my table at Legion of Doom Headquarters where I will now share my evil plans.  You had dreams of becoming a writer, did you?  We got you hooked on our service.  You uploaded your books, built your fan base, pushed them toward our site and thank you.  Your reward?  Pressure to give your books away for free and keep them only with us – we’ll get plenty of clicks on our site, you might get a little bit of pocket change for your trouble.  We’re driving down the cost of books all across the board, and even traditionally published writers are complaining about profit declines.  We don’t really care…we’re getting ours.  Muah ha ha.

DEBATE:  I lean toward the Superman argument but I can understand why some people might go with Lex Luthor.  What say you, self publishers?

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